A woman ends her five year relationship after realizing she's been gaslit and she gets her f*cking life back š <br/><br/><a href="https://myfictionaldiary.substack.com/s/my-fictional-diary?utm_medium=podcast">myfictionaldiary.substack.com</a>
My Fictional Diary
Claim This Podcastby Me, Anonymously
5.0(1 reviews)
23 episodes
Updated Daily
Accepts GuestsHas Sponsors
9
Podcast Authority
BetaPoorBased on show quality, social media presence, reviews, charts, and more
Quality17
Social0
YouTube0
Engagement0
Podcast Overview
A woman ends her five year relationship after realizing she's been gaslit and she gets her f*cking life back š <br/><br/><a href="https://myfictionaldiary.substack.com/s/my-fictional-diary?utm_medium=podcast">myfictionaldiary.substack.com</a>
Language
šŗš²
Publishing Since
7/17/2025
Unlock The Full Podcast Authority Score Report
See how your podcast performs across key metrics
9
Podcast Authority
BetaPoorBased on show quality, social media presence, reviews, charts, and more
Quality17
Social0
YouTube0
Engagement0
5
Excellent Areas
1
Good Performance
13
Growth Opportunities
excellent
Publishing Consistency
Every 0 days
Performing excellently!
good
iTunes Tags
6.5/10
Recommendations available
Unlock the full report to see detailed tips
needs improvement
Show Notes Quality
2.0/5
Recommendations available
Unlock the full report to see detailed tips
+16 More Metrics
Unlock comprehensive insights including:
- ā¢ YouTube presence analysis
- ā¢ Social media reach metrics
- ā¢ RSS compliance scoring
- ā¢ Podcast 2.0 features
- ā¢ Technical standards
What's Included in Your Full Report
Detailed Analytics
- Complete breakdown of all 19 authority metrics
- Personalized recommendations for each metric
- Industry benchmarks and comparisons
- Technical RSS feed analysis and compliance scoring
Growth Strategies
- Step-by-step action plans for improvement
- Quick wins to boost your score immediately
- Pro tips from successful podcasters
Get your free podcast insights report
See how your show performs across every key metric
Instant delivery
No spam
Attract Better Guests
High authority scores make your podcast more attractive to industry leaders and influencers who want to appear on credible shows.
Secure Sponsorships
Sponsors look for podcasts with proven authority and engagement. Your score demonstrates your podcast's value to potential partners.
Grow Your Audience
Understanding your strengths and weaknesses helps you make data-driven decisions to expand your listener base effectively.
1 verified contact email on file for My Fictional Diary
Pitch yourself as a guest, propose sponsorships, or reach out directly to the host.
Recent Episodes
July 24, 2025
Chapter 21 - Epilogue
<p>Saturday, November 13th, 2021 </p><p>Katy and I went to see Reggie Watts last night at Dynasty Typewriter. She got to meet him in the hall when she went to the bathroom.</p><p>Sara June opened and she did a bit where she pretended to be the moon. As the moon, she was tired of everyone blaming her for their problems. She had us read cards with all of the nice things you could say about the moon instead, āLet us dance in worship of her!ā</p><p>āSee, itās not that hard!ā She exclaimed.</p><p>I am the moon.</p><p>After the show, we went to Idle Hour where we felt like mice in a barrel. It was a cool spot ā I love going out and seeing so many young people! A guy told me my blazer brought him joy.</p><p>I watched Katy down a burger. I know I need to eat, my stomach is growling, but Iām not hungry ā I have no appetite.</p><p>We came back to the house and even though Katy had an early flight to catch, we stayed up later than we had in a long time; we didnāt want the night to end. I listened to Katy play along to music videos on the TV with the ukulele she got me for my birthday.</p><p>Joffrey turned all of the photos of us in our room back around. I think Iāll take them all out. He left an empty suitcase, so Iām guessing heāll be back ā Iāll try to be out of the house. I was ready for him to have left. Our last conversation gave me the closure I needed. I know that seeing him again would only bring more pain.</p><p>Iām glad he didnāt understand in the end. When he said that we share the blame 50/50, I felt good about my choice to leave him. When he said he hopes I learn to forgive, it was clear to me ā weāve always said there was this imaginary listā¦ Some people are on the list and some people are not. You know whoās on your list. Joffrey is no longer on my list.</p><p>In all of this, Iāve learned from re-reading my own thoughts and feelings that I have a beautiful mind and soul. At some point, Joffrey stopped seeing that. He doesnāt see that all Iāve done is love him so much that Iāve forgiven him over and over and over again.