What A Six-Year-Old Taught a Child Psychologist About Being Non-Binary
Fernando Salinas-Quiroz, an Assistant Professor in the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Study and Human Development at Tufts University, joins Vance and Rachel to talk about nonbinary kids, what young children already know about their own gender, and why developmental psychologists spent so long not asking them.
Listen to learn about:
Why “gender math” shapes a nonbinary child’s day (a concept from Fer’s advisee Lucinda Garcia)
What nonbinary does and doesn’t mean
How a child can be an accurate reporter of their gender today while that gender stays open to change tomorrow–and why “stability” may say more about researchers than the kids themselves
What well-intentioned liberal parents tend to get wrong when parenting nonbinary kids
What Fer wants US and Mexican residents to understand about LGBTQ+ life in both countries
The travesti intellectual tradition
Fer’s thoughts on Ursula from The Little Mermaid
Mentioned in this episode:
Fer’s 2023 paper with Noah Sweder, "Authentic gender development in non-binary children," a framework for gender development in children ages 0–8: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fsoc.2023.1177766
Fer’s study "You're free from just a girl or a boy": Nonbinary children's understanding of their gender, among the first to interview non-binary five- to eight-year-olds directly (published 2024): https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/26895269.2024.2351470
Kit Heyam's book Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender: https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-kit-heyam-ph-d/before-we-were-trans/9781541603080/
Donate to Transformative Schools, the trans-led school program in NYC: https://www.transformativeschools.org/
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Our sponsor: Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com.
14 Aug 2026
Do they really know? Kids, sexual orientation, and the magic age of 10
Stephen Russell–sociologist, Foundation Professor, and Director of the T. Denny Sanford School of Social and Family Dynamics at Arizona State University–joins Vance and Rachel to talk about how sexual orientation develops in kids and teens and why so many adult assumptions about that process don’t hold up.
Listen to learn about:
Why adults are quicker to question a tween’s LGB identity than a straight one, and what that says about attitudes towards kids
The “magic age of 10”: when kids first become aware of sexual attraction, and how that timing has stayed remarkably consistent
Why the gap between sexual identity awareness, self-understanding, and disclosure has compressed dramatically for young queer people coming of age today in the U.S.
Infantilization and adultification: two ways adults’ get kids’ identities wrong and how race shapes which one a given kid is most likely to face
How identity change is different from identity being changeable–and Rachel’s 90s attractions to Leo DiCaprio
Family acceptance as a baseline, not a bonus
Stephen’s thoughts for a parent whose tween just came out
Stephen’s take on Moira and Johnny Rose from Schitt’s Creek
Mentioned in this episode:
Stephen Russell’s book, Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Schooling: The Nexus of Research, Practice and Policy
Gil Herdt’s research on the “magical age of ten”
The Generations study, co-led by Stephen Russell and colleagues
“Expanding Notions of LGBTQ”, an article by Stephen Russell, M Bishop, and Jessica Fish
Stephen’s policy report from the Society for Research in Child Development
This episode is dedicated to Guy Vitaglione — social psychologist, longtime friend of Vance, and Nurturing Minds podcast listener— who recently died of brain cancer. May his memory be a blessing.
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Our sponsor: Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com
26 Jun 2026
Autism and parenting advice in a time of MAHA
Meryl Alper–associate professor of Communication Studies at Northeastern University–joins us to talk about what autism is, what we know and don’t know about its causes, and how to support autistic kids and their families without relying on fear or false certainty.
Listen to learn about:
What autism is, and why it’s not one thing
Why genetics drive most of the story, what environmental factors we don’t know much about yet, and what isn’t causing autism
What parental fear about autism looks like and what happens when we ignore disability justice
Why vaccine hesitancy isn’t solved by telling people to trust you
Meryl’s work bringing autistic characters and creatives to PBS Kids
Mentioned in this episode:
The Make American Healthy Again (MAHA) movement
Carl the Collector, the PBS Kids show with autistic characters, writers, and voice actors
The grandpa in The Princess Bride
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Our sponsor: Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com
5 Jun 2026
Childfreedom, Kinship, and Who Can Take Your Fries
Michael Yarbrough — associate professor of Law & Society at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and sociology at the CUNY Graduate Center — joins Vance and Rachel to talk about what it means to be intentionally childfree, how we think about family and kinship too narrowly, and why so many of our care relationships don't have names — or policies to support them.
Listen to learn about:
Why "childfree" and "childless" aren't the same word, and why the distinction matters
How childfree people experience workplace accommodation, and why the conversation still tends to require framing care around someone else
Why infrastructure — housing costs, transportation, the built environment — is often the missing piece in conversations about family support
South Africa's child support grant program and what it models about giving people resources without red tape
Michael's take on Mrs. Dalloway and The Hours as stories about self-actualization, relational freedom, and the ways relationships both enable and constrain it
Mentioned in this episode:
Abigail Ocobock's research on marriage availability and LGBTQ adult life course expectations, including her book Marriage Material (University of Chicago Press, 2024)
Brady G'Sell's work on social reproduction and kinship in South Africa
Mark Granovetter's "The Strength of Weak Ties" (1973)
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
The Hours — film directed by Stephen Daldry, based on the 1998 novel by Michael Cunningham
A Room of One's Own bookstore, Madison, Wisconsin
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Our sponsor: Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com
22 May 2026
After the Ban: Building Sustainable Smartphone Policies That Support Students
Rita Gehrenbeck-Shim — a teacher at Boston Day and Evening Academy, part of Boston Public Schools — joins Vance and Rachel to talk (on her own behalf, not as a BPS or BDEA representative) about what phone bans actually look like from inside a classroom.
