Sex, Secrets, & Sass

About Sex, Secrets, & Sass

A podcast about sex, secrets, relationships, double lives, betrayal, identity, the patriarchy, and the complicated reality of being a woman! No topic is too taboo. Just honest conversations, raw stories, hard truths, dark humor, and the stuff women are usually told to keep quiet about.

Publisher

Angie Martin, LCPC and Krissy Johnson, LMFT

Category

health & fitness

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

17 Jun 2026

Latest episode

14 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

18 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   14 Oct 2026

   Who Gets to Define Virginity? Purity, Pleasure & Power Across Generations

   Virginity is not a medical diagnosis, a moral achievement, or a measure of someone’s worth. So why are girls still taught to treat it like all three? In this episode, Angie and Krissy sit down with Rachel, a senior and communication major at UC Santa Barbara, whose zine project examines virginity, women’s pleasure, patriarchy, and the moral weight society places on girls’ sexuality. Rachel shares how a college course on sex, love, and romance led her to bigger questions: Who created the rules around virginity? Why are women expected to “lose” something while men are praised for “taking” it? And why is a woman’s perceived purity still treated as evidence of her value? The conversation becomes deeply personal as Rachel discusses surviving sexual abuse in childhood and how that trauma shaped her relationship with intimacy. She explains how academic language helped her understand virginity as a social construct—not a verdict on her body, history, or worth. Angie and Krissy also reflect on their own first sexual experiences, religious messaging, consent, and the shame many women inherited before they were old enough to question it. Together, the three compare generational experiences of sex education—from silence and purity culture to classrooms where masturbation, pleasure, and power can finally be discussed out loud. And yes, they revisit the infamous purity-culture gum analogy—because apparently having sex once made a girl a piece of gum nobody else would want to chew. Charming. 🙄 In this episode, we talk about: Virginity as a social construct rather than a measure of worth Why girls are taught to connect sexuality with purity and morality The double standard between women “losing” virginity and men “taking” it Rachel’s zine on women’s pleasure, patriarchy, and sexual shame How childhood sexual abuse can shape intimacy and self-perception Finding language that separates trauma from identity Religious messaging, consent, and shame around first sexual experiences Generational differences in sex education and conversations about pleasure Why women are often doubted when challenging patriarchal narratives Feminism, wedding traditions, and questioning the rules we inherit The power of women supporting women across generations Your sexual history is not a character reference. It does not determine whether you are pure, damaged, desirable, respectable, or worthy of love. Content note: This episode includes discussion of childhood sexual abuse, trauma, religious shame, and first sexual experiences. About Rachel Rachel is a UC Santa Barbara senior and communication major whose zine explores virginity, patriarchy, women’s pleasure, and sexual shame. Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com/) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com/) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

2. 

   7 Oct 2026

   Kink Without Shame: Consent, Power & Pleasure with Goddess Hecate

   Let’s start here: having a fantasy does not make you a bad person. What matters is how you explore it and whether everyone involved is informed, consenting, and genuinely on board. In this episode, Angie and Krissy sit down with Goddess Hecate, a professional switch and fetish content creator, for an honest, funny, and uncensored conversation about BDSM, polyamory, sex work, pleasure, and building a life that actually feels authentic. Hecate explains what it means to be a switch - someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles - and how professional BDSM differs from lifestyle kink. She also takes listeners inside the structured world of Sanctuary LAX, where clear boundaries, communication, and consent shape every professional session. Raised in a strict Christian environment, Goddess Hecate moved through monogamy, motherhood, postpartum depression, atheism, polyamory, kink, and witchcraft as she began questioning the beliefs and rules she had inherited. She also shares how ketamine therapy became a turning point in her recovery and opened the door to major life changes. The conversation explores how desire sometimes speaks through the body before we have language for it. For Goddess Hecate, tattoos, piercings, intense sensations, and curiosity offered early clues about interests she didn’t yet know how to name. And yes, they talk about sadism, masochism, power exchange, lactation kink, content creation, and why pretending to enjoy something for money is not the same as building work around genuine interest. In this episode, we talk about: What it means to be a professional switch The difference between professional BDSM and lifestyle kink How structured dungeon settings support safety and clear boundaries Consent, negotiation, power exchange, sadism, and masochism Recognizing desires before having words for them Hecate’s path from Christianity and monogamy to polyamory, kink, and witchcraft Creating fetish content rooted in genuine interest and pleasure Exploring new kinks without abandoning your boundaries Finding supportive communities where curiosity is welcomed Why fantasy alone does not make anyone dangerous, broken, or bad You do not have to act on every fantasy. But you are allowed to become curious about what it means and whether there is a safe, consensual way to explore it with other adults. About Goddess Hecate Goddess Hecate is a professional switch and fetish content creator. Her approach centers consent, communication, authenticity, and helping adults explore power, sensation, and fantasy without shame. Connect with Goddess Hecate Website: goddesshecate.com (https://goddesshecate.com/) Instagram: @goddesshecatereigns LoyalFans: @hecatereigns X/Twitter: @hecatereigns Connect with your hosts Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com/) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com/) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

3. 

