About Widow's Permission Slips with Gladys Jean Ullstam
Nobody hands you a rulebook when your person dies. But somehow, everybody seems to have an opinion about how you should be grieving — how long it should take, how sad you're allowed to be, when you should start feeling better, and what moving forward is supposed to look like.
This podcast is a permission slip for all of it.
Widow's Permission Slips is hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam — certified life coach and Gary's widow. Gary died in late November of 2021. He was 56 and a quarter years old. And Gladys is still, every single day, figuring out what it means to keep going without him.
Each episode, Gladys sits with you in one specific thing you might be experiencing — the exhaustion, the guilt, the identity questions, the impossible holidays, the moments nobody warned you about. Not to fix it. Not to rush you through it. Just to say: you are not alone in this, and you have permission.
Widow's Permission Slips is written primarily for widows — but if you have lost a spouse or partner and you are trying to find your footing, you belong here too.
New episodes drop regularly. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Gladys Jean Ullstam is the founder of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows and a certified life coach. To book a free Holding the Ember discovery call, visit emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.
After Gary died, I could barely picture my life a year ahead. When a coach asked me to write a letter from my future self, I was afraid to imagine specific changes. Thinking about what I might want brought up questions I wasn’t sure how to answer. In this episode, I talk about the guilt that can come with looking forward. How do you begin making plans when you’re still missing the person you expected to share them with? If you’ve been struggling to think about your future, this episode is for...
14 Oct 2026
Episode 15 — Letting People Help (Even When It's Hard)
Asking for help has never come easily to me. I’ve spent my life looking after other people, and after Gary died, there were things he had always handled that I had to figure out. One day, that meant calling my daughter for help with a very angry possum. In this episode, I talk about the worry of putting someone out and how to have an answer ready when someone says, “Let me know if you need anything.” If you’ve been saying “I’m fine” while wondering how you’re going to manage it all, this epis...
2 Oct 2026
Episode 14 — The Lessons We Carry
As I mark 40 years since our wedding day and 41 years since Gary and I met, I am reflecting on the lessons his love still teaches me. In this episode, I share the wisdom I carry from Gary—about joy, family, strength, beauty, and believing that everything will be okay—and invite you to name one lesson you carry from your own person. Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow. If you ar...
2 Oct 2026
Episode 13 — Rest Is Not Giving Up
You can be exhausted all day and still lie awake at night. After Gary died, sleep was one of the things that stopped making sense to me. But the tiredness went beyond lost sleep. Life still needed my attention, even when I felt like I had nothing left to give. In this episode, I talk about why “just get some rest” can be such a hard thing to hear when you’re widowed. What if rest doesn’t look the way you expect it to right now? If you’re tired of pushing through but don’t know how to stop, th...
18 Sept 2026
Episode 12 — The Loneliness That Doesn't Go Away in a Crowd
After Gary died, I learned that being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. I could be surrounded by people who loved me, sitting at a full table, and still feel completely alone because the one person I was looking for wasn't there. In this episode, I talk about the kind of loneliness a crowd can't fix. I share why it isn't a sign that you're broken or failing to move forward, how to stop fighting it when it comes, and why one honest connection can mean more than a room...
2 Sept 2026
Episode 11 — Your Kids Are Grieving Too, and So Are You
When Gary died, I didn't just become a widow. I became the only living parent of two grieving kids. Mine are grown, and it turns out grown kids still need their mom in grief. In this episode, I talk about the juggling act nobody hands you a manual for. Mothering broken hearts while your own heart is broken. I share why you can't do your kids' grieving for them, why hiding your grief from them doesn't protect them the way you hope, and how a family learns to carry a loss together without anyon...
10 Aug 2026
Monday Permission Slip - Out of the Cave - 8.10.26
Widowhood makes you want to get small. To pull the world in close, shut the door, and stay in the cave where it feels safe. I know that pull. I felt it hard after Gary died. In this episode, I talk about what happened when I made myself venture out anyway, teaching myself the ukulele in year two and playing open mic nights at an art studio in Hammond, taking every dance class I could find, and making friends across the country. And I share the thing that surprised me most. Out there, trying a...
6 Aug 2026
Episode 10 — What to Do With the People Who Say the Wrong Thing (Every Time)
He is in a better place. At least you had the years you had. Everything happens for a reason. And my personal favorite, the head tilt, which doesn't even need words. If you've been widowed for more than about a week, you've collected a whole pile of these, and every one of them lands wrong. In this episode, I talk about what's actually happening when someone who loves you says the worst possible thing, and why so many of us end up comforting other people about our own husband's death. I share...
