Now That You See It
Claim This Podcastby Pancho Gomez & Kim Paull
Podcast Overview
<p>Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does.<br />Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected.<br />They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown.<br />Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit.<br />If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.</p>
Language
🇺🇲
Publishing Since
11/26/2025
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Recent Episodes
June 26, 2026
5 Worst Things to Say When Someone Is Struggling
<p>Welcome to our first Shortisode, the first of a new short-form format. It's Punchy O'Clock!</p><p>This one is about the five worst things you can say when someone shares a challenge with you. Not because the people who say them are bad, but because almost all of us reach for these phrases with good intentions and end up making the other person feel worse.</p><p>Kim ranks her five:</p><ul><li>"It could be worse"</li><li>"Here's my story"</li><li>Jumping straight to advice</li><li>"Look on the bright side"</li><li>"Everything happens for a reason."</li></ul><p>Pancho reacts on the fly and adds a couple of his own at the end. The thread running through all of them is the same. Each phrase is a way of managing our own discomfort with someone else's pain, and in doing it, we accidentally invalidate theirs.</p><p>It's quick, it's practical, and by the end, you'll probably recognize a few things you've said yourself.</p>
June 4, 2026
When You Change, People Get Weird with Noelle Cordeaux, Lumia CEO
<p>Noelle is back. She founded Lumia Coaching, trained both Pancho and Kim, and is the reason the two of them know each other. This is their second conversation with her, and it picks up a thread from the first: when you change, people get weird.</p><p></p><p>The three of them pull that thread from every direction.</p><p>- What happens inside the relationships when one person starts growing and the others haven't yet.</p><p>- Why the people closest to you experience your change as an implicit accusation.</p><p>- How family systems don't just absorb individual growth, they spin out, sometimes catastrophically, before they find a new baseline.</p><p>- What it feels like to move through the wasteland after you change, unsure of who will follow and support you in the aftermath.</p><p></p><p>Noelle brings the frame of imago, the idea that we often seek relationships that help us meet the unmet needs of our earlier selves, and what happens when we actually get there and no longer need those relationships in the same form. She also brings her own life as a case study, referencing the consistent experience of moving forward into uncertainty and watching some relationships follow her and others fall away.</p><p></p><p>Kim talks about stopping the rupture-repair cycle with someone close to her. And about choosing strategic mediocrity, deciding what (and who) gets her best, letting everything else be good enough.</p><p></p><p>Pancho talks about stopping drinking, the awkwardness of learning to have strong convictions without encroaching on other people's choices, and a twenty-year process of adding nuance to upturn his views what it means to be a woman in business leadership circles full of people who don't look like you.</p><p></p><p>When you change, people get weird. It turns out that weirdness isn't about you.</p><p></p><p><b>Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><p></p><ul><li>Imago relationship theory: referenced by Noelle as a framework for understanding why we seek certain relationships and what happens when we outgrow them; developed by Harville Hendrix</li><li>Lumia Coaching: Noelle's coach training program where Pancho and Kim trained; <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.lumiacoaching.com/" target="_blank"></a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://lumiacoaching.com" target="_blank">lumiacoaching.com</a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.lumiacoaching.com/" target="_blank"></a></li><li>Margaret Moore and neuroplasticity: referenced by Noelle in the context of intentionally refilling yourself after change</li><li>The Dartmouth Scar Experiment: referenced by Pancho; a study in which participants with prosthetic scars continued to perceive others as treating them negatively, even after the scars were removed, demonstrating how self-perception and expectations shape our reality.</li></ul><ul><li>Now That You See It, Episode on Unwanted Change: the Masters of Change episode referenced directly in this conversation, on allostasis, resistance, and navigating transitions you didn't choose</li></ul>
May 29, 2026
Intimacy Requires Anxiety with Dr. Bruce Chalmers
<p>Dr. Bruce Chalmer has been a couples therapist for over 30 years. Before that, he was a statistician. And at some point in the time between the two, he went through the kind of despair that changes how someone approaches adversity forever.</p><p>That experience, and what he found on the other side of it, is what led him to clinical work. It's what he still brings into every session: a specific non-religious faith, a conviction that reality is right to be what it is, even when it's brutal. People who can hold that perspective don't panic, and that lack of panic allows them to be kind.</p><p>Be kind, don't panic, and have faith. That's the seven-word formula behind his podcast with his wife Judy Alexander, and it's the thread running through this whole conversation.</p><p>We explore the framework that relationships have two distinct sets of needs: stability and intimacy, and that these two things are structurally in tension. Stability is about keeping anxiety low. Intimacy is about tolerating anxiety without freaking out. And most couples, especially stable ones who love each other, quietly sacrifice intimacy to protect stability.</p><p>We then suss out the difference between deal breakers and growing pains, dig into the one skill that solves every relationship problem (the ability to be moderately annoyed), and what happens to couples after betrayal when they do the work. Pancho shares his three-year conversation with his wife about whether to have children, which turns out to be a pretty good real-world case study in everything Bruce is describing.</p><p><b>Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources</b></p><ul><li><b>Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast with Bruce Chalmer and Judy Alexander</b>: <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://couplestherapyinsevenwords.com/" target="_blank"></a><a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://couplestherapyinsevenwords.com" target="_blank">https://couplestherapyinsevenwords.com</a></li><li><b>The Passion Paradox by Bruce Chalmer</b>: his book on stability, intimacy, and why relationships need both to stay alive</li><li><b>Whole Brain Living by Jill Bolte Taylor</b>: referenced for the idea that we are all multiple people simultaneously, mapped onto four physiological characters based on left/right hemispheres and neocortex/limbic system</li><li><b>Internal Family Systems (IFS) via Richard Schwartz</b>: referenced alongside Jill Bolte Taylor's work as a framework for understanding the multiplicity within each person</li><li><b>Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning</b>: referenced in the context of finding meaning even in the worst circumstances as Bruce's working definition of faith</li><li><b>Alain de Botton, Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person</b>: referenced for the idea that every partner is a bundle of specific annoyances and the work is figuring that out together; <a rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://theschooloflife.com" target="_blank">theschooloflife.com</a></li><li><b>Bill Doherty's discernment counseling</b>: referenced as the framework behind Bruce's video course on whether to stay, wait, or leave</li></ul>
35 total episodes available
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- What is Now That You See It?
<p>Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does.<br />Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected.<br />They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown.<br />Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit.<br />If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.</p> - How often does this podcast release new episodes?
This podcast updates daily.
- Where can I listen to this podcast?
This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
- Does this podcast accept guests?
Yes, this podcast regularly features guests.
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