   30 Sept 2026

   Who Are We Now? Illness, Intimacy & Body Trust with Sara Champie, LCSW

   A diagnosis - or even the possibility of one - can divide life into a before and an after. It doesn’t just change a medical chart. It can change how you relate to your body, your identity, your sexuality, your partner, and the future you thought you understood. In this episode, Angie and Krissy sit down with NARM Master Therapist Sara Champie, LCSW, for a deeply personal conversation about developmental trauma, hereditary cancer risk, and staying connected to yourself when your body changes the entire damn map. Sara shares her experience of losing her mother to ovarian cancer at age 10, receiving her own BRCA1-positive genetic results by mail with little support, and living for years with elevated cancer risk. She also opens up about choosing a prophylactic double mastectomy—on her timeline and according to her values, rather than being rushed into someone else’s plan. Together, they explore what serious illness can awaken: old survival strategies, guilt about burdening others, the reflex to caretake everyone else, and the pressure for women to remain healthy, attractive, capable, and “whole.” They also talk honestly about intimacy after illness and surgery - including body image, dissociation, scars, hormonal changes, surgical menopause, and reconnecting with a body that may no longer feel familiar. At the center of it all is one powerful question: Who are we now? Not who were we before the diagnosis, surgery, or loss - but who are we today, and what do we need now? In this episode, we talk about: How illness can reactivate childhood survival strategies The “woman who holds everything together” and the cost of caretaking Guilt, self-blame, and believing you should have known something was wrong Sara’s experience with childhood loss, BRCA1, and hereditary cancer risk Making medical decisions at your own pace and from your own values Cultural messages about health, femininity, aging, and being “whole” Body image, hormones, and sexual connection after treatment Reconnecting with a changed body through curiosity and compassion Trusting yourself as part of informed medical decision-making About Sara Champie Sara Champie, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and NARM Master Therapist specializing in developmental trauma, grief, cancer, hereditary genetic risk, and life-altering medical decisions. She also hosts Walking the Genetic Line, a podcast exploring hereditary cancer risk, trauma, identity, and healing. Connect with Sara: Website: sarachampielcsw.com (https://www.sarachampielcsw.com/) Instagram: @sarachampielcsw (https://www.instagram.com/sarachampielcsw/) Podcast: Walking the Genetic Line (https://www.sarachampielcsw.com/podcast) Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com/) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com/) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

4. 

   23 Sept 2026

   Childfree by Choice: Who Gets to Define Womanhood?

   Apparently, being a woman comes with a preassigned life plan: want babies, become a mother, change your last name, absorb most of the invisible labor, and eventually answer to “Grandma.” Angie and Krissy would like a word. 😂 In this episode, they get honest about motherhood, choosing to be childfree, and the deeply annoying assumption that every woman either wants children or will eventually “change her mind.” Krissy shares that she knew from a young age she didn’t want children - partly because she watched how hard her mother worked as a single parent. She also talks about being told she wasn’t maternal, as though not wanting to raise children means being incapable of nurturing anyone. Over time, she recognized that her own nurturing instincts show up through her clients, relationships, and the dogs who absolutely became her babies. Angie offers a different perspective: she always wanted motherhood, loved pregnancy, and embraced staying home with her children. Together, they make room for both truths - because feminism isn’t about deciding which life women should want. It’s about women getting to decide for themselves. Then the conversation takes a very on-brand detour: Why is there a familiar word for male sexual vigor - “virile” - but no commonly used female equivalent? Why does language give men potency and women…“womanliness”? Seriously?!? From there, they dig into the expectations women inherit around names, marriage, family roles, caregiving, and the invisible work of remembering and organizing everyone’s lives. They even tackle the very serious question of why Krissy will be called Kiki and Angie plans to be Gigi - because neither one is answering to Grandma, thank you very much. In this episode, we talk about: Knowing you don’t want children - and being told you’ll change your mind The difference between wanting motherhood and having nurturing instincts Why childfree women are often assumed to dislike children Making room for both the freedom and the occasional grief of the road not taken Angie’s experience of wanting and embracing motherhood Why feminism must include the freedom to choose either path The missing female equivalent of “virile” What language reveals about attitudes toward female desire and power The identity shift and emotional weight of changing your last name The invisible labor women often absorb in marriage and family life Rejecting titles, roles, and traditions that don’t fit Whether you became a mother, chose not to, couldn’t, are still deciding, or built a nurturing life that doesn’t fit neatly into any category, your womanhood was never supposed to depend on checking the right boxes. Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

