The Alligator News Roundup

About The Alligator News Roundup

The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining. alligatorroundup.substack.com (https://alligatorroundup.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Curt Ghormley

Category

religion & spirituality · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

26 May 2023

Latest episode

16 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

224 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   16 Oct 2026

   Rubio Defends Western Civilization in Greece | The Alligator News Roundup

   Number 4. CBS News. US Sec-State explains the nature—and the price—of Western Civilization in Acropolis speech. (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rubio-athens-acropolis-speech/) (Not satire.) I know… we’ll get to the entertainment in a moment. ICYMI, the speech U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio gave in front of the Parthenon in Athens last week, IMHO, is one that will stand the test of time. (For you non-enlightened rubes: ICYMI = In Case You Missed It. IMHO = In My Humble Opinion.) His thesis was that what we call Western Civilization—which may be more rightly called merely “civilization” (but that’s me speaking, not Rubio)—was born in Athens and gave birth to Rome, Europe, and ultimately America. It is today under assault, as it has been since the time of Christ. I urge you to read his words (https://www.state.gov/releases/office-of-the-spokesman/2026/10/secretary-of-state-marco-rubio-remarks), or at least watch the video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOv1DpML7I4). The speech is about 30 minutes long. Secretary Rubio spoke of: …the essential traits that would come to define the West: fierce individuality and relentless ambition; daring exploration and invention; a yearning for discovery, for adventure, risk and glory. And he contrasted that with the apparent hope of many in the West today, that we may create: …a world of perfect safety, devoid of risk or failure, with neither the glory of victory nor the shame of defeat. This clearly echoes Teddy Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena (https://www.trcp.org/2011/01/18/it-is-not-the-critic-who-counts/) speech from 1910. No doubt that was intentional. It also puts one in mind of Ronald Reagan’s A Time for Choosing (https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/reagans/ronald-reagan/time-choosing-speech-october-27-1964) from 1964, which launched that one to a national platform and prepared his way to the presidency. The Athens speech may well do the same for Marco Rubio. One other comparison: Rubio spoke of the Greek word thumos, the heart of any great civilization, which he defined as “the fire of passion, strength, courage, pride.” This is the theme of C.S. Lewis in The Abolition of Man (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-abolition-of-man_cs-lewis/254150/?resultid=149285ed-54b9-4b21-929e-d2f0896441c6#edition=2336158&idiq=4754816), the chapter called “Men Without Chests.” Lewis’ idea was that the ancients spoke of the head (intellect), the belly (physical) and the chest (honor), and asserted that in his era (1950s Great Britain), modernity created men only interested in brains and belly… ergo, Men Without Chests. In a clearly articulated display of intellectual audacity, Rubio actually used the “Jesus” word in his speech. The Greeks, he said, gave us: …the foundation of the Western mind: our math, our science, our medicine. Our philosophy, ethics, and religion. It paved the way for the gospel of Jesus Christ to find fertile soil in Europe and flourish into the empire of Christendom. It was the foundation of the riches of Christian theology – of Augustine and Aquinas and the whole tradition of natural law. It is a theme as real and historical and honest as it is embarrassing to elites today. Mr. Rubio’s speech is a rare one, neither Republican nor Democrat. He speaks of intrinsic and fundamental “qualities that can’t be reduced to any particular political system or theory.” Don’t miss it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOv1DpML7I4). Number 3. Fox 13 Seattle. City Council meeting in Ottumwa opened with public prayer to Lucifer. (https://www.fox13seattle.com/news/iowa-city-council-opens-meeting-hail-satan-satanic-prayer) (Again, not satire.) At the other end of the virtue spectrum, we have the opening prayer for the City Council meeting in Ottumwa last week, offered by a former member of the Council. Some months ago, the Council decided to allow members of the general public to offer prayer at the beginning of their meetings. The motion was opposed by council member Cara Galloway, who suggested at the time that such a decision would lead to a public proclamation of anti-Christian sentiment, and give the appearance of city government approval. She predicted exactly the current situation. But the motion passed, and here we are. Iowans, like all the rest of us in these United States, live under the Constitution, which guarantees freedom of speech and religion free from government mandate or muzzling. As a people, we are convinced this is right and proper. A more clear example of holding us hostage to our own convictions is hard to find. The prayer began with “Dear Dark Father,” and ended with a fairly inscrutable (but unsettling) "That which will not bend must break, and that which can be destroyed by truth should never be spared its demise.” Gotta think about that one. Or not. And finished with a reverent, “Hail Satan." Beyond the questionable propriety of placing others in a socially impossible position (Should I bow my head or not? Shout him down? Walk out? Knock over the microphone? What would Jesus do?) there is the very real spiritual dimension. Franklin