When Love Hurts

About When Love Hurts

When Love Hurts is a podcast that exposes the reality about men’s abuse of women — what it is and how we can respond. Hosted by Alison Epp and Jo Neill and joined by Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis, authors of the influential book When Love Hurts, the show draws from their decades of frontline experience supporting women and educating communities. Together, we’ll break down the many myths and misconceptions that allow abuse to hide in plain sight. For example, the myth that abuse is limited to physical violence fails to include the full scope of abuse — emotional, verbal, financial, sexual and more. This myth prevents women and their supporters from recognizing the impact of all forms of abuse. We also explore the social and systemic forces that enable men’s abuse, and what true support and accountability look like. This podcast is for everyone, not just survivors or professionals. Abuse impacts us all, whether we see it or not. Jill and Karen offer clear insight, practical wisdom, and heartfelt compassion in each episode. Join us as we shine light into the darkness, build understanding, and work toward a world where love never hurts.

Publisher

Alison Epp, Jo Neill, Jill Cory, Karen McAndless-Davis

Category

education · health & fitness

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

27 Aug 2025

Latest episode

6 Jan 2026

Latest episodes

11 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   6 Jan 2026

   Episode 8: Understanding the healing journey

   In this episode, we explore the healing journey for women who have experienced abuse. Jill and I share that in the first edition of the book, we didn’t yet have the chapter on healing. It wasn’t until we had supported women over longer periods – and listened deeply to what they told us – that we were able to understand this phase more fully. As we always do, we gathered women together and asked them to teach us about their healing. What they shared became the core elements of our current understanding. The women helped us develop what we now call the Figure Eight Model of Healing: an image of a figure eight where the lower loop represents grieving and the upper loop represents rebuilding. Healing moves back and forth between these two experiences. Grieving isn’t separate from healing – it is part of it. Women often feel energized and a sense of rebuilding at some points, and at other times find themselves pulled back into grief. The relative size of the loops shifts over time; sometimes rebuilding is expansive and full of new opportunities, and at other times grief takes up most of the emotional space. Rebuilding can be made up of tiny, meaningful steps – like stepping outside into the garden or offering oneself a moment of kindness. The figure eight is open at both the top and bottom, reminding us that healing is not an endless cycle and that there are ways out and forward. When women are more in the grieving part of the journey, the sense of loss can be overwhelming. Many describe feeling as though the floor has fallen out from under them—disoriented, alone, and unsure where to anchor themselves. They often grieve the hopes and dreams the relationship once held, including the vision they had for their children’s lives, their families, or the future they believed they were building. There can be disappointment, sadness, anger, and a sense of failure imposed by societal judgment. Women grieve the loss of time, opportunities, financial stability, and connections with people who may have sided with him or distanced themselves. They grieve the betrayal from family, faith communities, workplaces, and systems that should have supported them. Some describe simply enduring life rather than enjoying it, feeling low or depressed, or regretting choices made along the way. We emphasize that expressing grief is not “focusing on the negative” – it is necessary to tell the truth of one’s losses. Read the rest of the show notes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2026/01/8-understanding-the-healing-journey/). If this information has brought you to feeling like you need further support, here are a few available resources: Alison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/groups/) throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading. 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources. If you still cannot find what you are looking for, please connect with us by email (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/contact/).

2. 

   30 Dec 2025

   Episode 7: Mothering, post separation abuse, and the legal system

   In this episode, we talk about how men’s abuse profoundly impacts mothering and how that abuse so often continues after separation through the legal system. We begin by reflecting on our own experiences of being mothered and mothering, grounding us in the reality that parenting is never meant to be done alone. From there, we explore how abusive men undermine women’s ability to parent authentically, forcing mothers into impossible double binds – being told they are too strict or too soft, never able to simply respond to their children’s needs without fear of retaliation or escalation. We discuss how men’s abuse drains the emotional and practical energy of the household, leaving women carrying the vast majority of parenting and domestic labor while also trying to protect their children from harm. We challenge the deeply ingrained belief that a man can be abusive to a woman and still be a “good father,” and we name how children are inevitably impacted when they witness control, intimidation, and disrespect toward their mother. We also speak to the ways children may imitate abusive behaviors, not because they are abusive themselves, but because they have been burdened with harmful attitudes and tactics learned from their father. Read the rest of the show notes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/12/7-mothering-post-separation-abuse-legal-system/). If this information has brought you to feeling like you need further support, here are a few available resources: Alison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/groups/) throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading. 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources. If you still cannot find what you are looking for, please connect with us by email (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/contact/).

3. 

