The Gay Relationship Podcast

About The Gay Relationship Podcast

Hosted by gay sex and relationship therapist and published author Tom Bruett, this show dives deep into what it really means to be in relationship with yourself and others as a gay, queer, or trans person today. Each episode features candid conversations with leading experts in psychology, sex therapy, wellness, culture, and LGBTQIA2S+ lived experience. Together, we explore the complexities of queer love, intimacy, identity, and connection - without shame, without scripts, and without pretending we have it all figured out. If you’re craving smarter, braver, more honest conversations about what it means to build and sustain authentic queer relationships, you’re in the right place.

Publisher

Tom Bruett

Category

education

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

19 Dec 2025

Latest episode

8 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

1 of 48 episodes have a transcript.

1. 

   8 Oct 2026

   The Hidden Ways We Escape Stress, Shame & Anxiety | Interview with David Olem

   What if the way you cope with stress could change how you experience your life—even when you can’t change the situation itself? In this episode, psychotherapist and coach David Olem joins Tom to explore stress, coping, self-compassion, and the small practices that can help us find more joy and resilience in difficult times. David draws on more than 26 years of clinical and research experience, including his work at UCSF’s Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, to explain the different ways we cope with stress. He distinguishes between problem-focused coping, distraction, and more present-focused forms of emotional coping, emphasizing that no coping strategy is inherently “good” or “bad.” The key is developing flexibility and noticing when a strategy that once helped us starts creating new problems. For queer people, these patterns can be especially complicated. David explores how shame, bullying, family rejection, and other negative messages can shape the ways we seek comfort, escape, belonging, and relief. He shares a powerful story about quitting smoking and learning to see setbacks as wins, offering a compassionate alternative to the self-judgment that can keep us stuck. David also introduces practical tools from his book, Seeing the Whole of the Moon: A Guide to Finding Your Joy Even in Stressful Times, including RAIN meditation and the “positive moment” exercise. By noticing small moments of joy, feeling them in the body, and asking what we can do to create more of them, we can gradually build new patterns of resilience—one small shift at a time. About David: David Olem is a psychotherapist, coach and researcher dedicated to helping people build resilience and reduce stress. For 26 years at UCSF, he developed and delivered brief therapies that improved emotional and physical health in underserved communities with a particular focus on the LGBTQ communities. He now maintains a therapy and coaching practice in San Francisco, specializing in anxiety and stress management. David's work blends deep clinical experience with a commitment to practical, accessible tools that support everyday wellbeing. Connect with David: Website: davidolem.com (http://davidolem.com) Book: https://thewholemoon.com/ (https://thewholemoon.com/) Instagram: whole_ofthemoon Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com (http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com) Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 (https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5) Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards (https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards)

2. 

   1 Oct 2026

   Addiction, Trauma & the Path to Recovery in the Queer Community | Interview with Araya Baker

