Meditate Your Face Off

About Meditate Your Face Off

Guided meditations, talks, and the occasional naked surprise; from a contemporary (and iconoclastic) buddhist perspective. caralai.substack.com (https://caralai.substack.com/s/podcast?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Cara Lai

Category

health & fitness · religion & spirituality

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

27 Jun 2025

Latest episode

1 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

45 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   1 Oct 2026

   Everything I Own, More or Less

   This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit caralai.substack.com (https://caralai.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7) The very end of this post has a dharma talk for paid subscribers that gets much deeper into this subject, from a retreat I taught recently (note that the guided meditation above is the same for both free and paid subscribers). If you can’t afford a paid subscription and want one, message me and I’ll give you one, no questions asked. Back in my Dharma bum years, I had very few belongings. All of what I owned, aside from some of my bigger paintings, could have fit into a small car— if I had a car to put it in. I liked the idea of being some kind of a renunciate living a normal life. It was countercultural, anti-materialistic, anti-capitalistic. Then I got married, had kids, and bought a house. It’s really easy to accumulate stuff when you have a big enough place to put it. And if you have kids, you’ll know that everyone wants to shower them with colorful plastic objects. On top of this, it has become ridiculously easy to impulse buy stuff you don’t need. Just a flick of the thumb and electric socks, an inflatable travel pillow, and a wheelbarrow can all wind up on your front stoop the very next day. But when we get more stuff, we get more problems. Another new item is another thing to manage, protect, take care of, keep clean, fix when broken, or feel unsatisfied with when the newer version comes out. More material stuff consumes more mental bandwidth. In my current life situation, it feels hard to be minimalistic. I have a family, our stuff is shared, my husband and I have different relationships with ownership. He’s a bit more of a collector, but also a bit more free when it comes to giving stuff away. He’s also a little less of a manager when it comes to his stuff (let’s just say I’m the tidy one in the relationship). It’s already taking a lot of effort for me to keep our possessions to a minimum. But I also watch myself open up Facebook Marketplace on a regular basis to buy stuff we only kind of need, and I watch my eyes linger on ads for smartwatches (because wouldn’t it make my life easier?). I find I do this at the end of the day when I’m trying to decompress. What’s happening here is that I’m taking refuge in belongings. I’m seeking happiness through the material world. But do I get the refuge I’m seeking? No, usually I just get a lot of screen time and a feeling of restless dissatisfaction, believing my life will be better when I get whatever it is I was researching, and going to bed with the afterglow of a screen and a mind full of clutter. If this sounds familiar, I have a practice for you. Notice how it feels before, during, and after you think about purchasing some new item. What does the wanting feel like? What does your body feel like when you’re deciding, when you’re reading AI summaries of Amazon reviews, when you’re comparing products? What about when the object of desire arrives? There might be a hit of dopamine when you actually get the product, but then, what happens if it’s defective? How does your body slip into dissatisfaction, or a sense of urgency to call customer service and make things right, or return it for a different color? Feel how it all feels on a visceral level. You might have to slow down or pause. Notice anything that’s obvious in your body, and hang out there for a few moments. There’s no need to make yourself stop buying the thing. Slowing down and pausing is purely to aid in the observation. But eventually, after we begin to see for ourselves just how much of the experience we’ve been taking refuge in is unpleasant and unsatisfying, we may want to make a different choice. When considering getting something new, Ajahn Sucitto said we can ask this question: “do I want the thing, or the space?” I’ve found this to be immensely helpful. It reminds me that there’s something else I can take refuge in, that’s not a “thing.” Space. How easily we forget the value of space. In the slowing down and pausing, we remember the existence of space. Space is subtle, more subtle than buying a new Apple Watch— but it’s so, so much more satisfying. The key is being willing to slow down and look directly into the void. It’s not as easy as it sounds. But a simple pause in our frenzied quest to feed our hungry ghost will not only be a slap in the face to capitalism and greed itself, it’s the beginning of the end of our quest for satisfaction. It turns out that space is not so empty. It’s full of something that’s hard to describe, but every time I’ve touched it, it feels like love. When we slow down and remember to be present, we find that loving awareness is waiting to catch us. It turns out that the only place we can find the contentment we’ve been seeking is in the very void we’ve been trying to fill. The ultimate refuge is in this moment. Real satisfaction is only now. The Week In Sanity With Dan Harris This Saturday, October 3rd, I’ll be appearing on this weekly series for MS NOW. Dan Harris (https://open.substack.com/pub/danharris) and I will break down major news headlines through the lens of psychology and contemplative wisdom. MS NOW members will be able to check it out here: Price Change PS: Speaking of October 3rd, a reminder that $8/month pricing disappears October 3rd, and the price of this Substack will increase to $11/month. If you’re already a paying subscriber, this won’t affect you. If you’re not, you can lock in the old rate now before it changes. I contain multitudes, apparently, including the one writing about letting go of things while asking you to subscribe to more of them. . . . Paid subscribers can listen to a short talk from a recent retreat I taught on this subject below:

