What She Wishes You Knew podcast

About What She Wishes You Knew podcast

Discouraged by loved ones who sever relationships over differences in beliefs? Saddened by our increasingly divided culture? Frustrated over the lack of connection with others? Join speaker and author Kathleen Peters each week as she encourages women from all walks of life to tell their messy, beautiful stories. With wit, humor, and compassion, Kathleen and her guests use their experiences as a starting place to help us engage with those unlike us. Whether you want to be a catalyst to rebuild connection in your community, increase your empathy, or learn how to love better, Kathleen and her guests can give you the roadmap by sharing What She Wishes You Knew.

Publisher

Kathleen Peters

Category

religion & spirituality · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

3 Sept 2019

Latest episode

19 May 2020

Latest episodes

17 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   19 May 2020

   She's Been Through Trauma, How Do I Help? - Part 1 Connie A Baker #17

   For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit http://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/ In this two-episode special we get to learn from Trauma Recovery Specialist, Connie A Baker. Connie is a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor, Religious Abuse Recovery Specialist, Masters Level University Instructor, Seminar and Conference Speaker, author of Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom For Survivors. In this episode we tackle the definitions of Trauma and PTSD, our theories of why people give unsolicited advice to survivors, the triggers survivors may experience and suggestions of what to do if you get triggered. DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD Connie's Trauma Story (https://connieabaker.com/videos/) Netflix Show: Unbelievable (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTIkUzkbzQk) Connect with Connie: https://connieabaker.com/ (https://connieabaker.com/) Facebook Group: Overcoming Religious Abuse: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ORACommunity/ Facebook page: Connie A Baker MA LPC https://www.facebook.com/ReligiousAbuseRecovery/ Book: Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom for Survivors Beyond Survival - Subscription Group (https://connieabaker.com/beyond-survival/) Instagram: @connie_a_baker Connect with Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Kathleen’s Workbook –Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode:  Become a $2/month Patreon Member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information Newsletter & Free Empathy Cards To download your own digital Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com (http://kathleenmpeters.com/) , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. And no I promise to not flood your inbox. Yes, I do intend to send at least one email a month FILLED to the BRIM with all sorts of goodies that will help you to listen and love well.

2. 

   21 Jan 2020

   She Came Out as LGBTQ+, How Do I Love Her Well? -Shelby Forsythia #16

   What happens when a daughter comes out as queer to her Christian Parents and then soon after her mom dies? How does she deal with grief of never getting to finish the rumble of her sexual identity with her mom? For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit https://kathleenmpeters.com/ I'm delighted to have interviewed Shelby Forsythia about the grief of not only losing her mom at the young age of 21, but also the grief of never getting to finish a conversation that has left her rumbling with feelings of unacceptance. Shelby is the author of Permission to Grieve and podcast host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss (http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/coming-back-podcast). After the unexpected death of her mother in 2013, she became a “student of grief” and set out on a lifetime mission to explore the oft-misunderstood human experience of loss. Through her book, weekly podcasts, and one-on-one grief guidance, she helps grieving people find direction, get support, and cultivate radical self-compassion after devastating loss.

3. 

   6 Jan 2020

   She's Not Happy She's Pregnant, How Do I Love Her Well? - Courtney Patterson #15

   What happens when a couple decides they don't want to have children and then they get pregnant? Anger, anxiety, grief, and faking that you're happy is all a part of my guest Courtney Renee Patterson's story. Courtney Patterson is a writer of the blog The Unplanned Tiny Hand, a 9th Grade English teacher in Arkansas, a wife and a mom. She started The Unplanned Tiny Hand as a way to help new moms navigate the ups and downs of motherhood, from pregnancy to balancing work and her new role as a mom. She shares all the tips and tricks she’s learned through trial and error on her blog. Don’t forget to check it out after the show at The Unplanned Tiny Hand For more complete Show Notes including all the links mentioned in this episode: https://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/

4. 

   24 Dec 2019

   Working Mom, Is She Less Than In The Church? - NJ Rongner #14

   What if Baby Jesus went to Daycare because Mary was a working mom? Are we sending the message to the Working Mom that the Stay-at-Home Mom is the one raising her kids in the most 'biblical' way? Is the working mom treated differently in the Church? Come join the conversation as I chat with working mom NJ Rongner who gives me (a mom who stayed home for nearly 20 years) an inside scoop and tells me what she wishes we knew about being a working mom in the Church. NJ Rongner is a full time working mom who wants you to know that if you work and love Jesus, there is nothing wrong with you. On her podcast, Working Christian Mom, she equips and inspires the everyday working mom to press on because her work matters. NJ loves the beach, cinnamon tea and living in beautiful New England with her husband and their two children. She also runs the Facebook groups Working Christian Mom, Christianpreneur, and works as a Marketing Coach with Clickfunnels. What I loved about talking with NJ is that "working" has taken all sorts of forms for her; she has worked outside the home, inside the home, for other companies, and for herself. She also had the dream of being a Stay-at-Home-Mom until it actually happened and she found herself struggling to like it as much as she thought she would. NJ shares with us that inside the Church just as the Stay-at-Home mom is hailed and affirmed as doing what's best for her family, the Working Mom often feels invisible and at times is told implicitly she is not doing things the godly way. Connect with NJ: Website- workingchristianmom.com (http://workingchristianmom.com) Facebook - Working Christian Mom Christianpreneur Connect with Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode:  Become a $2/month patreon member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Newsletter & Free Digital Empathy Cards To download your own Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com (http://kathleenmpeters.com) , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter.

5. 

