Wathnail Rovers

About Wathnail Rovers

Brian Buttle, the outspoken Chairman of struggling Yorkshire club Wathnail Rovers hosts this football comedy podcast. Follow the trials and tribulations of the League Two side and hear the views of Brian and his trusty sidekick Colin Crippen on all things Football. From the Premier league to top guest appearances from the likes of Harry Redknapp, Jose Mourinho and David Beckham, you'll find it all at Wathnail. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

Publisher

John Wakeland Holmes

Category

comedy · sports

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

7 Nov 2014

Latest episode

22 Jul 2022

Latest episodes

14 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   22 Jul 2022

   David Beckham visits Wathnail

   The Beckham’s visit to Wathnail was the biggest thing that has happened to this club since that fateful moment when in the dying minutes of the 1969 season Bobby Slade slipped the ball past Villa goalie John Dunn to secure promotion to the old first division. That was without doubt the happiest moment of my life, but this, this visit from not just one superstar but two, almost, almost, equalled it. What a pleasure to see David and Victoria and their young son Romeo (well not so much the lad if I’m honest).David naturally arrived in the style you’d expect of him, no Premiership Aston rep-mobile Martin for David, no, he roll’s up in a 55 Studebaker convertible, midnight blue with white wall tyres. The both of them, they have that ability to show off wealth with effortless ease, how it should be done (unlike Alan Sugar and his pimp-mobile Rolls, they are like royalty in that respect, never vulgar, always classy.Now the whole town realises full well that they would never have come here apart from the TV programme that David was involved in but that did nothing to dampen the genuine warmth the town showed our golden couple. Local schools declared a half-day holiday, folk from all around lined the route and cheered for all their worth.David took a real interest in the club, so eager to get out onto our pitch and rifle a penalty passed yours truly. Afterward they both them met with local dignitaries, club staff, players and their families for a luxury buffet in the club bar. Although, for reasons I’d rather not divulge I did regrettably have miss the buffet. I did hear however, on the grapevine, that although all our lot’s WAG’S tried desperately to outshine Vicky, she easily saw off the opposition without ever needing to get out of even first gear, well done lass!In all they spent nearly two hours at the club. A large photograph of myself sandwiched between the pair of them mounted in a nice gold frame now has pride of place on my desk, alongside the one of me and Bobby on a victory lap around Villa Park that day in 69. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

2. 

   22 Jul 2022

   Roman Heartache

   Love can strike in the most unlikely of circumstances, and so it was for Wathnail Rovers acting club chairman Brian Buttle when on a recent business trip to the Italian Dolomites. Brian went to Italy with the sole intention of securing the return of former club manager Luigi Lambrini, little did he expect that what he’d actually find was love.....amoure. A chance overnight stay in the Hotel Pirlo situated adjacent to the town piazza is where he met her, Isadora, a woman who was to re-light the flame within him, a flame he’d imagined long extinguished. Brian returned home completely smitten and with a steely determination that he and his new love should start a new life together. However there was one major obstacle to his dream in the formidable shape of Mrs Buttle. A divorce would be messy and ultimately he knew very costly for him, but he had to do something, he couldn’t just let her go. Lambrini Returns! Good cheer for all Wathnail fans, OK so it’s not actually Luigi who is coming back to Rovers as club manager but his twin brother Carlo. We here at Wathnail are all convinced that Carlo can emulate the success that his brother enjoyed at his short stint at the club when we actually made the League Two play offs. Carlo’s immediate aim is to go one better and to guide the club to automatic promotion in his first year, we of course all wish him well in his quest and here’s hoping Carlo! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

3. 

   30 Jan 2017

   The Italian Manager.

   Episode 1. With Rovers climbing the League under new ownership and the inspirational leadership of a young Italian manager Luigi Lambrini, what could possibly go wrong? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

4. 

   28 Dec 2015

   Election Night

   Brian is forced to resign his Chairmanship of the football club amid the impending release from a Malaysian jail of club owner Tony Chu Fat. However when one door closes another often opens and the untimely death of the sitting local MP presents Brian with the opportunity of selection as the Conservative party candidate to contest the by-election. Can Brian wrest the Labour stronghold of Wathnail & the Bythers away from his Socialist opponent? Tory central office have written off any chance of taking the seat, but Brian is nothing if not resourceful. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

5. 

   9 Nov 2015

   Ray Winstone Podcast

   Wathnail club Chairman Brian Buttle falls foul of a dangerous gangster when his nephew's gambling debts spiral out of control. Will he fight fire with fire? Or will he give way to this vicious gangland hoodlum? As ever faithful sidekick Colin Crippen is on hand with some useful 'advice'. Listen to see if the pair of them can get to grips with a Geezer who might be big screen brooding tough guy Ray Winstone, or might not be! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

6. 

