Women’s Psychology Podcast

About Women’s Psychology Podcast

Studying stories and psychology research about women and parenting, looking at future innovations, and positive, uplifting tips and strategies for greater health, happiness, and success for women. womenspsychology.substack.com (https://womenspsychology.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Dr. Paul

Category

education · education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

23 Oct 2023

Latest episode

23 Sept 2025

Latest episodes

19 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   23 Sept 2025

   The Steps of Attraction

   Upgraded Members get access to everything: SHOW NOTES: In this segment, Dr. Paul introduces the "steps of attraction," a proprietary framework developed by Romantipedia.com, designed to help women understand the dynamics between men and women in the context of sexual attraction. They emphasize that these principles are not only historical but have remained relevant throughout human history. The first step outlined is for women to "show up beautiful," which they assert is the primary factor in attracting men. This notion is backed by the long-standing significance of beauty in human interactions, highlighting that it extends beyond conventional standards of beauty to encompass being the best version of oneself. The speakers clarify that beauty is subjective and varies by individual preference. They warn against the potential pitfalls of women who, despite having admirable qualities such as intelligence, charm, and success, may find themselves in relationships where physical attraction is lacking. This mismatch can lead to issues later in the relationship, particularly affecting the sexual dynamic. The discussion underscores the importance of initial physical attraction as a key element of long-term compatibility. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

2. 

   16 Sept 2025

   How to End the Night

   Upgraded Members get access to everything: SHOW NOTES: In this segment, Dr. Paul discuss how to effectively start and conclude a girls' night out. They emphasize the importance of planning by setting a firm date for the event and clearly communicating the purpose—that the night is not just a casual dinner but a dedicated outing aimed at socializing and potentially meeting men. One speaker jokingly refers to dressing up for the occasion as going out "looking like girls," contrasting it with more casual attire. As the night wraps up, they note that male groups often gather to debrief, discussing how the evening went, while emphasizing that women typically prefer to stay together to avoid early gossip. They recommend keeping the group intact until the end and suggest a follow-up gathering, like brunch, to share experiences from the night, fostering a sense of camaraderie and connection. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

3. 

   13 May 2025

   Organizing Your Workshop for Other Women

   Upgraded Members get access to everything: SHOW NOTES: Dr. Paul introduces a module focused on the "Girls Night Out" dating and attraction workshop, accompanied by staff and moderator coaches Allison, Donna, and Tony. This is part of the Women's Happiness program aimed at helping women enhance their dating skills in a group setting. 1. **Purpose of the Workshop**: - The program is designed to educate women on the basics of attraction through interactive workshops that encourage participation among friends. 2. **Importance of Sharing**: - Participants are encouraged to share the program with their girlfriends for free, fostering a community of learning rather than using the material for commercial purposes. 3. **Organizational Skills**: - The workshop requires organization and leadership from participants, emphasizing the need to move away from screens and engage socially. It’s a call to action for women to gather and learn together while having fun. 4. **Focus on In-Person Interaction**: - Dr. Paul highlights the value of in-person interaction and connection, pointing out that many dating skills are not adequately addressed in standard self-help resources. 5. **Building a Supportive Environment**: - The importance of teamwork and collective effort is stressed, encouraging women to rally together to create a supportive and engaging learning environment. In essence, this module aims to empower women by providing them with essential dating and attraction skills through collaborative workshops and social interactions. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

4. 

   6 May 2025

   The Magic Conversation

   Upgraded Members get access to everything: SHOW NOTES: Dr Paul introduces a module called "The Magic Conversation," aimed at empowering women to navigate initial interactions with men effectively. Here's a summary of the key points: 1. **Introduction to The Magic Conversation**: - This concept is a strategic approach for women to incorporate various steps of attraction into a single conversation, enhancing their dating experiences. 2. **The Importance of Attraction**: - The idea is to help women know early on if a man is attracted to them, giving them the opportunity to assess whether they want to pursue further acquaintance or relationships. 3. **Early Detection of Commitment Potential**: - The module suggests that within the first three to five minutes of meeting someone, women should be able to gauge whether a man might be capable of a committed relationship. 4. **Focus on Sexual Attraction**: - The upcoming parts of this program will aim to enhance sexual attraction through the outlined "magic conversation," detailing specific conversational techniques to use. 5. **Structure of the Conversation**: - The conversation is structured into four parts, starting with small talk. This approach may be challenging for women who are shy, especially if they are accustomed to men initiating conversations. 6. **Next Steps**: - The module reinforces that while it won't dive deep into the scientific explanations behind the techniques, further information will be available in future programs and live forums. In summary, "The Magic Conversation" is designed to equip women with tools to engage meaningfully and confidently in initial interactions with men, facilitating the assessment of mutual attraction and potential for deeper connections. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

5. 