5. 

   16 Sept 2026

   Why Women Cheat: It’s Not Just About Sex

   Let’s get one thing out of the way: understanding why someone cheats is not the same as saying nobody gets hurt - or that anything goes. But reducing every affair to “a bad person did a bad thing” is lazy, and it leaves out nearly everything worth understanding. In this episode, Angie and Krissy take on infidelity through a sex-positive, nonjudgmental lens. They explore why women have affairs, how two people can have completely different definitions of cheating, and what secrecy may be trying to provide when someone feels unseen, unwanted, disconnected, or obligated in their primary relationship. They also revisit the internet’s very calm and rational response (LOL 😂) to the suggestion that women may want sex as much as men. Because having sexual desire is not the same thing as wanting sex with your current partner. Desire can disappear inside a relationship where someone feels emotionally neglected, pressured, resentful, unsafe, or reduced to a role. Krissy shares her own experience of an emotional affair that began with flirtation and validation during a relationship in which she felt unattractive and sexually disconnected. Angie brings in patterns she hears from women who describe affairs not simply as sexual escape, but as a response to feeling chronically unseen, unheard, or obligated. None of that erases the hurt caused by betrayal. But shame and labels rarely tell us why something happened, and without understanding the why, real repair is pretty damn difficult. In this episode, we talk about: Why wanting sex is not the same as wanting sex with your current partner What actually “counts” as cheating: sex, kissing, texting, secrecy, or emotional connection? Why couples should define infidelity before they are in the middle of a crisis Emotional neglect, resentment, desire, validation, and other motives behind affairs Krissy’s personal experience with an emotional affair How cheating can function as self-soothing, escape, or compulsive comfort-seeking Why women are often judged more harshly than men for the same behavior The difference between understanding infidelity and excusing it Why curiosity creates more possibility for repair than shame The importance of having somewhere safe to tell the whole truth If infidelity is part of your story - whether you cheated, were betrayed, or are still trying to decide what happened - you deserve a place where you can talk about it honestly without being reduced to the worst thing you’ve ever done. Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

6. 

   9 Sept 2026

   Your Sex Life Doesn’t Have to Be Stagnant with Amy Henderson

   What if talking about sex didn’t require awkward euphemisms, blushing, or waiting until your relationship was already in trouble? This week, Angie and Krissy are joined by therapist Amy Henderson for an open, funny, and very personal conversation about sex, intimacy, consent, and all the shame-filled messages many of us absorbed long before we were old enough to question them. Amy shares how she begins conversations about sex with teenage clients, why adults often say “intimacy” when they really mean sex, and how that one word can mean completely different things to two people in the same relationship. For one partner, intimacy may mean intercourse. For the other, it may mean emotional connection, affection, or—God forbid—helping with the dishes. The conversation gets personal as Amy reflects on growing up in a sex-taboo household, her first sexual experiences with the man who became her husband, and later recognizing her attraction to women. Angie and Krissy join in with stories about shame, masturbation, first orgasms, and learning far later than anyone should have to what the hell was happening in their own bodies. They also explore consensual non-monogamy, threesomes, kink, and why exploration can be healthy when everyone involved feels informed, safe, and genuinely on board. Because there is no single “right” way to have sex—but consent is never optional. In this episode, we talk about: Why therapists should talk openly with teens about sex, consent, sexuality, and safety The very different meanings couples attach to the word “intimacy” How childhood and cultural messages create sexual shame Amy’s experience of recognizing her bisexuality later in life Navigating attraction and curiosity within a monogamous marriage Why consent and emotional safety come before exploration Normalizing non-monogamy, threesomes, kink, and sexual curiosity Using a yes/no/maybe list to start conversations without pressure Talking about pleasure both inside and outside the bedroom Why your sex life does not have to become stagnant The wildly different ways masturbation is discussed with boys and girls Why couples who can talk about sex can usually talk about almost anything About Amy Henderson: Amy Henderson, MA, LCPC, CTRT/C, is a therapist who works with teens, adults, couples, and families. She believes sex belongs in the therapy room when it matters—and that honest, shame-free conversations about consent, intimacy, identity, and pleasure can help people create safer and more connected relationships. Henderson Counseling Website: hendersoncounseling.org (http://hendersoncounseling.org) Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

7. 