   17 Dec 2019

   She's a Foster Parent, How Do I Support Her? -Jillana Goble #13

   What is it like to be a foster care provider? Often we think about the heartache that must come with returning a child to their biological parent... Jillana Goble shares with us the grief and the hope. If you are a foster parent, my hope is you will feel seen in this upcoming episode. If you love someone who is a foster parent, I hope you will walk away with practical ways you can support them. Jillana Goble has been a foster mom, biological mom, and adoptive mom—in that order—since 2003. She is a connector and a collaborator who has walked an unlikely path in creating unprecedented relationship with the children who have walked through her front door, their biological families, and with the Oregon Department of Human Services Child Welfare. She founded Embrace Oregon, which is the catalyst for Every Child Oregon, a robust engagement model bridging the community and foster care. Jillana holds a Masters Degree in Teaching. She is a sought after speaker on various topics around foster care, government/community partnership, adoption, special needs, grief, and hope.  She continues to mentor and walk alongside countless foster parents navigating this journey. Jillana and her husband, Luke, got married in 2000. They have two biological daughters and two sons that they fostered and later adopted. They were also reunited with their first son in foster care after over a decade apart. They are joyfully called “Auntie” & “Papa” by another child in foster care who has lived with them twice. When not engaging with her family, Jillana enjoys drinking coffee with friends—half filled with cream—at neighborhood coffee shops. Her favorite things include leaning in to engage others’ real deal stories, walking her sweet yet stubborn labradoodle around her city block, and reading in the tub way too late at night. 00:23:22 Why Jillana started Embrace Oregon -  Every Child *00:28:05 The Welcome Boxes - a loving gift given to a child who is being processed into the DHS system 00:29:57 What got her first interest in being a foster parent started in Guatemala - this caused her and her husband Luke to ask, "Where are the vulnerable children here (the US)?" 00:32:35 Their first experience in fostering 00:33:52 What happened in Guatemala that caused her and Luke to ask this question 00:35:50 After having biological children and moving to Oregon, what started as purely an informational call ends in fostering a baby who is now her 11 year adopted son 00:36:48  Jillana's relationship with her 11 year old son's biological mom - the most transformational relationship she's ever been a part of 00:38:25  Battling the image of foster parents rescuing a child- Jillana's book - it feels like the manual of everything you should know before you foster 00:39:35  The grief of fostering Heavier things in lighter moments - disclosures the children may make 00:46:03 "Signing up for foster care is an invitation to raise your hand and invite heartbreak and suffering into your life." - 00:45:54 Jillana's personal experiences with grief Returning a child to biological mama's Rehabilitation Center - a feeling that maybe she was losing her ability to hope for a healthy outcome 00:54:07 Fostering is about holding things loosely - hope, expectations of what you would want to happen, what you think should happen, biological parents, foster children 00:56:05 What about the grief of getting attached to this child with the possibility of them returning to their biological parents? 00:59:41 These kids did nothing wrong - they did not cause their situation the word "foster" can be equated with negative words--- Jillana on purpose says children in foster care instead 01:04:00 The most common reasons children enter into the foster care system is physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, domestic violence, incarceration of parent, a parent's drug and alcohol abuse, and untreating of mental illness 01:05:22 The hope would be that a family would have a safety net of support to draw from when they are struggling...that Child Welfare wouldn't even have to get involved 01:07:10 For some bio parents this can be a terrifying thought to have their child in the system if they themselve had a terrible experience when they were a child 01:08:00 Honoring the humanity of the biological parents 01:12:49 How we can be supportive to a foster parent What to Say "I don't know what it's like to be a foster parent, but I do know you have a lot on your plate, can I help you with this __(yardwork, a meal, laundry) ____?" "I don't know what you're going through, but I know it's not just everyday life is normal. I know there are a lot of dynamics going on under the roof of your home." "Can I give you a gift card for _____?" "Would you like to go to coffee with me?" "Can I come take a walk with you?" What Not to Say "Oh, I get it ___(a story of a pet you've adopted)___." "You're such an angel." "I could never do that, I'd just get way too attached." "I can't believe those kids are in foster care; they're so clean, polite, or so adorable, or so smart." as if the word foster is the opposite of these words "God gives special kids to special people." "God will not give you more than you can handle." 01:31:12  How you can get involved in Embrace Oregon 1:32:42 The Big Reveal Segment 01:35:39 Kathleen's Wrap Up If you see someone and they seem to be doing just fine, the kids they are fostering are doing great in Sunday School, or playing with your kids, or just in general being around you, it doesn't mean that at home it's not a WHOLE NOTHER BALL GAME. Please make sure to check in with your friend. Just because on the outside she seems to be holding it all together beautifully, she just might need your help. Take her to coffee Offer to do practical things for her: laundry, meals, grocery shop, clean a bathroom Offer respite care Offer to transport her other kids to their practices Offer to be a nonjudgmental listening ear Buy Jillana's book: No Sugar Coating- The Coffee Talk You Need About Foster Parenting Ways to Help in Oregon EmbraceOregon, Every Child Oregon Welcome Boxes provide children in foster care with special items while sitting in a DHS office. Launch Boxes assist youth who are aging out of foster care with items to help them get on their feet. Emergency Needs from DHS are shared with community members to support children in foster care. Expressed needs range from a bunk bed to new shoes. Boxes of Love provides local children being placed in foster care with a box of new clothing and other comfort items to call their own. Office Buddies Foster Parent Night Out Transportation Service Projects DHS Staff Appreciation Another perspective to those considering foster care: "Foster care and adoption are not a cure for trauma.  Rather, it is the beginning of a new and terrifying journey of connection.  ‘Trust us,’ the new family says.  ‘No really, for real this time... ‘ It takes so much consistent, reassuring, forgiving parenting to sell that “forever family” ideal to a person who has seen the darkest side of humanity. You will not be able to do it alone, and love is not enough.  Select a team of people who understand what trauma does to a developing brain.  Be very intentional in building a network of support - people who won’t judge you or your kid, who will remind you why you started, people who can handle the ugly days.  Sort out the naysayers and limit your exposure to them.  In the end, it’s your family and your kid.  Keep their world small, predictable, and safe." -Susan Skutt How to Find Jillana: Website: https://jillana-goble.com/ (https://jillana-goble.com/) Facebook: Jillana Goble -Author Jillana's Book: No Sugar Coating- The Coffee Talk You Need About Foster Parenting Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Bonus Episode (Interview After the Interview) : Become a $2/month patreon member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Where to find Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Newsletter & Free Empathy Cards To download your own digital Empathy Cards, go to whatshewishesyouknew.com (http://kathleenmpeters.com) , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. And no I promise to not flood your inbox. Yes, I do intend to send at least one email a month FILLED to the BRIM with all sorts of goodies that will help you to listen and love well.