   29 Apr 2025

   Screening, Selecting, and Testing Men

   Upgraded Members get access to everything: SUMMARY: The transcript discusses strategies for women on how to engage with men, especially in situations where they feel there is "nothing to say or do." Here’s a concise summary of the key points: 1. **Be Physical and Socially Engaged**: - When feeling stuck in conversation, shift your focus outward and engage with your surroundings or other people. - Men are generally attracted to women who are social and lively, so talking to others can also draw the man’s attention. 2. **Utilize Your Environment**: - In social settings like bars or restaurants, take advantage of the friendly staff (bartenders, waiters, etc.) to initiate conversation, especially if there’s a lull with a man. 3. **Prepare for Social Interaction**: - Consider participating in improv or similar classes to enhance your ability to engage in conversations creatively. This training helps you think on your feet and brings spontaneity to social interactions. 4. **Embrace Non-Linear Conversation**: - Conversations don’t have to follow a logical flow. It’s perfectly acceptable to jump between topics or revisit previous discussions, allowing for a more dynamic interaction. 5. **Authenticity is Key**: - Encourage being genuinely yourself instead of trying too hard or adopting a persona just to impress a man. True attractiveness stems from authenticity and uniqueness. 6. **Overall Objective**: - The aim is to foster genuine connections by being yourself while engaging and staying social in mixed environments. This approach prioritizes comfort, creativity, and authenticity in social interactions, ultimately leading to more meaningful engagements. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

6. 

   21 Apr 2025

   Fear of Men, and Competition With Other Women

   SHOW NOTES: Dr. Paul discusses the fear some women may have regarding men, specifically relating to their intentions, physicality, and differences. It highlights the importance of finding a balance in social interactions, weighing between being decisive and open to new experiences while also seeking safety—both physical and emotional. Key points include: 1. **Managing Fear**: Women are encouraged to assess their comfort levels and gradually stretch their boundaries in social situations involving men. 2. **Value of Connection**: The importance of friendships is emphasized as a source of support and safety, particularly during social outings like "girls’ night out." 3. **Understanding Masculine Instincts**: The program aims to educate women about men's instincts, acknowledging that these instincts are not purely logical or emotional but rather passionate drives that shape interactions. 4. **Empowerment through Awareness**: By understanding the instinctual differences between genders, women can better navigate the dating landscape while enjoying their social interactions. 5. **Socialization Benefits**: The overall message underscores the mutual benefits of spending time with friends, which promotes safety and enhances personal growth in dating contexts. In summary, the conversation promotes a proactive approach to addressing fears about men through connection, education, and supportive social networks. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

7. 

   4 Mar 2025

   Your Inner Psychology of Beauty

   SHOW NOTES: The discussion outlines “four general areas of learning in dating coaching” where common issues may arise: 1. **Inner Psychology**: This refers to how one's internal feelings and self-perception can affect dating experiences. Inner confidence and approachability are critical. Participants are encouraged to be aware of their body language, such as maintaining a smile and making eye contact, reflecting their confidence levels. 2. **Potential Issues**: Several problems can occur, including the possibility that a man may not notice a woman at all, perhaps due to being preoccupied with something else. Participants are reminded that men are typically less adept at picking up subtle social cues. 3. **Shyness and Interpretations**: Women who are shy may find it challenging to approach men they are attracted to. It is emphasized that if a man fails to notice them, it likely does not reflect his attraction but could be due to his focus being elsewhere. 4. **Corrective Strategies**: To overcome these challenges, the conversation suggests moving closer to the man or introducing oneself proactively as effective strategies to enhance social interaction and visibility in a dating context. The session aims to help participants recognize how inner perceptions influence dating behaviors and interactions, while providing practical tips to navigate social situations more effectively. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

8. 