   19 Sept 2015

   Divine Help

   With their beloved Wathnail teetering on the brink of relegation out of the football league, Brian and Colin are forced into ever more desperate efforts to avoid playing in the Conference. The boys pay a visit to Wathnails foremost Spiritualist Medium, Madame Platypus, in the hope that her guidance may help them turn around the clubs fortunes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

7. 

   14 Jul 2015

   Match Fixing

   Match fixingA couple of years back Wathnail became embroiled in a spurious match fixing scandal involving a heavy defeat we suffered in a First Round FA cup match.The team had been drawn against non-league opposition and the game became the focus of some large and irregular betting, particularly in the Far East. Alarm bells began to ring when we were hammered 5-0 at home by Ramsbottom United and our own Brian Buttle was summoned to Lancaster Gate to appear before a hastily convened panel. Whilst it was true that it was a heavy and humiliating defeat, we were in fact totally exonerated by the FA.It appears that the Yorkshire posts celebrated investigative journalist Roger Spittle MBE had jumped the gun somewhat and his sources proved far less reliable than he had thought. Wathnail Rovers football club has complete confidence in its Chairman Brian Buttle, a man of integrity and impeccable credentials. We completely and utterly refute any suggestion that our club were ever involved in anything shady and will always strive to see that the ‘Beautiful Game’ remains clean. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

8. 

   9 May 2015

   Football Comedy Podcast

   Every football club has a bogey team, a side that for no explicable reason you just cannot seem to beat. Sometimes the Hoodoo will continue on for year after year, the hill getting steeper and steeper each time you face them until eventually it feels more like a mountain. For Wathnail Rovers it has always been the infamous Rochdale curse. Rochdale could have put out their reserve team, youth team or even their ‘legends’ team and still win. In fact Rovers had never beaten them, in 75 prior meetings, Rochdale winning over sixty of the games and drawing the rest. Faced with a crucially important league game at Spotlands a couple of years back, Chairman Brian Buttle decided on a drastic measure to try and break the jinx and enlisted the help of a local celebrated medium/healer Madame Platypus. No one really knows what it was she conjured up that day, but the Rovers side that took to the pitch showed such steely determination and purpose to finally bury the curse for good. Are there really such things as curses? Surely they are no more than statistical coincidence? Did Mdme P break the Hoodoo? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

9. 

   11 Apr 2015

   The Big Match

   Wathnail Rovers are in the deep shit. Facing a crucial home league game against bottom club Hartlepool United, caretaker manager Colin Crippen is desperate for a result. With ‘Pool’ coming into form in recent weeks and Rovers sliding alarmingly, the match is all set to be a crucial ‘six pointer. The clubs big signing former premier league star Alphonso DeFabian is struggling with his fitness and doubtful for the game.Sensing that the team are going to need a huge performance from their talisman, club chairman Brian Buttle hatches an elaborate plot to fool the player into lining up for the game. Can Wathnail grab the all important three points? Will Alphonso last the full 90 minutes? And more importantly just how will this infamously bad tempered enigma of a man react when he finds out that he has in fact been duped?Find out the answers below, listen to The Big Match. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

10. 

    3 Mar 2015

    Greatest Team Talk

    With Rovers trailing Plymouth Argyle 3-0 at half time it was left to interim Manager Colin Crippen to inspire a team lacking confidence and direction. What followed was in the opinion of Talksports Dennis Collymore probably the greatest half time team talk ever. The rest is now history, destined for the annals as one of the greatest sporting comebacks of all time. Wathnail Rovers won the game 7-3, a Charlie Toucan second half hat-trick being the highlight.Collymore afterwards describing that second half display as footballing poetry, he was left waxing lyrical on Colin Crippens motivational skills. The pundit is now tipping the new Wathnail boss for greater things including a likely move to a high profile side come the close season. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

11. 

