Gilmore & Green: Where Healing and Hope Meet

About Gilmore & Green: Where Healing and Hope Meet

Do you sometimes feel lost in your relationships, your identity, or even your spirituality? We are marriage and family therapists and relationship experts who care deeply about helping you grow, strengthen your relationships, and deepen your sense of meaning and spirituality. We share from our clinical experience, years of training and solid research, including ideas about how to strengthen the things that matter the most in life. Our hope is to share simple, meaningful ideas that support you in your healing and in your growth. Welcome to Gilmore and Green, where Healing and Hope meet.

Publisher

Dr. Debi Gilmore & Sharilyn Green

Category

education

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

8 Oct 2025

Latest episode

22 Jun 2026

Latest episodes

35 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   22 Jun 2026

   How to Support a Loved One with Addiction or Mental Illness Without Losing Yourself

   What does it mean to support a loved one suffering from mental illness or addiction without losing yourself in the process? If you are quietly carrying the heavy burden of caring for someone in deep struggle, this episode is designed to be a gentle place to land.Today, Dr. Debi Gilmore and Sharilyn Green focus entirely on you—the caregiver, the parent, the spouse, or the friend. They tenderly explore the subtle line between compassion and codependency, how to set boundaries that are rooted in true love, and how to release the misplaced shame that so many loved ones carry. You are not alone, and it is possible to stay connected to the one you love while also staying connected to yourself.Key TakeawaysCompassion vs. Codependency: Codependency is not a failure to love; it is love without structure. What begins as a pure desire to help ("I want to relieve their pain") can subtly shift into unhealthy over-functioning ("It is my responsibility to fix it").The Courage of Boundaries: Boundaries are often misunderstood as punishments, but they are actually clarity and love. A healthy boundary communicates: "I care deeply about you, but I cannot participate in a pattern that harms us both." While setting them often triggers short-term protests, blame, or withdrawal, they are essential to stop the cycle of enabling.Releasing Misplaced Shame: Parents and loved ones often fall into the agonizing trap of self-blame, asking, "What did I do wrong?" This misplaced shame only fuels the desire to over-manage, which inadvertently shields the struggling individual from the reality and space they need to grow.Pillars of Support: You were never meant to carry this burden alone. Seeking education about the illness/addiction, leaning on professional therapy or support groups, and relying on your faith or spirituality are vital pillars for sustaining your own well-being.Notable Quotes"Codependency is not a failure to love. It is actually love. It's based on love without structure, and sustainable love needs both compassion and solid, healthy boundaries.""I will stand with you while you face this... I love you without becoming you. I can care deeply without carrying what isn't mine to carry."Questions for Personal ReflectionWhere have I been carrying something that isn't mine to carry?Is my nervous system organized around my own stability, or around scanning for and preventing my loved one's next cycle?Am I unintentionally rescuing my loved one from the very experiences that could lead to their growth and change?Join the Conversation:Thank you for spending this time with us. If you found this episode helpful, please share it and follow the podcast. Send us your ideas for future topics you'd like us to cover. www.gilmoreandgreen.com 00:00 Loving Without Losing Yourself00:48 Meet Gilmore and Green01:27 Caregiver Seen and Supported04:15 Compassion vs Codependency05:22 How Codependency Takes Hold09:06 Shift Toward Healthy Love09:49 Boundaries and the Backlash12:12 Misplaced Shame in Parents15:12 Release Control and Keep Love16:12 Faith and Recovery Pillars18:39 Therefore What and Closing

2. 