   23 Dec 2025

   Episode 6: The harms of help

   Services can repeat dynamics of abuse. In this episode we explore the concept of "harms of help" – the negative experiences women have with the very people and services meant to support them. This concept came from our research, where over 250 women were asked about what barriers they faced when seeking support. Many women described to us how the support they sought through services and professionals paradoxically added to initial harms of the abuse, rather than helped. Women observed that the treatment by service providers can mirror the control dynamics of their abusive partner. For example, women described harmful experiences with: Courts that favor fathers regardless of his violence Police who label situations as “mutual conflict.” Shelters with rules that exclude vulnerable women. Child welfare systems that dismiss disclosures and blame mothers. Healthcare providers who offer judgment instead of support Helpers that favour or take the side of the abusive man and blame women. Counselors who fail to recognize abuse or focus on “relationship skills” instead of safety. When these responses ignore the abuse, it embolden the abusive partner, compounds the harms of the abuse, and increases women’s isolation. Read the rest of the show notes, here (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/12/6-harms-of-help/). For helpers and professionals, here's a reminder to anyone supporting women: Recognize the power you hold. Avoid replicating dynamics of control. Listen more than you speak. Believe women. Keep women in control of their own process. Understand that systems can create vulnerability. Closing notes For more information, visit whenlovehurts.ca (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca). Listeners are invited to join the #WLHCommunity and help spread the message. The hosts also thank MCC Canada (https://mcc.org/) for supporting Season 1 and welcome sponsors for future seasons.

4. 

   16 Dec 2025

   Episode 5: Why abusive men are abusive

   In this episode, we take on the question women ask again and again: Why is he abusive? Women are desperate for an answer. They want to understand his need for power and control – where it comes from, what drives it, and whether he’s even aware of it. For many women, this becomes a pivotal point in making sense of their situation. There are many unfounded theories and explanations commonly offered for why abusive men are abusive: He has an anger problem. He’s under a lot of stress. He’s mentally ill. It’s because of his childhood. He’s an addict. It’s just his “conflict style.” None of these are accurate. These excuses show up everywhere in the dominant discourse and leave both women and professionals confused about what the real issue actually is. Karen shares part of her own story about Bruce’s change process and what that looked like. That experience leads us into a discussion of the true cause of abuse: the man’s underlying belief system. Research from the University of British Columbia’s School of Social Work, based on interviews with men before and after treatment, identified three core beliefs held by abusive men. These beliefs create the foundation that allows abuse to happen: Central – He believes he should be the centre of the household and that everything should revolve around him. Superior – He believes he is better than his partner in all areas that matter. Deserving – He believes he is entitled to whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. These beliefs are deeply held – often unconscious – and rooted in privilege and entitlement. Abusive men may know how to “talk the talk” of healthy relationship, so they won’t usually state these beliefs outright. But their actions reveal them. More in the show notes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/12/5-why-abusive-men-abusive/) Alison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/groups/) throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading. 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources. If you still cannot find what you are looking for, please connect with us by email (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/contact/). Please like, share, and subscribe to help more people access this vital content.

5. 

   9 Dec 2025

   Episode 4: The impacts of abuse for women

   We want to thank you for joining us for this heavy, but essential, conversation. Be gentle with yourself as you listen; grab your coffee or tea and give yourself the space and time you need. Historically, everyone — from services to courts to friends — has focused on what he did. "Did he kick? Did he choke? Was it bad enough to count as abuse?" Can she prove it? But this focus on his behaviour completely fails to describe the devastating impact their behaviour has on their partner's while ignoring or minimizing the woman’s experiences.. In this episode, we center the impact of his abuse on her. Focusing on impacts shifts focus from ‘What is wrong with her’: to “What has happened to her?” In this episode,we explore the deep and wide-ranging ways men’s abuse impacts women — regardless of what specific tactics of abuse he uses. Men’s abuse has so many impacts. Broadly, it systematically strips away a woman’s autonomy, affecting everything – how you live, how you parent, who you have friendships with, who you can see, how you express yourself, etc.. Abusive men create a constant, terrifying and unpredictable reality — like walking through a landmine, where any step could trigger an explosion. A woman can't focus on herself because she is entirely focused on minimizing harm to her and her children. Looking at impacts helps women identify how the fear has affected them. Abuse also impacts your physical and mental health. Women experience migraines, body pain, insomnia, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, weight changes, frequent infections, reproductive coercion and so much more. Resources and next steps Read the entire show notes Alison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/groups/) throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading. 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources.

6. 

   2 Dec 2025

   Episode 3: Understanding the power and control wheel

   In this episode of the When Love Hurts podcast, we unpack the realities of power and control in abusive relationships. We dive into a deeper exploration of the Power and Control Wheel, a tool we use every day in our work with women. We speak about why this tool matters so much, how it builds on the cycle of abuse, and how it helps women name and understand the tactics used against them. As we walk through each section of the wheel, we share examples from the countless stories women have entrusted to us over the years. We talk about psychological abuse—especially gaslighting—and how disorienting and crazy-making it can be when someone rewrites your reality. We discuss the many forms physical abuse can take beyond hitting, including blocking exits, reckless driving, and threatening behavior that leaves no visible marks. We explore verbal abuse, from cruel insults to conversational control, and how words become weapons instead of a means of connection. We also spend time on financial abuse, one of the most misunderstood but powerful forms of control, and we highlight how deeply it traps women—both during the relationship and after leaving. We speak about social abuse and the devastating impact of isolation, including tactics that involve friends, family, and community. From there, we move into spiritual abuse, cultural abuse, the use of children as a weapon, and sexual abuse—all areas where lines often blur, tactics overlap, and women are left feeling confused, ashamed, and alone. Resources Shownotes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/12/3-understanding-power-control-wheel/) Alison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/groups/) throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading. 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources. If you still cannot find what you are looking for, please connect with us by email (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/contact/). Power and Control Wheel (PDF) (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/When-Love-Hurts-June-2025-power-and-control.pdf)

7. 

