A podcast about marriage, parenting, money, and the real conversations couples need to have when building a life together. From relationships and conflict to buying a home, navigating finances, and creating a strong family legacy, we talk honestly about what it takes to build a partnership — and a future — that actually lasts. <br/><br/><a href="https://bykristenlee.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast">bykristenlee.substack.com</a>
We Love Our Family...But Damn Podcast
Claim This Podcastby Kristen & Roger Mansourian
5.0(19 reviews)
21 episodes
Updated Daily
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Podcast Overview
A podcast about marriage, parenting, money, and the real conversations couples need to have when building a life together. From relationships and conflict to buying a home, navigating finances, and creating a strong family legacy, we talk honestly about what it takes to build a partnership — and a future — that actually lasts. <br/><br/><a href="https://bykristenlee.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast">bykristenlee.substack.com</a>
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Publishing Since
12/8/2025
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Recent Episodes
June 17, 2026
How 8 Dates Doubled Our Income & Our Intimacy
<p>Today's launch day for <a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv">8 Money Dates</a>, and Kristen sits down with Roger—the man who lived this experience while she built it—to reveal what happens when couples turn money conversations into emotional breakthroughs.</p><p>The episode opens with a story: Roger's friend came over to the house and literally offered to pay Kristen to design his dates. That moment crystallized a pattern Kristen had been noticing: men want to please their partners but feel dreadful about the logistics. Women want to feel pursued and seen. And when that need goes unmet, the dynamic shifts—she nags, he withdraws, and they're no longer running together.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv">8 Money Dates</a> isn't a Pinterest board or a ChatGPT suggestion. It's an 8-date journey with a sequence and method—visionary, emotional, practical, and transformational. Roger went from skeptical ("Can talking about money actually be a date?") to all-in ("This is a no-brainer"). Kristen breaks down why money is the #1 predictor of divorce but also the biggest opportunity for aligned couples to exponentially grow their wealth, their connection, and their legacy.</p><p>The conversation also covers who this is for (couples tired of surface-level dating, stuck on money conversations, ready to feel pursued and to lead), who it's not for (couples in crisis, needing therapy instead), and why you can't DIY this even if you wanted to.</p><p>By the end, Roger shares what shifted: clarity, fun, deeper connection, and a level of intimacy that has nothing to do with logistics.</p><p>KEY INSIGHTS & TALKING POINTS</p><p><strong>1. The Pursuit-Avoidance Spiral</strong> Women want to feel pursued and seen. Men want to please their partners but don't know how. When women feel unseen, they nag more and become the pursuer. When men feel the weight of "figuring it out," they withdraw. This dynamic repeats until couples feel disconnected.</p><p><strong>2. Men Are Literally Built Different (And That's OK)</strong> Men are more literal, practical, and solution-oriented. That's not a flaw—it just means they need a structure to tap into their desire to connect. Roger's skepticism turned to enthusiasm the moment he had a blueprint he could follow.</p><p><strong>3. Money Is More Than Money</strong> Money is the #1 predictor of divorce. But when couples are aligned and running together on financial goals, they don't just fix the money problem—they exponentially grow their wealth, their sense of partnership, and their ability to build a real legacy.</p><p><strong>4. The Difference Between Dates & Breakthroughs</strong> Surface-level dates keep the spark alive. 8 Money Dates is emotional architecture. The sequence matters. The vulnerability matters. The progression from visionary (emotional) to practical (clarity on numbers, budgets, goals) to transformation (acting together) is what shifts the dynamic.</p><p><strong>5. Sexy Comes From Alignment</strong> Roger: "After we went through these dates, we just wanted to jump each other." Kristen: "You get on this high because you just connected on something that was always a struggle." Money mastery = intimacy.</p><p><strong>6. Real Wealth Is Built in Small Moments</strong> Every couple that goes through this is choosing awareness over reaction, alignment over ego, growth over comfort. That's how you shift your family's trajectory. That's real wealth.</p><p>FRAMEWORKS & IDEAS DISCUSSED</p><p><strong>The Dreadful Dichotomy</strong> Men experience date planning as dreadful because it requires: unique ideas, making each date meaningful, planning before/after activities, and perfectionism. This energy drain makes them want to pay instead of plan.</p><p><strong>The Pursuit-See-Lead Model</strong> For men: This is how you pursue your wife (she gets to feel chosen). For women: This is how you get your husband to initiate and lead (you get to feel seen). Both partners win.</p><p><strong>Aligned vs. Absent</strong> When buying a house or pursuing any big goal, couples either run together (both involved, on same page, moving at same pace) or one partner leads and the other is absent. Aligned couples move faster and build more wealth.</p><p><strong>The Visionary + Practical Combo</strong> First date (visionary): big-picture dreams, no judgment, just possibility. Most recent date (practical): spreadsheets, budgets, debt payoff plans, clarity. The combination = transformation.</p><p><strong>CALL-TO-ACTION</strong></p><p>If something in this conversation resonated, don't just think about it—buy <a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv">8 Money Dates</a><a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv">.</a> Share it with your partner. Be the first one to say, "Hey, I bought something really cool for us to experience and do it together." Plan that first date. Do it.</p><p>This is how legacy is built: small, conscious moments where you choose awareness over reaction, alignment over ego, and growth over comfort. Every time you respond differently, you shift your entire family's trajectory.</p><p><strong>Subscribe to </strong><strong>We Love Our Family But Damn</strong><strong> so you never miss an episode on marriage, money, parenting, and real wealth.</strong></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://bykristenlee.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">bykristenlee.substack.com</a>