4 Aug 2026
Monday (?) Permission Slip - The Bucket & the Lazy River - 8.3.26
This weekend I floated around a lazy river, watching a giant bucket fill up and dump on the people below. If you see it coming, you can brace for it. It's unpleasant, but you knew what you signed up for. If you don't see it coming, it knocks you clean off your feet. And somewhere on that river, I realized that's exactly how grief works. In this episode, I talk about the hard days we can brace for, the ones that hit out of nowhere, and the way we punish ourselves when we get walloped unprepare...
27 Jul 2026
Episode 9 — When the People You Expected to Show Up Didn't
In the first two weeks after Gary died, my phone never stopped. Then somewhere around week six, it got quiet. Some of the people I was most sure of were the ones I never heard from again. In this episode, I talk about the second loss nobody prepares you for, and the idea that finally took the sting out of it for me. Relationships have seasons. All of them, our whole lives long. I share why the people who disappeared were never a report card on my worth, and how their absence left room for the...
21 Jul 2026
Episode 8 — The Identity Question Nobody Prepared You For
A few weeks after Gary died, I had to fill out a form at the bank. Marital status. Single. Married. Divorced. Widowed. My pen just stopped. In this episode, I talk about the question that shows up in waiting rooms and quiet kitchens after your person dies. Who am I now? I share why the word widow felt like it only took things away, the realization that changed how I carry it, and how the answer to the identity question comes one small choice at a time. If you don't quite recognize yourself ri...
20 Jul 2026
Monday Permission Slip - Tired of Being Brave - July 20, 2026
July 20th - MONDAY Permission Slip Strong. You're so strong, I don't know how you do it, you're handling this so well. People hand widows that word like a gift, but if you've been widowed more than a few weeks, you know it starts to feel less like a gift and more like a job. In this episode, I talk about the day I hit the wall, bone tired of holding it all together, and why that kind of tired is not weakness or failing at grief. I share the picture that changed how I see it, the heavy b...
15 Jul 2026
Episode 7 — The Love Was Never a Debt
Early in my grief, my brain told me a lie. It said I deserved to be widowed. In this episode, I share where that thought came from, why it felt so true, and the simple journal exercise that broke the spell. If your brain has ever told you that your loss is somehow the price of your love, this one is for you. Your permission slip this week: I give myself permission to be that loved. Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys...
14 Jul 2026
Episode 6 — Wanting Things Again
It sneaks up on you. Out of nowhere, you want something again. You laugh a real laugh, you crave a good meal, you catch yourself enjoying an ordinary morning. And then the guilt rushes in right behind it, because how dare you want anything when he is gone. In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the strange guilt of wanting things again. I share how long I refused to let myself enjoy a single thing after Gary died, the backwards belief that was hiding underneath it, and...
13 Jul 2026
Episode 5 — Let Yourself Be Changed
People love to reassure you that the old you will come back, that one day you will feel like yourself again. But what if that is not true, and what if it does not need to be? Grief changes you all the way down, the way becoming a parent does. There is a you before and a you after, and they are not the same woman. In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I talk about being changed by loss on a cellular level, a lifelong fear that vanished the moment Gary stopped breathing, and the square d...
7 Jul 2026
Episode 4 — Grief Is Not a Problem to Solve
Somewhere in the middle of all this, you probably started treating your grief like a problem to solve. The books, the stages, the journal, the app, the quiet hope that if you just do the right things in the right order, one day you will wake up and be done with it. In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I talk about that day you keep waiting for, the finish line that never actually comes. I share how long I spent treating my own grief like a checklist after Gary died, what finally shift...
1 Jul 2026
Episode 3 — The Grief Nobody Warned You About
Sometimes grief shows up in ways that surprise you. Laughing at the worst possible moment. Feeling nothing at all when you expected to fall apart. A flash of relief that frightens you. Anger that seems to come from nowhere and land everywhere. In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the parts of grief that feel strange or even wrong, the ones that make you quietly wonder if something is broken in you. We talk about why anger belongs to grief, why numbness is a form of g...
1 Jul 2026
Episode 2 — Grief Doesn't Have a Schedule
It has been a while now, and you can feel the expectation in the air. The sense that you should be further along by this point. Maybe someone has said it out loud, or maybe it is just the way the conversations around you have moved on while you are still standing in the middle of it. In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the myth that grief runs on a schedule. We look at where the idea of neat stages and tidy timelines came from, why it does not match the real experie...
1 Jul 2026
Episode 1 — You Don't Have to Be Okay
Episode 1 — You Don't Have to Be Okay Everyone around you seems to need you to be okay. The friend who keeps telling you how strong you are. The coworker who relaxes when you smile. The part of you that has learned to say "I'm fine" because it is easier than watching someone's face fall. In this first episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the exhaustion of performing okay when you are anything but. We talk about where that pressure comes from, why it shows up so early in grie...
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