6. 

   3 Dec 2019

   Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say? Part 2 - Jessica McCurdy #12

   What is it like to plan your living son's funeral? What is it like to grieve a loved one who hasn't died? In Part 2 of my interview with Jessica McCurdy, we talk about about how culture sees addiction: moral failure vs disease. Jessica gives us an incredible word picture of this disease - how it is a miracle when a person is staying out of active addiction, and how we can change our language to better honor those coping with this disease and its effects. She also explains that active addiction is about grief; you are not only losing the person but also experiences they will never have with their loved one. Show Notes 00:08:00 *00:59:00 me: this is a disease – how are we seeing this as a culture: moral failure, a choice, deficit in character : 00:09:00 Cancer, MS, Lupus – “they are a survivor or a warrior”, Cancer – we feel bad with no moral failure, addiction moral failure because they have to put something in our body – the addiction starts before anything is put into the body – Addiction is in the disease model The first choice was an actual “choice” 00:13:00 admitting they are powerless against that drug – affects the survival part of the brain – 00:15:00  She calls Camron a survivor – it’s a miracle that someone stays clean – breathing underwater 00:16:00  Active Addiction – Changing our language – if there is not a cure then he will always be an addict – she will not support him during this time 00:18:00  Symptoms of addiction lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing, commiting crimes – symptoms of cancer treatment nausea, lethargy, taste of copper 00:19:00  Her fears to tell us what she wishes we knew – She felt very alone – not many parents speak up about what’s going on because of the shame 00:22:22  in AL-Anon she could pray he would die – mourning a living person 00:23:17  grief groups in church turned her away – she didn’t want to grieve alone 00:24:20 you don’t know where you belong in the church – she wanted hope from the church – 00:25:00  She started to miss church all the time because she would cry – her current church are comfortable with tears – the old church system didn’t have a culture that made it safe to be in pain 00:29:20 Kathleen: the culture of church needs to be changed – we watch what happens to others in pain and decide whether church is safe in our pain 00:30:35 What she wishes we knew about the grief – "what would feel good to you?" 00:33:00  we’re grieving like we lost someone – she lost graduation, proms, football, The loss is repeated over & over – they are in fear all the time (PTSD) – they are warriors/fighters 00:35:00 what could we practically do and what should we not do: Hurtful Words to Stay Away From “What drugs is he using?” – the path & consequence could be the same – “Is it just alcohol?” “Addiction is such a stronghold. Just trust God.” “He’ll be okay. He’ll find his way. He has a good mama.” – this feeds into her codependency – addiction is not either good or bad, it’s a disease “Is he doing good now?” “Oh really, Camron doesn’t seem like that type of kid?" “You’re so strong; you’ll get through this.” “Camron is a good kid; he’ll come out the other side." 00:44:40 “My son is going to die before I do.” – this is a real possibility – she’s already planned his funeral Helpful Words to Say "I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for your mama’s heart." "I wish I could take away all this pain for you." "I’m crying with you. How can I be here for you?" "This must be so devastating." "How can I love you through this?" - Jessica's favorite 00:49:00 How is Camron doing now? 00:52:55 Big Reveal PLEASE REMEMBER: Supporting a Friend who has a Loved One battling Active Addiction and/or Recovery Your friend is going to be going through a lot of loss and it will repeat itself over and over. To recognize they may be in fear all the time. They may actually have PTSD. Advice from other moms: stand by her, don't judge her or her son or daughter. I wish they would know that coffee dates and going to the movies and taking her to lunch may be the thing that keeps her going for one more day. Inviting her to get a pedicure she can’t afford because all her money is being spent on a rehab or counselor, going for a walk with her to get her mind off things. Remember no one brings them a casserole when their child is going to rehab. Just be a friend like you would if she had lost a child and is grieving because she is. Know this is a game changer. Her life won’t be the same but it can be better with the Lord. As she finds her identity in Him and not in whether her child is successful and beats their addiction or doesn’t. Laugh with her when she laughs and cry with her when she cries but whatever you do, don’t avoid her. Jessica's Book Recommendation Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the 12 Steps Jessica's Church As Is Church (https://www.asis.church/kern-park-campus) How to Reach Out to Jessica: Jessica's Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/jessica.mccurdy.94) Jessica's Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/jess.living.loved/?hl=en) Resources for Those Supporting Someone in Recovery AA: https://www.aa.org/ (https://www.aa.org/) Al Anon: https://al-anon.org/ (https://al-anon.org/) Facebook Support Groups: Still Standing After All the Tears Christian Moms of Addicted Children Sober Living Oregon Recovery Center: https://www.soberlivingrc.com/ Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Patreon Information Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Where to find Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com Newsletter & Free Empathy Cards To download your own printable Empathy Cards, go to whatshewishesyouknew.com (http://kathleenmpeters.com) , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. And no I promise to not flood your inbox. Yes, I do intend to send at least one email a month FILLED to the BRIM with all sorts of goodies that will help you to listen and love well.

7. 

