The show where we discuss all things related to the foster care system and early childhood trauma. From foster parents, trauma experts, former foster kids and beyond, we’ll take a deep dive into the complexities of the foster care crisis in an effort to better understand how to fix it!
How to Be a Good Mentor to a Child: Why Small Moments Matter
Founder Rebecca Britt explains how consistent, everyday connection in trauma-informed mentoring profoundly impacts a child's development and strengthens their life skills.
30 Sept 2026TRANSCRIPT
Why Kids With Trauma Try to Control Everything
Rebecca Britt, founder of Stable Moments®, explains why children with trauma seek control and offers trauma-informed strategies for mentors in this interview episode.
26 Aug 2026TRANSCRIPT
The Blame Reflex in Foster & Adopted Children
Why do foster and adopted children so often assume everything is their fault? For children with developmental trauma, self-blame can become more than a thought—it can become a core belief.
A parent is upset, a friend acts differently, someone reschedules, a teacher corrects them…and their brain immediately fills in the blank: It must be because of me.
In this episode, I’m talking about what I call the blame reflex—our very human tendency to assign fault when something goes wrong. Blame can actually make us feel safer because if we can figure out why something happened, we can convince ourselves we can prevent it from happening again. But children who have experienced abuse, neglect, disrupted attachment, foster care, or other developmental trauma often turn that blame inward.
We’ll explore:
Why blame can create a false sense of safety and control • How self-blame becomes woven into a child’s identity
The difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) and shame (“I am bad”) • How everyday interactions can become “evidence” that a child is unwanted, unworthy, or to blame
Why simply saying “It’s not your fault” may not be enough
How mentors can use curiosity to help children consider other possibilities
The difference between fault, accountability, and responsibility
How asking “What do we do next?” can shift children away from shame
Why trauma-informed adults need to recognize their own blame reflex, too
How small, consistent moments can help children develop cognitive flexibility and a healthier sense of self-worth We aren’t trying to teach children that nothing is ever their responsibility.
We’re helping them learn that sometimes they make mistakes, sometimes other people make mistakes, sometimes nobody made a mistake—and sometimes we simply don’t know why something happened. That ability to sit with uncertainty without automatically deciding “It was because of me” can be incredibly powerful for a child who has spent their life believing they are the problem.
Learn more about Stable Moments and our trauma-informed mentorship model: https://www.stablemoments.com Interested in doing your own deeper work around old stories, wounds, and patterns? Learn more about Heal Yourself, Heal the World: https://www.stablemoments.com/heal
Inside a recent episode
How to Be a Good Mentor to a Child: Why Small Moments Matter
Published 28 Oct 2026 · Transcript excerpt
[…] To me, as the program founder, that makes me feel so amazing because that says that you guys have developed a relationship where things are stable. Where you guys are being able to get into a routine. And routines offer stability. Routines offer something that's reliable that they can rely on. […]
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