by Gina Battye
In My Queer Life I talk about the everyday issues and challenges I face as an LGBT person. Expect me to talk about all things lesbian, gay, gender fluidity, transgender and non-binary. If you have any thing you want me to talk about specifically, let me know! --- Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press. For more about Gina visit https://www.ginabattye.com
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Publishing Since
2/15/2018
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December 17, 2021
* As featured in Diva Magazine, Curve Magazine and Mind Body Network How do you stay relaxed with your loved ones over Christmas? What do you get when you add the following in to the holiday mix: unsupportive family members, homophobic, transphobic, biphobic and interphobic parents/ siblings and family, taking your partner with you? The potential of losing it with your loved ones and attempting to get through the holiday season without a family fight. Here’s Your Survival Guide For Christmas, or any holiday period with your family. 1. Self-care. Look after yourself before, during and after your trip. Exercise, reading, writing, meditation, being social, massage. Whatever self-care looks like for you, do it. And listen, don’t stay sat in one place. Get some fresh air, move about and limit the alcohol. 2. Prepare yourself for any questions that tend to come up at family gatherings. The usual ones: partner, marriage, kids, job. Know how you will respond to these. By doing this you will boost your confidence and reduce the anxiety you may be feeling. Be clear with yourself about how much information you want to divulge. Do you really need to go into that much detail about your current dating situation or sex life with Uncle Bob for instance? 3. Triggers. Stay away from topics of discussion that trigger disputes. You know the ones… 4. What to do WHEN you are triggered. When you are triggered, acknowledge it, breathe into it and feel the emotion. Don’t react or respond in that moment. Simply be. You learn so much about yourself in these moments of vulnerability. 5. Be kind and extend compassion to everyone – more so in those moments where you feel triggered. Instead of reacting, be curious. Coming from a place of curiosity feels totally different than when you come from a place of anger and frustration. Try it. 6. Stay present. Don’t let your mind wander into things that happened in the past or worrying about what the future may hold. Be here, now. Enjoy this moment. 7. If you feel it is getting too much, excuse yourself for 5-10 minutes. Offer to make a hot drink for everyone. Go to the bathroom. Stick your head out of the door and breathe in some fresh air. Offer to do an emergency run for more crisps or napkins. You can never have too many napkins, right? Embrace these 7 simple principles and ideas and I guarantee a holiday period filled with love, light and laughter. Happy holidays! — Join The Authentic Self Online Course If you want to: Get rid of that feeling that you aren’t good enough Let go of your past personal experiences that are holding you back (in work and life) Stop comparing yourself to other people Read this: The Authentic Self Online Course to find out more about this life-changing course. — About Gina Battye Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press. As a media friendly experienced expert, with an acting background, Gina’s work has been featured widely in the media, including: Sky News, BBC Radio, Forbes, Psychologies, Cosmopolitan. To find out more about working with Gina on LGBT inclusion in your organisation, click here: https://www.ginabattye.com/ginas-courses Follow Gina For LGBT Resources LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ginabattye Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gina.battye Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ginabattye —
September 27, 2018
Did You Hear Any Of These Messages As A Child? Go to school and get an education. Don’t go near the fire! You can’t have ice-cream unless you eat your greens. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Go to the doctors if you feel unwell. Respect your elders. You are rubbish at art/maths/spelling. Success looks like a big house, a spouse, kids, dog, goldfish and white picket fence. You need to save up for the latest iPhone, Xbox and shiny new laptop. Your Belief System By the age of around 6-7 years old, your belief system has been formed from what you heard and experienced around you. Imagine. You have been hearing those messages from a young age. Those messages are going to seep into your subconscious mind. They are going to sit there and form what you believe to be true. As a child, and later as an adult. What you believe to be true today as an adult is a result of the social conditioning and messages you heard as a young child. Think about how old you are now. How many years have you been living your life with the beliefs that were formed when you were 6 years old? Your life right now (unless you have worked on your beliefs and you have done some inner work) is being lived and experienced based on your 6 year old beliefs. Your beliefs (which are simply thoughts you keep thinking) create your experience. They affect how you feel, who you are, how you behave and what your experience is of the world. Unless you are aware of your beliefs and have worked on them, chances are you are living your life through your 6 year old self eyes. Most Common Beliefs Here are the most common beliefs formed as a result of social conditioning: I’m worthless. I’m going to be found out. I’m unlovable. I don’t deserve / am not worthy of … (success, love, happiness etc.) There is something wrong with me. I’m different (results in comparing yourself to others). I can’t be my real self or I’ll be judged. Everything is my fault. Fear of abandonment/rejection. I’m a failure. When you dig deeper into these, they all point to the same thing; there is one belief that underlies all of these. I’m not good enough. The Masks You Wear and Authenticity You show up wearing different masks for different environments and situations that you find yourself in. Work, in business, relationships, socially, on