Wiley and Sage – Wise and Witty Journeys – the radio show that talks all about: LOVE, LUST, & LAUGHTER.

Love, Lust, and Laughter
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Wiley and Sage – Wise and Witty Journeys – the radio show that talks all about: LOVE, LUST, & LAUGHTER.
Language
🇺🇲
Publishing Since
7/7/2022
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Recent Episodes

September 24, 2025
Love, Lust and Laughter - 9.23.25
ONLINE DATING at MIDLIFE and BEYOND Dr. Becky Hoppins returned to the show, this time to talk about online dating. She’s a Board-Certified Naturopathic Physician working at the Sage Clinic in Edmonds, WA. The podcasts we did in January and March dealt with menopausal issues and balanced hormones. Why the subject of online dating for today’s program? My husband Bryan and I recently enjoyed a double date with Becky and her partner Rob. She and I discovered we had both met our partners online and had had some parallel experiences. So, this program’s topic was born! No matter our age (Becky is midlife, I am much older), we need to figure out who to look for, where to look, and how to recognize this person when meeting him or her. Dr. Becky and I agree that one must first do inner work to be ready to attract the right person. If you want to date and have a relationship with a terrific person, you must start by being a terrific person yourself! Self-images can be deceiving. Think how OTHER’S PERCEPTIONS and YOUR PERCEPTION might differ. Here’s an exercise I offer to clients looking for a relationship: Circle the words that you think would describe how other people perceive you now. Then make a check by the same word you believe portray how you really are. Here’s the list: happy, secure, warm, inadequate, caring, distant, scared, sad, angry, giving, insecure, unhappy, bright, naïve, handsome, homely, attractive, trim, fat, compassionate, playful, shy, confident, anxious, lonely, talented. Life choices and self-improvement can open us to the potential bounty of our lives … and to more promising potential dates! What are your personal expectations for online matches? Dr. Becky points out that her advice is specifically for those looking for dates that lead to long term monogamy. When you’ve done the (therapy) work, you’re more likely to attract the right person – able to trust, to mesh a life with someone. Don’t expect someone to rescue you, no one is coming to fix your life. You don’t want to be a “project.” You want to be your own hero. Crafting a profile. Be clear about your political, social, and religious stances. A discussion about the right kind of photos ensued. What to look for in a date’s profile. Much of what you see may not be the whole truth, may be misrepresentations. Dr. Becky cites Jennie Young’s “Burned Haystack Dating Method.” She’s a professor of rhetoric and feminist studies. Listen to the show for the details. Blocking vs Swiping left: you block people not aligned. The algorithm will bring you better matches. Handling the first date. The coffee meeting is not the first date – it’s more like a job interview. On the first date, someone with more polished conversational skills can talk about things that will interest the other; be a good listener; flirt a little if you feel the chemistry; and not talk about your ex. Oversharing is not intimacy (on the first date). Neediness is a turn-off. Lead with curiosity and ask your date about himself/herself.

July 16, 2025
Love, Lust and Laughter - 7.15.25
Female Pelvic Pain and Its Relationship to Emotions & Trauma Dr. Adriana Martí When sex hurts, experts still have tons of unanswered questions. Since we don’t have much accurate data on the various conditions that make intercourse painful, women often suffer in silence. To help sort this out, Dr. Diana Wiley, a sex therapist, and Dr. Adriana Martí, a pain psychologist, had an informative conversation. Dr. Martí uses the biopsychosocial model, which has emerged as the most comprehensive framework for understanding pain. Coming from a family of physicians, Dr. Marti understood the value of treating the physical body, but she also saw where the biomedical model falls short. That insight led her to embrace integrative, mind-body approaches to care especially for those living with chronic illness or pain. The level of a patient’s anger has been shown to be an important predictor of chronic pain symptoms, and cultivating compassion has been shown to positively influence how we process emotions, thus reducing the tendency toward negativity, including anger. Psychological or emotional factors are often involved. Stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, a history of sexual abuse, an upsetting pelvic exam in the past, or relationship troubles can also be at the root of sexual pain. Some women experience vaginismus—an involuntary clenching of vaginal muscles that prevents penetration. Vaginismus is especially common among women who associate their vaginal area with fear or physical trauma. Both the sex therapist and the health psychologist want to include the patient’s partner at some point in the therapeutic process. For many couples who have been dealing with a confusing, undefined issue, there is a buildup of resentment and anger. Men often fear hurting their partner. Pleasure can become pain. It is so easy for couples to blame each other and lose sight of the fact that the real problem is a physiological condition, not their partner. Dr. Martí also notes the cultural piece: the expectations related to the family. How does the family relate to pain? In one case, the mother and the grandmother both had pelvic pain. Sometimes the woman gets sucked into the “sick role,” which has the benefit of lowered expectations from the patient, but is ultimately not emotionally healthy. Can pain be unlearned? A study led by Yoni Ashar, PhD, which was published in JAMA Psychiatry, was the first clinical trial of pain reprocessing therapy (PRT). PRT was developed by psychotherapist Alan Gordon to treat primary chronic back pain. Complete details can be found in his book, The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain. There are additional fixes, such as vaginal estrogen or other medicines or creams. Also, pelvic floor therapy (provided by a specially trained physical therapist) can help control vaginal muscles. “Down training” uses a combination of mindfulness, diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, stretching, and visualization to help calm the nervous system. The couple in therapy may be asked to do “outercourse” homework (non-penetrative sex). Some couples put too much focus on penetrative sex and neglect other fun, equally pleasurable sexual activities. Outercourse is a great option because it helps women forget there’s a goal, so they can just enjoy the feelings and sensations of the ride! It gets both people out of their brains and into their bodies. Dr. Martí has a private practice where she works with individuals and couples in both English and Spanish. All sessions are done via telehealth. A fifteen-minute phone consultation is the no-charge first step! www.martipsychologicalservices.com

June 18, 2025
Love, Lust and Laughter - 6.17.25
Dr. Paul Joannides discusses erectile dysfunction with Dr. Diana, covering biological, psychological, and lifestyle factors, emphasizing open communication and whole-body sensuality for couples facing this challenge in this interview.
26 total episodes available
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Frequently asked questions
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- What is Love, Lust, and Laughter?
- How often does this podcast release new episodes?
This podcast updates bi-weekly.
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This podcast is available on 9 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
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Yes, this podcast regularly features guests.
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