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a slogoir read aloud to you because you're too overcommitted to reead

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by Auxiedada Ekster

7 episodes

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Podcast Overview

a "slogoir": newSLetter -slash- weblOG -slash- memOIR The audio-version <a href="https://www.slogoir.com?utm_medium=podcast">www.slogoir.com</a>

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10/5/2023

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Recent Episodes

July 25, 2024

Some more thoughts on the freedoms

Mikkel,Thanks for responding to my DM about how you had not read any of the messages in the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.slogoir.com/p/risk-tolerance?r=2cl8k1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web">group chat</a>—specifically mine. That for the past two years you had been prioritizing “books over … not books.”Look, I’m disappointed. I chose this medium for discussion so that people would have the option to leave. As you noticed, a few have. I didn’t want to compel you to stay, to feel that you were being held hostage to the rants of a [redacted]. But it appears that you have taken another approach and I am unclear what need of yours it meets. Or rather, to drop into the language of nonviolent communication, it does not meet my need for connection, this lack of engagement in the group chat. I regret that I said that I’m smarter than you. I was trying to meet my need for integrity when I said that (okay, typed that) and did not meet my need for mutuality when I did so. But to answer your question, why I think that, well, it was because of how much you struggled to understand the connection between [redacted] in the article I sent you sometime last year. And also, in Korea, one time when we were drinking at F-Bar,<a target="_blank" href="https://www.slogoir.com/p/a-response-to-canadian-mike?r=2cl8k1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web"> Canadian Mike implied that he thought so</a>. This might be a memory fabricated from several different instances, but CM and I were working on a couple of Hite pitchers in a monsoon, sitting atop the wooden picnic table as the rain streamed down the red Cass umbrellas onto the benches. The subjects were wide-ranging: the deleterious effects of porn on men’s understanding of sex; how [redacted] was always picking movies with threesome-incest themes for our Movie Club and what that said about her; where one or the other of us might go when we were done with our time in Korea. I remember watching children splashing by us, bright red and yellow rubber galoshes and whimsically patterned umbrellas vibrant against the gray of the cement high-rises and somber skies, mentioning you to CM, “Mikkel’s always posting these interesting articles on [redacted].”“Yeah, but he’s not saying anything with them, or about them.” CM said to me. “Or making connections to anything in them.” He turned to me then and said, “Not like you do.”This was in the heady days of Supper Club and Writing Group, before you lived closer to my town. I wish you could have come to Supper Club, but TBH, I don’t know that you would have liked it. I think the level of discourse would have intimidated you. We came at things with poets’ sensibilities.[Redacted] is dead, or at least it is to me, as much of the fun internet of the early aughts that we grew up on is. I guess with the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.slogoir.com/p/a-recommendation?r=2cl8k1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web">group chat I was trying to create some of that energy. </a>I guess I should just be thankful as a friend that you agreed to read Foucault’s Pendulum, and I suspect that the task was unpleasant for you, but perhaps not. But you asked in one text message why Eco insists on going into such detail of the ancient plots and the plots of the Diabolicals, but all I can tell you is that these are people who are trying to make sense of the world as they find it, drawing the connections they can from the history it came from. As I am trying to make sense of things.The world may not make sense, but I am trying to make sense of it.I am looking for people who can help me make sense of it. Who don’t mind if I, like a Diabolical, take some big swings (how else are you going to hit a home run?)But there might be some big misses.That’s where participation comes into play, the freedom to disagree.That’s your freedom to disagree. Or leave. XPS: I sent a screenshot of your question to our mutual friend and she asked “Why do you feel the need to be smarter than people?” and the answer to the question is that I don’t. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not. PPS: I kind of fucked up this nonviolent communication thing. I didn’t end with a request. I still want you to be my friend. So, you know, don’t leave the group chat, but do you what you need to do. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://www.slogoir.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">www.slogoir.com</a>

June 27, 2024

A response to Canadian Mike

A response to Canadian Mike and a primer to my understanding of The Dawn of Everything This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://www.slogoir.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">www.slogoir.com</a>

