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I have an Abusive Parent #TruthCampaign

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by I cannot tell you

4.9(17 reviews)

8 episodes

Updated Daily

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Podcast Overview

This podcast shares stories, signs, and strategies of abusive parents. I have abusive parents that I no longer have contact with. I suffered childhood abuse that I have only recently understood and this has continued into my adult life. I have spent the last 3 years delving into the complex games and dynamics of abusive parents. A brain trainer and advocate of parents and children, I believe that this needs to be talked about more. I want this to be real... but with real help and a place that you can go to get the help, support, healing and courage back.

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Publishing Since

3/3/2020

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Recent Episodes

March 16, 2020

The DEATH OF HOPE and Grieving the Parents you Always Wanted

In this episode, we discuss what it feels like when you come to the realization that your parents have been abusive (whether they meant to be or not). For me, it was like the death of hope. I read this term in an article one day and it hit the nail on the head.  For a long time, I kept going back to my parents in the hope that they would be well, that they would treat me well. That they would love and treat me the way that I deserved and wanted. I questioned my own actions, I felt guilty, but most of all I longed for them to be the people that they portrayed to the outside world.  Skipping between the Line of hope and realization. Imagine a line. On one side, it is the absolute realization that your parent(s) ar abusive and are incapable of treating you well. On the other side is the hope that they will be the parents you need and want. The parents they promise, the parents that they act to be to the outside world. For a long time, i walked with one foot on either side. Because standing on the side of realization meant giving up any hope that I would have the parents that I wanted.   Coming to that ABSOLUTE realization and standing with both feet on that side of the line took a long time to get too. I kept playing and toying with the idea that they could change. It was hard to get there and once I was there, it hurt. The normal cycle of grief that doesn't feel very normal I went through a grieving process, not unlike grieving the loss of any loved one. Except I grieved the loss of the parents I never had but always wanted.  I went through sadness. I was frustrated at myself for putting up with it for so long, I was frustrated that they could not be anything other than who they were. I questioned myself, I questioned if my feelings were right and the part that I had played.  I got angry and upset. I had to let go of the fantasy of happy family life with my extended family and realize that other people did not have the same view of my parents because they treated them well.  And then, after some time, I became numb. Sometimes I went back to feeling anger and hurt, but over time, I went for long periods where I was not frustrated or hurt. Longer times of non-effect when I thought about it. Eventually, the thought of my parents had no real impact on my emotions because I had begun to create a vision and realization of a much happier life without them and their army in it.  Struggling with Negative Emotions I could not truly go through this process and get to this space until I had let myself feel and experience the full range of 'negative emotions'. I had been taught that feeling angry made you a bit crazy and being sad was embarrassing. I had felt ashamed to speak of my experience and show these emotions in front of people.  The positive scale emotions like joy and love are much easier because they feel better. Once I rewired my brain to realize that the negative scale emotions were just that, emotions, they just felt different in my body and my body needed to feel them in order to cleanse and move forward. I let myself go through them. It was not easy. Somedays I thought I was okay and then the feelings would come back harder than before and I had to let them naturally be with me and go through me.  And now, This is my new normal. I don't long or hope for them to be something different anymore. I don't wish that they were around anymore. Life is much better this way.

March 10, 2020

My Father: From Protector, to My Mothers Enabler and Echo

In this episode, we explicitly discuss the different roles that the other parent or less abusive parent can play for both you and the abusive parent.  I feel like I have experienced the death of my father and he has not died yet. I grieve my dads disappearance and the disappearance of our father/daughter relationship.  My father was my rock, I was his little girl growing up. He protected me from my mum, he listened to my feelings and validated my experience. He provided subtle strategies to protect me from my mum and make me feel better about the abuse.  He was also my mother's enabler, in that instead of stopping her, he would make excuses for her. This role grew in strength over time as (I believe) he became more and more worn down). The dialogue began to turn against me. My father would blame me for my behaviors instead of acknowledging my mum. The day that I chose that I would no longer allow my mother around my children without her getting the help that she needed, that my father had said that she needed after he had told me she wasn't safe... that all changed. He pleaded with me not to do it as he couldn't take my side because his life at home wouldn't be worth living.  He then became my mother's echo. His words and behaviors were exactly the same as my mum's. He did all of the things that he used to protect me from. The abuse goes worse.  I no longer knew him. I no longer know him. He is not my father. I do not know who this man is, he is not recognizable.