   2 Sept 2026

   Stop Romanticizing Chaos: Dating, Parts Work & Better Sex with Karina Breezer

   What happens when you’ve done enough work on yourself to recognize the red flags - yet dating somehow remains a complete shitshow? This week, Angie and Krissy are joined by therapist Karina Breezer for a funny, honest, and surprisingly deep conversation about dating in your 40s, becoming more fully yourself, and finally retiring the belief that intensity automatically equals connection. Karina shares one spectacularly bad first date that inspired a whole new set of screening questions - including whether someone has been to jail and whether they actually pay their child support. Because apparently, these are things we need to ask now. But the conversation goes far beyond dating disasters. The three dig into the “knots” created by trauma, family messages, cultural expectations, and past relationships - and how those knots shape what we tolerate, who we choose, and the stories we tell ourselves about love. They also talk about younger parts showing up during sex and intimacy, what a genuinely safe partner can hold, and why better sex starts with being present, authentic, and responsible for your own pleasure. Because you are, in fact, in charge of your own orgasm. In this episode, we talk about: Dating in your 40s - and the red flags that become harder to unsee Why loneliness can make us explain away behavior we know is not okay Karina’s “shit moment” timeline and how old experiences shape present-day beliefs Growing into who you’ve always been underneath the roles, rules, and expectations Why younger and protective parts can surface during intimacy Why being happily single beats being miserable in a relationship About Karina Breezer Karina Breezer, LCPC, CFRS, CCE, is the founder of Breezer Counseling & Wellness, which serves individuals, families, and professionals throughout Illinois. Her work includes relationships, trauma, divorce, family conflict, reunification therapy, and complex relational systems - all delivered with clinical depth and refreshingly little therapist stiffness. She is also the creator of The Plot Twist, a monthly curated experience for mothers navigating divorce, featuring expert speakers, thoughtfully selected books, community, and support through one of life’s biggest transitions. Connect with Karina: Breezer Counseling & Wellness Website: breezercounselingandwellness.com (http://breezercounselingandwellness.com) Instagram: @breezercounselingwellness (https://www.instagram.com/breezercounselingwellness/) Learn more about The Plot Twist (https://breezercounselingandwellness.com/the-plot-twist/) Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

8. 

   26 Aug 2026

   Women, Infidelity & the Lies We’ve Been Told About Desire

   What if a whole lot of what we’ve been taught about women, sex, monogamy, jealousy, and desire is… well… bullshit? This week, we’re diving into Wednesday Martin’s Untrue and using it as a jumping-off point for a very Gen Sexers conversation about women’s sexuality, infidelity, shame, compersion, cultural double standards, and the stories we’ve inherited about what women are supposed to want. We talk about whether women really cheat less than men, the difference between fantasy and actually watching your partner with someone else, why women are often judged so differently for infidelity, and whether jealousy is always the inevitable response we assume it is. We also get into some fascinating research around female sexual responsiveness, the impact of motherhood and mental load on desire, and how culture shapes everything from sex education to how comfortable we are with pleasure, nudity, and our own bodies. And yes, somehow this conversation also takes us through hunter-gatherers, the agricultural revolution, bonobos, and BDSM dungeons. Basically, it’s a normal episode. 😂 In this episode, we talk about: Wednesday Martin’s argument that women who step outside traditional monogamy may be challenging much bigger cultural rules about autonomy and female sexuality Why the “men cheat, women don’t” narrative may be far shakier than we’ve been taught Fantasy versus reality when it comes to non-monogamy, watching a partner with someone else, jealousy, and turn-ons Compersion, or experiencing pleasure from seeing your partner experience pleasure The shame and secrecy that can surround women’s affairs Why women and men are still judged very differently for the exact same sexual behavior Where some of our ideas about gender roles may have come from historically Why the belief that men naturally have higher sex drives deserves a serious side-eye Research suggesting women’s arousal may be broader and less category-specific than we tend to assume Bonobos, female-led sexuality, and what our primate cousins might have to teach us How culture, upbringing, and sex education influence what we label “normal” Motherhood, exhaustion, responsibility, and the very real effect they can have on desire This is one of those conversations that starts with a book and ends up questioning a whole bunch of assumptions most of us were handed without ever agreeing to them. Come get curious with us. Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going.

