Backslider Diaries is a raw, honest, and sometimes darkly funny podcast about growing up Pentecostal — and breaking away. Hosted by two preacher’s kids, this show dives into the stories of religious trauma, bizarre church experiences, and life inside (and outside) the world of Pentecostalism. From cult-like control to personal liberation, they unpack the strange, the spiritual, and the scars — while also exploring other corners of religious culture and cults and the wider world through the lens of those who’ve lived it. A podcast for ex-Christians, atheists, agnostics, & anyone deconstructing.
Hymns, Hooks, and Head Games: The Psychology of Church Music
From saccharine choruses to mind-bending repetition, discover how church music worms its way into your brain… and keeps you coming back for more.
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight ( • Video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)) 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues ( • Video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)) 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa1BDUkxsNDltX2F6RGhiZXgwLWwyeDU5VmZYQXxBQ3Jtc0trLXFPY0VpUFNveUd1a3RtekpVRGJoS1Q0c3JSLUY0ODJUd0h4MUNfNHNhVW1paGNLSkxOZmlPZUlUMXdXZFdSczVIaXJuTzA0SDZlUUFLOVJ0ZG5tamJYSWsyNF9NRFBUaHJ0MTFNR2V0dGR1WlZkcw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fadultchildren.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbm5LMDRGcjJPb1FGaDE2c1NCcFFFV0Yxc3BIUXxBQ3Jtc0ttelBpaDRxNXRKOEU1bWtpVWlFVmNmUl9RTEloTHoxbWt5eXlHWEVqOFdWUkFaajhPVE9FYnA3VUtYSE9Gc3VkdEs1MTNkOWNaRDItaDVNM25ZTVBWU3gwMDd3cUxoTW5zZ2RpOE9IZnB2OW1MazRsWQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fffrf.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI)
Paulogia Podcast: / paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia%E2%81%A0Matt)
Matt Dillahunty: / @sansdeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity%E2%81%A0)
#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #ToxicMasculinity #ChristianNationalism #churchhurt
1 Aug 2025
Are You Man Enough For God
What does it mean to "be a man" in evangelical culture? In this episode, T and Lance unpack the suffocating gender expectations placed on boys and men in the church—where strength means silence, doubt is weakness, and spiritual leadership is always male. From purity culture to the "biblical manhood" narrative, we examine how these ideals distort identity, repress emotion, and alienate anyone who doesn’t fit the mold. It's time to ask: Who benefits from these rules—and who gets left behind?
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight ( • Video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)) 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues ( • Video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)) 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa1BDUkxsNDltX2F6RGhiZXgwLWwyeDU5VmZYQXxBQ3Jtc0trLXFPY0VpUFNveUd1a3RtekpVRGJoS1Q0c3JSLUY0ODJUd0h4MUNfNHNhVW1paGNLSkxOZmlPZUlUMXdXZFdSczVIaXJuTzA0SDZlUUFLOVJ0ZG5tamJYSWsyNF9NRFBUaHJ0MTFNR2V0dGR1WlZkcw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fadultchildren.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbm5LMDRGcjJPb1FGaDE2c1NCcFFFV0Yxc3BIUXxBQ3Jtc0ttelBpaDRxNXRKOEU1bWtpVWlFVmNmUl9RTEloTHoxbWt5eXlHWEVqOFdWUkFaajhPVE9FYnA3VUtYSE9Gc3VkdEs1MTNkOWNaRDItaDVNM25ZTVBWU3gwMDd3cUxoTW5zZ2RpOE9IZnB2OW1MazRsWQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fffrf.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI)
Paulogia Podcast: / paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia%E2%81%A0Matt)
Matt Dillahunty: / @sansdeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity%E2%81%A0)
#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #ToxicMasculinity #ChristianNationalism #churchhurt
24 Jul 2025
Deconstrucing And It Feels So Good
T, J, and Lance — three former Pentecostal preacher’s kids — unpack how religious upbringing still shapes their lives today. From trust issues and emotional avoidance to feeling like love was always conditional and relationships were transactional.
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)
🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)
🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://ffrf.org)
Paulogia Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia)
Matt Dillahunty: https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity)
#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #Deconstruction #FaithHealing #RecoveringFromReligion #ChurchHurt
12 Jul 2025
The First Time
The Backslider Diaries – The First Time
In this episode, we dive headfirst into all our firsts — first concert, first kiss, first drug, first time getting in trouble, and more. These moments shaped who we were before the unraveling. It’s raw, real, and maybe a little reckless. From awkward teen memories to spiritual confusion, it’s all part of the journey of leaving behind the lies we were raised in.
