Tim and Tristan Haze discuss underbellies, Sonic's spikes, Hog Heaven, Hausmannisation of Paris, and coffee cooling gradients in this season finale episode.
13 Jun 2025
Episode 18 - Quick Announcement
Host Tim shares a brief anecdote about Episode 18, offering listeners a glimpse into its potential content.
27 May 2025
Episode 17 - Picture This: We Were Both Butt Naked, Bangin' On The Bathroom Floor
Hosts Tim and Tristan discuss fears, yoyos, and cats, revealing humorous anecdotes and observations about everyday life in this episode.
20 May 2025
Episode 16 (with Nathan Hugh Robért) - Susan Sontag the Hedgehog
Stand up comedian Nathan Hugh Robért (NHR) tells us all about how he broke up with his first girlfriend three times. We talk about the time Tristan and a friendlicked a businessman on the way home during their first year at uni. NHR recites a beautiful ham poem about a particular type of ham he's been buying from a local butcher. It features the line 'If the ham was an actor, it would be Ashton Kutcher'.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.comNathan Hugh Robért on Instagram.
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
13 May 2025
Episode 15 - Nobody Puts Piglet in the Corner
This week we allude to the podcast, Tim explains New Caledonia, the fact that Piglet wears a pink jumper is pointed out lest anyone mistake that for part of his raw body, and we encounter a robot voice issue around 31 minutes in. I'm Lovin' It! Subway.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
6 May 2025
Episode 14 (with Freddie Arthur) - Animals on Trial
Freddie Arthur (stand up comedian, Raw National Finalist 2025) tells us some very interesting things about various legal cases from the olden days involving pigs, a donkey, chickens, and a swarm of insects. We're all entities here.
'When they caught up to him [some man], he was a goat.' Did they really catch up to him then? (I don't think so.)
We discuss whether Sonic the Hedgehog is a fox, talk about going in the cupboard, and have a bit of fruit toast. Tim is the biographer and he also tells us a joke about interstate polling centres that is really good.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Freddie on Instagram
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
29 Apr 2025
Episode 13 - Just Tink, Jamothy Chalamet!
We like to find the ultimate segment around here. We finalise the Shoutout Pantheon, Tim's language nerd comes out yet again and we begin to construct a new language. Sah ranch bipbipbip, sah ranch bapbapbap. (You throw around bird, you throw around dog.) No one's holding a gun to your head, get in the goldilocks zone!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
22 Apr 2025
Episode 12 - This Is Shopping
Tim describes a series of crimes he committed as an extremely young boy and then we get to work. Sea-based guns, stopped clocks, a portal between the Gilmore Girls and Sopranos universes—all of these things come up for discussion in this episode if I'm honest. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
15 Apr 2025
Episode 11 - Champing at the Blinkers
or, Playing Chicken with the Guys. We talk about the time they tried to make a Sonic movie but he looked like a little freak. Also coming in for the Ultimate Segment treatment are lamb jarmalade, Lambothy Charlemagne, and how a mouse in need is a mouse indeed. All before entering The Microcosm. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
Comedian Bea Barbeau-Scurla joins us to talk running without breathing, not explaining your behaviour, crushing vs. merging in mobile games, and whether Sonic is ham-related. Tim and I interrupt Bea frequently with puns and she becomes rude to us toward the end of the episode. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Bea on Instagram
Bea's Wednesday night comedy room Grub
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
1 Apr 2025
Episode 9 - The Modern Navy
We talk about the time of "8 midnight", how Sonic dyes himself blue, sparkling water bombs, the Modern Navy, and a cafe called Aye Aye Captain on a naval base. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim is in a Melbourne Comedy Festival lineup show on Friday April 4, Lord Give Us Laughs, featuring comics from religious backgrounds.
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
25 Mar 2025
Episode 8 - A Pre-Emptive Strike Against the Sun
I don't understand what is going on with the show anymore. Tim seems distracted. We introduce a new segment, something about toast. There's a technical hitch. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
19 Mar 2025
Episode 7 - Sonic's Burrow
After a more private affair in the form of Episode 6, the boys return to public life with a bang. Trying to stop us now would be like trying to put mouse cream back in the tube. We discuss how our predator is a tiger, the song 'I Believe I Can Fly', Earl Grey and much much more.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
11 Mar 2025
Episode 5 - Who Am Office Mouse Cream?
The boys really get into their work on this episode. Tim is on the spreadsheet. Wildebeest and electromagnetism come in for discussion.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
4 Mar 2025
Episode 4 - And the Chinese Chicken
Your hosts are at sea, constructing a vessel which may lead to a vessel bound for the Ultimate Segment. Tristan downloads a composition from heaven, emotions run high at the end, and Sonic the Hedgehog fans take note: you're going to want to listen to this one.
Rate and subscribe on your favourite podcast. Write into the show with any drivel you like ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
25 Feb 2025
Episode 3 - Difficult Third Albumen
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment. We get into The Sex Festival, carry out some meta-admin, indulge in some egg chat, and classify Pluto.
Write into the show with anything you think might be germane to the quest: ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
17 Feb 2025
Episode 2 - Little Detailed Head Pains
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment. Tune in for the perfunctory introductory banter, stay for a delirious USB-socket-plug-conversion anecdote.
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
Festival show tickets:
Fancy Feast: Rundle Mall - Tristan Haze & Christina Schmidt split bill @ Adelaide Fringe, (Feb 21 - 23)
Absolute Drip Drop - Tristan solo show @ Adelaide (Feb 24)
Cabanossi Primary - Tristan at MICF (Apr 10 - 12)
17 Feb 2025
Episode 1 - The Perfect Podcast
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment.
Tim on Instagram
Tristan on Instagram
Festival show tickets:
Fancy Feast: Rundle Mall - Tristan Haze & Christina Schmidt split bill @ Adelaide Fringe, (Feb 21 - 23)
Absolute Drip Drop - Tristan solo show @ Adelaide (Feb 24)
Cabanossi Primary - Tristan at MICF (Apr 10 - 12)
Podcast Authority Score: 18 / 100
A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.
Quality
18
Social presence
91
YouTube
0
Engagement
0
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