Neuroprovocateurs

About Neuroprovocateurs

Hosted by Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer LMFT with special guest Laurie Penny, Neuroprovocateurs explores how neurodiversity shapes relationships, sexuality, politics and culture and dares you to embrace the beauty and chaos of our wonderfully diverse minds. neuroprovocateurs.substack.com (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

NeuroProvocateurs

Category

health & fitness · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

Yes

First episode

17 Apr 2025

Latest episode

23 Sept 2026

Latest episodes

14 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   23 Sept 2026

   Advocating Beyond The Spectrum : Parenting a level 3 autistic child

   Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. This episode of the Neuroprovocateurs podcast is the second part of the conversation between hosts Pam Shaffer, Jessica Stoya and special guest Elizabeth, mother of eight-year-old Leo and one of Jessica’s closests friends. Together they take on the controversial topic so many current autism conversations avoid: that “autism spectrum disorder” has grown so wide it no longer describes anyone well and that the non- speaking autistic people who need the most support are harmed the most by such broad definitions. Tune in for a raw, funny, and occasionally furious episode about the empathy myth, ABA trauma, hyper-empathy, eye contact, late diagnosis, and what changes when you stop trying to fix a child and start trying to understand them. As the mother of a non-speaking child, Elizabeth argues non-speaking autistic people need their own category, separate from a spectrum that also holds adults who can self-advocate, work and live independently and thus have a radically different experience of life than their non-speaking counterparts. Jessica makes a case for retiring “Asperger’s” and renaming the category after Grunya Sukhareva, the Soviet psychiatrist who described autism in the 1920s in both boys and girls, nearly two decades before Kanner and Asperger started their research. The trio break down the empathy myth about why autistic people get labelled “low empathy” when affective empathy can be min-maxed through the roof while Pam shares how a fellow therapist told her that she couldn’t be autistic because she’s “too empathetic.” They also discuss common misconceptions, such as how clinicians only recently acknowledged the diagnostic overlap between ADHD and autism and that many autistic traits such as eye contact preferences are cultural and not clinical. Most poignantly, Elizabeth shares her personal story of parenting Leo, narrating eight years of big emotions, co-regulation, and Leo’s message that “human language is limited and limiting.” She lets listeners in on how he now uses spelling to communicate alongside gestalt language processing, and what presuming competence really looks like when it comes to parenting a child like Leo. Please share this episode with anyone who wants to learn first hand about the experience of raising a non-speaking child and all those who want to learn more about autism acceptance across the spectrum. Show Notes Autism Categories * Debate over whether one spectrum captures substantially different experiences and support needs. * Particular focus on non-speaking people, high-support needs, and the distinction between identity and functional support. Diagnostic History * Discussion of Grunya Sukhareva’s early descriptions of autism in boys and girls. * Historical sexism, Nazi-era context, cultural assumptions, and outdated diagnostic practices were identified as sources of ongoing error. Professional Understanding * Pam described how clinical training and professional dogma have lagged behind lived experience, including the former separation of ADHD and autism. * The group discussed misinterpretations of empathy, eye contact, literal communication, and verbal ability. Family Support * Strengths-based care, co-regulation, and following a child’s interests were contrasted with attempts to normalize or fix them. * The group discussed parental grief, caregiver strain, and the need to separate those feelings from expectations imposed on the child. Communication Access * Nonverbal communication was treated as meaningful rather than deficient. * Spelling, community support, and other alternative communication approaches were discussed as expanding possibilities for self-advocacy. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

2. 