   18 Feb 2025

   How to Test a Man for Masculinity and Character

   SHOW NOTES: The conversation of Dr Paul and Team focuses on **Step Three of Sexual Attraction**, where a man must prove himself capable of rising to challenges presented by a woman. This step is vital in differentiating mature men from boys. 1. **Passing the Test**: A man capable of successfully completing the first two steps but failing to meet the subsequent challenges is labeled a "loser" or seen as still being a boy. The ability to pass these tests demonstrates maturity and character. 2. **Types of Men**: - **Nice Guys**: Gentlemen who are kind but unable to meet challenges are often categorized as "friends." While they may be reliable, they tend to finish last in the realm of sexual attraction. - **Bad Boys**: These men can be attractive due to their masculinity, but their lack of maturity disqualifies them from being suitable partners. Women often feel drawn to these bad boys because of their strong masculine presence but may become frustrated by their immaturity. - **Solid Guys**: Those who pass the tests and are gentlemen without being mysterious are regarded as good "husband material." They are dependable and straightforward, often considered the type who can be trusted for long-term commitments, although they may lack an exciting aura. 3. **Connection to Attraction**: The allure of masculinity is highlighted as a key factor in attraction. Men who can balance masculinity with maturity are deemed the most desirable, while simply being nice or well-adjusted without depth can lead to complacency in relationships. Overall, the discussion emphasizes the need for both men and women to navigate these dynamics thoughtfully when it comes to attraction and relationship building. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

9. 

   29 Jan 2025

   How to Screen Men for "Being a Gentleman"

   SHOW NOTES: Dr Paul’s discussion focuses on the second step of sexual attraction, emphasizing the importance of communicating interest while maintaining a sense of mystery. At this stage, the woman should feel beautiful and intrigued by the man, allowing her to express her attraction subtly. If done correctly, she will notice increased eye contact and an unconscious drawing closer to him, energized by his vitality and confidence. Effective communication includes confidently giving compliments, enhancing physical engagement through body language—such as tilting hips and head, maintaining eye contact, and smiling—and making the conversation feel natural and inviting. The man’s role in this step is to act gentlemanly, exuding a quality reminiscent of a caring yet mysterious father figure. He should be generous with his time and attention but still maintain an element of intrigue without being overly emotional. This combination of traits may evoke unconscious similarities to the father figure in a woman's life, influencing her attraction dynamics. Overall, the interaction relies on a balance where both parties engage confidently while retaining individuality and allure. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

10. 

    18 Jan 2025

    The Male Response to Your Labeling Him

    SHOW NOTES: Dr Paul’s discussion emphasizes the importance of showing admiration toward a man as a crucial step in attraction. It suggests using physical signals—such as tilting the head, flipping hair, maintaining eye contact, and smiling—to indicate interest. When conversing, complimenting aspects of his career or mission that you find admirable is recommended. However, there are three potential pitfalls: 1. **Attention Seekers**: He may simply enjoy the attention and not be genuinely interested in a deeper connection. If after a few minutes he seems more interested in the attention than a meaningful conversation, it’s best to disengage. 2. **Sharing Too Much Too Soon**: He might reveal personal details or emotional issues too quickly, which can lead to discomfort or reveal incompatibilities. 3. **Overcommunication**: Initial conversations should be brief to avoid overwhelm and to maintain an air of mystery, ideally engaging in short interactions or “flybys” before deciding to pursue further. Overall, the key takeaway is to engage in meaningful but cautious interactions, balancing admiration with awareness of his demeanor and communication style. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

11. 