   19 Nov 2019

   Her Son Has an Addiction, What Do I Say? Part 1 - Jessica McCurdy #11

   What is it like to walk alongside your 13 year old son while he battles addiction and recovery? This is Part 1 of a two part series where Jessica McCurdy shares her deeply raw and authentic story of loving her now 20 year old son, Camron through some incredibly dark times. My Guest: Jessica McCurdy Jessica is a growth seeking, passionate, highly motivated, people person, unmarried, faith-filled, encourager, and mostly single mom. She spends her days working as an office manager at a physical therapy clinic, and just recently returned to community college part time to study Alcohol & Drug Counseling. She is active in her church, attends all the women’s faith events she can, volunteers with sober girls in recovery, exercises regularly, runs, hikes with her rescue pitbull, and enjoys quality time with her best girlfriends. SHOW NOTES The Weed Scare & How It All Began 23:20 His first attempt to buy it 26:20 Their move to different area of town Freshman year – Revealed he had tried weed in his best friend’s parents’ garage (the dad’s medical marijuana) 33:08 Sophomore year his grades went down and he started skipping school and lying about it 34:00 He runs away to use with a bunch of friends 11 Days of Using 36:00 How she discovers he has run away 37:30 She makes the police report – had to remember what he was wearing 38:40 Camron calls and tells her he’s not coming home – the feeling of anger, terror, and powerlessness - the was the beginning of getting used to this feeling of powerlessness 41:00 Everyday he would call to check in 41:48 Her daily routine for the next 11 days to find him 41:27 Always check your kids phones & be in touch with your kid's friends' parents 43:48 This is when shame settled in – questioning her own parenting- “What kind of a home do you have that your kid is running away?" 45:55 Kathleen: Isn't this a part of parenting? Don't we all tend to see our kids’ behavior as a reflection of our parenting? Any yet we don’t know what’s going on the inside of each other’s homes. It may not have anything to do with our parenting. 49:00 More of her shame – this is why parents don’t get help – they go through it alone 50:00 Codependency/enabling settles in here – “We are one.” - what he does is a direct reflection of me. 51:15 Her healing with Camron to become intra-dependent – Your actions do not change how I am feeling. -You can feel empathy for them but it's not like your whole day will be ruined by their actions 52:55 How she figures out he’s using while gone – her Private Investigating work 54:50  She was only 6 hours behind him at one point 56:04 When you accept the addiction, you get power back – there is a solution for addiction, not a cure 57:20 Camron's drug of choice : “more” - what an addict ends with is often not what he started with; it doesn't matter what it is. The Next Step - Treatment 59:13: She researches treatment centers 1:00:50 She calls all the treatment centers – there is not a lot of help in Oregon (Oregon is the 4th worst in access to treatment) 1:02:31 He is finally found by the police 1:04:08 She picks him up and he seems sad – she starts to grieve because he is gone, his eyes are vacant- she went into action mode 1:05:10 Her plan – ultimatum “go on your own, or someone will take you to the rehab clinic” 1:06:10 the “transporters” come into the backyard – he says, “You’re not my mom anymore” Called his dad by his first name. – Another defining moment of shame again, “I can’t believe I'm doing this to my son.” 1:08:05 Kathleen: "My mama’s heart is breaking because he’s angry with you." – she has had to do this continually – this is not a one-time thing 1:09:12 He was in and out of rehab from age 15-18 1:10:20 it’s not The Place that brings recovery Kathleen's Wrap Up Let's talk about Shame: Here's what stood out to me: Jessica's immediate thoughts of "I'm not one of those moms" "What kind of a home do you have that you would have a kid running away?" I ask you, What kind of image/pic do you have related to someone else's child being addicted? Do you see addiction as a result of bad parenting... do you look to see who is to blame? If you do, you are not alone or abnormal. Our culture is built on science, fact. We are all constantly trying to make sense of our world whether it's good things or bad thing, by figuring out who is at fault...who's bad decision got us here. In her book, It's Ok That You're Not Ok - Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand, author Megan Devine says, "There's a pervasive weirdness in our culture around grief and death. We judge, and we blame, dissect, and minimize. People look for the flaws in what someone did to get to this place. She didn't exercise enough. Didn't take enough vitamins. Too too many. He shouldn't have been walking on that side of the road....I bet they had unresolved childhood issues - see what unhealed issues do to you?" I believe this pervasive weirdness surrounds all things we don't want to happen to us and our loved ones. It is our fear. We don't want to believe it could happen to us so we look for reasons why it's happening to them and then we promise ourselves we'll never do that. We'll be attentive parents. We won't get divorced. We'll check their phones. We'll won't be like THOSE parents. We do this out of self-preservation. The truth is that what has happened to Jessica and Camron could happen to any one of us and we know it. The reason we look for blame, and that's what we're doing when we are looking to see who is at fault, is to protect ourselves. And friend, we all do it. You are not alone. But here is the danger, as I see it. What happens when it does happen to you? -because you've built this structure that everything bad is a result of someone's mistake, you are then left to blame yourself -and then you are left to your shame -you will be tempted, as many parents like Jessica said have done, to not tell anyone so that you don't have to face other people's blame -in the darkest of times, you are alone SIDE NOTE: Shame lives and grows in 3 things (Brené Brown's Research) secrecy silence we say unloving, unkind, hurtful things only adding to their pain & suffering judgement2. Second Danger: when something horrific happens to our loved ones, out of our own fear, we do not enter into their pain, we run from it This need to find who is to blame is driving disconnection in our society, in our churches. If we want to make a difference, if we want to be like Maddie who left the Apple Podcast Review and we want to continue learning new ways to love like Jesus loves, I believe we have to address our need to find blame. It could be the very thing that is blocking you from having the real connections you desire. In 2 weeks, join me for Part 2 of Jessica's story where she explains to us what it is like to have this disease, how our culture's view of addicts is skewed and damaging, her experiences in the church (painful and good), how you can love another woman in the midst of supporting someone through active addiction and recovery, and words/questions that are unhelpful and hurtful. How to Reach Out to Jessica: Jessica's Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/jessica.mccurdy.94) Jessica's Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/jess.living.loved/?hl=en) Resources for Those Supporting Someone in Recovery AA: https://www.aa.org/ (https://www.aa.org/) Al Anon: https://al-anon.org/ (https://al-anon.org/) Facebook Support Groups: Still Standing After All the Tears Christian Moms of Addicted Children Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Patreon Information Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Where to find Kathleen Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com

8. 