   19 Aug 2026

   Question The Experts: Parenting a level 3 autistic child

   Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. This episode of the Neuroprovocateurs podcast fills the gap most autism conversations leave out: parenting a completely non-speaking, level 3 autistic child. Host Pam Shaffer sits down with guest Elizabeth, mother of eight-year-old Leo, and co-host Jessica Stoya, who has been Elizabeth’s closest friend for twenty years. Elizabeth shares why she chose never to pursue a formal autism diagnosis for her son, what presuming competence looks like in daily life, why she never placed him in outside behavioral programs, what other families report about ABA therapy, and how spelling to communicate on a letter board engages a different part of the brain than AAC apps. The trio also cover caregiver burnout, the parental isolation that surrounds non-speaking children, the separation and divorce rate among these families, adult late-diagnosed autism, why assumed incompetence is so common, and the friendships that provide vital support for a parent when the system does not. Please share this episode with anyone who wants to learn first hand about the experience of raising a non-speaking child and all those who want to learn more about autism acceptance across the spectrum. You can also come hang out with us on social media including Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3TiuTkUHfBqgszwgBSr2kw) and Insta (https://www.instagram.com/neuroprovocateurs). Show Notes Introductions and Personal History •Jessica Stoya introduces Elizabeth as a longtime friend and the mother of a nonverbal autistic child. •Jessica recounts their history dating back twenty years to when Elizabeth was a hairdresser in Philadelphia. •The group discusses how Elizabeth used her creativity to develop tools for neurodiverse people long before formalizing them. Elizabeth’s Creative Problem Solving •Pam Shaffer asks about the “circus box” of tools Elizabeth used to help others manage life. •Jessica recalls a “good idea, bad idea” notebook that Elizabeth used to provide Jess with “training wheels” for decision-making. •Elizabeth explains that these systems were developed organically to help those she loved navigate chaotic lives and traumatic experiences. Parenting Leo and Presuming Competence •Elizabeth shares her philosophy of empowering her son, Leo, by assuming his competence despite him being nonverbal. •She emphasizes that parents should believe in their children’s capabilities rather than creating a “bubble wrap world.” •Despite his lack of speech, Leo demonstrates significant independence, such as cooking eggs by himself at age eight. Communication and Support Systems •Pam discusses the importance of receptive language in nonverbal children who understand much more than they can express. •Elizabeth describes how Jess supported her by recording books in Serbian to help Leo connect with stories in a different way. •Elizabeth notes the profound isolation felt by parents of non-speaking children and the rare value of friends who offer actual help instead of just advice. Challenges with Professional Interventions •The conversation shifts to the dangers of certain therapeutic practices like ABA therapy, which is criticized for forcing masking and punishing personal agency. •Elizabeth expresses distrust in professionals who fail to see the humanity or intelligence in non-speaking individuals. •Pam reflects on the ethics of mental health practitioners and the need for them to be truly present for their clients’ experiences. Neurodivergence and Identity •The trio discuss the process of seeking formal diagnoses versus relying on self-understanding and personal systems. •Jessica mentions the difficulty freelancers face when trying to access legal ADA accommodations in professional settings. •The group concludes by reflecting on how neurodivergent identity affects friendship, describing it as an intense and deeply committed way of relating to others. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

3. 

   10 Jun 2026

   Catieosaurus Wrote A Book About ADHD!

   Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. Cate “Catieosaurus” Osborn joins your hosts Pam Shaffer and Jessica Stoya to celebrate the release of her best selling book “The ADHD Field Guide For Adults” and explore the real-life impact of adult ADHD, from impulsive late-night projects and time blindness to sensory overwhelm, misunderstanding, and the invisible emotional labor that often comes with neurodivergence. If you’ve ever wondered how ADHD affects relationships, communication, intimacy, and everyday connection, this episode offers an honest, insightful, and neurodivergent-affirming conversation. Through personal stories, humor, and lived experience, this episode unpacks how ADHD and relationships can be shaped by internal struggles as much as external chaos. We discuss common challenges for neurodivergent adults, including communication breakdowns, difficulty explaining needs, managing distractions during serious conversations, and finding relationship tools that actually work for people with ADHD. We explore how sensory needs, alternative communication styles, and personalized support can help create healthier, more connected partnerships. This episode goes beyond surface-level advice to examine the broader cultural stigma around ADHD, especially in places where ADHD diagnosis, treatment, or understanding remain limited. Cate generously shares insights from her work as an author, educator, and advocate, highlighting the need for more accessible, inclusive resources for people navigating ADHD in professional life, dating, friendship, and long-term relationships. Whether you are newly diagnosed, self-identified, supporting a partner with ADHD, or simply trying to better understand neurodivergent relationships, this episode offers validation, practical perspective, and a refreshing reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Thoughtful, funny, and deeply relatable, this conversation is for anyone seeking better communication, more self-understanding, and more compassionate ways to live and love with ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review! Your support helps us reach others who might benefit from these conversations. Connect with us on social media, and join our growing community on Substack for exclusive content, resources, and discussions tailored for the neurospicy. Listen now and find solace in knowing you’re not alone in the chaos. Buy Cate’s book (https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-ADHD-Field-Guide-for-Adults/Cate-Osborn/9781668053164), find her on Insta (https://www.instagram.com/catieosaurus/) or Tiktok (https://www.tiktok.com/@catieosaurus), and check out her upcoming tour dates (https://catieosaurus.com/) Neuroprovocateurs is a listener-supported podcast. Consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to support our work Show Outline ADHD and Relationships: Internal and External Struggles •Cate Osborn discusses how ADHD is both an externalized and internalized disorder, affecting people differently. •Cate shares a personal anecdote about staying up late to sew a costume, highlighting the lack of external control. •Pam Shaffer shares a humorous story about adjusting curtains and breaking a curtain rod, illustrating the unpredictability of ADHD. •The conversation touches on the difficulty of discussing ADHD’s impact on relationships due to its individualized nature. Introductions and Backgrounds •Pam Shaffer introduces Cate Osborn, aka, Catieosaurus. •Cate Osborn talks about her background as a best-selling author, certified sex educator, and PhD candidate. •Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer congratulate Cate on her achievements and discuss her book’s impact. •Cate mentions her national speaking and comedy tour, emphasizing the intersection of ADHD and neurodivergence. Cultural Differences and ADHD Perceptions •Cate Osborn and Jessica Stoya discuss the cultural differences in understanding and stigma around ADHD. •Jessica shares her experience of living in Serbia, where ADHD is not widely recognized and often misunderstood. •Cate talks about the international translation and sale of her book, highlighting the varying attitudes towards ADHD in different countries. •The conversation explores how cultural norms and attitudes shape the perception and treatment of ADHD. Challenges in Communication and Relationships •Pam Shaffer shares her experience of managing time blindness and communication challenges with her fiancé. •Cate Osborn discusses the importance of individualized approaches to ADHD and relationships. •Jessica Stoya talks about the challenges of living in a country where ADHD is not recognized and the need to adapt communication methods. •The group discusses the importance of understanding and accommodating sensory needs in relationships. ADHD and Professional Life •Cate Osborn talks about the challenges of balancing her professional life with ADHD. •Jessica Stoya shares her experience of working in a creative field and the expectations of chaos and goblin-like behavior. •Pam Shaffer discusses the impact of ADHD on her professional life, including managing time and communication. •The conversation highlights the need for flexible and understanding work environments for people with ADHD. Sensory Needs and Relationships •Cate Osborn discusses the importance of understanding and accommodating sensory needs in relationships. •Pam Shaffer shares her experience of avoiding eye contact during serious conversations due to distraction. •Cate talks about the challenges of communicating about communication and the importance of finding effective methods. •The group discusses the various ways people can communicate their needs, including writing, email, and Google Docs. Cultural Norms and Consent •Jessica Stoya discusses the differences in consent practices between Western and Russian kink communities. •Pam Shaffer shares her experience of designing a sensory-friendly space for her partner. •Cate Osborn talks about the challenges of publishing her book in Russia due to political and cultural differences. •The conversation explores the importance of clear and effective communication in all aspects of life. Impact of ADHD on Professional and Personal Life •Cate Osborn shares her experience of joining local community Facebook groups to understand broader attitudes towards ADHD. •Jessica Stoya talks about the excitement of her client who recognized quotes from Cate’s book. •Pam Shaffer discusses the challenges of recommending resources for clients with ADHD and autism. •The group emphasizes the importance of accessible and inclusive resources for people with ADHD. Challenges of Publishing and Communication •Cate Osborn discusses the challenges of publishing her book in color and the impact of the decision to publish in black and white. •Jessica Stoya shares her experience of transcribing the book for a client with ADHD. •The group discusses the importance of accessible and engaging content for people with ADHD. •Cate talks about the potential impact of publishing her next book in color to improve readability. Final Thoughts and Future Plans •Cate Osborn shares her excitement about her upcoming national tour and the potential for a second book. •Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer express their support and excitement for Cate’s future projects. •The group discusses the importance of continued education and awareness about ADHD and neurodivergence. •Cate talks about her plans to continue advocating for better understanding and support for people with ADHD. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

4. 