    31 Oct 2024

    The Dangers and Advantages of Groups of Men

    SHOW NOTES: The transcript provides insights on approaching social interactions with groups of men, offering guidance for women during social outings. Key points include: 1. **Open-Minded Approach**: The speaker encourages women to adopt an open-minded attitude when engaging with groups of men, refraining from quick judgments about the individuals or the social setting. 2. **Comparing to a Book Club**: Women are advised to treat social outings like a book club, where they should actively listen and consider a range of perspectives before forming judgments. This approach fosters a more engaging and thoughtful discussion. 3. **Judgment Timing**: While it’s important to be open initially, the speaker emphasizes the need to make judgments when appropriate and to change course if a situation doesn’t seem to be working. 4. **Misconceptions About Men's Gatherings**: The transcript highlights common misconceptions about why men gather, noting that while women may socialize for lunch or shopping without an agenda, men typically meet for specific purposes, such as business or socializing with the intention of meeting women. 5. **Social Dynamics**: The speaker stresses that men often socialize primarily to pursue romantic interests or for professional networking, which contrasts with women's social gatherings, allowing for a clearer understanding of intentions in social settings. Overall, the guidance promotes awareness of social dynamics and encourages women to navigate social interactions with men thoughtfully and strategically. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

12. 

    24 Oct 2024

    The Power of Women in Groups and "Subgroups"

    SHOW NOTES: The transcript discusses the concept of "social nodes" in social settings, focusing on groups and subgroups, and their implications during social outings. Key points include: 1. **Social Nodes**: The speaker introduces the idea of social nodes, which are pivotal in understanding dynamics at various venues like museums, bars, or clubs. 2. **Group Dynamics**: When attending events, it’s important to recognize the composition of groups and subgroups. The speaker provides a scenario where mismatched attire (like hiking boots at a formal event) can create conflicts, underscoring the need for pre-planning and clear communication among friends about dress codes and event requirements. 3. **Pre-Planning**: Women often call each other to coordinate details about what to wear and ensure everyone is aware of the event type (e.g., private versus public). This pre-planning is essential to avoid last-minute dilemmas. 4. **Social Nodes**: Once at the venue, the concept of "social nodes" describes how certain individuals or groups may have higher social influence or power, akin to the leaders of a flock of birds. These influential figures are often characterized by their self-esteem and gender traits (masculinity or femininity). 5. **Identifying Social Centers**: The speaker notes that within social venues, a few areas will tend to attract the most attention and social interaction, marked by the confidence and presence of the individuals within them. In summary, the transcript emphasizes the importance of understanding social dynamics and planning ahead to enhance social interactions in various settings. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

13. 

    17 Oct 2024

    Sisterhood, Sidekicks and Mentors in Dating

    SHOW NOTES: The transcript discusses the dynamics of female friendships and socializing, particularly in the context of pairing up in a buddy system for social outings. Key points include: 1. **Natural Pairing**: The speaker suggests that women often naturally break into pairs or groups, citing examples like Mary and Rhoda. This dynamic can change based on the setting and individual strengths. 2. **Statistical Advantage**: Going out in pairs rather than larger groups is recommended, as smaller groups (like two) are less intimidating for men, increasing the likelihood of interaction. 3. **Strategic Socializing**: In larger groups, women are encouraged to split after dining to create opportunities for men to approach them in less formal settings, such as a bar or lounge area. 4. **Mentorship Among Women**: The discussion emphasizes that women can mentor each other by leveraging their individual strengths, such as fashion or culinary knowledge, enhancing their overall social experience. 5. **Avoiding Bachelorette Party Vibes**: It's important for groups of women to avoid being perceived as a bachelorette party, which may signal a lack of openness to meeting new people, prioritizing socialization and the potential for new connections instead. Overall, the transcript emphasizes the benefits of smaller, strategic groups for social interactions and encourages women to support one another’s strengths to foster a positive social environment. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

14. 

    1 Jan 2024

    Mindfulness is the Core of Early Dating

    Being able to stand out from your peer group would be temporarily going against the instinct to stay mixed among the peer group (the Hestia Instinct in women.) Being mindful is at the core of all other best presentations of ourselves to others, and temporarily venturing out into a social milieu will help males (with their lesser ability at social cue recognition) and have you stand out with the interest of others. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

15. 

