Engineering Love

About Engineering Love

Most of us aren't fighting because we're bad communicators. We're fighting because our nervous systems are hijacked, our past is leaking into the present, and we don't know how to translate what we feel into something another human can actually hear. This podcast is about what's really happening underneath conflict, shutdown, anxiety, resentment, and emotional exhaustion in relationships. Not pop psychology. Not quick fixes. And not "just communicate better." Hosted by Kim Polinder, associate therapist and relationship coach, each episode breaks down the emotional mechanics behind fights, attachment patterns, shame responses, trauma adaptations, and self-esteem. You'll learn why insight alone doesn't change behavior, how coping strategies that once kept you safe can start sabotaging your relationships, and what it actually looks like to build emotional regulation, repair after conflict, and self-trust over time. Expect grounded psychology, real relational examples, and practical language you can use in your own life. This is for people who want to understand themselves more clearly, stop repeating the same patterns, and build relationships that feel steadier, more honest, and less exhausting. If you've ever thought "Why do we keep having the same fight?" or "I know better, so why can't I do better?" you're in the right place.

Publisher

Kim Polinder

Category

health & fitness · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

2 Feb 2023

Latest episode

7 Apr 2026

Latest episodes

3 of 16 episodes have a transcript.

1. 

   7 Apr 2026TRANSCRIPT

   The Truth About Resentment: 6 Types, Why It Stays, and How to Actually Heal It

   Host Kim Polinder explores six types of resentment, revealing why understanding its roots is crucial for genuine healing and regaining personal power.

2. 

   27 Feb 2026TRANSCRIPT

   When Only One Emotional Tone Is Allowed: Dismissive vs Anxious Attachment in Conflict

   Host Kim explores how dismissive versus anxious attachment styles impact conflict resolution, revealing distress tolerance as the core issue for couples.

3. 

   13 Feb 2026TRANSCRIPT

   AI Is Great at Insight. Growth Requires Integration.

   Host Kim Polinder explores how AI offers insight into mental health but requires integration for genuine growth and behavior change.

4. 

   6 Feb 2026

   Why Eating Disorders Are Not About Food

   Host Kim Polinder interviews eating disorder specialist Sarah Burney, exploring the emotional and neurological drivers of disordered eating beyond food.

5. 

   29 Jan 2026

   Thinking About Divorce? What to Know Before You Call a Lawyer

   Host Kim Polinder interviews divorce prep coach Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, about navigating the emotional and practical challenges of separation before legal action.

6. 

   21 Jan 2026

   Why Insight Isn't Enough to Change Your Behavior

   Kim Polinder explains why insight alone fails to change behavior, revealing how building emotional capacity offers a path beyond common avoidance traps.

7. 

   15 Jan 2026

   Procrastination: Why You Avoid What Matters Most

   Host Kim Polinder explores how procrastination stems from emotional risk and childhood identity, not laziness, offering insights into overcoming avoidance.

8. 

   28 Nov 2023

   Avoidant Partners Who Shut Down, Self-Doubt and Confidence, & Depression in a Relationship - EL009

   Host Kim Polinder guides listeners through building secure attachment, managing self-doubt, and supporting partners with depression in relationships.

9. 

   21 Jul 2023

   Trauma Bonds, Dating a Serial Cheater, & Drawing Boundaries with In-Laws - EL008

   Relationship coach Kim Polinder guides listeners through navigating trauma bonds, serial infidelity, and setting boundaries with in-laws in this interview episode.

10. 

    1 May 2023

    Anxious Attachment, Ultimatums, & the Martyr Complex - EL007

    Host Kim Polinder explores anxious attachment, ultimatums, and the martyr complex, offering insights into navigating relationship challenges.

11. 

    8 Apr 2023

    Self-Sabotage, Grief, & How to Be Empathetic - EL006

    Welcome to "Engineering Love," a relationship podcast where Kim helps you build better connections by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: How do I be empathetic with my partner? How do you support someone who is grieving or sad? How do I stop self-sabotaging? To book a complimentary consultation with Mason: https://kim-polinder.clientsecure.me/ Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

12. 

    19 Mar 2023

    How to Draw Boundaries, Keeping the Peace, & Relationship Aggression - EL005

    Welcome to Engineering Love, a relationship podcast where Kim helps you build better connections by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: I'm caught in the middle between two people not speaking to each other How can my partner and I prevent microaggressions toward each other? How can I avoid feeling guilty when I draw boundaries? Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

13. 

    9 Mar 2023

    The Secret to Happiness, Self-Love, and Comparing Yourself to Others - EL004

    Welcome to Engineering Love, a relationship podcast where Kim helps you build better connections by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: How can you be your own source of happiness? How can I practice self-love while being in a relationship? How do you handle constantly comparing yourself to other people? Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

14. 

    16 Feb 2023

    Resentment, Multiple Infidelities & Ending a Friendship - EL003

    Welcome to Engineering Love, a relationship podcast where Kim helps you build better connections by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: How do you handle anger and resentment toward the father of your child who left and never came back? How do you save a marriage after having multiple infidelities and truly want to change your ways and reconcile? How do you decide to end a longstanding friendship, and how do you communicate that to the friend and mutual friends? Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

15. 

    9 Feb 2023

    Love Languages, Infidelity & the Perfect Relationship - EL002

    Welcome to Engineering Love, a relationship podcast where Kim helps you build better connections by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: How do you handle it when your partner doesn't respond to text messages or communicate throughout the day? Can a marriage survive multiple affairs? My partner wants a future with me, but feels I'm not meeting her standards. She wants a "perfect" relationship and is never satisfied. Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

16. 

    2 Feb 2023

    Empathy, House Chores & the Breakup Cycle - EL001

    Welcome to the inaugural episode of Engineering Love, where Kim helps you build a better relationship by troubleshooting communication and conflict resolution. This episode highlights these questions: How do you help a partner better understand your depression/anxiety when that is something they don’t experience in their own lives? How do you resolve conflict when it comes to house chores? What do you do when you keep breaking up and reconciling? Kim's website: https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kp_counseling108 Kim's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kp_counseling108 Podcast website: https://www.engineeringlovepodcast.com/ Submit a question for the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/KimPolinder

Inside a recent episode

The Truth About Resentment: 6 Types, Why It Stays, and How to Actually Heal It

Published 7 Apr 2026 · Transcript excerpt

[…] So this type of resentment shows you how much you care about the other person. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If you hate someone, you're still feeling something toward them to make things right. But if you were truly indifferent, if you had completely detached, there would be no resentment. There would really be kind of nothing. So relational resentment means the relationship still matters to you. It means you haven't given up. The resentment is almost like a placeholder, a signal that says, hey, I want more from you. I want more from our relationship, from our friendship. […]

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

4.9 / 5

51 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

101 ratings

Contact Engineering Love

Guest appearances

Books guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.

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