the school run – you name it, you have a mask for it. These masks originate from thought. From how we think. Let me tell you what I know about thinking. As soon as your conscious awareness identifies with the content of your thoughts, you start actively thinking. Processing. Making stories and attaching to the thoughts. When you start thinking in this way, you have engaged the ego. That thinking might be in the form of a judgement about yourself, the way you want to present yourself, the pattern of thinking that there is something wrong with you or that you are not good enough. So what do you do? You create a mask to hide the real you. Because all you want, is to fit in. And to be accepted. The social conditioning and words you heard as a child, your old belief systems, judgements others have made about you, the criticisms you hear, the labels you carry (lesbian, non-binary, shy, mother, etc) – all of this builds up layer upon layer to form your identity. Your identity is a culmination of all the things you have ‘acquired’ over the years that hide who you really are. And now, these layers drive the patterns of thought you have on a day to day basis. As soon as you identify with thought, you are no longer who you really are and there is a filter of judgement from within. That’s not authentic, it’s not real and all it does is distance you from the real you. We have around 80,000 thoughts a day. The majority of those are the exact same thoughts that you thought yesterday. The content of your thoughts limit you throughout the day and distance you from the real, authentic you that is inside. Why? Because you attach to them. You BELIEVE
April 19, 2018
* As featured in Diva Magazine, Curve Magazine, Lesbians On The Loose, Thrive Global, Mind Body Network When someone comes out to you as Transgender – how do you respond? Here are 3 things to be aware of AND 10 things you can do to support a Trans person – both at work and at home. Imagine this. You have a colleague at work that asks to speak with you. They have something they want to tell you. Something that you need to know about them. Alone together, they tell you they are transgender and are going to transition. How do you respond? Here are 3 things to be aware of. Firstly, consider all those years they have been dealing with gender dysphoria, confusion, distress, turmoil, trauma of going through the ‘wrong’ puberty, isolation, keeping a secret and pretending to be someone else – so they can be accepted. Next, bear in mind that coming out is not a thing to be taken lightly. That moment of coming out is a sacred one. This is not a phase they are going through. This is the result of many sleepless nights and years of confusion, turmoil, distress, struggle and anxiety. That moment with you is the culmination of many hours of deliberating the exact words to use, the appropriate timing and potential reactions. When someone ‘officially’ comes out they are not saying those words for the first time. They have practised for months, maybe years, worried about the reaction they might receive. And finally, they have a million and one thoughts and fears running through their head right now. The fear of being rejected or being accepted and the impact it will have on their relationships (including yours). Fear of violence, prejudice, judgements and discrimination. Anxiety about ‘passing’ and how convincing they will be to others. Fears and concerns about the medical interventions that lie ahead. The frustration of changing legal documents and having to explain to many strangers their situation so they can successfully transition. How can you support them? Here are 10 things you can do to support a Trans person – both at work and at home. Congratulate them and acknowledge their courage. It is a significant moment for them to have a conversation with you about it. Acknowledge that. Talk to them about it. Find out more about their journey and the path they want to go down for their transition. Every individual’s transition is different. Ask what their concerns are and how you can support them. Let them know you are there for them and if they want to talk about anything, the door is always open. If you have any questions, ask them. Ask about pronouns, their name and when they want to start using their choice of pronouns and name. Stay clear of personal, intimate and inappropriate questions. Be ‘normal’ with them. There is no need to change your behaviour, the way you talk to them or your work-based requests. If someone has come out to you, that doesn’t mean they are ready to come out to everyone. Don’t ‘out’ them to others or share information they have told you in confidence. Let them be the one to tell who they choose to tell and when they are ready. Be their ally. Make the effort to educate yourself about trans issues – so your colleague doesn’t have to and so you can be a better ally. If someone is having an inappropriate conversation about them, speak up. If you notice any form of discrimination, report it. If someone is asking them inappropriate questions, tell them. Relax about same-sex spaces (such as the bathrooms). Welcome them into those areas. Invite them along to same sex events. That way they won’t have to feel uncomfortable asking if they can come along. Celebrate with them on international and national transgender holidays, such as International Transgender Day of Visibility (in March). Remember, coming out and transitioning is a big step for an individual. When transitioning there are lots of decisions to make. This can be stressful for the individual but it can also be very exciting for them
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In My Queer Life I talk about the everyday issues and challenges I face as an LGBT person. Expect me to talk about all things lesbian, gay, gender fluidity, transgender and non-binary. If you have any thing you want me to talk about specifically, let me know!
Gina Battye is a world-renowned Authenticity, Psychological Safety and LGBT+ Inclusion Consultant and Trainer for Multinational Corporations, Fortune 500s, TV, Film and the Global Press.
For more about Gina visit https://www.ginabattye.com
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