the deist, in proposing public prayer at the Constitutional Convention in 1787, spoke of (https://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/benfranklin.htm) God’s real-time involvement in the affairs of men: “Is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?” This is the sort of confrontation that forces an individual decision point: Do I believe God rules in the affairs of men, or not? Will there be a Day of Judgment, or not? It will be interesting to see what the Ottumwa City Council comes up with… or maybe they are favorable to the invocation offered to Satan. I would not like to find myself on the wrong side of that argument. And as a minor footnote, I could not find ANY mainstream coverage of this as a news item. There was an article in the Des Moines Register, which I was able to access once, but it was behind a paywall and I could not forward it. Nor could I access it a second time. Local radio and TV spots, yes. But mainstream news… crickets chirping. Number 2. Breitbart. Idaho voters to select the gun that best represents the state. (https://www.breitbart.com/2nd-amendment/2026/10/11/idaho-voters-help-choose-state-firearm-election-day/) Okay… on to happier subjects. In a move sure to alienate most on the left and cause vehement division among gun owners on the right, the state of Idaho has decided they need a state gun. They already have (https://sos.idaho.gov/state-symbols/) a state amphibian (Giant Salamander), a bird (Mountain Bluebird), a dinosaur (Oryctodromeus), a fish (Cutthroat Trout—what else?), a fruit (Huckleberry), and a horse (Appaloosa)… So why not a state gun? Voters will go to the polls in November to select from one of the offerings on the ballot. According to Idaho News 6, the options include: * 1873 Colt Single Action Army (revolver) * Winchester Model 1894 (rifle) * Winchester Model 1873 (rifle) * M1 Garand (rifle) * Colt Model 1911 (pistol) * Remington 700 (rifle) Rich fodder for impassioned western coffee-shop arguments for years to come. “Ya know, I knew this place was goin’ to pot back in ‘26, when they picked the ‘94 Winchester over the 1911! Now, don’t git me wrong—I’m partial to my ‘94. But that 1911… it’s a man’s gun! Got ever’thing ya need and nuthin’ ya don’t!” Number 1. Money Control dot com. Google founder fights California billionaire tax with $100 million. (https://www.moneycontrol.com/news/trends/google-co-founder-sergey-brin-spends-102-million-to-fight-billionaire-tax-if-he-loses-14044126.html) California is home to some 200 billionaires. Along the way, it has accumulated a total debt of $497 billion, highest of any state. (If you want to find your own state’s debt—we all have one—see the Reason Foundation (https://reason.org/transparency-project/gov-finance-2025/state/) at www.reason.org.) While Governor Newsom has proposed a budget (https://www.gov.ca.gov/2026/05/14/may-revise/) with a deficit of zero for both 2026 and 2027, it remains to be seen what the Assembly in Sacramento will do with that. And it does not acknowledge the interest accumulating on the nearly half a trillion in outstanding debt. The solution to the debt problem in the Land of Fruits and Nuts is clear: Tax the rich! Of course! There are more of us than there are of them. The proposal is in Proposition 40, a ballot measure for this November. If passed, everyone who is a billionaire will be obligated to make a payment of 5 percent of their total wealth. For those of us who rarely calculate expenses with more than one comma, that would mean a minimum payment of $50 million for even the most humble of that exalted club. Granted, the obligation to the state can be spread over a number of years, but that’s enough to knock someone out of the winner’s circle. And not to worry yourself, this is a ONE-TIME tax event. It will NEVER be repeated. EVER. Trust us on this. As for votes against Proposition 40… well, we can probably count on at least 200. Out of 40 million residents. A Google co-founder named Sergey Brin has become the largest contributor to the Building a Better California advocacy group opposing the measure. Mr. Brin has given over $100 million to the cause. That makes sense, as his estimated worth is $260 billion. He stands to owe $13 billion if the measure passes. Most interestingly, Sergey Brin’s family fled from the Soviet Union in 1979, and now he is one of richest men in America. While it is not clear what his parents brought with them 47 years ago, this particular child of wealth does not want to go back. And that’s where he believes California is headed. Start up the popcorn. This will be entertaining. And speaking of voting, if you are in Alaska, or know someone who is, understand the Battle of the Dans. Dan Sullivan is running for U.S. Senate on the Republican ticket. He is opposed by Republican Dan Sullivan. Dan S. Sullivan is the incumbent Republican. Dan J. Sullivan is the Republican challenger, widely understood to have filed for the office (under his own real name) in order to confuse voters (it’s working) and thus throw the election to Democrat Mary Peltola. Dan S. is the current incumbent Republican Senator. S=Senator. Got it? Just try to be clear. Know your candidate. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, October 16, 2026. Take a half hour with a fresh cup of coffee or tea and listen to Marco Rubio’s speech while you absent-mindedly consider the relative historical merits of the M1 Garand and the Colt Peacemaker. If you are under 30, the Athens speech may strike in you a spark of world-view awareness. If you are over 70, it might bring on tears. Have a good weekend! Get full access to Alligator News Roundup at alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe (https://alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