May 30, 2024

May Challenge

Members of the 30 Day Yoga Challenge Group Chat, Got to be honest: when I declared that I would redo the challenge and invited you to join, I was a little bit [redacted]. The intention was there—to let someone else tell me what to do—but life came at me, hard. There was the client, with their deliverables (the difficulty of moving from employee to contractor is that I’m far more obligated to keep my word); there was life. Maggie’s senior year is pummeling us like a hurricane of angst and frustration and anticipation.I don’t know if I’m a good parent, but if there’s a lesson I hope Maggie has learned from me, it’s that you can feel two things at once. You can both want to be a “boyfriend girlie” and not want to be; you can be both excited for the end of high school and dreading the unknown of what happens next. You can also want to do yoga every day for thirty days and at the same time, not want to.I came at my 30 Day Yoga Challenge with the intention of seeing it through—I sensed through the sequences that the end goal of the challenge was both to increase squat depth and perhaps get into bakasana. I love bakasana but in my work of sitting and letting the ball of my cranial neurons fire, I’ve let the muscles that pull my legs in get weak. So one day, I didn’t do the practice. And then another. I know you saw; Mikkelina a paragon of discipline with her early morning posts, my responses in the evenings, and then one day no response. Then another.To resume the practice, I got creative with it. Every yoga class for beginners will tell you that the Sanskrit word for yoga also means to “yoke” or “join”; the next cliche of beginner yoga for white people is that we are “yoking” movement to breath in our practice. In trying to yoke my intention back to action, I stopped using [redacted]’s practice. Letting a lithe brunette with a throaty giggle who had leveraged her win of the genetic lottery into an income stream suddenly felt like a betrayal to my body. A confession: I am not flexible. I have never been flexible. What drew me to yoga was the call to stay with the moments of rigidity in my body or my life and that if I stuck with the breath, the moment would pass. In time, I’d get a little unstuck and feel ease. Around this time, my thinking had gotten stuck on the number twelve (maybe it was all the [redacted]). In trying to get paid, I found myself struggling to determine at what threshold of minutes do I bill for and then where do minutes come from—what can we do in a minute that could be so valuable that we need to measure it? Does it match with any natural rhythm of the body? And then I realized that sixty is a high number you can count on your hands without reusing digits—you count the phalanges of fingers on one hand, touching with your thumb to get to twelve, and then you uncurl on your other hand each of your fingers, including your thumb—five cycles of twelve gets you to sixty. This exploration of time and the body got me to twelve and I decided to focus my practice around twelve: twelve days of “yoking” myself into a moment with breath. You saw the first one: I did a yin yoga practice—long holds with micro-adjustments— from an app. Then the next day I did all the poses from the practice that I had wanted to spend more time in. Day 3 I explored spinal movement and external and internal rotation of the legs. Day 4 I did seven minutes of hip flexor stretches.Day 5 I did cat-cow in a mirror and then explored my hips while laying on my back. Day 6 I laid in the sun, listening to my husband talk to me about our garden.Day 7 I moved as slowly as a could, thinking about qi gong and if I should actually be learning that.Day 8 I danced alone in my house, and wrote myself notes that I have yet to read.Day 9 I felt sore in my core, so I just sat on my couch, breathing and feeling my core. Day 10 I decided to lay my torso over my counter and stretch my low back until Maggie came and asked me what I was doing.Day 11 my shoulder was sore, so I just laid on the floor and used a strap to stretch my legs.Day 12 I came back to those yin poses from Day 2, to see if they felt different.When I stopped with that, I needed to unyoke myself from the practice.So I did.This month, without fanfare, I did another 30 day yoga challenge. And rather than try to push into some achievement, I decided that I would do the same sequence of poses for 12 minutes, yin-style and be in the sensations. I would repeat this for as many days as I wanted, but hopefully I would do it 30 times in a month with 31 days. This, Yoga Challenge Group Chat members, was what I needed. Yin yoga is a challenging practice for my fellow Americans: it’s not going to “tone” you, or increase your cardiovascular fitness through a million sun salutations moving through chatturanga push ups. Though similar to restorative yoga, it is not restful; you are in no danger of falling asleep. A good yin yoga practice is about stillness in the body while chasing sensations. It’s about exploring gravity’s effect and feeling your nerves fire in unexpected ways. There can be sparking, electric feelings, nerves sending chemicals in the gaps between them for the first time in years; or tugging, crystalline popping as the small fibers of fascia and muscle that were adhered to each other finally become unstuck. It is an experience of the body on the microlevel, challenging if you view every unexpected sensation as a flag for danger.In some ways, yin yoga mirrors the equanimity that I want to approach the second half of my life with: when so little in my life is new on a day-to-day, year-to-year basis, I’ll find the novelty that kept me moving through the first half in these small moments, these microtears of tissue that will stimulate an immune response, rejuvenating those same tissues. It is a practice that I feel ambivalent about: I can hate the sensations that I’m experiencing, but I choose to stay with it because the next day I feel safeguarded against the indignities of aging. Honestly, it feels like knowing that I’m in the top quintile of my age group for retirement savings or that my credit score is in the 90th percentile. A difficult achievement that I have yet to realize the gains from, but that I’m sticking with, out of hope for it paying off. I hope Maggie can learn this from ambivalence. I also hope that our generation, Yoga Challenge Members, can deliver her a world in which being ambivalent about the future but persistent in optimism for a positive outcome bears out, no matter what kind of girlie you end up settling on. That has been where I’ve been putting my body, along with lifting weights, riding my bike around town, and a brisk walk or two a week. I feel, having done it 25 times in the last 30 days, more in possession of myself, that I can feel myself more. Also, I cut out the [redacted] for now, after Haitch got frustrated with me for wanting to talk about the number twelve.Meridianally unblocked,AE This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://www.slogoir.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">www.slogoir.com</a>

7 total episodes available

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What is a slogoir read aloud to you because you're too overcommitted to reead?: a "slogoir": newSLetter -slash- weblOG -slash- memOIR The audio-version <a href="https://www.slogoir.com?utm_medium=podcast">www.slogoir.com</a>
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