   25 Nov 2025

   Episode 2: Understanding the cycle of abuse

   In this episode, we take a deeper look at the cycle of abuse, what it is, how it functions, and how it impacts women both during a relationship and after separation. We begin by sharing our own first encounters with the cycle and then break down each phase, exploring why it’s so confusing, why it’s so effective at trapping women, and why outsiders so often miss what’s really happening. The cycle describes the patterned behaviors of abusive partners. It includes three phases. Honeymoon – manipulative kindness Tension – walking on eggshells Explosion – the most devastating behaviors Each phase in the cycle is a part of the abuse. The honeymoon isn’t love; it’s grooming. And the unpredictability is what makes the cycle so confusing and so effective. Learn more and get resources: Show notes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/11/episode-2-understanding-the-cycle-of-abuse/) Allison Epp, counselling (https://www.alisonepp.ca/) Jo Neill, counselling (https://www.joneillcounselling.com/) When Love Hurts, contact (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/contact/)

8. 

   25 Nov 2025

   Episode 1: Why are we here? Understanding the dominant discourse around woman abuse

   In this first episode of When Love Hurts, Alison, Jo, Jill, and Karen come together to begin a conversation they've been passionate about for decades. They created this podcast because they've seen far too many women bravely seek help only to be misunderstood, minimized, or given advice that leaves them more vulnerable. The creators want women, and the professionals who support them, to finally have access to clear, accurate information about abuse. When a woman hears her experience accurately named, it cuts through the fog of confusion and shame. That clarity is powerful, and we want it to be available to everyone. Throughout this season, they'll be sharing tools, exercises, and frameworks grounded in what they’ve learned from thousands of women over the years. They trust women’s experiences as the deepest source of truth, and their goal is to bring that truth forward with compassion and clarity. They hope these conversations help you rethink what you’ve been told about abuse, understand your own experience more clearly, or support the women in your life with greater confidence. Show notes (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/2025/11/episode-1-dominant-discourse-woman-abuse/) www.whenlovehurts.ca (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/)

9. 

   13 Nov 2025

   Excitement for When Love Hurts, the podcast, launching November 25

   We're counting down the days until the launch of our podcast! We're very excited about producing and publishing these conversations. Season One launches November 25! Join us as we reframe the conversation about abuse, healing, and hope. Every day, we hear from women who are living with or recovering from abuse. These women are often harmed further by the misinformation that surrounds them. In this preview conversation, we give you a taste of our approach, by naming some of the most persistent myths and dominant discourses about abuse; that women stay because they have poor boundaries, or that leaving is a simple matter of choice. Join us this season as we unpack how these narratives misplace responsibility, overlooking the realities of power and control in abusive relationships. We will examine how these ideas not only isolate women but also reinforce the very systems that keep abuse hidden. This podcast is about changing this. We are offering clear, compassionate, evidence-based understandings of what men’s abuse of women really looks like, why it happens, and what can help. In upcoming episodes, Karen and Alison will be joined by Jill and Jo to deepen the discussion and share the voices and insights of women who have lived through abuse.

10. 

    15 Sept 2025

    Announcing When Love Hurts, the podcast, with Karen McAndless-Davis and Jill Cory

    What if everything you thought you knew about abuse wasn't quite right? What do you do when you realize the man you're with is not who he says he is? But you can't quite put your finger on exactly what the problem is. What do you do when you feel trapped and alone in your relationship, but everyone else thinks he's such a great guy. The authors of When Love Hurts, a Woman's Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships, have spent decades supporting women who've experienced abuse and also help organizations and communities develop informed and compassionate responses so that women receive the right kind of support. In this podcast, we're exposing the hidden realities about men's abuse of women. What it really is. Why it happens and what needs to change.

11. 

    27 Aug 2025

    New podcast! Is this thing on? Introducing Alison Epp and Jo Neill

    The When Love Hurts book and material is an an incredible resource for women who are experiencing abuse in their relationship. It transforms perspectives and understanding. Alison has a Master’s of Counselling Psychology and works in a counselling practice providing individual and group counselling. Alison continues to co-facilitate a WLH support group through MCC Saskatoon. Jo is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with a private practice in BC. Jo works with other survivors as well as educating people on the topic of abuse and coercive control. www.whenlovehurts.ca/podcast/ (https://www.whenlovehurts.ca/podcast/)

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

2 ratings