Therapy is in session! Susan and Joshua Citrak- Tom DeBlasse Masters 5 brown belts- discuss our journey, training together as a couple, being a martial arts family, life as an older jiujitsu athlete, keeping the proper mindset and perspective in training and so much more. (This is not a podcast about techniques, drama, dissecting matches, though we do reserve the right to do any or all of them on any given episode)
In this episode we ask: who are you avoiding in the training room and why? We discuss the psychological concept of confirmation bias and how it affects your training progress, mindset, and relationships on the mats. We explore the many ways in which our biases play politics, cliques and teaching methods in the gym and look at practical ways to identify and challenge these ingrained mental patterns to elevate your game and personal growth.
Confirmation Bias in Jiu Jitsu
37:49 - Strategies for challenging assumptions, including seeking out partners you avoid
39:16 - The importance of honest data collection and reflection after roles
40:22 - Reframing wins and losses as information, not judgments
41:40 - The value of working on techniques with diverse, top-tier training partners
43:41 - The need for integrating mental training and ego management
44:40 - The example of Keenan Cornelius deliberately shunning his A game to develop a holistic skill set
47:05 - Using deliberate practice to prevent stagnation and build resilience
48:02 - Final thoughts: questioning assumptions as a path to continuous growth
Resources & Links:
Keenan Cornelius - Developing a Holistic Jiu Jitsu Game (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Keenan+Cornelius) (search for his books or content)
Theory of Mind - Understanding Others' Perspectives (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/theory-mind)
Connect with Joshua & Susan:
Instagram (https://instagram.com/jiujitsucouplestherapy)
Note: For actionable insights, keep questioning your assumptions, diversify your training partners, and stay aware of your mental filters to unlock new levels in both your Jiu Jitsu and life.
1 Apr 2026
"Earned My Blue Belt, Now What?/ I've Lost My Passion for Jiujitsu"
In this episode we discuss: How to find your footing as a new blue belt- what you should focus on and what realistic goals to set, how to look for opportunities within your gym to build leadership skills. Also, it’s ok to be a hobbyist, jiujitsu doesn’t have to be your whole life, how to overcome boredom in jiujitsu as so much more.
00:35 - The significance of blue belt as a milestone and common ego pitfalls
01:04 - Expectations versus reality at blue belt and differentiation from other belts
05:19 - The value of focusing on a specific technique or aspect of your game
06:41 - Managing ego, pressure from higher belts, and setting achievable goals
07:37 - The power of consistent, targeted practice and mental framing
09:06 - The role of mentors in guiding your progression
12:23 - Expanding your game beyond comfort zones
13:23 - Giving back: becoming a helper or community role to stay engaged
15:48 - Recognizing patterns and applying analytical thinking
16:18 - Managing energy and maintaining support roles
17:17 - Dealing with burnout and the importance of mental health
18:19 - Reframing jiu-jitsu as a joyful part of life
19:01 - Letting go of perfectionism and guilt around missed training
20:27 - The balance of love and passion for jiu-jitsu
22:19 - The importance of training smart and respecting your body
23:31 - Breaking the identity that jiu-jitsu is all of who you are
27:42 - Cultivating passion without pressure or expectations
28:12 - Recognizing when you're losing love for the art and how to navigate it
29:10 - The value of taking breaks and seasonal shifts in passion
30:07 - Embracing change and life’s seasons using musical metaphors
31:40 - The importance of self-awareness and gradual evolution
33:08 - The pitfalls of measuring self-worth solely through achievement
37:04 - Accepting burnout and adjusting expectations
38:31 - Moving away from unhealthy competition obsession
40:35 - Defining your own version of success in jiu-jitsu
44:36 - Embracing aging and physical limitations
45:24 - Letting go of perfectionism and self-judgment
46:17 - Supporting teammates’ competing goals
47:15 - Do jiu-jitsu for your happiness, not external validation
48:08 - Closing thoughts: balance, community, and self-compassion
Resources & Links:
The Jiu-Jitsu Belt System Explained (https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Jiu-Jitsu+Belt+System) (General overview; search for authoritative guides)
Influential Jiu-Jitsu Mentors and Coaches (https://www.linkedin.com/search/results/people/?keywords=jiu+jitsu+coach)
Role of Mentors in Martial Arts (https://www.martialartsmindset.com/mentorship)
Mental Health & Burnout in Martial Arts (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-martial-arts-psychologist/202201/burnout-high-level-martial-art-training)
The Importance of Community in Jiu-Jitsu (https://grapplinginsider.com/why-community-is-critical-in-bjj/)
Connect with Joshua Citrak:
Twitter (https://twitter.com/joshcitrak)
Instagram (https://instagram.com/joshcitrak)
24 Mar 2026
Will BJJ Make My Kid A Bully?/ Afraid of Losing in Front of Your Coach?
We discuss: whether BJJ is really good for kid’s self defense, will jiujitsu make my kid into a bully, the value of learning martial arts virtues (discipline, confidence, courage) at a young age, coaching leadership styles, I hate losing in front of my coach (and he/she probably hates watching you lose), reenforcing positive mindsets no matter the outcome and so much more.
(00:00) - Introduction: Kids' self-defense vs. fighting instinct & coaching influence
(03:02) - Is Jiu Jitsu beneficial for children's self-defense, or does it risk teaching children to fight?
(04:33) - The importance of practical self-defense skills like escaping from pins or headlocks
(05:56) - The limitations of sport-focused submissions for real-world self-defense
(07:47) - The importance of age-appropriate training and realistic expectations
(08:47) - Can Jiu Jitsu help kids handle situations involving multiple attackers?
(10:14) - The significance of developing confidence, voice, and responsibility in children
(13:33) - Does training make kids bully-proof or could it foster aggression if coached poorly?
(14:43) - The internal vs. external validation: coaching for growth vs. ego
(16:11) - How to evaluate a gym during trial classes: attention, behavior, environment
(17:38) - The role of mentorship among older students; building leadership in kids
(20:34) - How coaches and gym culture influence kids' behavior and confidence
(22:01) - The inherently selfish nature of Jiu Jitsu and its impact on student mentality
(23:04) - Risks of toxic competition culture: bullying, peer pressure, and unhealthy validation
(25:07) - Coaches who tie their self-worth to students' results and the risks involved
(26:07) - Managing expectations and the importance of leadership and team culture
(28:48) - Celebrating effort and personal growth over medals and rankings
(30:15) - Helping students recover from disappointment; fostering resilience
(33:38) - Rethinking competitive priorities: fun, camaraderie, and community
(37:02) - The most meaningful moments: supporting kids through victories and losses
(40:26) - The value of losing and setbacks for personal growth
(44:47) - The impact of judgment, comparison, and creating a supportive environment
(49:03) - Closing thoughts: focus on individual progress and avoiding toxic competition culture
Resources & Links
Gracie University (https://www.gracieuniversity.com/) – for self-defense and anti-bullying programs
The Role of Confidence in Kids' Martial Arts (https://www.example.com/confidence-kids-martial-article)
Understanding Coaching Impact (https://www.coachingpsychology.org/)
Connect with the Hosts:
Joshua Citrak - LinkedIn (https://linkedin.com/in/joshua-citrak) | Twitter (https://twitter.com/joshcitrak) | Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/jiujitsucouplestherapy)
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