9. 

   19 Aug 2026

   Non-Monogamy, Age Gaps & the Truth About Desire

   What happens when you stop assuming monogamy is the only way relationships are supposed to work? This week, we’re joined by Tiffany, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, for a very candid conversation about ethical non-monogamy, desire, attachment, jealousy, age-gap dating, bisexuality, and all the rules we inherit about what relationships are supposed to look like. Tiffany shares her own experience of realizing that she had felt non-monogamous “in her soul” for much of her adult life, even before she had language for it. We talk about what it can feel like to love your partner deeply and still want experiences outside of that relationship, and the difference between secrecy and consensual exploration. We also get into the different flavors of non-monogamy, including open relationships, swinging, and polyamory, and why consent, honesty, and communication are really the common denominator. And because this is Sex, Secrets, & Sass, naturally we wander into some other territory too. 😂 We talk about: Dating younger men, dating older men, and what being desired can mean at different stages of life Why a bad kisser may, in fact, be an immediate dealbreaker Attraction to women, bisexuality, sexual fluidity, and whether everything actually needs a label Attachment, jealousy, and how emotional security can change the way we experience non-monogamy The difference between honoring your partner’s feelings and allowing those feelings to completely dictate your choices What happens when you’ve spent years following relationship rules you never consciously chose And whether monogamous marriage is really “natural,” or simply the relationship structure most of us were handed without much discussion We’re not trying to convince anyone to become non-monogamous. We are interested in what happens when we get curious about the things we’ve been taught are normal, acceptable, or required, especially when it comes to sex and relationships. Because sometimes the more interesting question isn’t, “What am I supposed to want?” It’s: “What do I actually want?” Mentioned in this episode: Untrue by Wednesday Martin Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy Instagram: @inthelifetherapy Website: inthelifetherapy.com (http://inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin New Approach Mental Health Instagram: @newapproachmentalhealth Website: newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass If you enjoyed this episode, follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss what’s coming next. And if something in this conversation made you laugh, think, squirm a little, or text your best friend immediately, we’d love it if you’d rate, review, and share the show. It helps more people find us and keeps these conversations going. Sex. Secrets. Sass. And the conversations we probably should’ve been having all along.

10. 

    12 Aug 2026

    Ethical Non-Monogamy, Kink & Sex Work with Nicole Sonnefeldt

    Ethical Non-Monogamy, Kink & Sex Work with Nicole Sonnefeldt What does it actually mean to practice ethical non-monogamy? What do you do when one partner wants to open the relationship and the other absolutely does not? And can we please stop pretending jealousy means you’re doing something wrong? In this episode, we’re joined by Nicole Sonnefeldt, an alternative relationship and lifestyle coach and educator, for a candid conversation about non-monogamy, kink, jealousy, sex work, communication, and all the things people are often curious about but may be afraid to actually say out loud. In this episode, we talk about: What ethical, or “conscious,” non-monogamy actually means Nicole’s decision to leave therapy and move into coaching The emotional toll of hiding parts of yourself and living a double life Nicole’s own journey into non-monogamy Why monogamy shouldn’t automatically be treated as the only “normal” relationship structure Jealousy as information rather than evidence that something is wrong How to talk to your partner if you’re curious about opening your relationship What happens when one person wants non-monogamy and the other doesn’t Why opening a relationship won’t fix problems that are already there Stigma around swinging, kink, polyamory, and sex work Sexual health, testing, communication, and consent Nicole’s experience as a cam girl and the reality that sex work is, in fact, work How shame grows when we refuse to talk openly about sex Staying connected to yourself so you don’t abandon your own needs in the process Resources Nicole Recommends: Want to dive deeper? Nicole recommends: Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jethá Polysecure by Jessica Fern The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams Connect with Nicole: Want to learn more about Nicole’s work with ethical non-monogamy, alternative relationships, and creating relationships that actually fit the people in them? Visit FreeForm Coaching: https://www.freeformcoaching.com/ (https://www.freeformcoaching.com/) Follow Nicole on Instagram: @freeformcoaching https://www.instagram.com/freeformcoaching (https://www.instagram.com/freeformcoaching) Connect with your hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT In The Life Therapy www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC/LMHC New Approach Mental Health www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram at @gensexers. And if you enjoyed this episode, follow the show on Youtube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Leave us a review, and if you know somebody who would appreciate a conversation about sex, relationships, shame, secrets, or all the beautifully complicated stuff in between, send this episode their way. Thanks for listening to Sex, Secrets, & Sass. We’ll see you next Wednesday! 🎙️💋

11. 