   5 Nov 2019

   She's Single, How Do I Love Her Well? - Nicole LeBlond #10

   What's it like to be single in the church? Are we unknowingly sending the message that without a matrimony, they are not a whole person? If you are married, I think you will be surprised by what my guest Nicole LeBlond bravely shares, and based on the other women's voices recorded in this episode, she is not alone in her experiences. Prepare yourself to be enlightened and better equipped to know how to love and support the single women in your life. If you are single, my hope is you will feel seen and affirmed. My hope is our christian communities will learn how to see you as whole and valid, as is. My Guest: Nicole LeBlond Nicole was born and raised Portland, Oregon and is a pediatric nurse at Randall Children’s Hospital. Along with working with the greatest team at the best children's hospital in Portland, she participates in medical missions in Haiti – a country and people that has taken hold of her heart. She is a diehard Boston Red Sox fan and speaks fluently in movie quotes. She's a little obsessed with Disneyland – so much so, she had an Annual Pass for 2 years and is thinking it might be time to renew. She is a follower of Jesus – striving to share His grace, mercy, and love to all the peeps in her life. Show Notes: There tends to be a lumping in of never marrieds with divorced and widowed women even though the experiences are quite different. The church struggles to know what do with single people. Nicole has felt as a single woman there was something wrong with her because she didn't really fit anywhere in the church. She has found Women's Ministry Events to be isolating - events seem to focus on a woman's purpose is to be a wife and a mother. Separating the Singles out (dividing them by age or gender) is injuring & feels like the church is telling her she doesn't have any worth, like she doesn't have anything to offer the rest of the church. Singles Need Us to Be Their Community Nicole enjoys hanging out with married people - being a part of a family is a beautiful picture of community. She needs the church to rally around her and tell her, "We'll be your family!" Even though she doesn't have kids herself, she does have something to offer us. "I don't have to have kids to be able to listen to you talk about your child, 'I'm struggling with X and I don't know what to do,' but you know what I can do? I can pray. I can go to the Father for you maybe in a way that someone else can't because I see it in another way." "Everyone is a valid member of our community." We have a unique opportunity to do life together. Paul and the Bible: "Singleness is a gift" This not a gift to the single person, but is a gift to the church Because there may be more freedom in their schedule to serve others in the church, singles are then a gift to the church How being single does not feel like a gift -the loneliness -grieving not having a family with children -romance shows can be poke the bruised places The message she got that you can earn a husband - Marriage is a Reward or You are not Christian enough "You're not married yet because your husband isn't ready. Once he's hit whatever benchmark that God has for him, he'll be ready and you can be married. Or "You haven't met that benchmark that God has for you therefore when you meet that, you'll be ready for marriage." What Not to Say You have to just to stop looking, and then he'll show up. You just haven't met him yet. Some people weren't meant to be married. (can give the message that there is something wrong with her) The American Culture says getting married and having children is just what you do What to Say & Do "Man, I'm sorry." Engage them where they're at, not waiting for them to get married -ask them to lead Bible Studies -ask them to open up their homes to host small groups -not treating her as a tag-along but as a member who has something to offer -invite her to events or to hang out with your family -If she is a close friend, ask her if she desires/ to be married. What She Wishes We Knew She understands grief. She grieves her singleness. Kathleen's Parting Thoughts If we really stop and think about it, as the woman earlier in the show stated, we are a society that holds coupling on an altar. If you aren't in a couple, then we assume you are looking to find someone, and then we inadvertently are telling singles they aren't okay if they aren't matched up. Invalid, not whole, not valuable, less than, don't fit, something wrong with me this was the theme I heard over and over again you might feel attacked & not understand why what we are saying and doing is hurtful, and I'm glad you are noticing those feelings. But I also know you are here because you want to love better. So, if you don't understand why single women are feeling this way in the church, now would be a great time to go to them and have an honest discussion. In every Episode Guide I make available to my Patreon Members, I tell them if they've found themselves uncomfortable after the Big Reveal segment of the show, they might want to Seek out others who think like the guest on that particular topic and ask them questions. And then I give them words they could say, like: “I honestly want to understand why someone thinks the way they do about this topic. I’m not looking to debate you, I really just want to learn more. Would you mind sharing with me what brought you to this conclusion? Because I realize you probably didn’t just wake up one day and say ______. (I feel like the church thinks I am not valuable) A good friend of mine who used to lead a thriving single moms group me were having a discussion about how we tend to see single men vs single women. Women tend to be seen as broken, and not able to keep a man, or power hungry, career chasing, no time for a family because of her cold cold heart, where as single men are seen as helpless in one way, "poor guy he just hasn't found the right woman yet," but he is not seen as broken or as power hungry. This discussion really had me examining my own biases. And the result wasn't pretty. I had to hold up things I had been taught (explicitly and implicitly) next to what was true in the lives of my own single friends to see that it was time to let go of some stinkin' thinkin'. Invite them Keep asking if they turn you down they may not be ready yet (divorced, widowed) they may be exhausted doing all the things themselves (if you are married, most of us have someone to shoulder all the burdens with, even if he doesn't seem to pull his weight all time, many of us have a security of knowing there is another person available in times of emergency) they may have other plans Things to NOT say: "You just haven't found the right guy yet." "You're going to meet someone, just when you least expect it." "Let God be your husband." Why aren't you married yet? You have to just to stop looking, and then he'll show up. Some people aren't meant to be married. God's still doing a work in you/him, then you'll be ready. Have you found someone yet? Touch If you are married or have a significant other, I want you to notice how much touch you get throughout the day. A brush of the arm, an arm around a shoulder, a hug, a snuggle under a warm blanket, or even just a jab in the arm. Now I want you to think about your single friend and how little she is probably touched. A little warning here, not everyone is going to welcome contact, so you may want to make sure your friend is okay with touch, but please consider linking arms with them or hugging them the next time you are together. We need touch in order to thrive. And maybe this could be a simple way for you to love your single friend. Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Wanna hear the why behind Nicoles's Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the "Interview After the Interview" episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Have more questions for Nicole? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters

9. 