2. 

   9 Oct 2026

   “Death to America!” May Not Mean What You Think | The Alligator News Roundup

   Number 4. National Security Journal. Death to America does not really mean Death to America. (https://nationalsecurityjournal.org/irans-revolutionary-guard-now-says-death-to-america-was-never-aimed-at-the-american-people-only-at-their-leaders/) This gives “spin” a bad name. In an open letter to “the American public,” the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) assures readers that “Death to America!” in no way expresses hope that America might die. Only that its leaders do so. IRGC appealed to “scholars, students and media” to persuade evil and misguided occupants of the White House to pull military forces back from the Middle East and sever ties with Israel. Only then, the letter asserts, can there be peace. Although the chant “Death to America!” has been the rallying cry since 1979, when the Shah was deposed, it has never really meant what the words suggest. It is more a condemnation of those who lead America. In that sense, the IRGC is a remarkably equal-opportunity adversary. Presidents since the ascension of the current Iranian regime have been Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump, Biden and Trump: party affiliation D,R,R,D,R,D,R,D,R. Four Democrats, five Republicans. Maybe in Farsi the Death to America thing alliterates well, or rhymes mellifluously (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/mellifluous), such that some Islamic poetic license allows it to be understood in some sense other than literal. Just think: After all these years, us unenlightened American hicks really thunk they were out to kill us. What a relief to know it was merely a friendly suggestion to re-think our politics. A suggestion, that is, punctuated with a few actual killings of Americans by Iran, their proxies, or others with documented Iranian assistance, such as: Marine barracks, Beirut, 1983; US Embassy bombing, Beirut, 1983; Khobar Towers, Saudi Arabia, 1996; Twin Towers/Pentagon, 2001; Militia attacks during Iraq war, 2003-2011; Karbala raid, Iraq, 2007; Drone attack, Syria, 2023; Tower 22 drone attack, Jordan, 2024. (Source: ChatGPT. Accept it or not, but every entry came with a clickable citation.) No intentional death to ordinary Americans here at all, I’m pretty sure. It sort of puts me in mind of Inigo Montoya (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/mediaviewer/rm218182656/?ref_=tt_ph_1) (1987): “I do not think that word means what you think it means.” Number 3. Express dot Co dot UK. Free hijabs legally awarded to new migrants arriving in small boats. (https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/2254238/uk-government-reportedly-hands-out) The United Kingdom has encoded their well-known generosity into clear public policy. A current population of 60-some million in the British Isles has been bolstered by over two million immigrants since 2023. It seems that many of these new arrivals, from more southerly and warmer climes, have recently been coming by boat. Not ship… boat. Such as inflatables launched across the Channel with dozens of drenched people hanging on. When they arrive, they are understandably hungry, exhausted and wet. It is the formal policy of Great Britain to give persons in such distress a care package consisting in part of dry clothing. Somewhere along the line, it became clear that these new arrivals were generally not practicing Anglicans. The women, to be faithful to the religion of their origin, required a head covering. I suppose that means the one they left France with did not survive the Channel journey. The UK gift baskets are for men, women and children, and include track suits to provide warm and dry clothing. The women’s packages also include a hijab, so that they can practice their religion faithfully. Only a thoughtless boor would observe that their religion does NOT extend to urging adherents NOT to take over a country far away. At any rate, Britain codified the gift baskets into routine practice. By now, British taxpayers have generously donated 974 hijabs to recent arrivals. I am sure the local populace takes pride in seeing their gifts so graciously received, except that a recent crackdown by the Hampshire Constabulary (https://www.breitbart.com/europe/2026/10/05/police-issue-lockdown-order-for-entire-english-town-to-allow-illegal-migrant-boat-to-land/amp/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) ordered residents of the port town of Gosport to remain indoors during the anticipated arrival of the most recent boat wave. Gosportians were forcibly locked down by their own police, not allowed near the wharf, lest the newcomers get the idea they were somehow not welcome. Number 2. RedState. Tennessee high school enrolls students in fake classes to assure graduation. (https://redstate.com/wardclark/2026/10/03/ex-principal-nashville-school-invented-fake-classes-for-diplomas-n2207712) This is one of those unique heart-warming stories of strong men ensuring that less advantaged youngsters be able to succeed. At any cost. Stratford High School in Nashville, Tennessee, noted a serious problem with student achievement. Despite four years of careful management and hard work