March 7, 2020

My Cousin Sexually Abused me and by PARENTS DID NOTHING

My parents knew about my sexual abuse and they did nothing.  My parents were aware of my sexual abuse. They found journals that I had written as a child. They did nothing. We all pretended like they were unaware.  My mother questioned me one time. I was about 13.. I told her. She responded by telling me that she was sexually abused by my abuser's father. She did not offer any support. She made it about her. There was no action taken, no further conversation, and we continued to be around both of the abusers.  Interestingly, my parents allowed us to be around and even babysat, by her perpetrator... both before and after revealing her abuse to me. At the time, I didn't think much about it. I was told and learned that you just act as nothing happened. I watched my mum be best friends with her abuser. I learned that is what you do. So I grew up being friendly with mine.  When I had my own children I asked them to support me in reporting the abuse to keep my kids safe. My mother begged me not to do anything out of the fear of the family and community turn against her. Her social consequence was more important than her daughter and grandchildren's safety. My parents use my sexual abuse to control and intimidate me My father had chosen to have a secret conversation with my abuser as an alternative to a police report. They told him to no longer contact me or bully me. This gave me some power back. After beginning to put in boundaries and expectations for my parents and the way that they treated me, they got angry. The abuse became worse, the attempts to control me were out of control. They buddied back up to my abuser. They would cuddle him and shake his hand, and treat him wonderfully, in front of me. They threw my power away and made it very clear how much they hated me being an autonomous adult.  My parents chose to Keep up Practice Instead of protecting Me Most parents would do whatever it takes to protect their children from known sexual abusers. Not mine. My parent's image in the community and family was more important. Social Currency is the only currency that speaks to them and their social status was more important than taking me away from these people and supporting me to report them.  My parents happily have my own children around the known abusers. In my eyes, this point and this point alone, make my parents unsafe to my own children now. They are not able to provide my children with the basic requirements of safety.  My parents projected their failures onto me Eventually, I have gone no contact with my parents. I refused to accept their behavior any more. The only way they could reach me is through the legal system, claiming grandparents standing and defamation because I have been talking about my experience.  They have accused me of knowingly putting my child in known danger with a sexual predator. The person he is talking about was a 5 year old at my child's school who had a habit of tickling other children.  My child told me she was being tickled and she didn't like it because it was annoying and the child would sometimes move her hands near her vagina when she was tickling her. Even at 4, my child had great protective behaviors and language.  Although this is normal behavior for children, and the tickling child was not trying to assault my child, we took immediate action.  We spoke with the school who implemented a safe touching program to educate the children and help them to form protective and safe behaviors. We spoke with the parents to let them know what was happening and how we were talking and teaching Ayla to deal with it. My child and the tickling child do not hang out or go to the same school anymore.  VERY DIFFERENT

8 total episodes available

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What is I have an Abusive Parent #TruthCampaign?: This podcast shares stories, signs, and strategies of abusive parents.

I have abusive parents that I no longer have contact with. I suffered childhood abuse that I have only recently understood and this has continued into my adult life. I have spent the last 3 years delving into the complex games and dynamics of abusive parents.

A brain trainer and advocate of parents and children, I believe that this needs to be talked about more. I want this to be real... but with real help and a place that you can go to get the help, support, healing and courage back.
How often does this podcast release new episodes?: This podcast updates daily.
Where can I listen to this podcast?: This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
Does this podcast accept guests?: No, this podcast does not typically feature guests.

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