   22 Oct 2019

   Her Mom Died, What Do I Say? Part 2 -Kim Ludeman #9

   After believing God would heal her mom, how does a 19 year old cope with not only the grief of losing her mom at such a young age, but also the fractured trust created between her and God? This is a real and vulnerable interview with my friend, Kim Ludeman; she bravely dives into the parts of grief that can affect our faith. Grief is messy business. Show Notes 02:28 How this is affecting her spiritual life 14:00 A spiritual crisis of faith begins when prayers for her mom's healing did not work 16:50 Why she didn't feel she couldn't share this struggle with other believers 21:35 Where you can find Kim: 23:10 The Big Reveal 26:10 Kathleen's parting thoughts Fractured trust in a time of loss is a normal reaction 28:55 Get Quiet & Ask Yourself Questions - For $2/month patreon members Did any of KIm’s Big Reveals make me feel uncomfortable? Can I identify what it was that made me feel this way? Is it because I have strong feelings about that topic that are different than hers? Did I notice how that felt in my body? Did I feel my heart race, my muscles tense, or sweat beginning to form on my back? Did I notice my emotions? Were they anger, surprise, disappointment, sadness….? Am I struggling with Kim as a person now? Do I sense I cannot trust her or do I feel I have lost some respect for her? Do I question the status of her salvation? -It's important for us to allow others to wrestle and struggle in their faith -My experience of asking my own questions 35:54 If you've got a friend struggling in her faith -fight your urgency to fix her -sit with her -let her ask -you don't have to have the answers -engage in curious conversation -see her and let her know how normal it is to question How to find Kim: Facebook Group: The Captivatingly Confident Community Website: CaptivatinglyConfident.com Podcast: The Captivatingly Confident Podcast Instagram: @kim.ludeman Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Wanna hear the why behind Kim's Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the "Interview After the Interview" episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Have more questions for Kim? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters

10. 

    22 Oct 2019

    Her Mom Died, What Do I Say? Part 1 -Kim Ludeman #8

    What is it like for a 19 year old to lose her mom to cancer? How does she process her grief when her whole world changes (her childhood home is sold and her dad remarries right away) and her support system doesn't understand how to help her grieve? Join me as I interview Kim Ludeman and her story of Grief & Loss After Losing Mom. As a Confidence Coach, Kim Ludeman doesn't just help women feel good. With more than 10 years of health & fitness experience, she's obsessed with creating lasting change. Kim gets her clients to stop hiding and live the life they WANT rather than one they think they SHOULD (she also created and hosts her own podcast, coordinates a private Facebook group, and offers individual and group coaching under her company Captivatingly Confident). Kim utilizes a blend of Personal Styling, Nutrition Guidance, Mindset Coaching, and Personal Training to help women reveal their radiance. Kim found a passion for helping women stop hiding after losing her mom to cancer when Kim was 19. Her message of body and self-acceptance has moved thousands of women into taking a more loving approach to their bodies and hearts. She lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband, Tim. Off-hours Kim can usually be found hiking with their 5-year-old Louis and obsessing over all varieties of mustard. Show Notes 15:30 How she got into her current business 18:00 Kim tells us her about her mom and how her life influenced who Kim became 25:00 Her mom is diagnosed with Stage 4 Uterine & Ovarian Cancer at age 43; Kim is 18 yrs old. 27:00 What was it like to know her mom didn't have long to live and how she coped with no support 31:33 What it was like to lose her mom at age 19 and to enter right back into life at college 33:00  How she responds to, "You have to stop crying. You are making everyone else uncomfortable." -She's in a better place. -God has bigger plans -We'll pray for you. 33:57 What would've felt supportive: -Hold space for them. -Hold their hand. -Put your hand on their shoulder. -Sit in the ashes with them. -Just be with them. - To be seen. 35:10 Things to Not Do: -Try not to fix it. -Compare the death to an animal's death. -Compare the death to another person -Scripture references -Say you would pray for her 42:35 She didn't just lose her mom - she loses her childhood home, her dad which drives her isolation 45:30 How she is now 15 years later -Grief is like a ball in the box with a pain button -How a baby shower triggered her grief into anger and sadness 38:00 51:56 A loving gift to her at her Baby Shower in remembrance of her mom 53:10 Kim expands on her feelings of anger in regards to her grief - how thinking she needed to trust that God has a plan made it so she felt she wasn't allowed to be angry at her situation 57:34 "Trauma (death of a loved one is a trauma) is stored in the brain"  If you find yourself stuck in anger or continually triggered or reactive, there are therapy techniques designed to help: Brain Spotting (https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy), EFT, EMDR, Neurofeedback Kathleen's Parting Thoughts Grief After Losing Mom Make room for the possibility that her relationship with mom wasn't good -don't assume Do you know someone who has a poor relationship with her mom - ask her about that Stay away from fixing or silver lining statements Remember the significant person in Kim's life in college, Andrea, she didn't say a word, she just held her Facebook Group: The Captivatingly Confident Community Website: CaptivatinglyConfident.com Podcast: The Captivatingly Confident Podcast Instagram: @kim.ludeman Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You Wanna hear the why behind Kim's Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the "Interview After the Interview" episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Have more questions for Kim? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters

11. 

    8 Oct 2019

    She Had a Miscarriage, What Do I Say? - Corinna Pulatie #7

    What happens when at 19 yrs old you miscarry and at the same time are told by doctors you will never have any more children? In this episode, Corinna Pulatie shares the devastating experience of learning she would never be a mother again. She also vulnerably shares about the pressure women can sometimes feel to not ever feel sad or ungrateful when their Rainbow Baby (the surviving child after miscarriage) comes into her life. Corinna voices her wrestling through the grief of the loss of her pregnancy as well as the shame she felt for the times she was not filled with joy once her newborn arrived. Corinna is wife to Caleb, mom to two wonderful boys, part-time accountant, and an avid baker and cook. Her overwhelming passion in this life is learning more about God and understanding just how much everything is His providence. 00:33 Other women's perspectives 7:24 Intro to Corinna & why this topic is important to talk about 13:24 Has she always been bold & said what was on her mind? 16:24 Did she plan to have kids? Her story 17:13 Life before the Miscarriage 19:13 Losing the pregnancy 21:51 Additional devastating news 23:19 What the wrestling was like for her - her identity changed 26:22 Where she is in the grieving process -Life after the birth of her Rainbow Baby - needing permission to feel anything but grateful 33:44 Fear while pregnant after miscarriage 36:40 The difficulty in seeing other babies after her miscarriage 37:16 Thinking she could've done something to prevent the miscarriage happening 39:00 What she wishes we knew - How do we support women better who've been through miscarriage? -tread gently, try not to assume we know what they've been through -Don't assume this has been a devastating event for her -Allow her to grieve the way she needs to -Let women share at their own pace & encourage them when they do -Don't tell them how they should be feeling -Let them know you are thinking about them (in person or in text) Not sharing the pregnancy ahead of time then had the consequence of no one knowing what she had been through 49:40 Corinna's Big Reveal 51:55 Kathleen's Parting Words Identity changes that can come with grief What about women who don't experience miscarriage as a devastating experience? Helpful things: Ask them if they want to talk about it Still invite them to baby related events - give them the option to say no If you realized you've not said helpful things to another woman in her grief, please be kind to yourself. Some of this is just not intuitive. Common things I heard from women to NOT say: it's for the best. You can try again. At least _______ It was meant to be. God must've needed another angel. God has a plan. They are in a better place. They weren't meant for this world. Wanna hear the why behind Corinna's Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the "Interview After the Interview" episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest's tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn't discuss). Have more questions for Corinna? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew (https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew) Facebook: @WhatSheWishesYouKnew (https://www.facebook.com/WhatSheWishesPodcast/?view_public_for=102012094502893) Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters

12. 