    25 Dec 2023

    Body Language is Unconscious

    Body language, like everything in the first full phase of human courtship, is unconscious. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to recognize that it’s happening, and to honor it by engaging in conversation with curiosity. Listen in as an example is rendered of waking up to notice it, and fun, curious conversation results in a restaurant social venue. TRANSCRIPT SPEAKER 2 So let me share one story with you. I was out at a restaurant one time eating by myself and the guy who was the host there I said I was eating by myself and he said well I'm gonna make things interesting for you so he sat me down it was one of these restaurants where the I was sitting right next to two women who were sitting across from each other and they were there hanging out together. They were not facing each other and talking with their shoulders squared toward each other. They didn't have their chins down. They didn't have their mouths and their lips pierced. It didn't seem like they were in a It occurred to me that they want to be overheard. which was great and everything and I sort of patted myself on the back for being aware of that because earlier in my life I would not have been aware of that but it can be the signals you're sending out just by the way you're sitting if you're facing each other now you might be there out with your girlfriend having coffee or having a drink and you guys have to talk about something or you have to catch up to each other in years and you're going to have your body language where you're squared off against each other you're cursing your lips you're not looking around you're looking straight at each other Most guys will pick up on that. Okay, these girls. But if you're out and you want to be met by guys, then open up the body language, amp up the volume of the voice, and guys will notice that, and you'll be approached if you do that. Some guys won't approach even though they like you because they're not attuned to that as well, and that's when you ratchet up. SPEAKER 1 So if there was a spectrum of flirting, that would be very low and light on the spectrum, right? They weren't like, I think it's important to follow up with that. SPEAKER 3 because I didn't realize that it is not easy for men to approach women in, you know, a group if you're not, if you're huddled together. Um, so, you know, and that's very intimidating. It's intimidating if, you know, men were sitting huddled in a group for a woman to just walk up and really put yourself in their shoes. So I think the benefit of going out with girlfriends is so if one of your girlfriends realizes for you, like, Oh, it's the guy like over there, he's totally checking you out. Give him a chance to, if he's nervous about approaching you and look around at your girlfriends, maybe he is. Walk by him. Give him an opportunity and look friendly and approachable and give him an opportunity to approach you. SPEAKER 1 Yeah. SPEAKER 3 Or go, if he's sitting at a bar, go order a drink next to him. Say, Oh, excuse me, order a drink next to him and give him at least an opportunity to approach you. Cause maybe he's sitting there thinking, is Unconscious SPEAKER 1 It's the kind of technical, you know, technical advice we're definitely going to get into with you. No, it's all good. We're technically going to get into with you in part two when we go step by step through the sexual attraction process. But you're exactly right. I mean, if we're focused on, you know, how early dating is not serious, it's just fun and it's flirty, it's not very flirty to stay all huddled in your group. Observing Ego This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

16. 

    19 Dec 2023

    How to Get a Man to Change

    It’s hard these days more than ever to understand dating and love. Finding what you want and feeling comfortable can be a daunting task. We have a separate substack over at romantipedia.substack.com (http://romantipedia.substack.com) where we cover all the fine details, but today wanted to send you this lengthy podcast episode that attempts to answer the question of “how to get a man to change.” Those who are paid members also have access to the full gamut of video courses and the large reference on human courtship’s nine steps, romantipedia.com (http://romantipedia.com). Join us at both of these resources to learn more. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

17. 