on the part of students (“Hard work…” Yeah, I have borrowed some literary license from the “Death to America does not mean what it says” notion) it seems that some seniors lacked adequate credits. They would not be able to meet the state’s requirements, and thus would receive no diploma. The Volunteer State rose to the challenge. In the finest tradition of overcoming adversity through creativity, Stratford administrators came up with an ingenious solution. Follow this closely. (At no time will my fingers ever leave my hands.) Their last semester, about-to-fail students were allowed to enroll in a class that was not offered. Call it “Underwater cross-cultural basket-weaving.” The article does not specify which class was in question. Because there was no class and no instructor, students were unable to turn in work sufficient to earn a grade in the non-existent course offering. Therefore, they flunked out of basket-weaving. That was the opening move. A program called Edgenuity appeared. Edgenuity is an online system where students who have failed to pass a class can take a test over the course material. If they pass the test, they can receive a passing grade. To pass the course which was not offered, the students needed some personal tutoring from the teacher who did not teach it. Assistance was provided in the form of an unoccupied teacher who apparently sat with the student during the online fill-in-the-blank test and provided… counseling… as required. Voila! Students passed the test over material that had not been assigned, received credit in a course that had not been listed, and were able to graduate on time. A fake class was passed with a fake test, so that fake students could receive a fake diploma. And thus take their place in a productive though perplexing society where they will presumably find real employment. If their luck holds, they might get a job in sales, where the chimera (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/chimera) of need is satisfied by the artifice (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/artifice) of value—for a modest monthly subscription. First month free. Number 1. Moneywise. Small boats abandoned in harbors on West Coast due to high costs. (https://moneywise.com/news/top-stories/abandoned-boats-marina-del-rey-cleanup-costs) For many Californios, that new sailboat had all the attraction of the dream timeshare. Now, with maintenance, barnacles, dock fees, insurance and luxury taxes, it has turned into a budgetary nightmare. There was a time when buying a sailboat meant freedom. Standing at the wheel, salt spray in your face, leaning into the wind, attractive spouse beside you, the Pacific stretching endlessly toward Hawaii. Now you stand in the marina office arguing with a salaried bureaucrat about a slip fee while something green and possibly sentient grows on the bottom of your boat. Currently in Marina del Rey, 100 boats are in various stages of abandonment. Thirty more join the fleet every year. Some owners have discovered a fundamental principle of nautical economics: The boat costs money even when you stop liking boats. Unpaid dock fees can soon exceed the value of the asset. This leads the financially sophisticated yachtsman to the time-honored California solution for an insoluble problem: Walk away and let the taxpayers figure it out. This works well for the former boat owner and his attorney; somewhat less so for the marina. Abandoned vessels now remain tied to docks, deteriorating ungracefully, transitioning inexorably from private recreational asset to public environmental concern. California, fortunately—and predictably—has a government program for this. The Surrendered and Abandoned Vessel Exchange program—SAVE—provides money to dispose of unwanted boats. Los Angeles County received $80,000 from the program two years ago. Last year it received $44,000. At prices approaching $50,000 to dispose of one boat, I think I have identified a potential weakness in the business model. Besides that, there is only one authorized vendor presently removing boats from Marina del Rey. He has a guaranteed career. Thus, California has achieved a perpetual closed-loop economy: A citizen buys something he cannot afford and abandons it; government resolves to remove it but lacks funding; the boat remains where it is. This is a creative twist on sustainability, courtesy of the Left Coast. Perhaps the state could solve the problem by converting the abandoned boats into affordable housing. Don’t laugh. That scratching sound you just heard was somebody in Sacramento writing it down. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, October 9, 2026. It is always good to have a young grandchild in the house for a week. Someone here thought it clever to purchase a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle we could work on together—and which now threatens to transform a scene of pleasant inter-generational cooperation into an obsessive confrontation over what time bedtime is. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way. Have a good weekend! Get full access to Alligator News Roundup at alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe (https://alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