June 10, 2026
Look At Your Bank Statement...That's What You And Your Partner Actually Value
<p><strong>EPISODE SUMMARY:</strong></p><p>It's not the money. It's never been the money. When couples fight about finances, they're really fighting because they don't know what they each actually value—and they're not being honest about what their current choices reveal. This episode walks you through the uncomfortable, honest exercise that transforms couple finances: looking at your real spending patterns and getting clear on what you're embodying (not aspiring to). You'll also learn the Money Dashboard framework—a way to let both partners protect what matters to them without forcing alignment or building resentment.</p><p><strong>KEY INSIGHTS & TALKING POINTS:</strong></p><p><strong>Values Are What You're Actually Doing, Not What You Aspire To</strong></p><p>Values are embodied, not theoretical. They're revealed through your actual behavior, choices, and spending—right now.</p><p>Aspirations are dreams (becoming a millionaire, being more authentic). Values are the life you're currently living.</p><p>Most couples don't even know their own values because they've never sat down and gotten honest about them.</p><p><strong>Your Bank Statement Is Your Values Mirror</strong></p><p>Pull your last 90 days of transactions. What patterns do you see? That's what you value.</p><p>You can't argue with a bank statement. It's factual, unemotional data.</p><p>Exercise: Use ChatGPT or Claude to analyze your spending and ask, "Based on my transactions, what do I actually value?"</p><p><strong>Most Couples Didn't Know What They Valued (And It Caused Friction)</strong></p><p>Before Kristen and Roger got clear on values, they "butted heads" constantly.</p><p>They had competing, unstated values with no framework for understanding why they made different choices.</p><p>The GPS metaphor: You can't reach a destination if you don't know where you're starting from.</p><p><strong>The Money Dashboard: Cut Back on What Doesn't Light You Up</strong></p><p>Imagine your money like a car dashboard with different dials. You each get to control where your money goes.</p><p>Don't cut back on everything equally (that's deprivation mode and breeds resentment).</p><p>Cut back on the stuff that doesn't light you up anyway. Protect the spending that lights each of you up.</p><p>This removes shame and puts couples in agency mode instead of sacrifice mode.</p><p><strong>Autonomy + Curiosity = The Secret Sauce</strong></p><p>You don't have to share the same values to respect each other's. Respect over agreement.</p><p>Roger doesn't value travel the way Kristen does, but he gets curious about her value. That's balance.</p><p>It's not "you do your thing, I do mine." It's autonomy + companionship + curiosity about what matters to your partner.</p><p><strong>Values Change—And That's Okay (But You Have to Communicate)</strong></p><p>What you valued at 25 might not be what you value at 35.</p><p>Have an annual couples retreat to check in: "What's changed? What do I not value anymore?"</p><p>Don't let resentment build in silence. Name it when your values shift.</p><p><strong>Legacy Is Built Intentionally, Not by Coasting</strong></p><p>Most couples never get clear on values, so they drift, perform, or repeat patterns.</p><p>When you understand your values, you reach your goals faster because you know where you're actually starting from.</p><p>Real wealth isn't net worth—it's emotional security, unity at home, and building something your kids can stand on.</p><p><strong>KEY FRAMEWORKS DISCUSSED:</strong></p><p><strong>Values vs. Aspirations</strong>: The difference between what you're doing right now and what you wish you were doing</p><p><strong>The Bank Statement Exercise</strong>: Pulling 90 days of transactions to identify patterns and reveal your real values</p><p><strong>The Money Dashboard</strong>: A visual metaphor for letting each partner control spending that aligns with their individual values</p><p><strong>The GPS Metaphor</strong>: You need to know where you're at (your values) before you can plan where you're going (your goals)</p><p><strong>Autonomy + Curiosity + Companionship</strong>: The three ingredients for couples with different values</p><p><strong>CALL TO ACTION:</strong></p><p>This episode is framework-level work. If you want to go deeper with your partner—really embody these principles and do the work together—check out the <a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/moneymarriage"><strong>Marriage and Money course</strong></a><a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/moneymarriage"> </a>where Kristen breaks down the frameworks in detail, plus the <a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv"><strong>8 Money Dates</strong></a><a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/8-money-dates-nt4p3fyv"> </a>(interactive, somatic couple experiences designed to help you do this work together).</p><p>Pull up your bank statements, get curious, and have this conversation with your partner. Then share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Legacy isn't built in one big decision—it's built in small, conscious moments, like this one.</p><p><strong>Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode.</strong></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://bykristenlee.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">bykristenlee.substack.com</a>
