30 Nov 2022
#38 What is Your Story? Stepping Out of Your Narrative
Today, Kristen and Becky discuss our personal narratives or the stories that we tell ourselves that run our lives. We can step out of the story, AND that takes some work. On the other side of the story is the unknown, which can make it difficult or daunting to even want to go there.
Author Debbie Ford used to be on Oprah often and she wrote many books about the shadow and our story, one of which is called: "The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." There is a quote from this book and it says: "The deeper truth is that I have a story, but I am not my story."
Our story begins with our beliefs and our conditioning as children. In order to survive we create a story because as children, our inner critic takes over and reminds us every time we fail or mess up in some way. Then, we start to see the "proof" of our story in all our life experiences. We grow up living out the story more and more.
When you have thoughts that create your behaviors and your patterns, it creates an identity or the story you are living in. You CAN shift out of the story and start walking down a different pathway.
It's important to be able to step back and ask ourselves what the beliefs and stories are and also ask how they are really serving us. You really need to be aware of the story first and foremost.
You have been living in the story of your family for generations even before you are born, is when you are born, you already are inundated with the messages about who you have to be in the family what role you have to play, so this role and story you are in is already mapped out for you. You are already stuck in the story right off the bat. And this is the only identity you know, so it's just safer to stay in the story you are comfortable in. For instance, it keeps you safe believing that you have to measure up by doing x,y, or z to earn love. A lot of it can be about "I am not worthy unless I am doing this..."
The story keeps growing as we continue to "prove" to ourselves that we are not good enough in some way. The world just continues to reflect back to you the story you believe in.
This is how you start to notice your thoughts: by noticing your life experience being reflected back at you.
The story might be a horrible one, but it has kept you alive since you were little. And now, if you want to change it, you certainly can.
Once you realize that you have a choice, that is when you are able to make the change. Self-awareness is huge, and sifting through your beliefs and your needs that were not met as a child helps you start to be able to move onto a new neuropathway and to have the choice to do so.
This might all sound hard and negative but the cool part about it is that it is very empowering to be able to change your life in this way. You can feel so disempowered when you are in situations where you continue to get abused, lied to, or losing jobs.
These stories are lies. They are not the truth about who we are. Our brains try to protect us and keep us alive by telling us to stay small and to not get hurt. It can keep us in hiding. Once you become aware of the beliefs, they can loosen and be replaced by healthier beliefs.
It's about creating the life that you want. People often want to be loved but when they have to opportunity to be loved by themselves or others, it can actually be very frightening. And this can keep someone stuck because people often believe that they aren't worthy enough to be loved. This can keep you in self-sabotage mode.
When you decide to change your family's story, you are living in your power. Then your children have a chance not to do the dysfunctional things that you and your family have done for generations. This is, quite literally, how we change the world. If we all change ourselves--our beliefs, our patterns, and our stories and we start having new experiences that prove to us that we are living a better life, that...