    18 Dec 2023

    Early Dating is Not Serious

    Committed relationships do take work because it is a partnership of the conscious mind, driven toward success at a couple reaching individual and coupled goals. However, early dating is nowhere near the step of committed partnership, but rather a curious exploration of the field of potential dates and mates. In this regard it needs to be in the spirit of fun and the creativity of the unconscious (instincts.) One doesn’t have to be highly intelligent to be “fun,” and highly intelligent people, while perhaps great at strategy in getting to their goals. But even they must be able to put themselves in a spirit of fun and entertainment, as when one is enjoying the concept of a leisurely “game.” This activity has inherent in it, the fun, excitement, creativity and curiosity of a “game,” an unserious but exciting experience for budding couples. TRANSCRIPT SPEAKER 2 Early dating is not serious. It's fun and flirty only. SPEAKER 3 We have been dancing around this since we started. This is the whole point of the Girls' Night Out, right? SPEAKER 4 Yes, absolutely. Let us give you permission to go out and have fun and be flirty. It is great. SPEAKER 2 Do women have this same problem, do you think, as men do? A lot of times we get into this career mindset where in Western education The harder we work, the more rewards we get. If we just work harder, we'll get more, right? And then you take it into the area of love, and it's like, whoa, I'm working so hard at this relationship, or I'm working so hard to be attractive. And then you find people say, why don't you relax? You're trying too hard. SPEAKER 3 And there is, you know, there's pressure, you know, especially when you become an adult, to be serious, you know, to be a serious, responsible adult, and that flirting is for kids, you know, and we need to take ourselves out of that mindset a little bit, because that's how all great relationships are going to start. SPEAKER 1 Dr. Paul, you said it great one time in one of your blogs when you called it curiosity, and I think when you go on this girl's night out, find someone to chat with and be curious about the person, and see where that goes. SPEAKER 2 Yeah, you know, there's nothing that can be done about uncurious people. I mean, if a man is not a curious man about what makes women tick or about behavior or, you know, what is love, it's not going to go very well. I mean, and I think being a curious person has something to do with intelligence, too. You know, a lot of people just are not so curious because they're just not so bright. SPEAKER 4 Well, nobody in the world knows everything, so why on earth wouldn't you be open-minded to learn something new? SPEAKER 3 Yeah. SPEAKER 4 I mean, even like with, you know, a man in a restaurant or bar is wearing like a sports shirt or a different kind of tie or something, just say something as easy as possible. So tell me about that. Did you go to Mizzou or whatever? SPEAKER 3 At the other end of the spectrum, though, a lot of people who are intelligent and well-educated take themselves too seriously and can't flirt. Because they're on the other end of the spectrum, they think they know everything already and they don't need to learn anything new or any new skills. I can't count the number of times I've met really smart women who just aren't fun. You know, they're not fun. And I like smart women. And you just wish they would, like you said, loosen up a little bit. Let their hair down a little bit. SPEAKER 2 Some a little, an example a little on the spiritual side but I think it applies here and I think both men and women do this to each other where they try to get the other gender to be serious at this stage of courtship which needs to be just fun and flirty. The example comes from a group of, you know, a religious group that I was responsible for counseling and they would do a lot of kind of pulling out the my daddy is bigger than your daddy kind of manipulative move meaning you know I know God better than you so you better do what I say kind of a thing and I think men and women do this to each other too where they say for example women might say listen what do you do with your life you just party and have fun and date women What is that? What about having children or getting married someday and growing up? A lot of people say, you know, Peter Pan, Peter Pan, Peter Pan, right? But to the man's mind, depending, you know, where you live, where we're talking about, whether it's a big city versus rural, whether it's conservative versus more of a liberal population, to the man's mind, it's like, what are you talking about? I can do whatever I feel like doing, which he can. Right. Whatever makes him feel happy and the same goes for you. You can do whatever makes you feel happy as far as your lifestyle. So I think this mindset is a very important one to have that regardless of what kind of lifestyle you lead or what you think serious adults ought to be spending their time on, biologically Early in dating, it is just not serious. Whether you're a conservative rural person or a liberal urban person, early dating is just plain not serious, period. It can't be. SPEAKER 4 And let's share some flirting stories. I want to let women know that men exist on a spectrum. SPEAKER 3 is not serious. It takes guys a long time to learn that, and even into adulthood, especially when we're career oriented. And so some, unfortunately ladies, some of the best guys out there are not going to pick up on the fact that you're flirting with them at first. You might just want to kick him in the knee or kick him in the shin. But I still recommend that you start your flirting off subtle because you might have one of those guys who is very attuned to it and understands it. But if he doesn't respond right away, it may not be because he is not attracted to you or might not be attracted to you. He just might be one of those guys who hasn't quite become that socially attuned to the signals that women send out, the vibes that women send out. And in our dating trainings, we try and teach guys to be more aware of those vibes. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

18. 