   8 Apr 2026

   Neurodivergent Burnout

   Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. In this enlightening episode of NeuroProvocateurs, hosts Pam Shaffer and Jessica Stoya dive deep into the complexities of neurodivergent health challenges, energy levels, and the all-too-familiar sensation of burnout. Join them as they candidly share their personal experiences with pacing, frustration, and the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany feeling “off” in a world that expects so much. Pam unpacks her journey through burnout, where even the simplest activities can feel insurmountable. Both hosts explore the frustrating dichotomy of wanting to engage in their passions but feeling physically and mentally depleted. They discuss the importance of understanding and recognizing the body’s signals, like the new sensations of hunger and sleepiness Pam is just beginning to experience, and how these revelations change the way they approach daily tasks. Through humor and honesty, they introduce the concept of the “weather report,” a playful yet practical tool for keeping track of energy levels and emotional states. Listeners will relate to the colorful metaphors of energy coins, open tabs in the brain, and the all-too-familiar “chaos hiatus.” Pam and Jessica emphasize the need for grace both for themselves and from those around them as they navigate their mental and physical health journeys. Tune in to gain valuable insights, whether you’re familiar with the struggles of burnout or looking for support as you embark on your own journey towards clarity and self-acceptance. This episode is a genuine exploration not only of the difficulties of living with neurodivergence but also of the triumphs that come from embracing vulnerability and community. Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review! Your support helps us reach others who might benefit from these conversations. Connect with us on social media, and join our growing community on Substack for exclusive content, resources, and discussions tailored for the neurospicy. Listen now and find solace in knowing you’re not alone in the chaos! Show Notes: * Burnout and Energy Levels (0:00 - 3:30) * Pam shares her experience with burnout and how it affects her ability to engage in activities she enjoys. * Key takeaways about the reality of wanting to do things but feeling physically unable to. * The “Weather Report” (6:00 - 8:00) * Introduction of the concept of the “weather report” as a way to communicate current energy and mental statuses. * Importance of checking in with oneself and others regarding capability and energy levels. * Cortisol Levels and Stress (12:30 - 16:00) * Discussion about Pam’s cortisol levels and their impact on energy and functioning. * Insight into how chronic stress affects neurodivergent individuals and potential physical responses. * Understanding Body Signals (25:00 - 30:00) * Pam and Jessica reflect on the new sensations of hunger, satiety, and sleepiness as indicators of overall health. * Exploration of the connection between emotional states and physical health, especially in neurodivergent contexts. * Open Tabs and Energy Coins (35:00 - 40:00) * The metaphor of “open tabs” in the brain and how it relates to managing tasks and energy. * Explanation of “energy coins” and strategies for conserving energy for critical tasks. * Navigating Daily Life Amidst Chaos (45:00 - 50:00) * Both hosts share personal anecdotes about their daily experiences and the challenges of balancing activities with energy levels. * The importance of flexibility in planning and engaging with activities. * Medical Experiences and Collaboration with Health Professionals (52:00 - 56:00) * Discussion on how to effectively communicate with healthcare providers about individual needs and experiences in neurodiversity. * Emphasis on finding the right treatments and being proactive in healthcare decisions. * Final Thoughts on Community and Support (1:00:00 - 1:10:00) * Closing remarks on the importance of community support for neurodivergent individuals dealing with burnout and health challenges. * Invitation for listeners to join the conversation and share their experiences. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2)

5. 

   28 Aug 2025

   Aphrodite Synesthete

   Hosts Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer interview artist Steve Cleff about his synesthesia-influenced graphic novel exploring Aphrodite, revealing how diverse experiences foster empathy.

6. 