    1 Feb 2015

    Cats Funeral

    The Cats Funeral took place last Wednesday at Wathnail Parish Church, he passed away peacefully in his sleep after a short illness. Patrick Kapengwe will be sadly missed in the town and I want to thank all of you for your messages of condolences and all of your tributes left outside the ground expressing your deep sorrow at the sad news. However knowing Patrick as I did I am certain he would have been absolutely thrilled at the turnout on Wednesday, the big names from the game who attended astonished even me, and I am not easily astonished. We had ex-managers, fellow goalkeepers, big name players and at least a couple of what I’d term true superstars of the game, men who if they were still playing now would be almost priceless. Patrick was cremated as per his wishes and I also read a short eulogy at the end of the service, afterwards most of the congregation met up at the Flag and Staff for the wake.All very respectful, even Les Sparxx of the Sunshine Coach Company and our own Darren Throttle laid off the booze as we reminisced about the Cats playing days and that great side from back then.I'd like to add a special thanks to Geoff Summers for his kind thoughts, sadly Geoff couldn't actually attend the funeral ceremony due to him having to accompany his wife on a vital sex aids trade fair in Berlin, Germany. It was disappointing that he wasn't able to make it as he and Patrick shared a special bond. You often find that with Goalkeepers and Centre Halves, they shared a kind of telepathy on the pitch, each knowing exactly where the other would position himself. The two of them were usually roomies when the side went on any trips and he was gutted not to be there, on the plus side the business had a bumper trade fair with several huge orders for dildos and the ever popular clitoral stimulator. It seems the Eurozone recession has not hit the German housewife! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

12. 

    12 Jan 2015

    Footie Fetish

    There is no more passionate game on this planet than football, you can see it in the blind faith of die-hard supporters week in and week out in the stands and terraces up and down this land. However at what point does following your team become more than just support, when does it actually become a dangerous obsession? The boys at Wathnail received a cry of help from a Gillingham woman regarding her husband’s unusual and twisted hero worship of a certain member of his beloved Manchester United's playing staff.Now of course there is no way of knowing how widespread this deviant practice is but it is almost certain that the England captain would not be the only top player ‘honoured’ in this way by their devoted fans. Our suggestion is that if you too are indulging in similar practices over your side’s centre forward then maybe you should seek the advice of a marriage councillor or sex therapist. If however on the other hand you’re wife or partner is happy to indulge you then we’d advise the shorter rubber studs for the boots and possibly (for her) knee pads as well as the shin guards. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

13. 

    4 Jan 2015

    Transfer target

    Brian and Colin are engaged in tense negotiations to bring ex-premiership star Alphonso DeFabian to Wathnail Park. If they can pursued the former Birmingham City, Wigan Athletic, Bristol City, Watford, Plymouth Argyle and Hamilton Academicals midfielder to join the club, it would undoubtedly be Wathnails biggest ever signing. Even though there is no fee involved nothing can be taken for granted.Transfer target Alphonso DeFabian has gained a reputation down the years of being extremely difficult to work with, a man who possesses one of the biggest ego’s in British football. Listen below to see how the boys fared in their attempt to capture the signature of this flawed superstar.. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

14. 

    7 Nov 2014

    Soccer Club Mascots

    Soccer Club Mascots, the growth in this kind of ‘twee’ commercialism comes originally from the USA whereby because of the long periods of inactivity during an American football game some other forms of entertainment were incorporated, hence PomPom girls and it is no coincidence that mascots arrived en masse at the same time as the formation of the Premier league and introduction of pay per view TV. They’re part of the shift away from football as a working class, working man's game in favour of the more affluent middle classes, part of the changing the nature of the game to a mass family appeal.Without the middle classes willing to pay ever higher ticket prices and viewing packages clubs could not afford players from all around the World, their transfer fees, their wages. Now as you well know, I am no socialist, I’m staunch Conservative (I know which side my bread is buttered on). However, I’m Conservative to the point of being a traditionalist, I don’t wish to see distractions to a game, I preferred a time when you went to a ground to stand side by side with your fellow man and every man jack in that crowd understood the offside rule. In my opinion mascots infantalise the game (although PomPom girls are OK, just so long they keep out of the way during the actual game itself).THE REAL DANGERS OF CLUB MASCOTINGThere is real and compelling evidence of the physcological damage of club mascoting. Dr Eugene Gregarious of the University of Oregon did a fascinating study back in the 1980’s of mascots involved in the USA. Men he found, would often retreat into their altar ego’s, many wearing the costumes at home for longer and longer periods, some wanted their wives to have sex with them whilst still attired. They would crave the limelight and actually scout out opportunities to appear as the mascot, volunteering for even the smallest of events, kids birthday parties and the like. His most famous case was one Larry Huffbagle who as a devoted Seattle fan took on his role of Sandy the loveable chipmunk to extremes, eventually living as a human chipmunk, he began sleeping up a tree in a local wood adjacent to his teams ground. He became ever more wild, eating only nuts, berries and the occasional bird chick. Finally he was incarcerated in a mental hospital after biting the hand of a young child as she was feeding real chipmunks in the park. Surely this study is another good reason why maybe the football league should think again about this menace within the game Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy (https://acast.com/privacy) for more information.

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