Featuring clips, vibes, and nods to:
🎸 Guns N' Roses – "Sweet Child O' Mine"😱 Darth Vader – “NOOOO!”🕊️ George Michael – "Freedom!"🙏 R.E.M. – "Losing My Religion"🗣️ Kendrick Lamar🎶 Too $hort – "Don't Fight the Feeling"🌊 Billy “Crash” Craddock – "Rub It In"✈️ The Move – "Do Ya"🐢 Sturgill Simpson – "Turtles All the Way Down"🔥 Nine Inch Nails – "The Only Time"🌾 Rev. Horton Heat – "Bales of Cocaine"💔 Bright Eyes – "First Day of My Life"🤘 Beastie Boys – "Fight For Your Right"💋 Salt-N-Pepa – "Push It"💃 George Michael – "Faith"👟 Kenny Loggins – "Footloose"😂 Eddie Murphy – Delirious💀 The Toadies – "Backslider"🍿 Friday (The Movie) - 🐢 Sturgill Simpson – Turtles All the Way Down
🌐 Resources:
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)
🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)
🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://ffrf.org)
Paulogia Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia)
Matt Dillahunty: https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity)
#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #Deconstruction#RecoveringFromReligion #FaithShouldntHurt #ChurchHurt
2 Jul 2025
Spare The Rod
In this raw and necessary episode of The Backslider Diaries, T , J, and Lance sit down to unpack the difficult reality of abuse within faith communities. From personal experience and broader patterns, we break down the many faces of religious harm—childhood abuse, sexual misconduct, grooming, physical and emotional control, financial exploitation, and cultural manipulation. No sugarcoating. No excuses. Just truth. If you've ever felt gaslit, silenced, or shamed in the name of God—this conversation is for you. Because faith should never be a weapon.
⚠️ Content warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics including various forms of abuse. Listener discretion is advised.
🌐 Resources:
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)
🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)
🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://ffrf.org)
Paulogia Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia)
Matt Dillahunty: https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity)
#Abuse #Deconstruction #exevangelical #RecoveringFromReligion #FaithShouldntHurt #ChurchHurt
25 Jun 2025
Miracles, Money & Manipulation
They promised healing. They delivered a show. In this episode, we dive into the dark underbelly of faith healing—where staged miracles, emotional exploitation, and spiritual manipulation rake in millions. From televangelist theatrics to tent revival cons, we expose how desperate people are preyed upon in the name of God. This isn't just deception—it's a system built on false hope and fat wallets.
We talk the grift, the guilt, and the god-complex behind miracle ministries—and why the truth is often buried under a mountain of money and microphones.
Big Bob Tilton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IzpRSKqW2M(Excerpt ) Peter Popoff exposed in Aron Ranen's Documentary Film "Television Believers"https://youtu.be/IwfGRHINJUA?si=5gbfAdZEeq7mX_66Marjo Documentaryhttps://youtu.be/s-NwKD9laZw?si=5eqpCK5qNacgMp8s🎵
🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: Black Valley Fight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE)
🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: Monochrome Blues (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw)
🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://adultchildren.org (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion Foundation: https://ffrf.org (https://ffrf.org)
Paulogia Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/paulogia (https://www.youtube.com/paulogia)
Matt Dillahunty: https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity (https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity)
#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #SpiritualAbuse #Deconstruction #FaithHealing #ChurchHurt
19 Jun 2025
Families Divided-MAGA & the Cult of Personality
In this one, we dive into how political polarization—especially the rise of MAGA ideology—has created rifts in families across the U.S., and how it's become closely tied with modern evangelical culture. We share stories of strained relationships, lost connections, and the emotional cost of navigating belief systems that collide at the dinner table
🌐 Resources:
Adult Children of Alcoholics (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion (https://ffrf.org/)
#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #SpiritualAbuse #Deconstruction #MAGACult #ChurchHurt
6 Jun 2025
Coming Out
Growing Up LGBTQ+ in a Pentecostal Church
In this episode of The Backslider Diaries, our guest shares their powerful story of growing up queer in a strict Pentecostal household — and what it was like coming out not only to their preacher father and deeply religious family, but also to their wife and close friends.
We dive into the weight of religious expectations, internal conflict, and the path to self-acceptance after years of repression. This is a story about identity, truth, and the cost of living authentically.
If you've ever questioned who you are in the face of rigid belief systems, this one’s for you.
🌐 Resources:
Adult Children of Alcoholics (https://adultchildren.org) – for support, healing, and recovery
Freedom From Religion (https://ffrf.org/)
#ChurchAbuse #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #LGBTQ #Deconstruction #ChurchHurt
14 May 2025
S1E3 Narcissists in the Pulpit. A look at the "God Told Me" Complex
In this episode, we unpack the dangerous blend of narcissism and spiritual authority often found in evangelical pulpits. What happens when a leader claims divine direction to justify control, manipulation, or abuse? We explore the “God told me” complex—how it silences dissent, elevates ego, and blurs the line between faith and fanaticism. Drawing from personal stories, psychology, and cultural trends, we examine the warning signs of spiritual narcissism and why so many are walking away from toxic authority in search of truth.
12 May 2025
The Backslider Diaries Season 1 Episode 2
In this episode of the Backslider Diaries, hosts T and J delve into their experiences growing up in a Pentecostal environment, exploring themes of religious trauma, purity culture, and the healing power of music. J discusses her deconstruction. They discuss the complexities of family dynamics, the journey of self-discovery, and the importance of questioning beliefs. The conversation highlights the impact of their upbringing on their adult lives and relationships, emphasizing the need for authenticity and the courage to challenge ingrained beliefs.
9 May 2025
The Backslider Diaries Season 1 Episode 1
Episode 1: Welcome to the Backslider Diaries
In our very first episode, we introduce ourselves — two preacher’s kids who grew up deep in the world of Pentecostalism. We share our personal stories of faith, fear, and finally, freedom. From speaking in tongues to strict church rules, and the moments that made us question everything, this is the beginning of our journey into unpacking the wild, weird, and often painful world we came from. Whether you’re a fellow backslider, still in the pews, or just curious, this is where the story starts.1luAnwJrpA3Nf9ntgLFQ
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