2. 

   24 Sept 2026

   Money!

   Here’s a guided meditation on generosity. It’s not a bribe. Meditate Your Face Off is not a cult that’s trying to brainwash you into giving me money, calling it Dharma. But I know it looks bad given the essay that follows. (TLDR: price for new subscribers is going up October 4th, current subscribers aren't affected, more on why below.) Hi! This is a slightly different post, because I’m sort of gonna ask for money, but it’ll hopefully be different from that time where you put your business card in a fishbowl at a restaurant and won a free lunch for everyone in your office, and then had to sit through that poor soul’s pitch to sell you their business software while you quietly ate your free deep dish pizza and smiled politely. Instead: here’s a little context, followed by a small change. The Dāna Model: In the Buddhist tradition I teach from, teachings are offered freely. You can’t put a price on the truth, and the Buddha wanted everyone to have access to the teachings, to liberation. He also wanted people to learn about dāna (the Pāli word for generosity), because generosity is an intrinsic part of the path to freedom. So he set up a system where the teachers, who were monastics, were basically helpless— they couldn’t have possessions, they couldn’t grow food: they depended entirely on laypeople to meet their basic needs. In return, the monastics would share the dharma, teach people how to meditate, teach people about kindness and compassion. There was a constant flow of generosity. The dāna model as it was brought to Western culture means that we teachers don’t usually get paid for our work. We rely on the generosity of the people we teach to support us. It means that I have no idea how much money will come from the time and resources I put into teaching each retreat. This is truly gratifying. Because I know that people are, more often than not, offering me money for the joy of giving and the love of the dharma, not out of obligation. A dollar that comes from a place of real generosity is worth far more than an obligatory dollar. With this newsletter, everything of substance is free, and the paid tier exists so the people who get something out of it and can afford to contribute, do — which is what keeps the whole thing running for everyone, including the people who can’t pay right now. If you can’t afford a paid subscription (now, or ever) you don’t have to. Message me and I’ll give you full access, no questions asked. That’s the way the dāna model works. The teachings were never supposed to have a paywall around them in the first place; the paid tier exists so the people who can pay, do, which is what makes it possible for the people who can’t to get the same thing for free. That’s the whole arrangement. It only works if people actually use it. Also: you practicing, reading, even just having interest in this work is its own act of generosity. Not to be too sappy, but it’s true. And sharing it is another way of offering dāna: The small change: Meditate Your Face Off has been a tremendous joy for me to craft. I love the community that’s been growing around it, I love how it keeps my practice alive, and I love how weird I can get and still have readership. I want it to feel more sustainable financially, so that I can keep pouring my heart and soul into it. So, starting October 4th, new paid subscriptions move from $8/month to $11/month (or $80/year to $110/year) If you’re already a paying subscriber, this doesn’t touch you — your rate stays exactly what it is, for as long as you stay subscribed. I promise it’s not one of those promotional windows closing on you. If you’ve been meaning to upgrade or you’re currently free and thinking about it, October 3rd is your last chance to lock in $8/month instead of $11. If Meditate Your Face Off has been worth more to you than what you’re currently paying: You don’t have to cancel and resubscribe if you want to offer more. Bump up to the Pay it Forward tier (or just pay more than the standard rate) with just a couple of clicks: go to your Substack settings (https://substack.com/settings) → Subscriptions → click on Meditate Your Face Off → hit “Change” next to your plan → pick “Pay it Forward” or enter whatever number feels right. If you do this, you still have the same full access as before. All that will change will be your contribution. If anything about any of this is unclear, please ask your questions in the comments! One of the best parts of the dāna model is that you get to feel into your own, genuine sense of gratitude. So now I’ve given you the dāna talk, but do what you want with it. Real generosity feels good. The Buddha said that a single act of giving benefits the giver three times: in the thought of giving, in the act of giving, and in the memory of having given. So however you feel called to give, let it be an authentic act that feels good. If you upgrade, do it because you want to, not because you have to. Big Love, Cara This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit caralai.substack.com/subscribe (https://caralai.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