</p><p>I deserve someone who shares my heart and mind.</p><p>Thereās literally (and physically) a mountain between us now. The space feels good. I am at peace. Iām going to buy myself flowers today.</p><p>I know that the excitement for my new life and the grief for my old one will come in waves.</p><p>These last few weeks have taught me that youāre never alone. There are always people who are ready to carry you through ā all you have to do is ask.</p><p>Iām 138 pounds now. Iāve lost 8 pounds over the course of this breakup.</p><p>Katy said it took her a year to get her exās negative voice out of her head, but she knew those thoughts werenāt hers. I wonder at what point their thoughts became ours. How did we lose our light?</p><p>I blocked Joffrey across my social media and unfollowed his family to make this all easier. I changed my relationship status to single and un-shared my location.</p><p>I asked him to let me know when heās coming over so that I can be out of the house. I swear, this is like a movie that just doesnāt end. We hit all of the plot points, but it just keeps going. Right when you think itās overā¦ BAM! A new conflict. Weāve got at least another thirty minutes left.</p><p>We canāt message on Facebook now, so he texted back:</p><p><strong>Joffrey:</strong> I didnāt like how our last conversation went last night. Could we please talk a little more today?</p><p>I just wanted a good day ā a celebration of me! Amy, Elena, and April are coming over for my goth-themed break-up slumber party tonight. I have things to do. Theyāre so great. April congratulated me on my living situation becoming less tense and is bringing wine. Elena is excited to celebrate me!</p><p><strong>Me:</strong> I really donāt want to. I feel like I got closure. Iād just cry more. Iām afraid youāll make it harder again.</p><p><strong>Joffrey: </strong>Please. I might not see you for a long time. I just canāt sit with all of this.</p><p>Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I have to be so goddamn empathetic to where I put his feelings above my own? And for what? To only be criticized in return? What could he possibly say now that would make it better for me? This is all for him. Itās still all for him.</p><p>But Iām curious. Would it be better to be left wondering? Phone a friend.</p><p>I worked it out with my dad. He always gives the best advice. I need space, and if he loves me and cares about me, heāll understand that. Maybe heād have said all the right things, but that wouldnāt help me heal. And I canāt risk him making me question my decision even more.</p><p>Dad said not to suggest this because it could come off as cold, but it made me feel better to hear that if he really wants to get closure himself, get whatever heās thinking off his chest, he can write it down. And if he really needs me to hear how heās feeling, he can send it in a letter. He knows Iāve always wanted a letter ā or more practically, he could even go the easier route and shoot me an email.</p><p>I canāt worry about Joffrey anymore. I choose me.</p><p>(What a great finale! Character growth! Can this be the end?) Willing it into existence:</p><p>EPILOGUE:</p><p>F*****g hell. I texted him back my answer as he walked through the front door. He messaged me as I hid in my room:</p><p><strong>Joffrey:</strong> I completely understand. Thatās why I'm living in Wadeās nasty room for a month. Because I care about you so much that I am absolutely 100% willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. Thatās all I want to say to you right now. I just need you to know all my feelings for you.</p><p>He sat waiting for me on the couch downstairs. I headed down and put on my shoes, ready to excuse myself.</p><p>He came to join me in the entryway. I listened.</p><p>He didnāt understand why I was angry with him ā heād been giving me space, and heās doing everything he can. He says he doesnāt know who he is without me ā that I am his air. I am his person. That heās sorry that our relationship wasnāt as good for me as it was for him. That he knows what he needs to do now, and heās learned a lot. That we have a white love. He wants to see me in a month.</p><p>I didnāt cry ā Iāve heard it before. I asked him what a white love was ā said it sounded racist. He smiled.</p><p>He described to me something Iād shown him before about two different kinds of love. Thereās the love you feel in the beginning that gives you butterflies, and that turns into something deeper, more comfortable. Itās not as exciting, but itās real ā they become your partner.</p><p>He thought our love, our connection, was stronger than anyoneās he knows our age. He thought everyone could see it.