Sweet Valley Hive is the hottest new book club to hit the school! Join us (Robert Marx, newbie and Rebecca Pardo, superfan) as we neurotically parse the text, subtext, and outfits of Sweet Valley High, the beloved soapy series of the 80s. From school dances to amnesia to hysterical paralysis, we’ll cover the trials and tribulations of America’s most troubled and triumphant twins.
“Small Language Models” (Sweet Valley High #88, Love Letters for Sale)
This week, we learn an eerily timely lesson in the dangers of what happens when we outsource empathy by having someone—or something—handle our communications for us.
When Jess and Liz open an anonymous letter-writing service, they think it will be an easy way to make a quick buck. But they forget one important thing: as the eponymous Maria of the song “Take a Letter, Maria” knows all too well: proxies are never neutral—they are ALWAYS ALREADY invested in the interactions they purport to simply mediate!
The letters lead to an escalating series of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and machinations, culminating in a scene of staggering dramatic irony that leaves Liz—and us—wondering: was the juice (a new warm-up jacket) worth the squeeze? Join us for “Small Language Models” (Sweet Valley High 88, Love Letters for Sale).
10 Mar 2026TRANSCRIPT
“A Boy Stealer is a Boy Stealer” (Sweet Valley High Super Star #5, Todd’s Story)
This week, Todd is minding his business, shooting basketball….s, when a shadowy figure from his past returns and threatens everything Todd holds dear. Kevin (whom we DON’T need to talk about) charms Todd’s family and friends and frames him for a string of muggings, leaving Todd feeling gaslit and us wondering “Was this earned?”
Meanwhile, we ponder how many good summers we have left, stumble upon an accidental celebrity encounter, and fantasize about Mrs. Wilkins’ fettuccine Alfredo, in “A Boy Stealer is a Boy Stealer” (Sweet Valley High Super Star 5, Todd’s Story).
3 Mar 2026TRANSCRIPT
“We Need a Hotline!” (Sweet Valley High #87, My Best Friend’s Boyfriend)
This week, Liz resists fascist censorship to force a necessary discussion of sexual harassment at Sweet Valley High. The surprisingly rich text touches both our hosts, drawing tears and stories of our own high school free speech crusades.
Join us for a discussion of plain-looking girls (they’re smarter than you think), zines (they’re like renegade newspapers!), and the power of feminine rage, in “We Need a Hotline!” (Sweet Valley High #87, My Best Friend’s Boyfriend).
Inside a recent episode
“Small Language Models” (Sweet Valley High #88, Love Letters for Sale)
Published 17 Mar 2026 · Transcript excerpt
[…] And gets the bright idea. Let's do a letter writing service. We'll charge $5 a letter. It will work exactly as Pardo said where it's anonymous. They send us... the topic of the letter and their address, we send it back to them and they mail it to the intended recipient. […]
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