    5 Aug 2026

    Unlocking Emotional and Relational Wellness with Couples Therapist Alanna Esquejo

    Why can couples talk about schedules, bills, children, and whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, but completely freeze when the conversation turns to sex, emotions, or unmet needs? In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie and Krissy sit down with California-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Alanna Esquejo to explore what helps couples create greater emotional safety, communicate more honestly, and understand the deeper patterns shaping their relationships. Alanna shares how family-of-origin experiences, childhood adversity, trauma, and limited emotional vocabulary can influence the way partners connect, argue, disclose secrets, and navigate intimacy. She also offers practical strategies couples can use to become more curious, less defensive, and better able to talk about the things that typically remain unspoken. The conversation also explores infidelity, disclosure, relational agreements, consensual nonmonogamy, and why different partners may have very different definitions of secrecy and betrayal. In This Episode Why Alanna enjoys working with couples and approaches therapy through a relational lens How family-of-origin experiences shape communication, intimacy, and emotional expression Why conversations about sex are still so difficult for many couples How an emotion wheel can help partners identify and communicate what they are actually feeling The connection between adverse childhood experiences, trauma, and adult relationship patterns Why naming a specific emotion can reduce defensiveness and create greater understanding How emotional safety supports more honest conversations about sex and intimacy The importance of asking questions with genuine curiosity rather than accusation How couples therapists navigate secrets, disclosure, and infidelity Why partners may define privacy, secrecy, and betrayal differently The role of clear relational agreements in both monogamous and consensually nonmonogamous relationships How cultural and family messages influence comfort with sexuality A Communication Practice to Try When a difficult topic comes up, slow the conversation down and approach your partner with curiosity. Instead of assuming you already know what they meant, ask questions that help you understand their internal experience. Curiosity makes room for connection. Interrogation usually sends everyone’s protective parts scrambling for body armor. Resources Mentioned Healing Together by Wayne Kritzberg Emotion wheel https://www.feelingswheel.com/ (https://www.feelingswheel.com/) Gottman Method Couples Therapy Emotionally Focused Therapy Connect with Alanna Esquejo Website: https://therapywithalanna.com/ (https://therapywithalanna.com/) Instagram: @therapywith_alanna Connect with the Hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) 📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers ⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.

12. 

    29 Jul 2026

    Uncovering the Impact of Unresolved Grief on Women's Sexuality and Intimacy with Dr. Carolyn Alter

    In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie and Krissy explore how unresolved grief and parental ghosts can influence a woman’s intimate life. Special guest Dr. Carolyn Alter, a Chicago-based clinical psychologist, shares her insights on navigating major life transitions and healing the emotional shadows that can affect intimacy, relationships, and our connection to ourselves. Key Topics Covered: • How grief related to parental loss can impact women’s emotional health and intimacy • The metaphor of emotional shadows acting like a "chastity belt" in the bedroom • How unresolved grief can show up as sexual disconnection and difficulty with emotional regulation • The influence of early childhood loss on adult relationships and sexuality • Practical approaches for processing grief and reconnecting with the body • How internal mental models, or "blueprints," inherited from childhood can shape persistent patterns • Why healing deep-seated emotional shadows can be a long-term process • The significance of understanding cathaxis and its relationship to arrested emotional development and emotional regulation • The connection between unresolved grief, abandonment wounds, and fear of rejection • Ways to become more present and embodied during intimacy Connect with Dr. Carolyn Alter: 🌐 Website: https://www.alterpsychpllc.com/ (https://www.alterpsychpllc.com/) 📸 Instagram: @alterpsychpllc This episode offers a deeper look at how unresolved grief can shape our intimate lives, often in ways we don’t immediately recognize. Whether you’re navigating your own grief or supporting someone you love, this conversation explores what it can look like to understand those emotional shadows, reconnect with your body, and create space for greater intimacy and connection. Connect with the Hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) 📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers ⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.

13. 