</p><p>I told him how I felt after our last conversation and what I thought about it. I said he may interpret this as a f**k you, but itās coming from a place of love ā I hope he goes to therapy and figures out who he is. I wished him the best.</p><p>I told him that Iāve written everything down ā what happened, how I felt about it. That I didnāt feel like he was in the right headspace to read it yet, but that in a year or two he might have the luxury that most boyfriends, or exes, donāt have ā reflection. He didnāt like that timeframe. I shared that I might publish it.</p><p>I said meeting up in a month might be too soon, but eventually, I would like to keep him in my life.</p><p>Heās going to pack all day today, and I asked not to see him for a while. Iām writing this from the park with Penny, on my blanket with a view of the mountains. Sheās rolling around in the grass. Iām giving the day to myself and filling it with things I love.</p><p>I thought about this moment so many times ā the final goodbye. The end.</p><p>I grabbed my keys, āSee you on the other side.ā</p><p>I turned to go and he said something that I couldnāt make out. I thought about letting it go but turned back.</p><p>He said he loved me.</p><p>I wasnāt sure if I should, but I said, āI love you,ā back. Goodbye, Joffrey.</p><p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>Get full access to My Fictional Diary at <a href="https://myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe</a>
July 23, 2025
Chapter 20 - How Strong I Am
<p>Friday, November 12th, 2021 </p><p>When Joffrey wanted Voldemort to move in with us, I was hesitant. I warned him that if he treated me the way he treated me when we lived with Elliot, Iād be done. That if there were any conflicts, heād have to recognize my feelings. I told him that. I thought heād grown.</p><p>My heart beats out of sync. Katy and I are sitting in a coffee shop, finishing up our work. I started to cry. I tell her Iām so afraid.</p><p>She asks, āOf what?ā</p><p>Doing this alone. What if I canāt be without him? What if I miss him too much? What if I get too lonely? She told me itād be a good thing ā that Iāll find out how strong I am.</p><p>When we got home, Joffrey was letting Penny out. I stayed behind to talk with him. He revealed he was leaving tonight. I told him I was finally angry ā I was mad at him for blaming me. Iād asked him for what I needed for so long and waiting until the end to fix it wasnāt a good sign. He said heās learned a lot and he knows what he needs to do now, that he loves me. I told him I love him too. That I hope he figures himself out and finds someone else, but that it doesnāt work out ā I really hoped it would be us. He told me he hopes I learn to forgive. Iāve forgiven so muchā¦</p><p>He said he was sorry he made me feel the way that I did. I asked him to fix it. I told him I didnāt know what the future held, but I needed to do what was right for me now.</p><p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>Get full access to My Fictional Diary at <a href="https://myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe</a>
July 23, 2025
Chapter 19 - My Dream Girl
<p>Thursday, November 11th, 2021 </p><p>11/11 Make a Wish...</p><p>Katy and I went to The Cheesecake Factory last night. I bought us sangrias and she read through my journal. It felt nice to have someone feel what Iām going through. Her review was that it was very relatable. Reading it was entertaining, but what Iām feeling is exhausting ā the ongoing theme is that heās immature.</p><p>I had a sex dream about Joffrey last night. It was hot.</p><p>I just told him I canceled our couples therapy appointment so that I could get my own new therapist because I didnāt like the one we met with, and if heād like to continue couples therapy or do his own therapy, heād have to call to authorize it. But if we do continue couples therapy, I want to do conscious uncoupling. I think that could really help us both.</p><p>We sat on the couches and were sad, but I was happy he stayed calm and didnāt get angry.</p><p>He was disappointed ā said he told his friends it went really well, but he knew I didnāt like the therapist. He laughed about how much credit she gave him. She took his side just for showing up ā Iām the one who set the whole thing! And she kept telling me how he felt and what he actually meant ā he remarked she wasnāt accurate. He left feeling extremely validated. The room I was in just got darker and darker as the sun went down and the session went on; thatās how I felt ā darker.