by Gillian Boudreau & Rob Galligan
On I Hate You. What's For Dinner? we explore whether childhood explains everything. We'll ask our biggest questions about love and hate, rage and fear, and the awesome and mundane that all get smushed together when we're growing up. Tune in to make better sense of childhood, parenthood, and life in general.
Language
🇺🇲
Publishing Since
10/24/2025
Pitch yourself as a guest, propose sponsorships, or reach out directly to the host.
July 2, 2026
<p>In our society, we’re not good at openly talking about death. We’re even worse at speaking openly about death by suicide. </p><p><br></p><p>The silence that so often accompanies suicide–what our guest calls “the shroud of suicide”–creates additional burdens for surviving family members, especially women who survive their spouses. The expectation to shield others from the full weight of the death, to even erase the facts of the experience, is an enormous pressure that has long-term consequences across generations.</p><p><br></p><p>Today, we’re in conversation with our former classmate, Dr. Alexis Tomarken, talk about two of her papers that discuss intergenerational trauma and the heavy burden of our collective discomfort with suicide. Alexis movingly weaves together psychoanalytic theory, her work as a therapist, and personal experience to show that putting words to life’s most difficult experiences is not only vital to personal integration, but impacts future generations as well.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Listen to the full episode to hear:</strong></p><ul><li>How our society treats suicide as crime, blames surviving women, and actually increases risk</li><li>Why open discussion and processing is more effective at the prevention of “suicide contagion” than hiding from it</li><li>Why the goal, especially for a surviving parent, is to keep the door open to communication with children, not to seek resolution</li><li>How therapists’ and clients’ lived experiences inevitably interact, even without therapist disclosure</li><li>How the blame and shame placed on women survivors is emblematic of gendered expectations of healing and caretaking</li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Dr. Alexis Tomarken:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="http://www.alexistomarken.com/">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexis-tomarken-8783082a/">Connect on LinkedIn</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><a href="https://www.podpage.com/hate-you-whats-for-dinner/"><strong>Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner?</strong></a></p><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://gillianboudreauphd.com/">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/?hl=en">Instagram @clearconnectionpsychology</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/dr.robert.galligan/">Instagram @dr.robert.galligan</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Resources:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FUubSyMqywpiovYnwxFr5dzXEbJpf2ce/view?usp=drive_link">Can You Hear Me? Errands and Repair in the Analytic Identity</a></li><li><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/10_bkLbhIZae1gEAHfSiNbCONQWm0h2OR/view?usp=drive_link">The Shroud of Suicide: Misogyny, Abjection, and Transgenerational Trauma</a></li><li><a href="https://archive.nytimes.com/opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/11/03/a-last-minute-breakthrough/">A Last-Minute Breakthrough, Muriel Dimen | The New York Times</a></li><li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-argonauts-maggie-nelson/e2876dbcf9793d90">The Argonauts, Maggie Nelson</a></li><li><a href="https://drdansiegel.com/">Dr. Dan Siegel</a></li><li><a href="https://www.austenriggs.org/about/our-team/jane-g-tillman-phd-abpp">Jane Tillman, PhD, ABPP</a></li><li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-it-feels-when-a-parent-dies-jill-krementz/dd0831c7ac546877">How It Feels When a Parent Dies, Jill Krementz</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Ogden">Thomas Ogden</a></li></ul>
June 18, 2026
<p>Everyone struggles sometimes when their kids have strong opinions or feelings and they need them to just do the thing already. And when frustrations are high, it can be easy to slip into the kind of old-school parenting a lot of us were raised with and that we might be trying not to replicate. </p><p>Our guest today, Kirk Martin, host of the Calm Parenting Podcast, knows those struggles intimately. In our conversation, he shares his journey with his son, Casey, and how he came to realize that he needed to throw out the old-school parenting playbook and change his whole way of thinking about autonomy, respect, and collaboration with his child. </p><p>We talk about why clinging to parental autonomy isn’t actually useful when you’re in a power struggle with your kid and what parents who might be at their wits’ end can do to shift those dynamics in a positive direction.</p><p><strong>Listen to the full episode to hear:</strong></p><ul><li>How Kirk’s own oppositional tendencies gave him insight into the feelings and fears underneath the power struggles</li><li>Strategies for giving kids autonomy while maintaining boundaries and guardrails</li><li>Why parents have to manage their feelings of embarrassment or shame when their kids don’t do things the “right” way</li><li>Reframing disrespect and attitude as information that something’s up and an opportunity to connect</li><li>Normalizing that things will go wrong and allowing yourself compassion </li><li>Why Kirk encourages parents, and especially dads, to problem-solve with their kids like they would with their coworkers </li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Kirk Martin:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://celebratecalm.com/">Celebrate Calm</a></li><li><a href="https://celebratecalm.com/podcasts/">Calm Parenting Podcast</a></li><li>Instagram: <a href="http://www.instagram.com/calmparentingpodcast/">@calmparentingpodcast</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><a href="https://www.podpage.com/hate-you-whats-for-dinner/"><strong>Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner?</strong></a></p><p><strong>Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://gillianboudreauphd.com/">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/?hl=en">Instagram @clearconnectionpsychology</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/dr.robert.galligan/">Instagram @dr.robert.galligan</a></li></ul>