    22 Jul 2026

    From College Drinking to Sobriety: Angie's Journey

    In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie gets personal about her relationship with alcohol and the journey that eventually led her to sobriety. What started as college drinking gradually became something much bigger. Angie shares how alcohol continued to play a major role in her life long after college, the ways it affected her relationships and mental health, and the moment she finally admitted to herself that it was a problem. She opens up about what happened next, including the role therapy, support groups, and deeper self-exploration played in her recovery. Angie also talks about the connection between alcohol, trauma, and mental health, and what she began to uncover once alcohol was no longer there to numb, distract, or help her cope. Krissy and Angie also get into the growing sober curious movement and the idea that you don't have to hit a dramatic “rock bottom” to question your relationship with alcohol. Sometimes simply asking, Is this actually making my life better? can be a pretty powerful place to start. Angie reflects on how sobriety has changed her relationships, her connection with herself, her experience of sex and intimacy, and her ability to actually be present for her own life. In This Episode Angie's early relationship with alcohol and college drinking How drinking changed after college Recognizing the impact alcohol was having on her life and relationships The moment she admitted she needed to stop The role of therapy and support in recovery The connection between trauma, mental health, and alcohol use Navigating the challenges of early sobriety The sober curious movement and questioning our cultural relationship with alcohol Rediscovering joy without drinking How sobriety affected Angie's relationships, sex life, and connection with herself What Angie would say to someone questioning their own relationship with alcohol Mentioned in This Episode Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington A book exploring our relationship with alcohol and what life can look like when we begin questioning drinking culture. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Peer support and recovery resources for people who want to stop drinking. About Sex, Secrets, & Sass Sex, Secrets, & Sass is where therapists Krissy Johnson and Angie Martin talk about the things we're all thinking about but don't always say out loud. Sex. Relationships. Secrets. Shame. Mental health. Double lives. And all the gloriously complicated stuff that comes with being human. Connect with the Hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) 📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers ⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or substance use, professional support is available. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not a substitute for mental health or medical treatment.

14. 

    15 Jul 2026

    Navigating Sobriety and Sexuality: Insights with Dr. Lori Nabors

    Are you curious about reducing alcohol consumption but unsure where to start? In this episode, Dr. Lori Nabors, a virtual psychologist specializing in sober curiosity, shares practical insights on questioning drinking habits, understanding the impact of alcohol on women, and exploring the connection between alcohol and sex—all without shame. Main Topics Covered: Understanding sober curiosity and why it’s gaining momentum among professional women The concept of micro experiments: trying small changes in drinking habits Key statistics about alcohol consumption and its effects on women’s bodies The difference between alcohol use disorder and being an alcoholic The impact of alcohol on sexual experiences and consent Overcoming shame and stigma associated with drinking, especially for women Strategies for tracking and measuring alcohol intake accurately The cultural normalization of "liquid courage" and its effects on relationships Resources and Connect with Guest: Curiosity Distilled: A 6-week group for women questioning their drinking. No rock bottom required. Just honest curiosity about your relationship with alcohol, alongside other women exploring the same thing. Find out more about Dr. Lori at https://www.drlorinabors.com/ (https://www.drlorinabors.com/)and book your free Curiosity Brewing Consult at https://drlorinabors.clientsecure.me (https://drlorinabors.clientsecure.me) Understanding Alcohol Consumption Guidelines (https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/moderate-drinking.htm) This episode emphasizes self-compassion and curiosity as tools for exploring your relationship with alcohol, sexuality, and health. Remember, change begins with understanding and kindness toward yourself. Connect with the Hosts: Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) 📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers ⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.

15. 

    8 Jul 2026

    The Double Life That Led Me Here (Part 2): Finding My Voice Again

    This is Part 2 of Krissy's story. Last week, Krissy shared the secret she'd been hiding for years and the impossible choice she faced when an ex threatened to expose it. This week, she picks up where that story left off. Krissy shares what happened after telling her family the truth, how she began rebuilding her life, and the winding path that eventually led her from sex work to becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist. Together, Krissy and Angie explore shame, identity, healing, and what it really means to reclaim your own story. In this episode: • What happened after the secret came out • Rebuilding relationships with family • The journey from sex work to therapy • Why telling the truth can be both terrifying and freeing • How sharing our stories helps others feel less alone If this conversation resonated with you, we'd love it if you'd follow the show, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who could use the reminder that your past doesn't get the final word. Connect with the Hosts Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.com (http://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (http://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) 📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers ⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.

16. 