</p><p>He still feels like this is just what happens in relationships ā couples fight. The therapist just reinforced that we should stay together and learn to work through this or else weāll have the same problems in our next relationship. And maybe thatās true for Joffreyā¦ But I donāt believe that for me. Maybe Iām just trading one set of problems for another. And now, at the end, Joffrey is seemingly ready to work on his and that means a lot. So much so that it makes me almost want to try. I just still have this voice in my head thatās telling me to be on my own, and I need to start listening to her. Even if I am making a huge mistake, Iām going to be okay. Iāll let the future work itself out.</p><p>I tried telling Joffrey, again, how I felt. He listened. I told him on top of the problems weāve had, I need to listen to my voice. I told him that I really hope we can both cherish this time we have alone because we probably wonāt get much time to just ourselves in our lives ā that I hope itās valuable for both of us, and we become stronger people for it.</p><p>At one point in all of this, he moved to the kitchen and said, āThatās what I get ā too much faith.ā That hurt, but I didnāt try to change his outlook.</p><p>He said he didnāt mean the mean things heād said. That it was a heat of the moment kind of thing. He tried to tell me Iād said mean things to him when I hit him with the pillow. I asked him what Iād said. He couldnāt remember because I hadnāt. I recounted what had happened. I reminded him that it wasnāt just when heās heated ā I have to justify my feelings all the time, even when heās calm and thatās not healthy for me.</p><p>He asked if Iād talked to my parents and I shared that Iāve called my dad almost every day. He said heās talked to his mom a little and that sheād be mad ā she was so mad at his last ex. I asked if his mom loved her as much as me and he said no. I told him I hope she doesnāt hate me and that Iāll really miss his family.</p><p>I let him know I planned on going home for Thanksgiving week, and he said that he might go stay in Wadeās room for two months while he figured it out. He asked if he could not pay rent here next month if heās paying rent there and said heād take most of his stuff. He asked if leaving some things would bother me and I said, āSome things.ā</p><p>I asked about Connellās project, and he was still apprehensive about including me. I told him I wanted to still be a part of it since weāre both already involved, and that I hope we can get to a point where we can shoot together one day since weāre a good team ā he still wanted to shoot my award-winning script, Tropes, but he seemed to want space, and thatās fine. I wanted us to think about how to handle it since weāve both grown our channel together and we want to keep growing.</p><p>I really enjoyed sitting with him, talking through what we were feeling. He was attractive, not dismissing my feelings ā wearing his emotions looks good on him. Thereās a bell that says, āRing For Sex,ā on our coffee table that I couldnāt stop staring at. It wouldāve been so hot if I rang it and we did it, but it wouldnāt have been good for me. Also, Iām realizing now he couldāve rejected me. Maybe heād have wanted that. Maybe turning me down would make him feel good.</p><p>I told him I didnāt know what I should or shouldnāt say to make the situation easier for him, but the last five years have been really good ā that I would really miss him, and that I was lucky to have had him.</p><p>He didnāt want to end the conversation on a sad note because then heād be thinking about it all day, so he asked if we could hug or something.</p><p>I missed being in his arms. It felt so good to be held by him and to lean into his chest. He held onto me, and I had to let him go.</p><p>Before, Joffrey wanted me to get angry. Now, Iām angry. Iām so mad at him. He acts like this is all my fault ā that I donāt have to end it. That Iām giving up and heās really trying and thatās b******t. Iāve been really trying for years. Iāve been his dream girl and heās put me through s**t: heās invalidated my feelings on repeat, ignored my pleas for couples therapy and better communication, the gaslighting, the lack of compassion for me, and unwillingness to go out with me to do the things that I love, being embarrassed of me in public, not using my name because itās too long.</p><p>I swear, itās a requirement now that a guy must be able to handle two syllables! Joffrey wouldnāt even call me by my nickname because I wasnāt that to him. I was, āHey,ā or, āGirl,ā or, āBabe.ā I miss my name.</p><p>I didnāt want to have to break up! I wanted to marry him! Do you know why you were so afraid of me breaking up with you? Itās because you knew you were being a shitty boyfriend and you did nothing about it. Instead of confiding in me and being willing to go to therapy to work on yourself, you made me feel like s**t! Did that make you feel better?</p><p>Still, you donāt understand what youāve done to me ā itās all been about you. You broke my heart when you lacked compassion for me ā you didnāt really love me and you broke my heart while I carried yours.