June 3, 2026
The Secret My Mom Told Me to Keep From My Husband (And Why I Finally Told Him Everything)
<p>We're going there — Roger and I both committed financial infidelity against each other, at the same time, without fully realizing it. In this episode, we get real about the sports gambling Roger hid, the stock account my mom told me to keep secret, and why most financial secrets aren't about money at all — they're about fear, control, and inherited patterns. We also break down the His, Hers, Ours method we use to manage money as a couple — so you can have full transparency AND full autonomy at the same time.Episode Summary</p><p>Money secrets don't always look like betrayal. Sometimes they look like a husband quietly managing all the household finances. Sometimes they look like a daughter keeping a stock account her mother set up — because her mother grew up in a time when women had no financial safety net of their own.</p><p>In this episode, Kristen and Roger get completely transparent about their own history with financial infidelity — the sports gambling Roger hid for years, the stock account Kristen kept secret even after they got engaged, and the slow erosion of trust that happens when partners are financially invisible to each other.</p><p>But this isn't just a confession episode. It's a roadmap. They break down the exact system they use — the His, Hers, Ours method — that lets couples maintain individual autonomy while building a fully transparent, financially unified partnership. And they share the real reason most couples hide money in the first place: it's never really about the money.</p><p>Key Insights & Talking Points</p><p><strong>1. Financial infidelity is broader than you think.</strong> It's not just secret accounts or hidden debt. Hiding the extent of spending, keeping a partner completely in the dark about household finances, or omitting accounts "that just sit there" — all of it counts. If your partner doesn't know about it, it's financial infidelity.</p><p><strong>2. Most financial secrets are really fear in disguise.</strong> Roger hid his finances because keeping control made him feel safe — rooted in growing up watching his parents struggle with debt and bankruptcy. Kristen hid her stock account because her mother taught her to — a form of survival wisdom passed down from a generation when women couldn't financially protect themselves. Two completely different wounds. Same behavior.</p><p><strong>3. The generational handoff of financial fear is real.</strong> Millions of women were taught to keep a "safety net" account hidden from their husbands. It wasn't manipulation — it was survival strategy in an era when women had no financial independence. But what protected your grandmother can quietly wall off your partnership today.</p><p><strong>4. The His, Hers, Ours method: autonomy </strong><strong>and</strong><strong> transparency.</strong> You don't have to merge everything to have a healthy financial partnership — and you don't have to stay fully separate to maintain autonomy. The His, Hers, Ours system gives each partner a no-questions personal account, a shared household account for joint expenses, and a shared savings account for goals. The rule: full visibility into all three, even if you don't jointly control all three.</p><p><strong>5. Financial transparency makes you a better spender.</strong> When Kristen opened everything up, something surprising happened — she became more conscious with her personal spending. Knowing you're on a team working toward a shared goal changes how you treat money. Accountability isn't restriction — it's integrity.</p><p><strong>6. The closet of secrets is built one small thing at a time.</strong> Financial infidelity rarely starts with a huge betrayal. It starts with not feeling safe to share one small thing. Then another. Then your partner blows up about something minor and now you really don't share. That's how the wall gets built — slowly, quietly, one omission at a time.</p><p>Frameworks Discussed</p><p><strong>The His, Hers, Ours Method:</strong></p><p><strong>Ours Account</strong> — shared household expenses: mortgage/rent, groceries, utilities, family costs, joint savings goals</p><p><strong>His Account</strong> — personal spending, no explanation required</p><p><strong>Hers Account</strong> — personal spending, no explanation required</p><p><strong>The Non-Negotiable:</strong> full visibility into all three accounts, even the individual ones</p><p><strong>The $2,000 Rule:</strong> any single purchase over $2,000 requires a conversation first</p><p>Contribution percentages are unique to each couple — 50/50 or proportional depending on income dynamics</p><p><strong>The Money Date:</strong> Regular scheduled conversations about finances designed to be low-pressure and even fun — the antidote to money conversations that always turn into arguments.</p><p>Call to Action</p><p>If this episode cracked something open for you and your partner, share it with them and talk about it together. That conversation you've been avoiding? This is your invitation.</p><p>And if you're ready to go deeper, Kristen's <a target="_blank" href="https://stan.store/leemansourian/p/moneymarriage"><strong>Marriage and Money course</strong></a> walks you through every money dynamic covered in this episode — plus the exact frameworks for every couple situation. And <strong>Eight Money Dates</strong> is the fun, low-stakes way to start having these conversations without it turning into a fight. Links in the bio.</p><p><strong>Subscribe or follow so you never miss an episode.</strong> New episodes drop weekly — and we always go here.</p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://bykristenlee.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">bykristenlee.substack.com</a>
21 total episodes available
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