Surfing the Quicksand

About Surfing the Quicksand

Helping midlife women get unstuck – at home, at work, in our relationships, from ourselves – one chat at a time. Host Kathy Vines explores all sorts of ways we can get stuck and brings us together to see the possibility and strike a path forward and get UNstuck. Come for education, inspiration, entertainment, and action! Podcast Engineer: Nate Winchell Music: "Take Off," Luke Bergs & Waesto (licensed material) Presented by Clever Girl Organizing, Inc.

Publisher

Kathy Vines

Category

education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

21 Aug 2025

Latest episode

12 Nov 2026

Latest episodes

53 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   12 Nov 2026

   What If I Can? Choosing Courage and Finding Joy Through Life’s Challenges (Ep 211)

   Could you even imagine what your life could like if, instead of assuming you can’t, you asked yourself, “What if I can?” Motivational speaker, swim coach, and open-water swimmer Jeannie Zappe joins Kathy to explore choosing courage and finding joy through life’s challenges. After a 20-year career in higher education IT, Jeannie reconnected with her love of coaching and began discovering possibilities she had once ruled out. One small “yes” after another eventually led to something she never imagined: swimming the English Channel solo at 55, and again at 60. When her husband was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s between those two swims, caregiving changed her daily life and made preparing for that second crossing much harder. With practical support, encouragement from close friends, and an adapted approach to training, Jeannie reclaimed the pool as her “joy place.” She also turned her swim into a fundraiser, raising more than $40,000 for dementia treatment research through Clear Thoughts Foundation. With humor and honesty, Jeannie shares stories of self-doubt, reinvention, cold water, jellyfish, and the people who helped her keep going. Her experiences offer an invitation to consider what makes you feel alive and how you might make room for it, even when life is difficult. Resources and Mentions To explore bringing Jeannie’s message of courage, resilience, reinvention, and optimism to your organization, conference, or team, visit her speaking website: https://eternaloptimist.me/motivationalspeaker (https://eternaloptimist.me/motivationalspeaker) To learn more about Jeannie’s swim coaching: https://eternaloptimist.me/ (https://eternaloptimist.me/) Find Jeannie on Social Media: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanniezappe/ (https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanniezappe/) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theeternaloptimistchannel (https://www.facebook.com/theeternaloptimistchannel) Facebook Groups Eternal Optimists: https://www.facebook.com/groups/405086924278527 (https://www.facebook.com/groups/405086924278527) To learn more or donate to Clear Thoughts Foundation, supporting the discovery of dementia treatments : https://www.facebook.com/ClearThoughtsFoundation (https://www.facebook.com/ClearThoughtsFoundation) https://clearthoughtsfoundation.org/ (https://clearthoughtsfoundation.org/) About Jeannie Zappe Jeannie Zappe, a transformative speaker and coach, excelled in leadership roles in higher education IT before pursuing her true calling as a swim coach in 2010. Harnessing her lifelong passion, she's coached a diverse spectrum, from young talents to elite national athletes and Ironmen/women. Jeannie's personal feats include swimming around Manhattan, solo crossing the English Channel twice, and joining the elite ranks of the Triple Crown of Open Water Swimming at 56 by swimming from Catalina Island to Long Beach, California. In July 2026, at age 60, Jeannie crossed the raised over $40,000 for Alzheimer’s awareness in support of Clear Thoughts Foundation with her 2nd Channel crossing. Her life-altering question to herself, "What if I can?”, transformed Jeannie’s perspective, and she loves to share its power. With a captivating and lively presentation style, she embarks on an emotional journey that dives into the depths of setting daring goals, braving intimidating opportunities, and upholding an unwavering optimism. She holds a BS in Quantitative Business Analysis from Penn State and an MS in Business Administration from Bucknell University.

2. 