   What happens when substance use becomes a way of coping with trauma, loneliness, and the stress of being queer in a world that can still be deeply rejecting? Tom welcomes therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher Araya Baker back to the podcast for a conversation about addiction, recovery, and substance use in queer communities. Araya discusses the connections between family rejection, discrimination, trauma, and addiction, and why substance use can sometimes become a way to numb experiences that feel impossible to escape. They explore the importance of community and storytelling in recovery, the challenges of asking for help when you've learned to be self-sufficient, and why recovery doesn't always happen in a straight line. The conversation also looks at addiction within relationships, including codependency, blurred boundaries, rescuing, and the ways partners can unintentionally delay change. Araya discusses resources including AA, Al-Anon, harm reduction, and SMART Recovery, while emphasizing that not everyone is ready (or medically able) to stop using substances abruptly. Tom and Araya also explore the impact of growing up in households affected by addiction, loneliness among queer people, and the intersection of substance use and sex, including chemsex. Throughout the conversation, they return to the importance of reducing shame, increasing access to support, understanding the roots of addiction, and creating more honest, informed conversations about recovery in queer communities. About Araya: Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed., Ed.M. is a therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher. As a therapist, Araya supports individuals and couples navigating concerns around addiction, aging, cancer, disability, family estrangement, grief and trauma, life purpose and self-actualization, neurodivergence, prejudice and racism, relationships, reproductive health and family-building, and sexual health and HIV. For over a decade, Araya has leveraged writing to promote lifelong learning and democratize access to applied critical theory/social philosophy beyond academia. Their social commentary and public scholarship have been featured in The Washington Post, HuffPost, Psychology Today, Teen Vogue, EdPost, Vice, Buzzfeed, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, and myriad indie/regional outlets. Araya earned an Ed.M. in Human Development from Harvard as an Equity Fellow, an M.Phil.Ed. in Counseling from the University of Pennsylvania, where they received the Award for Excellence in Promoting Diversity & Inclusion, and a B.A. in English from Tufts, where they were a Tisch Scholar and engaged African & Caribbean literature, Black Arts Movement poetry, queer Black feminism, gospel music, Southern studies, and Swahili. Connect with Araya: Website: arayabaker.com (http://arayabaker.com) Instagram: @arayabaker YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker (https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker) Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com (http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com) Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 (https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5) Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards (https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards)

3. 

   24 Sept 2026

   Are You Your Own Worst Critic? Self-Love for Gay Men | Interview with James Guay, LMFT

   What does it actually take to move from self-hatred toward self-love? In this episode, Tom talks with James Guay, LMFT, about the lifelong process of building a healthier relationship with ourselves as gay men. James explores how internalized homophobia, family and societal expectations, perfectionism, body image, workaholism, people-pleasing, and self-betrayal can all become ways of rejecting ourselves, even when we don't consciously think of ourselves as self-critical. Rather than treating self-love as a destination, he describes a gradual movement toward tolerance, neutrality, acceptance, and eventually greater care and friendship with ourselves. The conversation also looks at James's own journey, including the role of therapy, relationships, gymnastics, hiking, and reconnecting with his inner child. Nature has become a particularly meaningful space for him to practice mindfulness, listen to his body, let go of expectations, and reconnect with a sense of spirituality after difficult religious experiences. Tom and James also discuss masculinity, aging, social media, community healing, and the pressure gay men can feel to look, live, and succeed a certain way. Ultimately, James offers a hopeful message: self-worth isn't something we have to earn, and learning to know ourselves, honor our needs, set boundaries, and live more authentically is a lifelong process. About James: James Guay, LMFT, is a psychotherapist with three decades of experience helping people develop greater self-compassion, authenticity, and more fulfilling relationships. As a gay man and survivor of conversion therapy, James brings both personal and professional perspectives to his work around LGBTQ+ identity, shame, relationships, and self-acceptance. A former competitive gymnast and NCAA All-American, James has also explored his own evolving relationship with achievement, identity, and self-worth. These days, he's an avid hiker and backpacker who finds in nature a powerful way to reconnect with himself and what matters most. Connect with James: Website: https://www.livingmorefully.com/ (https://www.livingmorefully.com/) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamesguaylmft/ (https://www.instagram.com/jamesguaylmft/) YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@LivingMoreFully (https://www.youtube.com/@LivingMoreFully) Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com (http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com) Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 (https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5) Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards (https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards)

Inside a recent episode

Surviving the AIDS Crisis & Healing Through Art - an interview with Mickie Kennedy

Published 2 Apr 2026 · Transcript excerpt

[…] And, you know, it's, I don't regret it. But it came at a great cost. Well, you've taken, uh, I mean, I often say that we lost an entire generation of gay men and we did, and you're describing it and the kind of ripple effects of that and how people have collected things and, you know, people don't trust sexuality and, um, we don't have elders that we can look up to for like, how do we, how do we figure this out? Right? Who's done this before? And you've taken all of that angst and trauma and you've turned it into art. And I wonder how it is for you to reflect on that now. I feel it's important to record this and that people realize what it was like then. […]

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

4 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

2 ratings

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Books guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.

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