You were meant to find us.
This is a space for the conversations that don’t fit into neat boxes. A place where sex, identity, and relationships aren’t bound by binaries, and where morality is a spectrum, not a rulebook. In this unfiltered, experiential podcast, we explore the messy, beautiful, and deeply human aspects of sexuality—before shame, before dogma, before limits. From history and philosophy to personal storytelling and modern sex-positive culture, no topic is off-limits. Listen for the whispers only you can hear.
We hope you’ve come to stay.
I almost didn't record this one.
Not because I had nothing to say. Because I don't feel it right now. Not flirty. Not playful. Most days, not even turned on. And I host a show about pleasure.
This is episode 30. Thirty. I'm proud of that, and so grateful to every one of you who's been listening. And it feels a little funny to hit this milestone running low. But maybe that's exactly the right time to ask the question underneath every episode so far.
Why do we talk about this at all?
This isn't five tips to get your spark back. I don't have those. It's me, in a flat stretch, telling you why I think this conversation matters more right now, not less.
Along the way: what flatness actually looks like for me (hint, it isn't losing sex, it's losing aliveness). Emily Nagoski's idea of responsive desire and the accelerator and the brake, and the moment I realized I don't know how to press one without the other. Esther Perel on the erotic as an antidote to death. Why sexual energy grows the opposite way muscle does. And a pilot light, that tiny blue flame that stays lit when the furnace is off.
I also talk to the woman in the quiet marriage, the one who isn't leaving and isn't sure what to do with this part of herself.
And since the whole episode is about saying things out loud, I say something I never have on this show. About initiating. And where I think that comes from.
I don't have it figured out at thirty episodes. I'd rather tell you that than pretend.
4 Oct 2026
Pleasure & Regret: Gibran, Hedonism & the Night I Regret
At the end of the last episode, I kept saying one word. Permission. Permission to play.
And I realized I never asked the next question. What happens when you give yourself permission… and you regret it?
So in this episode I tell you two stories. The first is a night in my thirties, new to drinking and new to a lot of things, when I let myself step into the middle of someone else's relationship. I didn't ask. I didn't care enough to ask. That's the story that still gives me a twinge.
The second is a pleasure I was told I should feel guilty about, and didn't.
Holding them side by side is Kahlil Gibran's poem "On Pleasure," from The Prophet. It's a hundred-year-old poem that calls pleasure a freedom song, but not freedom. That asks whether a firefly could ever offend the stars. And that has a line about regret so close to my own story it stopped me cold.
Along the way: why I grew up hearing that hedonism brought down Rome. Whether chasing pleasure on purpose is actually a better way to live. Why getting experience late doesn't mean you missed it. And the question I keep coming back to: when we regret a pleasure, is it really the pleasure we regret? Or who we were being when we had it?
I don't land it. I rarely do. But I think regret might be information, not punishment. And not every rule deserves your guilt.
Stay after the goodbye. I read the whole poem.
I thought I knew what tantra meant. A partner made a joke about it and I laughed along — and then I actually went and did the reading, and almost none of what I thought turned out to be true.
This episode is my attempt to untangle three words we use like they're interchangeable and aren't:
Classical Tantra, the actual non-dual tradition going back over a thousand years, built around the idea that you're not earning your way toward wholeness — you're remembering a wholeness that was already there.
Neo-tantra, which has a real origin story most people have never heard, starting with a man named Pierre Bernard running a "spiritual retreat" out of a mansion in 1920s New York.
And sacred sexuality, the modern umbrella term that's grown up underneath both.
I bring in the two people teaching classical tantra who actually changed how I think about this — a Sanskrit scholar and a practicing cardiologist, landing in the same place from completely opposite directions — plus a teacher who trained under both the monk and the sex-magic camp at once, on purpose.
And underneath all of it is the thing I actually can't stop thinking about: a conversation with a doctor about a NuvaRing, and how many women she says can't stand touching their own bodies. Because if any of this is real — if all of it, the whole body included, is sacred instead of shameful — then stigma, shame, sin, and the idea that your body belongs to someone else's permission before your own all have to come apart first.
The revelations are still coming, and here's what I've got so far...
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