    1 Jul 2026

    The Double Life That Led Me Here: From Sex Worker to Therapist (Part 1)

    Before Krissy became a therapist helping women navigate secrets, betrayal, and impossible relationship decisions, she had secrets of her own. In this deeply personal episode, Krissy shares the winding path from studying opera and musical theater to working in the sensual massage industry, living a double life, and eventually becoming the therapist she is today. We explore shame, survival, identity, boundaries, and the moments that changed the direction of her life. Krissy also opens up about what it was like carrying a secret for years, why she ultimately decided to tell her story publicly, and how those experiences shaped the way she works with clients today. This conversation isn't about having all the answers. It's about what happens when we stop hiding, begin listening to ourselves, and realize our past doesn't have to define our future. If you've ever carried a secret, questioned your worth because of your past, or wondered whether healing and a fresh start were still possible, this conversation is for you. In this episode, we discuss: Krissy's early dream of becoming a professional singer How divorce unexpectedly changed the direction of her life Entering the sensual massage industry and living a double life The role boundaries played in keeping her emotionally and physically safe Shame, secrecy, and the emotional cost of hiding The experiences that ultimately led her to become a therapist Why our past doesn't have to determine our future Don't Miss Part 2 This is Part 1 of Krissy's story. Next week, the secret she'd worked so hard to protect is suddenly at risk of being exposed, forcing her to confront a decision that would change the course of her life. Connect with the Hosts Krissy Johnson, LMFT 🌐 https://www.inthelifetherapy.com (https://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC 🌐 https://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com (https://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com) Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass for new episodes every Wednesday. If this conversation resonated with you, we'd love it if you'd subscribe, leave a review, and share the episode with someone who might need to hear it.

17. 

    24 Jun 2026

    Sex, Patriarchy, and Women's Pleasure: Unpacking Cultural Myths and Medical Misses

    Note: This episode emphasizes open dialogue about female sexuality, debunking myths, and promoting personal empowerment. Listener discretion advised for explicit topics. Join Angie and Krissy as they explore how patriarchy has historically shaped perceptions of female sexuality, from medieval myths to modern medical blind spots. This episode dives into surprising facts about sexual satisfaction, the definition of sex, and the cultural expectations placed on women, offering a candid look at how societal norms influence our intimate lives. Key Topics: Impact of patriarchy on heterosexual sex and women’s pleasure The true definition of sex beyond penetration How medical research historically marginalized women’s sexuality The evolution of beauty standards and their cultural implications Marital rape laws and the fight for women’s rights over their bodies The significance of language in shaping gender norms (“pregnant” vs. “they’re pregnant”) Challenging myths: semen as nourishment, women’s openness in medieval times The role of societal expectations in women faking pleasure Historical misconceptions about women’s sexuality from Aristotle to modern times How societal and legal changes influence women’s autonomy today The Impact of Patriarchy on Heterosexual Sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObKOm_igUcM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObKOm_igUcM) Eleanor Janega and her website Going Medieval https://going-medieval.com/ (https://going-medieval.com/) where you can find her book The Once and Future Sex: Going Medieval on Women’s Roles in Society and other essays like the two below: https://going-medieval.com/2017/05/26/on-women-and-desire/ (https://going-medieval.com/2017/05/26/on-women-and-desire/) https://going-medieval.com/2019/05/16/on-sex-logic-and-being-the-subject/ (https://going-medieval.com/2019/05/16/on-sex-logic-and-being-the-subject/) Esther Perel, where you can learn more about her and her work https://www.estherperel.com/ (https://www.estherperel.com/) Anatomy of The Clitoris 1. O’CONNELL HE, SANJEEVAN KV, HUTSON JM. ANATOMY OF THE CLITORIS. Journal of Urology [internet]. 2005 Oct 1 (cited 2026 Jun 22); 174 (4 Part 1):1189-95. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1097/01.ju.0000173639.38898.cd (https://doi.org/10.1097/01.ju.0000173639.38898.cd) Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc. https://www.dvsn.org/maritalrape/ (https://www.dvsn.org/maritalrape/) Krissy Johnson, LMFT (https://www.inthelifetherapy.com) Angie Martin, LCPC, LMHC (https://www.newapproachmentalhealth.com)

18. 

    17 Jun 2026

    Exploring Sex, Secrets and Sass

    In the inaugural episode of Sex, Secrets and Sass, hosts Krissy Johnson and Angie Martin, both therapists, explore the complexities of sexuality, relationships, and the impact of menopause on women's lives. They share their personal journeys, discuss their professional niches, and delve into the societal taboos surrounding aging and sexual health.

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