   5 Nov 2026

   Stay, Go, or Reno? Creating a Home That Supports Your Next Chapter

   For many of us, our home reflects the life we were living when we chose it: starting a family, raising children, commuting to a particular job, or entertaining in a particular way. But as life changes, the home that once fit perfectly may no longer support who we are or who we want to become. In this episode of Surfing the Quicksand, Kathy talks with Kim Costa, REALTOR®, author, speaker, podcast host, and creator of Lifestyle Foundations and the Wheel House Assessment. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in residential construction, design, real estate, and human resources, Kim helps people look beyond aesthetics and resale value to consider a deeper question: Does your home support the life you want to live now? Kim introduces her “stay, go, or reno” framework and explains how health, finances, relationships, career, family, community, and leisure can all influence where (and how) we live. She and Kathy explore why a temporary home can sometimes be the right answer during a major transition, how couples can navigate different visions for their future, and why familiar spaces such as dining rooms, basements, and spare bedrooms may need to take on entirely new purposes. They also discuss the emotional cost of remaining in a home that doesn’t fit, the identities we attach to unused rooms and abandoned hobbies, and the importance of distinguishing between the life we once imagined and the life we’re actually living. Sometimes the answer is moving. Sometimes it’s renovating or repurposing a room. And sometimes the house isn’t the problem at all. The first step is pausing long enough to ask what’s working, what isn’t, and what you want your one and only life to look like next. Key Takeaways A beautiful home can still be the wrong home. Most people choose homes based largely on aesthetics, location, and budget, but those factors don’t necessarily reflect their personalities, priorities, relationships, or daily needs. Start with the life you want—not the features you think a home should have. Health, finances, career, family, relationships, community, environment, and leisure can help clarify what a home needs to provide. Couples can have different and equally valid visions. Compromise might mean choosing a mutually acceptable location, dividing time between two places, renting seasonally, or occasionally living apart without compromising the relationship itself. Rooms don’t have to retain their original purpose. A dining room can become an office, studio, or first-floor sleeping space. A former child’s bedroom can support a new interest. Function should reflect the life being lived now. Our homes can preserve outdated versions of our identities. A sewing room, garden, workshop, or oversized entertaining space may represent something we once loved rather than how we currently spend our time and energy. Resources and Mentions Website: https://lifestylefoundations.com (https://lifestylefoundations.com/) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kim.e.costa (https://www.instagram.com/kim.e.costa) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kimecostarealtor (https://www.facebook.com/kimecostarealtor) LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimecosta (https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimecosta) Virtual Workshop: https://lifestylefoundations.com/virtual-workshop/ (https://lifestylefoundations.com/virtual-workshop/) About Kim Costa Kim Costa is a REALTOR®, author, speaker, podcast host, and creator of Lifestyle Foundations and the Wheel House Assessment. With more than 30 years of experience in residential construction, design, and real estate, she helps people understand the connection between their physical environment and the lives they want to create. She is the author of Live in Your Wheel House: An Empowering Guide to Stay, Go, or Reno, which helps readers navigate change, reinvention, and important decisions about where and how they live.

3. 

   29 Oct 2026

   Better Sleep, Better Partners How Couples Can Navigate Insomnia, Snoring, and Sleepless Nights

   We spend roughly one-third of our lives asleep, but how often do we think about sleep as something that is an integral part of our relationships? Sharing a bed can bring comfort, closeness, and a sense of safety. It can also bring snoring, stolen covers, mismatched schedules, different temperature preferences, late-night screens, restless pets, and plenty of frustration. And in midlife, hormonal changes, caregiving responsibilities, stress, and an active mind can make restful sleep even harder to find. In this episode of Surfing the Quicksand, Kathy talks with Dr. Wendy Troxel, a licensed clinical psychologist, behavioral sleep medicine specialist, senior scientist at RAND, and author of Sharing the Covers: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep. Wendy explains why sleep isn’t simply an individual behavior and why couples may be better served by becoming “sleep teammates” rather than blaming one another for what happens in the bedroom. She shares how relationship quality affects sleep and how sleep affects our ability to be good partners. Plus, Wendy offers a more nuanced view of “sleep divorce,” (a term both she and Kathy hate), discusses practical ways couples can accommodate different sleep needs, and explains why sleep scientists oppose permanent daylight saving time even if they agree that changing the clocks twice a year should end. Key takeaways Sleep is a shared experience, even when the problem appears individual. Our sleep is shaped by our partners, children, pets, caregiving responsibilities, work demands, home environment, and sense of safety, not only by personal biology or discipline. The behaviors used to compensate for insomnia can perpetuate it. Sleeping late, going to bed unusually early, or constantly monitoring sleep may seem helpful, but they can interfere with sleep pressure and make sleep feel like an effortful, high-stakes task. Midlife women don’t need to achieve a perfectly quiet mind before bed. Hormonal changes, caregiving, and competing responsibilities make that expectation unrealistic. A brief buffer that allows the brain to transition gradually toward sleep is a more attainable goal. Sleeping separately isn’t automatically bad for a relationship. What matters is how the decision is made. A mutually agreed-upon arrangement designed to help both partners sleep is very different from one partner leaving the bedroom in anger or resentment. Resources and Mentions Wendy’s website: https://drwendytroxel.com/ (https://drwendytroxel.com/) To sign up for Wendy’s newsletter, head to her website and scroll down to find “Receive the Rhythm” Insights on sleep science, upcoming events, and evidence-based strategies for living well. Wendy’s book, Sharing the Covers: Every Couple's Guide to Better Sleep: https://amzn.to/4gXBKei (https://amzn.to/4gXBKei) (ad link) Her two TEDx Talks: How to sleep like your relationship depends on it (2016): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7ntoFtZK6A (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7ntoFtZK6A) Why school should start later for teens (2017): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0Zj_InJ4BQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0Zj_InJ4BQ) Follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram at @DrWendyTroxel About Dr. Wendy Troxel Wendy Troxel, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist, behavioral sleep medicine specialist, and Senior Behavioral Scientist at the nonprofit, nonpartisan RAND Corporation and an adjunct professor at the University of Utah and the University of Pittsburgh. Internationally recognized for her research, she examines how sleep is affects and is affected by our relationships, families, communities, and public policies. She is the author of “Sharing the Covers: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep.” Dr. Troxel’s work explores how sleep is shaped by our closest relationships and how sleeping well can help us become healthier, happier, and better partners. Her research has been published in leading medical journals, and her insights have been featured by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, The Today Show, CBS Sunday Morning, and the BBC.

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Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

14 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

2 ratings

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