3. 

   2 Oct 2026

   Anti-Fraud Site Shut Down for Fraud | The Alligator News Roundup

   Number 4. RedState. Anti-ICE fraud fund is besieged by fraud. (https://redstate.com/kyle-becker/2026/09/19/minnesotas-anti-ice-fraud-fund-was-just-shut-down-the-reason-couldnt-be-more-ironic-n2207141#google_vignette) I know you were not expecting this, but fraud runs rampant in Minnesota. It is by now no secret that the immigrant community in Minnesota, represented for the most part by those hailing from Somalia, has long been a target of the Trump administration’s crackdown on illegal entry. The Somali position has not been helped by allegations—and outright convictions—of some $9 billion in fraud. The high-profile targets of investigations (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/minnesota-fraud-schemes-what-we-know/) centered on Feeding our Future ($250 million in falsified meal distribution), senior housing, Medicaid, autism, and the highly publicized children’s “Learing Centers” (https://alphanews.org/infamous-quality-learing-center-featured-in-viral-video-officially-closed-state-says/) where no children were found to be present. Besides the fraud furor, or maybe because of it, Minnesotans rallied against the efforts of Immigrations and Customs Enforcement to detain and deport illegal immigrants who had made The Land of 10,000 Lakes their new home. Now that the ICE effort there has largely disappeared from the front page, a new cause célèbre (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cause_c%C3%A9l%C3%A8bre) has taken its place: First, let’s assume that ICE activities had unrighteously damaged some legitimate businesses; Second, let’s give them state money to compensate for federal wrong-doing. Thus was launched the Hennepin County Small Business Recovery Fund (aka Anti-ICE Fraud Fund), supported with two million dollars in grants. Owners whose small business profits had been harmed by the ICE invasion were invited to submit applications for remuneration. Gov. Tim Walz has approved the Fraud Fund grants, admitting that on his watch his state has proven rife with fraud. Now it appears that the Guv was not wrong: Of the 300 Recovery Fund applications received to date, 200 have been deemed fraudulent. The program has been shut down. To add icing to the ICE issue, most of the bogus applications for grant money were deemed to be written by AI agents, not by humans. Fraud site taken down by fraud. I am not sure how much more Orwellian irony (https://completeera.com/george-orwells-masterful-use-of-irony-lessons-from-his-greatest-works/) I can stand. Let’s move on to the next article. Number 3. People. Michigan residents receive new driver’s licenses with wrong photo. (https://people.com/thousands-of-people-in-michigan-report-being-issued-driver-s-licenses-featuring-stranger-s-image-12115267) That last one was so much fun, let’s stay in the upper Midwest. The mundane quadrennial task of renewing a driver’s license was given a bump of adrenaline earlier this month. Some 8,000 Michiganders received their renewed licenses in the mail only to discover someone else’s photo staring back at them from the card. The license also offered a generic birth date—no telling whether that meant an actual date selected at random, or merely a placeholder such as “mm/dd/yyyy”. The reverse of the license includes the place for the driver’s name, but not actually the driver’s name, showing “LASTNAME, FIRSTNAME, MIDDLE”. The organization printing the licenses has been identified as Idemia, and according to my AI source their website claims their software system is “specifically designed to catch issuance errors.” I would validate that, as I do most claims that ChatGPT offers, except at this writing www.idemia.com returns a “This site can’t be reached” message. But, not to worry, the State has a solution: Drivers can simply go to their local DMV—in person—and ask for a temporary printed substitute