</p><p>I gave you your heart back because I had to go and mend mine and you blamed me for it.</p><p>You donāt get to act like I didnāt love you enough to stay! I loved you the most!</p><p>And Iām always going to love you because thatās who I am. Iāve always been completely open to you. But I am mad, I am so angry because youāll blame me and move on. To you, we will have been for nothing. But to me, youāll always be my Joffrey ā the one I wanted who made me disappear.</p><p>Katy and I had our nails painted red, then we went to a cute LA-esque restaurant where we sat on their back patio, illuminated by candles and Christmas lights.</p><p>When we got home, she tried on all my clothes for her work photo shoot tomorrow.</p><p>Joffrey told me heād be moving into Connellās on Saturday. Thatās so soonā¦ I didnāt expect him to be gone so fast.</p><p>Iām not ready. I wanted to be on my own, but thatās now. I donāt want to stop seeing him, but I feel like I canāt hop off this train thatās already in motion ā I have to see where it goes. Itās just departing too fast.</p><p>I almost asked Joffrey if heād still want to see me, but I couldnāt. Instead, I told him weāre not dying. Weāre still us, itāll just be different. I felt like I shouldnāt call him since Iām ending it, but if he ever needed me, Iād be there.</p><p>Am I a psycho to think break-up sex would be hot? But I know that would be bad for me. Though if we do work on ourselves and fall back in love, if we canāt live without each other, being together again for the first timeā¦</p><p>I canāt worry about the future. I can only trust what I feel now.</p><p>Joffrey teared up and said he was really gonna miss us ā me and Penny. I cried. I couldnāt stop the tears. How I wish it couldāve been different. How I hope weāll both be good.</p><p>We stood there in the living room, drowning in these feelings of love and loss, for the first time, unable to lean on one another. I wished I could pull him in, but I was thankful to be parting in such sweet sorrow.</p><p>We both know we really love each other. We share our grief. I will miss Joffrey Barf, who despite all of these flaws, loved me so well. Mrs. Barf felt so right.</p><p>But I am my own dream girl. And my dream girl knows the life she deserves and trusts her gut, even if it breaks her heart.</p><p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>Get full access to My Fictional Diary at <a href="https://myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">myfictionaldiary.substack.com/subscribe</a>
23 total episodes available
Deep-dive analytics for My Fictional Diary
Frequently asked questions
Have a different question and can't find the answer you're looking for? Reach out to our support team by sending us an email and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
- What is My Fictional Diary?
- How often does this podcast release new episodes?
This podcast updates daily.
- Where can I listen to this podcast?
This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
- Does this podcast accept guests?
No, this podcast does not typically feature guests.
Legal Disclaimer
Pod Engine is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or officially connected with any of the podcasts displayed on this platform. We operate independently as a podcast discovery and analytics service.
All podcast artwork, thumbnails, and content displayed on this page are the property of their respective owners and are protected by applicable copyright laws. This includes, but is not limited to, podcast cover art, episode artwork, show descriptions, episode titles, transcripts, audio snippets, and any other content originating from the podcast creators or their licensors.
We display this content under fair use principles and/or implied license for the purpose of podcast discovery, information, and commentary. We make no claim of ownership over any podcast content, artwork, or related materials shown on this platform. All trademarks, service marks, and trade names are the property of their respective owners.
While we strive to ensure all content usage is properly authorized, if you are a rights holder and believe your content is being used inappropriately or without proper authorization, please contact us immediately at hey@podengine.ai for prompt review and appropriate action, which may include content removal or proper attribution.
By accessing and using this platform, you acknowledge and agree to respect all applicable copyright laws and intellectual property rights of content owners. Any unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or commercial use of the content displayed on this platform is strictly prohibited.