Listen to learn about:
What changed at school after a consistent phone policy replaced a patchwork of individual teacher reinforcement
The question Rita thinks the policy doesn’t yet answer: are we teaching students how to manage their phones, or just managing the phones for them?
The social pressure to be instantly available and what it costs us when we never get to be unreachable
Rita’s vision for what she’d change if she could redesign the policy from scratch
A Reddit commenter, Seth Rogen, and the choice not to have kids
Mentioned in this episode:
National Bureau of Economic Research study on the effects of school phone bans
Boston Public Schools phone policy
Cell phone pouches
Syntropy
Universal Basic Income
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com.
8 May 2026
What Researchers Actually Know About Smartphones and Teen Mental Health
Nancy Deutsch and Bethany Teachman — co-directors of the Thriving Youth in a Digital Environment Initiative (TYDE) at the University of Virginia — join Vance and Rachel to talk about what the research actually says about social media and teen mental health, and what it doesn't say, which turns out to be a lot.
Listen to learn about:
Why headlines about social media and teen mental health often distort research findings
What researchers across this debate actually agree and disagree about (and if you want 90 more minutes on the drama, check out this TYDE-hosted debate between Jon Haidt and Candice Odgers)
Why focusing narrowly on screen time or social media may crowd out attention to other key contributors to youth mental health
Practical approaches to navigating device use in your own household, including the case for digital literacy over digital bans
What teens themselves say they wish adults understood about how they use their phones
Nancy and Bethany’s takes on parenthood in Gilmore Girls and Shrinking
Mentioned in this episode:
This article in the New York Times reporting on this study
Nurturing Minds episode S1E7: The Moral Outrageometer
Nurturing Minds newsletter post: Junk, chatarra, and screen time
Sign up for the Nurturing Minds newsletter, in which we share more about the psychology and philosophy of parenthood, but with pop culture memes: nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
Our sponsor: Nurturing Minds is supported by Cone Wealth. Learn more at conewealth.com
19 Sept 2025
The moral outrageometer with Kyle Stanford
P Kyle Stanford —Professor in the Department of Logic and Philosophy of Science at the University of California-Irvine —joins Vance and Rachel to discuss his co-author study of people’s estimations of the dangers that unattended children face.
Listen to learn about:
Moralized judgments
How norms about parental supervision of children may be shaped by gender and racial biases
Whether it is possible to ratchet down our collective anxieties about leaving children unattended for even brief periods
No Child Left Alone: Moral Judgments about Parents Affect Estimates of Risk to Children
Black Dads Are Doing Best of All
Subscribe to the Nurturing Minds newsletter: https://nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
5 Sept 2025
Housework under the rainbow with Samantha L. Tornello
Samantha L. Tornello—Associate professor of Human Development and Family Studies at Penn State and parent of 2—joins Vance and Rachel to discuss their research on how LGBTQ couples divide housework and childcare.
Listen to learn about:
Simone de Beauvoir and Dorothy Gale from Kansas agreed that housework is torture
How families divide up gendered work at home differently depending on the parents’ genders
Communication as key to satisfaction with the division of housework and childcare—and why that satisfaction matters more than who does what
https://pure.psu.edu/en/publications/transgender-and-gender-non-binary-parents-pathways-to-parenthood
This episode’s title pays homage to Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, PhD, without whom this episode would not exist.
Subscribe to the Nurturing Minds newsletter: https://nurturing-minds.beehiiv.com
22 Aug 2025
How did this happen (part 2 of 2)? with Tiffany Holland and Maria Rosales
This is the second of our two-part conversation with special guests Tiffany Holland and Maria Rosales about multiple pathways to parenthood, including some of the ones that they took.
8 Aug 2025
How did this happen (part 1 of 2)? with Tiffany Holland and Maria Rosales
Special guests Tiffany Holland and Maria Rosales, who have appointed each of us as parts of their chosen family, talk to us about multiple pathways to parenthood, including some of the ones that they took.
25 Jul 2025
Is philosophy suitable for children? (and vice versa?)
Special guest expert Amy Reed-Sandoval helps us understand what philosophy for children is, and why parents (and the rest of us) ought to encourage children's philosophical interests.
11 Jul 2025
Nurturing Minds - the trailer
Who are we? Why are we here?
11 Jul 2025
Say "biopsychosocial theory" three times fast.
Special guest expert Selena Wolf-Berkley helps us understand racism as a social determinant of health during pregnancy and childbirth, and how we can make institutional changes to better support pregnant people and their families.
27 Jun 2025
Welcome! Everything is not fine.
The inaugural episode of Nurturing Minds poses four philosophical questions about the complex journey of becoming a parent.
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