    11 Dec 2023

    Femininity and Masculinity Mutually Amplify

    The masculine and feminine instincts are not at war with each other. They are synergistic for the purposes of making the couple passionate for each other and about life itself on account of the presence of the other. It may seem counterintuitive in today’s culture to realize that someone displaying their (unconscious) instincts in your presence isn’t to one-up or overshadow you, but a strong signal that they prefer and like you over any other potential mate. TRANSCRIPT SPEAKER 2 If you're feeling shy about going out on the town and figuring out how conversations should go between yourself and another man and understanding those differences, just talk to some of the men that you might have in your office that you might work with, some members of your family, and test this out and see if discussing career and the things that masculinize a man don't actually make you feel better and the man will give you the eye contact that you're looking for and Women’s Psychology SPEAKER 1 It ought to be a benefit to you and you ought to feel like you're well treated, like you're treated with respect or as they used to say, treated like a lady. It ought to make you feel good and feel a sense of pleasure and worth that he likes me. But simultaneously, just the act of him doing the treating makes him feel more like a man. as well so both sides win. There aren't sides really. One other thing about dances and this idea of being both equal and different at the same time. If you were dancing the tango and your partner slipped, have you seen this happen on some of the talent shows on TV? Somebody slips and falls and their partner picks them up really quickly and they try to continue the dance. You know, if the other person slips a little bit, does something, you know, a little off or a little clumsy, you can help them out with that. And the same goes for both men and women at this process. I'm sure that at some point you have noticed in your relationships feeling either like in the superior position for a brief time or the inferior position for the brief time. What I mean is somebody's holding a little more power at any given point in a relationship. Somebody has a little bit more advantage at any given point in a relationship. And to that scenario, what I would say, you know what I'm talking about. What I would say is that if done right, then the man and the woman throughout life trade power just by a tad Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, all through life. It needs to never be the man is all dominant and the woman is totally submissive, nor the woman all dominant and the man totally submissive, like some of these reality show couples we see happening all the time. so that the power gets traded off and i would say to you as a woman have you ever seen one of those talent shows maybe one of the uh... the vocal artists shows for example you know there's dancing with the stars and there's uh... america's uh... got talent america's got talent american idol american idol all right so have you ever seen a female contestant on that show kind of be behind the other Artists the other contestants But then by the finale she pulls it out. She pulls ahead and then she wins, right? Well during the time that she was a little bit one down That was she less of an artist or less of a woman Because of that no, it's just that she wasn't winning yet And she pulled it out by the end. She pulled out her talent SPEAKER 3 and one in the end. And this brings us back to the low-pressure situation on a girls' night out, which is that if you have a relationship with someone you meet on a girls' night out, it's going to play out over several weeks or months or dates. It doesn't have to all be decided over whether or not he buys you a drink at that moment. SPEAKER 1 Right, right. See what happens. I think what I'm saying is on this issue of men and women are equal but different, I want women to understand that by being good to men, Femininity and Masculinity SPEAKER 3 and a man who's sort of taking charge and claiming his territory and his rank and all that is not trying to demean the woman. Picket is a compliment. He's feeling masculine, you know, at that point. SPEAKER 1 It means he likes you. Yeah. And he's not a threat, in other words. SPEAKER 2 Didn't we talk one time, Dr. Paul, about it being like manners, just good manners, bringing out the best in someone else? That's what a good host or hostess does. And if someone is slipping up a bit in their manners at the table, the hostess Pays no mind, doesn't criticize, but just tries to gracefully go over it so that the deal can go on. SPEAKER 1 Or maybe pulls them aside and says, Hey, all these people that I've invited, you know, they're from a different walk of life from what you're used to, you know, cater to that. Yes. Give them a chance to correct what they're doing. SPEAKER 2 That's right. Yeah. Just help each other. Exactly. Yeah. And yes, help each other. SPEAKER 1 Right. Men and women, equal but different. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

19. 

    23 Oct 2023

    Having Boundaries in Very Early Dating

    Having boundaries with others means that we keep our dignity, have respect but demand respect of others, and we only agree to what we agree to. If someone is kind or gift-giving or complimentary, that’s their business, but it doesn’t mean that we owe anything back (including any kind of commitment) unless we progress in courtship to that point of feeling the other person appeals to us in a way we voluntarily want to give back to them. Early dating is about fun and flirtiness, laughing, teasing and the passion of desire rising in us both. But passion only comes as a synonym for masculinity and femininity, where these have been stoked and raised in us by the presence of and unconscious flirtational actions of the other to raise our masculinity or femininity. If this happens, we start to feel passion but not commitment or even friendship until later. The second phase of courtship is friendship, with exclusive dating and so we are not even near that yet. In the distant future, the third phase of courtship comes online, but only if we have made it through phase two (friendship.) So we certainly don’t owe each other any commitment as we are nowhere near that. More to come in the next episode, with full access to paid members for listening to the entire program stored in the archives with one new episode each week… This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe (https://womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

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