license. Advance appointments are recommended. Oh boy. But the larger question might be: How did 8,200 licenses get printed with the same generic photo, and then mailed, and no one noticed? So much for the specifically designed software. What follows is a slightly off-color tangent, parents beware. Nothing graphic, but this may require some ‘splainin’ for your young children: In about 1995 I learned there had been a problem printing monthly telephone bills by the Baby Bell which employed me. All bills were of course on hardcopy paper in those pre-TCP/IP days, and were sent through the U.S. Mail. Telephone bills routinely included informational items along with the dreaded invoice for services. In this particular month, there was a one-page insert advertising upgrades to public telephones… the kind of phones that sat in archaic enclosures called telephone booths. (Where Superman changed clothes.) We never called them payphones, as almost everyone did, because that would remind customers that they cost money. No, they were phones graciously made available to the public. When this batch of bills was printed, folded and stuffed into envelopes, one of the clerks designated to oversee the machinery engaged in her usual boring “proofread everything” task… and discovered that “public telephones” had been misspelled. Somebody left the “L” out of “public”. “Stop the presses!” was a shout virtually never heard at the telephone company, but it was on that day. Eventually, the bills, with corrected inserts, went out on time. Number 2. The Gateway Pundit. DSA candidate for U.S. House prepares to represent Mexico in Congress. (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2026/09/socialist-democrat-congressional-candidate-sparks-huge-furor-after/) It is becoming increasingly difficult to be shocked by outrageous politics these days, and this one proves it. Claire Valdez, candidate for U.S. Congress from New York, has declared that when/if she takes office in January, she will be representing Mexico, not the state of New York. Ms. Valdez has bragged publicly about Mexico’s successful fight for independence from Spain in 1811. (I don’t really know the date, but Claire said it was 215 years ago, and that’s what I came up with.) Now, she has declared she will “carry that fight with me to Congress.” Where she will presumably argue for freedom from oppression. To be free from… whom, exactly? From the U.S. Constitution, which created her position? From the Congress, where she will be paid? From the State of New York, which will have sent her there? Probably, her fight is to be free from Donald Trump. Well… give it time. Two years, to be exact, and you’ll be done with him. Claire Valdez is a member of the Democratic Socialists of America, DSA. According to one source (https://www.adl.org/resources/backgrounder/democratic-socialists-america-dsa), they are a small political contingent of 120,000 dues-paying members and about 250 elected officials across the country. Assuming a total of about 500,000 elected offices, that works out to be five-hundredths of one percent of electeds. Not many. Yet. But as I say… give it time. ¡Viva la revolución! Number 1. The Gateway Pundit. X users are inundated with unexpected crypto payouts. (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2026/09/x-users-being-ddosd-money-tens-thousands-dollars/) I understand that on X—which we used to call Twitter, and which some dinosaurs still do, because saying “X” sounds a little too smooth—a user can turn on a feature called X Money. X Money is not cryptocurrency. It is actual money: dollars. Behind those dollars, however, is cryptocurrency. Some X users who have X Money enabled have discovered unexpected deposits in their accounts. And not in small amounts. Peachy Keenan received more than $7,400. A user named Geoff has received more than $17,000. (The $8,000 shown in the headline was only his first payment.) I have no idea who