I Woke Up This Gay

About I Woke Up This Gay

A podcast by Stuart Merrill: LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist, historian, and survivor. I Woke Up This Gay is a firsthand journey through LGBTQ+ history—the history they never taught you—and the stories of heroes they want you to forget. These are stories from someone who knew, loved, and witnessed many of them change the world. The journey begins with "Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes," the story of Kostya, Stuart's boyfriend, a hero of the 1991 revolution that brought down Soviet communism. Two days after that victory, he was assasinated by the new government he help establish—a victim of a society unwilling to accept a gay hero. Born into a prominent Mormon family, Stuart Merrill survived anti-gay violence, came out during the height of the AIDS epidemic, worked for U.S. intelligence agencies in the Soviet Union, East and West Germany, was the first American in history allowed to keep his top secret security clearance after coming out as gay, lived and worked openly as a gay man in six countries, and later became an LGBTQ+ rights advocate and lobbyist.. Through personal stories, interviews, history, and hard-won lessons, Stuart explores the people, events, victories, and tragedies that shaped modern queer life. From the AIDS crisis and the fight for equality to surviving religious extremism, political activism, and the collapse of the Soviet Union, these are stories of resilience, courage, loss, and hope. As anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric and legislation rise once again, preserving our history has never been more important. The best way to fight hatred is to tell our stories. My name is Stuart Merrill. 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Publisher

Stuart Merrill

Category

history · news · religion & spirituality · science · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

29 Mar 2022

Latest episode

17 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

54 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   17 Oct 2026

   50. Queer Political Wish List

   After a long absence due to health problems and a broken computer, Stuart Merrill returns with an impassioned call to political action. Drawing on decades of experience as an LGBTQ+ activist and lobbyist, Stuart reflects on the extraordinary transformation of American attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community and the sacrifices made by generations of activists to achieve it. From the brutal anti-gay violence of the 1980s to the freedom younger generations increasingly take for granted, he reminds listeners that these victories are fragile and must be defended. With American democracy and LGBTQ+ rights at a critical crossroads, Stuart urges everyone who believes in equality to register, vote, and stand together to protect the progress so many fought so hard to achieve. In this wide-ranging and provocative episode, Stuart lays out his political wish list for rebuilding American democracy and moving the country closer to universal equality. His proposals include eliminating the Senate filibuster, reforming the Supreme Court, ending partisan gerrymandering, establishing publicly funded elections, abolishing the Electoral College, exploring a multiparty political system, addressing the affordability crisis, and considering a guaranteed basic income. He also examines the dangers of political extremism, the treatment of immigrants, and the urgent need to protect transgender Americans and reproductive rights. Blending personal experience, historical perspective, political analysis, and a healthy dose of irreverence, Stuart challenges listeners to move beyond outrage and complacency. His message is simple but urgent: our democracy, our freedoms, and our shared future depend on what we do now—and it all begins with voting.

2. 

   5 Aug 2026

   49. The Clarifiers

   The Clarifiers were a clandestine cabal of influential Utah housewives in the 1960s and 70s. Working with a local motorcycle gang they dispensed their unique brand of vigilante justice to help women, children—and the occasional puppy—who were trapped in abusive situations.  Then they went home to their husbands and fixed dinner for their kids, most of whom never knew that the Clarifiers even existed.

3. 

   18 Jul 2026

   48. Not So Happy & Gay 4th of July, part 2

   It is sometimes very difficult to recognize moments of extreme historical significance when you're in them. Right now, is one of those moments. It is also one of the most consequential moments in LGBTQ+ history. Drawing on more than fifty years as an activist, lobbyist, and survivor of the AIDS crisis, Stuart argues that the community’s greatest threat is not only political opposition, but also internal division. He shares stories from his own life, the power of unexpected allies, and the importance of kindness, respect, and everyday human connection in creating lasting social change. Throughout the episode, he challenges listeners to ask whether they would rather be right or live in a society where they have rights and closes with a moving reminder that each generation inherits struggles it did not choose—and is judged by what it leaves behind.

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

7 ratings

Spotify

4.6 / 5

28 ratings

Contact I Woke Up This Gay

Guest appearances

Books guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.