3. 

   10 Sept 2026

   Put Down Your Gratitude Journal and Quit Your Job

   This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit caralai.substack.com (https://caralai.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7) Above is a meditation to help you shrug off an older version of yourself and to begin anew. Scroll to the end for a videoclip and an upcoming mini-retreat online. The very end of this post contains a short talk and a guided meditation for paid subscribers on this same topic, from a recent Meditate Your Face Off drop-in class. If you can’t afford a paid subscription and want one, message me and I’ll give you one, no questions asked. Below is me reading the essay that follows: Real insight doesn't feel like enlightenment. It feels like disorientation. The food, the possessions, the experiences you used to find satisfying— suddenly they're empty. The permanence you were counting on, gone. Everything you love is on its way out, and now you know it. You start to realize that your old habits, the friends you are used to hanging around with, and sometimes even your biggest investments of time and energy; are no longer interesting to you. If you’ve ever found yourself, or are currently finding that you’re unsatisfied with your life, it might not be a you problem. Maybe you don’t have to feel good about something you don’t feel good about, and just practice more lovingkindness. In fact, maybe you’re meant to feel annoyed or disgruntled. Perhaps the situation is not helping you serve your higher purpose, and you’ve been telling yourself you need to lean in, when actually you need to open to more of who you are. Maybe the situation has been limiting you, and you’ve been trying to squeeze yourself into it. Letting go can sometimes mean walking away. Some culling may be in order. You can Marie Kondo your life in these moments of transition. Take a serious look around and feel into what you actually want to be doing, what is truly interesting for this new version of you, and what actually feels worthy of your time. Are there ways that you are hanging in limbo? Are you doing a job that you don’t really feel connected to anymore, feeling bored or detached with people you whose company you used to enjoy, or finishing a project purely out of obligation rather than passion? Sometimes one does have real obligations to fulfill. But you don’t always need to adjust your attitude and slap on your best metta face. Maybe it’s time to honor and include your deeper desires. I’m not talking about the shallow, squirrely, greener-grass desires that feed into restlessness. I’m talking about a calling for awakening, for truth, for release. Stop writing in your gratitude journal and start saying no to what you don’t like. Just because you always have lunch with your co-workers doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you have to spend your time at toddler birthday parties and storytime at the library. Just because you got that degree doesn’t mean you have to have the job that corresponds to it… maybe it’s not such a bad thing that AI is taking over your job. Don’t do what the rest of the world does, because most of the world doesn’t know about true freedom. Go against the stream. Reorganize your life around your own, deeper passions. You don't need more peace of mind about the life you have. You need a different life. That's not spiritual bypassing, that’s your practice working. Online Mini-Retreat: The Awakened Householder On Sunday, September 20th, I’ll be guiding a short online retreat meant to help people find their footing in legitimate, deepening practice while living in normal household life. If you can’t make a residential retreat work in your life, it’s still possible to make meaningful progress on the path. Find out how: Parenting as the Path Another Parenting as the Path class will meet on Tuesday, September 22nd, at 4:00pm ET. Come join Ofosu Jones-Quartey (Born I) (https://substack.com/profile/38431651-ofosu-jones-quartey-born-i) and myself for a conversation and practice on the raw, humbling, triggering, glorious, and heart-opening experience of parenting. Here’s a recording of a recent talk and meditation on this same topic, for paid subscribers:

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Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

5 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

1 ratings

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