   14 Aug 2025

   Music, Catharsis and Cats

   Hosts Jessica Stoya and Laurie Penny interview therapist and musician Pam Shaffer about music's cathartic power and its impact on emotions.

7. 

   31 Jul 2025

   Autistic vs Antagonistic

   Hosts Pam Shaffer and Laurie Penny examine neurodivergence, social cues, and cultural differences, revealing evolutionary advantages and the importance of questioning social norms in this episode.

8. 

   17 Jul 2025

   Pornopticon

   Jessica Stoya, Laurie Penny, and Pam Shaffer examine ethical pornography's evolution, discussing informed consent, performer autonomy, and the impact of social media within the sex performance industry in this interview.

9. 

   26 Jun 2025

   Balancing Art and Survival

   Artist Erika Ishii shares insights with Neuroprovocateurs on balancing creative pursuits with financial stability while managing ADHD, emphasizing representation in media and the impact of empathy in storytelling in this interview.

10. 

    12 Jun 2025

    Are You My Mommy?

    Hosts Jessica Stoya and Pam Shaffer examine parasocial relationships, exploring how these one-way connections impact self-perception, especially within neurodivergent communities, and emphasize setting boundaries.

11. 

    29 May 2025

    Did I do gender correctly?

    Feminist author Laurie Penny, sex educator Pam Shaffer, and adult film performer Jessica Stoya explore the complexities of gender identity, societal expectations, and personal authenticity in an interview.

12. 

    14 May 2025

    Being Perceived

    Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. On our third episode, Pam Shaffer and Jessica Stoya discuss the complexities of perception, both in personal and professional contexts. Jessica shares the unique challenges that come with being a publicly perceived person across multiple cultures with stories ranging from the deeply personal to the utterly absurd such as the need to constantly change outfits in photos to appease the algorithms. They explore the impact of public perception on their personal lives, the energy required to interact with others, and the importance of authenticity. Both emphasize the need for clear communication about expectations in relationships and the importance of understanding different facets of one's identity. Get full access to Neuroprovocateurs at neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

13. 

    1 May 2025

    What's a Vibe?

    Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. Our second episode explores the complexities of neurodivergence and social interactions. Laurie Penny discusses the challenges of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world, highlighting the difficulty in understanding and communicating emotions while Jessica Stoya shares her experience of moving to Serbia, where ADHD behaviors are more accepted. Pam Shaffer talks about the intersection of gender and neurodivergence, noting how her ADHD traits are perceived differently due to her gender and how this has affected her relationships. The discussion also touches on the "double empathy problem," where neurodivergent individuals struggle to understand neurotypical emotional expression and vice versa. How have societal expectations affected you and how you express or receive empathy? Let us know in the comments below and thank you for joining our blessedly chaotic conversation. Get full access to Neuroprovocateurs at neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

14. 

    17 Apr 2025

    Unboxing The Manic Pixie Dream Girl

    Welcome to Neuroprovocateurs, the podcast all about neurodiversity and self acceptance. Want to hear all about how neurodiversity affects culture, relationships, sexuality and identity? You’ve come to the right place. In our first episode, hosts Pam Shaffer, Jessica Stoya, and Laurie Penny discuss their experiences with neurodivergence, creativity, and cultural expectations. We explore the concept of the "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" trope and its impact on our lives, and (spoiler alert) noting how societal perceptions often limit our authenticity and sense of self (sound familiar to you?) We also delve into the challenges of transitioning beyond tired cultural tropes about neurodiverse femmes, emphasizing the importance of self-definition and the need for societal acceptance of neurodiversity. Our conversation highlights the intersection of personal identity, cultural norms, and the evolving understanding of neurodivergence. So basically, we decided to just hop right in. Thank you for joining us and hope to hear how you all feel about the manic pixie dream girl to burned out ADHD autistic gremlin pipeline. Get full access to Neuroprovocateurs at neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe (https://neuroprovocateurs.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

YouTube views

3,838

Score snapshot 15 Sept 2025

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

6 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

6 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 29 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

18

Social presence

0

YouTube

68

Engagement

32

Contact Neuroprovocateurs

Guest appearances

Books guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.

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