Peachey or Geoff are, but they are real. So is the money. This is a perplexing subject, but here is what I gather is happening: Someone—not Peachy or Geoff—creates a virtual meme coin on a crypto trading platform. The creator can arrange for the trading fees generated by that coin to be sent to a service called UsePaid, and designate an X user to receive most of those fees. A meme coin is something like a senior military officer’s challenge coin, only virtual, tradable… and pretty much pointless. If you wanted one to commemorate your Caribbean vacation, for example, you could create a $VACAY meme coin, decide how many $VACAY coins will exist, and make them available for people to buy and sell. Online platforms make it possible to create one very quickly, at little or no upfront cost. (No one would want to buy one, but put a pin in that and we’ll come back to it.) If somebody buys ten dollars’ worth of $VACAY and tells his friends about it, and they decide this sounds like a fun, whimsical exercise, they can buy some too. If buyers are willing to pay increasingly higher prices for $VACAY, its market price rises. If enthusiasm disappears and sellers outnumber buyers, the price falls. All this trading creates fees, which is what UsePaid handles. UsePaid doesn’t actually sell the meme coin. Instead, it collects creator fees that have been directed to it. Eighty percent of those fees can be designated for an X account. UsePaid converts that share into dollars and sends the money to the designated person through X Money. The other 20 percent is used to buy and destroy—or “burn”—UsePaid’s own $PAID token. (The burn thing is fairly obscure, but let’s go with it.) When an X Money account is slammed with deposits, tech nerds have taken to calling it a DDOS event—for Distributed Denial of Service, an unpleasant tactic whereby thousands of phone calls are directed to a targeted business as a way of protesting some corporate policy. It effectively ties up the firm’s phone service and makes them unable to communicate with real customers. Now here is the absurd part: The person receiving the trading fees does not have to create the meme coin, or buy the meme coin, or even know the meme coin exists. This has prompted some X users to fantasize about receiving hordes of crypto money. A user named CassandraRules posted on X: “Please DDOS me!” In a short time she saw deposits of $174. Sources unknown. This is a practice which most of us barely understand, except that the phenomenon creates absolutely no value in society. It is not exactly gambling, but is probably a cousin. Or not… the one who benefits has risked nothing. So DON’T ANYONE create an Alligator News Roundup meme coin called, say, $GATOR, and certainly DO NOT designate the trade fees to my X account. (My handle there, incidentally, is @GhormleyCurt.) It probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. Late-breaking news (https://www.tradingview.com/news/u_today:fdd179e36094b:0-usepaid-pauses-x-money-payouts-after-1-54m-fee-surge-from-pump-fun-launches/) is that UsePaid has suspended the service for a time. Probably while the SEC or some other three-letter-agency investigates. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, October 2, 2026. If you have had difficulty finding this publication on Substack (a complaint I have often heard), I recently simplified the URL. Just put this in your browser’s address field: alligatorroundup.substack.com Yes, there are two R’s back-to-back. It’s the best I can do with the addresses available. But for most of us, simply forwarding the email to your friends (who are dying to hear the commentary, but may not know it yet) will probably suffice. Have a good weekend! Get full access to Alligator News Roundup at alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe (https://alligatorroundup.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

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