June 4, 2026
<p>All of us have some level of innate desire for autonomy and equality. But for some, the need for autonomy and equality tangles with Survival Brain in ways that have major impacts on their well-being, even overriding basic survival needs like food, sleep, hygiene, or physical safety.</p><p><br></p><p>Though it can sometimes look that way from the outside, PDA (Persistent Drive for Autonomy or Pathological Demand Avoidance) is not just a knee-jerk, “You can’t tell me what to do!” PDA causes outsized reactions to perceived threats–threats which can be invisible or confusing to parents, educators, and therapists. </p><p><br></p><p>Today’s guest, PDA expert Casey Ehrlich, defines PDA as a nervous system disability that requires a holistic approach that goes beyond in-the-moment behavioral intervention. In our conversation, she movingly recounts how her personal experience raising children with PDA caused her to turn her research background to understanding what PDA is and developing and validating an approach to managing this challenging disorder. And we talk about PDA’s impacts on kids and families, what makes it so mind-bending for outsiders, and how sometimes disrupting and confronting systems can be a benefit of having a PDA brain.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Listen to the full episode to hear:</strong></p><ul><li>Why Casey defines PDA as a neurotype separate from other kinds of demand avoidance seen with autism, executive dysfunction, or anxiety</li><li>Five common elements of PDA that can help parents identify and differentiate it from other concerns</li><li>How PDA-ers’ orientation toward autonomy, equality, and justice can become a source of personal and community strength</li><li>How a drive for autonomy can show up with other neurotypes, and when it crosses into PDA</li><li>Casey’s experience navigating two very different presentations of PDA and burnout with her two kids</li><li>Tools for parents to observe patterns and collect data, (mostly) keep their cool, leave space for their own feelings, and protect their boundaries and sense of self</li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Casey Ehrlich, PhD:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="http://www.atpeaceparents.com/">At Peace Parents</a></li><li>Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/atpeaceparents/">@atpeaceparents</a></li><li>Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/atpeaceparents">@atpeaceparents</a></li><li>YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@atpeaceparents">@atpeaceparents </a></li><li><a href="https://www.atpeaceparents.com/podcast">At Peace Parents Podcast</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><a href="https://www.podpage.com/hate-you-whats-for-dinner/"><strong>Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner?</strong></a></p><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://gillianboudreauphd.com/">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/?hl=en">Instagram @clearconnectionpsychology</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/dr.robert.galligan/">Instagram @dr.robert.galligan</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><strong>Resources:</strong></p><ul><li><a href="https://pdanorthamerica.org/">PDA North America</a></li><li><a href="https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/">PDA Society</a></li><li><a href="https://www.rabbishoshana.com/">Rabbi Shoshana</a></li><li><a href="https://www.amandadiekman.com/">Amanda Diekman | Low Demand Parenting</a></li><li><a href="https://www.icdl.com/dir/floortime">What is DIRFloortime?</a></li></ul>
Discover related shows you might enjoy
Esther Perel Global Media
Meg Ferrell
The Ringer
Casey
New York Times Opinion
CNN Podcasts
The New York Times
Kristen Carder
Dear Media
New York Magazine
Afshan Tafler
PDA Society
Have a different question and can't find the answer you're looking for? Reach out to our support team by sending us an email and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
On I Hate You. What's For Dinner? we explore whether childhood explains everything. We'll ask our biggest questions about love and hate, rage and fear, and the awesome and mundane that all get smushed together when we're growing up.
Tune in to make better sense of childhood, parenthood, and life in general.
This podcast updates daily.
This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
Yes, this podcast regularly features guests.
Pod Engine is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or officially connected with any of the podcasts displayed on this platform. We operate independently as a podcast discovery and analytics service.
All podcast artwork, thumbnails, and content displayed on this page are the property of their respective owners and are protected by applicable copyright laws. This includes, but is not limited to, podcast cover art, episode artwork, show descriptions, episode titles, transcripts, audio snippets, and any other content originating from the podcast creators or their licensors.
We display this content under fair use principles and/or implied license for the purpose of podcast discovery, information, and commentary. We make no claim of ownership over any podcast content, artwork, or related materials shown on this platform. All trademarks, service marks, and trade names are the property of their respective owners.
While we strive to ensure all content usage is properly authorized, if you are a rights holder and believe your content is being used inappropriately or without proper authorization, please contact us immediately at hey@podengine.ai for prompt review and appropriate action, which may include content removal or proper attribution.
By accessing and using this platform, you acknowledge and agree to respect all applicable copyright laws and intellectual property rights of content owners. Any unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or commercial use of the content displayed on this platform is strictly prohibited.