   15 Jun 2026

   Dating for Marriage in a Complicated World PART 2 | Emotional Commitment

   Navigating modern dating for marriage? In Part 2, Sharilyn and Debi explore the psychology of dating, attachment styles, vulnerability, and how to build a healthy, lasting relationship in the era of dating apps.Welcome back to Part Two of our deep dive into the modern dating landscape. While Part One validated the objective difficulties of dating today—from dating app fatigue to delayed marriage timelines—this episode explores the emotional psychology of dating for marriage.Sharilyn and Debi unpack the fear of vulnerability, how past emotional wounds dictate our attachment styles, and the impact of social media on our relationship expectations. Most importantly, they offer science-backed reassurance that emotional maturity can be learned, insecure attachment styles can heal, and healthy relationships are built, not simply found. Whether you're actively searching for your spouse or healing from past heartbreak, this episode is packed with actionable relationship advice.Key Topics Discussed (with Timestamps)00:24 The Vulnerability Paradox: True bonding requires emotional openness, but past hurts often cause singles to build protective walls. While staying guarded prevents heartbreak, it also blocks the deep emotional connection we all naturally crave.02:53 Attachment and Protection03:50 The C.S. Lewis Principle: To love at all is to be vulnerable. Closing off your heart to avoid pain ultimately leaves it impenetrable to love.04:52 Social Media & Decision Fatigue in Dating: Curated highlight reels create unrealistic relationship expectations. Combined with the "endless options" of dating apps, this creates a toxic mindset of "maybe there’s someone better," preventing new relationships from having the time they need to grow.07:17 Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Immediate sparks are exciting, but they aren't the best predictor of long-term marriage success. Sometimes, intense initial chemistry is just a reflection of familiar (and potentially unhealthy) emotional patterns.09:14 The Shift in Commitment Timelines: With the average age of marriage shifting to 30 for men and 28 for women, singles are entering the dating pool at vastly different life stages. Clear communication about your intentions is no longer optional; it’s essential.12:46 Certainty Before Commitment: Many people want to know for sure before they commit to a relationship. They want to trust before they even do anything to establish trust. This isn’t possible. Loving takes risk, so that struggles can happen organically and create trust within the relationship. It takes time and commitment to have certainty, not the other way around.14:30 Healing Through Connection: Bringing emotional wounds to the table is not a dealbreaker! Attachment science proves that an insecurely attached person can heal and gravitate toward secure attachment when paired with an emotionally safe partner.16:28 Emotional Maturity Skills18:57 Committed Relationships are still possible and Thriving20:28 Three Dating Essentials for Successful Dating and Commitment23:45 Therefore What Takeaways3 Guiding Principles for Dating for MarriageIf you are dating with the intention of finding a spouse, Sharilyn and Debi recommend keeping these three core relationship principles in mind:Clarity Matters: Be honest about what you want early on. Being clear about your desire for a committed marriage won't scare away the right person; it simply helps filter out the wrong ones.Character is greater than Chemistry: Physical attraction is important, but kindness, reliability, and emotional safety are the foundational traits that sustain a marriage over time.Patience Matters: Finding a partner with shared values and emotional maturity takes time. Healthy, long-term relationships grow slowly as trust and connection build.The "Therefore, What?" (Episode Takeaways)Debi's Takeaway: "Healthy relationships aren't found; they are built." Even after 50 years of marriage, Debi and her husband are still intentionally

3. 

   8 Jun 2026

   Dating for Marriage in a Complicated World PART 1 | WHY it’s so hard

   Episode OverviewDating today looks vastly different than it did just a few decades ago, and if you are feeling overwhelmed by the modern dating landscape, you are not alone. In Part 1 of this two-part series, Sharilyn and Debi unpack exactly why finding a spouse feels so complicated right now. From the rise of dating apps and the "paradox of choice" to shifting cultural expectations and the baggage we carry into our 30s, this episode explores the specific hurdles modern singles face—and validates the exhaustion many feel along the way.Key TakeawaysThe Timeline Shift: People are spending nearly a decade longer in the dating pool before getting married. In the 1960s, the average age for a first marriage was 20 for women and 23 for men. Today, it is 28 for women and 30 for men.Relational Baggage: Because people are dating longer, they often enter new relationships carrying past pain (breakups, betrayals, divorce). This naturally leads to self-protection and caution, which can slow down the adult bonding process and delay emotional intimacy.The Digital Shift: For the first time in human history, meeting online is the most common way couples meet, replacing organic connections through school, work, church, or family. While apps expand the dating pool, they also strip away the shared community context that naturally builds early trust.The Paradox of Choice: With thousands of profiles just a swipe away, dating can feel like a catalog. This overabundance of options creates decision fatigue, increases anxiety, and makes it harder to deeply invest in the person right in front of you.Sky-High Expectations: In previous generations, marriage was often a practical partnership. Today, there is immense pressure to find a perfect match who is simultaneously a romantic partner, best friend, financial equal, and co-parent, which raises the stakes of commitment to an intimidating level.Research & Studies MentionedStanford University Study: Found that nearly 40% of heterosexual couples now meet online.Pew Research Center: Reports that half of single adults feel dating is harder today than it was just 10 years ago.Harvard Study of Adult Development: An 80-year longitudinal study confirming that strong, connected relationships are one of the greatest predictors of long-term health, happiness, and longevity.The Paradox of Choice: Based on the work of psychologist Barry Schwartz, highlighting how having too many options actually reduces satisfaction with the choices we make.Coming Up Next Week...In Part 2, Debi and Sharilyn will dive into the emotional side of dating for marriage. We will explore the fear of vulnerability, understand attachment styles, and learn how to tell the difference between temporary chemistry and lifelong compatibility. Subscribe so you don't miss it!

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