    26 Sept 2019

    She Was Asked to Leave Her Church, What Do I Say? - Connie A Baker #6

    When the church says what she's done is so bad she can no longer attend services, what do you do? What is the right thing to do? What is the loving thing to do? Join us for this episode with Connie A Baker, speaker, author, licensed therapist and Trauma Recovery Specialist as she tell us what she wishes we knew about what it was like to be asked to leave her church. 10:43 Why she became a therapist 12:40 Connie's childhood and how that was a sign she was meant to become a Therapist one day 15:18 How the church was Connie's LIfe Blood - the church became her everything, her whole social circle 18:45 Her story - what caused the leadership of the church to ask her to leave the church 27:13 "I do not believe pastors have affairs. If it is with someone in their own church, it is not an affair." 28:00 Even though she confessed to an emotional affair, that is not what happened. She wasn't being deceitful, at the time she didn't understand what happened 29:00 Why does she confess to something untrue? 33:06 What happens to the pastor who abuses her? 33:56 What does life look immediately after this busts open? 37:05 Losing your identity. How does this affect her spiritually at this point in her story? 40:45 Loss of reputation 41:45 Rebuilding her faith 47:25 What she did to help her through the depression, PTSD, and anxiety that resulted 49:42 What wasn't helpful -"Explain exactly what happen." - looking for who is to blame -"I don't even know who you are anymore." - how about asking them how they are doing, "This is so not like you Connie, I'm just so confused. Talk to me." How to be a supportive friend: -Check up on her well being without asking too many questions (prying) or say, "You are really on my heart." -Those that can ask and listen to her answer, make sure to give lots of permission if they don't want to talk -Listen & love her -"See" her -Recognize that she is the same person - reflect back to her who she really is 61:10 Where you can find Connie: Website: connieabaker.com Facebook Group: Overcoming Religious Abuse: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ORACommunity/ Facebook page: Connie A Baker MA LPC https://www.facebook.com/ReligiousAbuseRecovery/ Book: Traumatized by Religious Abuse: https://www.amazon.com/Traumatized-Religious-Abuse-Courage-Survivors/dp/1643881213/ref=sr_1_1?crid=289DQ3UQYHNQY&keywords=traumatized+by+religious+abuse&qid=1569472865&s=gateway&sprefix=traumatized%2Caps%2C258&sr=8-1 Instagram: @connie_a_baker 64:00 Big Reveal Want to hear the why behind Connie's Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the "Interview After the Interview" episode.  https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew Have more questions for Connie? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew

13. 

    12 Sept 2019

    She's Getting A Divorce, What Do I Say? -Whitney Hickerson #5

    Show Notes Whitney Hickerson is the founder of Waystone Coaching and Mediation, where she helps divorced parents create strong, supportive two-home families. She teaches parents how to support their kids and co-parent effectively without losing sight of their own well-being. A divorced parent herself, Whitney understands the fears, challenges – and yes, rewards – of parenting after divorce Our discussion: The divorce rate in the Christian world is the same in the secular world. 7:03 The goal of Whitney's services is to have a functional 2 home family in the end.  Divorce doesn't have end in a "broken" family. 15:12 After Whitney's divorce guilt and shame came before the grief set in. 17:50 Going back to church was difficult. 20:56 Grief around your identity changing no longer as part of a marriage unit social circle lost inside the church - married couples don't know what to do - some married women may feel threatened 27:38 If your life was built around a social circle involving married couples, your life can suddenly feel very isolating. 28:45 How to be supportive as her friend: Keep inviting them to "couple" related social events to help them to continue to feel included. Ask them to sit with you at church Reach out and acknowledge her Offer support - ask for what they need or offer something specifically Listen For the moms who are probably struggling with their kids not being with them all the time - help them keep busy during these times, invite them out to do things socially 32:58 Things to stay away from doing as her friend: Offering unsolicited advice "Trash Talking" the ex-spouse even if she's doing it Pick sides (you are not required to pick sides) Talking about the ex-spouse 37:19 What do you do if you are having a party, do you invite them both? Find out if they are both open to being in the same location. If not, maybe the one who doesn't come to the event, you do something with them separately. 38:40 What happens if she keeps turning your invites down? keep inviting her; it may take her awhile to want to participate in social events Isolation could be a real thing for her either by her own making or by others not engaging with her. 41:05   Kids' Grief -Dealing with the guilt of knowing you had a hand in it Deal with your own grief - Through therapy you could learn healthy coping skills and then model that to the kids Be aware of your tendency to become more lenient in your parenting style Allow your kids to create a strong bond with the other parent - the better that co-parent relationship is, the better it is for the kids 47:15 How Whitney's Coaching works 48:21 Spiritual Effects of Divorce: Everyone will do this differently - some will move in closer and others will drop off. It's okay to go where you feel most nurtured. Sometimes you need to step back and be angry with God. And then when you're ready you'll either go back to your old church or you'll be ready to go find a new place of worship. As with any life transition, your spiritual walk may change. As you grow and develop, just like any other life change,  it's going to change. And what was a good fit before may not be a good fit now. 50:45 How the grief is now with Whitney Guilt is still a part of the picture. 52:50 How can you find Whitney? Website: waystonemediation.com Divorce Workbook for Kids Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/waystonemediation Instagram: http://instagram.com/whitneyhickerson 01:01:55 Kathleen's Controversial Thoughts on Divorce Want access to the "Interview After the Interview" (we call it the Get a Drink with Your New Friend) to learn more about how Whitney came to align herself to her 3 Big Reveals? Jump on over to patreon.com/whatshewishes Kathleen would love to get your feedback about this episode! Tell her what you loved, what you want more of, or give her a show idea. OR maybe there's something we didn't cover today that you wish we knew about this topic. Shoot Kathleen an email with either a recorded message from your phone recorder (hint, we might just play your voice on the next episode) or write her a quick note and send it to her email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.

