When I Die, Let Me Live explores the deeply human and often hidden conversations surrounding death, dying, and meaning in the face of serious illness. Created in 2017 by a medical student—now a physician in Palliative Care, Geriatrics, and Addiction Medicine—the show honors real moments shared in some of life’s most vulnerable times. Each episode features personal stories from patients, caregivers, and clinicians navigating illness, loss, and what it means to live fully. This is an independent, self-funded project, and listener support helps keep it going. See the website for more information about the show, photos and blogs, and resources for those living with and caring for people with serious illness.
Views expressed on this show are solely those of its creator and guests. The content is not affiliated with, nor does it represent, the views of any employer, institution, or organization.
In part four of our series, we meet Matthew Congdon again—designer, sharp-tongued truth-teller, and stage-four cancer patient—still trying to make sense of a life that keeps blindsiding him. This chapter brings an unexpected turn: a new love that arrived just days after his diagnosis, in the form of a tall Dutchman in white pants named Ludo. Matthew reflects on allowing himself to be cared for, trusting life’s sudden shifts, stepping away from his work, finding joy in the small stuff, and the fears and imaginings that shape the way he’s approaching the end of life.
30 Oct 2025
The Fog that Comes After: Matthew Adjusts to His Illness
In part three of this series, designer Matthew Congdon, who is living with metastatic prostate cancer, reflects on what life feels like after the rush of tests and treatments fades. The fog begins to set in as he navigates the uncertain space between moving through treatment and finding acceptance in this new way of living. With his signature candor and dark humor, Matthew talks about how palliative care reshaped his idea of hope and the small rituals that help him feel in control—like freezing his bottle of morphine in a block of ice, saving it for when the time is right.
22 Oct 2025
The Shape of Control: Matthew Designs His Death
In part two of this series, designer Matthew Congdon shares the phone notification that changed everything for him. In this darkly funny conversation, Matthew recounts the chaos that followed: the shock, the breakup, the black moths, the medical missteps. But amid the turmoil, he begins to reclaim control–through design. From choosing his gravesite to curating the outfit he’ll be buried in, Matthew transforms fear into authorship and finds solace in beauty, ritual, and precision.
14 Oct 2025
Now I'm on the Exact Same Titanic: Matthew Confronts Illness and His Father's Shadow
In this first part of a multi-episode conversation, designer Matthew Congdon speaks with raw humor and sharp wit about navigating life with metastatic prostate cancer. He reflects on growing up in the Midwest, his lifelong relationship with control, and the haunting parallels between his own diagnosis and his father’s cancer. With disarming honesty, Matthew shares what it’s like to inherit a sinking ship—and why he’s choosing to chart a very different course.
9 Oct 2025
Introducing: 'When I Die, Let Me Live' with Dr. Lauren Kelly
A podcast released one series at a time, hosted by Dr. Lauren
Kelly—physician in Palliative Care, Geriatrics, and Addiction Medicine. The
show shares real, personal stories from patients, caregivers, and
clinicians about navigating serious illness and finding meaning in life’s
most vulnerable moments. Subscribe today on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and
visit whenidieletmelive.com for more show content.
21 May 2017
Archive: Death by a Thousand Cuts (Part 2)
Have you ever had to make a decision that someone told you was 'life or death'? Maybe it's another round of chemo, a surgery, or an experimental treatment. The stress at these crossroads can be intense. In Part 2 of 'Death by a Thousand Cuts,' Jay Fishman faces a choice that is fundamental for patients with ALS, a choice that could either shorten or prolong his life. But at what cost? And what happens when people disagree about what to do? Jay explains his evolving thought process and how he ultimately decided what was right for him and his family.
21 May 2017
Archive: Death by a Thousand Cuts (Part 1)
When a diagnosis of ALS turned former Travelers Insurance CEO Jay Fishman's world upside down, he leaned into his disease. But acceptance never comes easily, and there was much to be learned in Jay's journey through his illness. In Part 1 of our premiere episode, Jay tells the story of how he's coped with his ALS and how he redefined his world to move forward after his difficult diagnosis. We also meet Jay's doctor and learn about the close partnership they formed, which allowed them to tackle tough medical decisions together. We learn that behind any well-considered medical decision is a series of dialogues with the people we hold dear about the things that matter most.
1 Jan 2017
Archive: Welcome to 'When I Die, Let Me Live'
This is 'When I Die, Let Me Live,' a new podcast where we take up the taboo, fraught, delicate, but universal topic of death. We'll invite you into the lives of our guest, many of whom are patients, caregivers, and health professionals, as we try to understand what it means to live more fully as the end approaches. In these stories, we hope to find our own voices and feel moved to start having conversations with the people we care about. Because facing death isn't about dying but leaning into our living. Join us each month starting at the top of 2017, and subscribe to us on iTunes.
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