14. 

    12 Sept 2019

    Why Does She Think the Way She Does? - Shyla Lee's Big Reveal #4

    As an extra treat, here is the rest of my interview with Shyla Lee. If you are curious how Shyla came to feel strongly about her 3 Big Reveals (she revealed these in the previous episode), you'll want to listen in. This is your opportunity to "Get a Drink with Your New Friend," as mentioned in Episode 2. After each interview, I ask my guest to keep recording with me and explain why she thinks the way she does about each of her 3 Big Reveals. Access to these future Bonus Episodes will be available to our patrons. If you find yourself curious and want to know more about each of our future guests, head on over to patreon.com/whatshewishes, there will be all kinds of goodies available to you, including a special 1 hour Live Q&A with many of our guests (including Shyla). Kathleen would love to get your feedback about this episode! Tell her what you loved, what you want more of, or give her a show idea. OR maybe there's something we didn't cover today that you wish we knew about this topic. Shoot Kathleen an email with either a recorded message from your phone recorder (hint, she might just play your voice on the next episode) or write her a quick note and send it to kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew. If you like this podcast, don't forget to Subscribe, Rate, and Review. It's much appreciated! What She Wishes You Knew Facebook

15. 

    12 Sept 2019

    Her Dad Died By Suicide, What Do I Say? - Shyla Lee #3

    How does a child cope with the loss of a parent when she is forbidden from grieving? And how does that manifest itself in that child's adult life? Join us as we kick off our series on Grief and Loss with our guest Shyla Lee, a 46 yr old wife, mom, and teacher in the Metro Nashville, TN area as she shares the gut wrenching impossible business of healing from her dad's suicide. As she was unable to grieve the loss of her dad as a child, she shows us that grief unprocessed has real consequences. About Shyla: She loves teaching, running, cooking, and reading and S could happily eat tacos every day of her life.  Her favorite weather is snow, and U2 makes her feel alive.  Her & her husband David have been married 26 years and have four sons, ages 21, 19, 16, and 11 - along with a beautiful daughter in law as of 10/27/18!  Life is an adventure in their home of Nashville, TN. SHOW NOTES Shyla's childhood without her dad, living as if he never existed How not processing her grief disconnected her from feeling emotions How therapy helped her acknowledge her dad's disappearance later in life How others responded to her story What felt supportive: they said very little, like they had no idea how to respond they validated with statements like,  "I really just can't wrap my head around how that happen." "I have a hard time imagining a kid that young being put in a circumstance like that" expressions of "This just blows my mind and I don't know what to do with this." it felt like they were joining me in a place, standing beside me because they didn't have any answers some didn't say anything, but the tenor and body language gave the sense that people were entering in it with her What Shyla wishes we knew: sometimes we have pain and vacancy deeply embedded in us that it's going to take very directed and purposeful effort to even to get to the point to choose to even process our grief living integrated and as your whole self is a very important thing Advice to women of whom grief has found them later in life You'll go into deep default mode (auto-pilot) - this may not be the first time this has come up, but it may be that you are finally noticing it It takes time to process all the pain; give yourself grace to deal with as little or as much as you can at the time Grief is not an event to get over, it takes time. It's a lifelong process. Grief is like an onion with many layers. As a community, how can we be supportive to someone going through this grief #1 - if people talked about him in her presence - "Is it okay if I talk about your dad for a little bit?" Focus just on the fact that they died not on the method of their death In the Christian Community, we struggle with this issue because some of us believe the deceased will go to hell. "When I would hear people so easily say, well if a person commits suicide then there is no salvation for that person." The method of how someone died has nothing to do with standing alongside in their grief. Whether they died in a car accident or hanged themself. What isn't helpful Stay away from placing blame or guilt - find another way to handle this on your own, but do not share this with the grieving person (Silk Ring Theory) "You're putting guilt that you are intend for the dead person onto the people that are still here grieving." Try not to pull away from relationship with the grieving person Kathleen's Book Patreon Facebook I'd love to get your feedback about this episode! Tell me what you loved, what you want more of, or give me a show idea. OR maybe there's something we didn't cover today that you wish we knew about this topic. Shoot me an email with either a recorded message from your phone recorder (hint, I might just play your voice on the next episode) or write me a quick note and send it to my email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.

16. 

    12 Sept 2019

    Episode 2: She's Wrong! How Can We Possibly Be Friends?

    Kathleen invites us in to her story of how she was forced to face her own bias and judgements. It was then that she had to decide whether she could keep being friends with a woman who held different ideologies and politics than her own. It is from this experience that the Big Reveal segment of her future interviews came. Kathleen would love to get your feedback about this episode! Tell me what you loved, what you want more of, or give me a show idea. Shoot me an email with either a recorded message from your phone recorder (hint, I might just play your voice on the next episode) or write me a quick note and send it to my email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew. Patreon Link: patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew

17. 

    3 Sept 2019

    Episode 1: Welcome & Introduction

    Welcome! This podcast is on a mission to help Christian women learn how to love and support one another well through the art of moving in, listening, and conveying empathy. If you struggle with what to say to say to someone hurting (without sounding like a dope) or you're curious what you could to become a catalyst to bring healing to our divisive and combative culture, you're going to want to listen in. We'll be interviewing real women with real messy stories and ask them what they wish other Christian women knew. AND at the end of each episode our guest will reveal some things about herself that may make you uncomfortable. Buckle up, friend; it's gonna be fun. Don't forget to subscribe to the show and you'll be notified as soon as the next episode is available.

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