Out of This World Relationships - Unlocking God's Design for Parenting and Marriage

About Out of This World Relationships - Unlocking God's Design for Parenting and Marriage

In this podcast, we'll be tackling some of life's messiest relationship issues one difficult conversation at a time. I'm your host, Tamera Rasmussen, LPC, NCC, C-PD. Laugh, learn, and heal with me as we dive into God's divine design for your most important relationships. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, but trying to do things God's way in a broken and confused world, is the hardest thing of all. I'll draw from years of clinical practice, a wealth of personal experience, and biblical knowledge to help you be the spouse and parent God created you to be!

Publisher

TAMERA RASMUSSEN

Category

religion & spirituality

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

23 Jan 2022

Latest episode

25 Jul 2022

Latest episodes

22 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   25 Jul 2022

   Episode 22 Difficult Conversations: Talking About Sex With Little Ones

   Talking about sex begins with understanding the human body It is never too early to start teaching your kids about their sexuality Name parts appropriately – eliminating shame, when we are afraid to name genitalia or talk about bodies it teaches our children to be ashamed/uncomfortable with it too, teaching pride in gender, protection from predators Teaching healthy curiosity - get ahead of the bus Touching and exploration is normal - guide appropriate curiosity Don’t freak out or assume deviancy or sexual abuse because of curiosity – openly communicate about curiosity Don’t lie or avoid questions about sex, answer honestly Age appropriate examples – having babies requires a mommy and a daddy, like chickens have eggs, mommy’s have eggs too Book Recommendation: Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies (Let's Talk about You and Me) by Robie H. Harris

2. 

   12 Jul 2022

   Episode 21 Difficult Conversations: The Importance of Talking About Sexual Dysfunction

   Preventing sex is one thing, and it is an important thing, but there are other unrealized consequences of leaving our kids ill-equipped to manage the complexities of sex even if they choose to wait. There is an incorrect assumption that if our sons and daughters wait to have sex that everything will come naturally and be great. This just isn’t true, spending years face to face with broken women and couples whose marriages are struggling and failing due to intimacy and sexual dysfunction issues has taught me that we are not doing enough to support our young people when they choose to wait. I have had so many clients who chose to wait to have sex only to find out that it was not at all the beautiful thing they were told it would be. The anticipation and expectations that go along with that belief just maximized their trauma. The kind of trauma that can taint a marriage or end a marriage in the long run. The following layer of information is critical for your kids who are in a serious dating relationship, getting ready for marriage, or deciding to have sex. Part of the sex talk is acknowledging that sex is not what it looks like in porn or on tv for most people and it definitely isn’t for anyone their first few times. Many young women believe that getting pregnant is easy and are unaware that complications may happen. They are also unprepared for the potential to have pain or complications with intercourse itself. There are many ways that we can prepare our sons and daughters to have a healthy sexual experience. If your child is in a serious relationship that is headed toward marriage talk with them about ways they can have a more successful experience, and prepare them for the potential of a problem, doing this will reduce anxiety, the likelihood of trauma, and the kind of sexual dysfunction that could impact their marriage for the long haul. I understand the weirdness associated with idea of teaching your kids to how to have a good sex life but let’s think about his for a minute. We potty train them, teach them how to drive safe, how to cross a street, how to excel in school and manage their finances. Why is it so weird to help them be successful in one of the most important aspects of the most important human relationship they will have in their lives? It doesn’t make sense not to help them but for so many it is awkward and out of the question. Don’t let the only thing you equip your daughter with be a bunch of lingerie she wont ever wear from her bridal shower. Panty and lingerie party’s are great but consider also having the mature women in your family or community share wisdom and tips on a notecard that she can read later. She may not realize it then but if things go a little sideways she will have that wisdom and insight to keep her from feeling like she is alone in it or that there is something “wrong” with her. This doesn’t have to be complicated or invasive, it can be as simple as equipping them with faith-based reading material about sexual pleasure, mutual satisfaction, pregnancy, and common sexual dysfunctions. Or Preparing a honeymoon care package with lubricant, wet wipes, the notecards from the bridal shower, and other helpful things. That small gesture could be the difference between a great first experience and a traumatic one.

3. 

   27 Jun 2022

   Difficult Conversations : My Kid Had Sex, Now What?

   Things don’t always go the way we want them to, we can say and do all of the right things but nothing is a guarantee, your child has free will, they are going to make their own decisions and sometimes that leads to pre-marital sex. Make sure the door is open to them if they decide to take this path. Many parents with strong convictions take a passive-aggressive or aggressive approach to these situations. Their child feels abandoned and rejected which just leads to more unhealthy sexual behavior. Kids often turn to sex to try to fill an emotional or relational void so being angry or avoidant is the last thing they need from you. This is rough I know it is so you may need to take a time out before you respond, time outs are not for our kids they are for us, sometimes we need time to organize our feelings and formulate a healthy response before we can enter into a triggering conversation. A crucial step in this is to not take your child’s sexual decisions personally, taking them personally will put your feelings in front of theirs. It is sad, you are hurt, you are disappointed but it is their mind, their body, their spirit, and their heart that will carry the weight of that decision for the rest of their lives. Remind yourself that you did your best but they belong to God, say a prayer, and trust him to guide you and your child. Think about the big picture, you know how you are feeling and want to react now but would sharing that lead to the outcome you want with your child? Take a few deep breaths and think about what the kind of parent you want to be would say. It may sound strange but when we are triggered we tend to forget the parent we want to be and respond like the parent we don’t want to be. James 3:3-6 says “The tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” Our words matter, we have the potential to permanently damage the relationship we have with our kids if we are not careful. Its not that we cant be angry even God the perfect father gets angry but its being intentional about how we express it. An example of a response is “Thank you for sharing this with me, I want to discuss this with you but I need a few minutes to process it first, I love you, stay right here and I will be back in a few minutes” Scream into a pillow, punch your bed, pray, breathe and then circle back. If your child hasn’t told you but you found out some other way you have the time to sort your feelings out before you approach them. Consider writing out your feelings and what you want to say to them, just like before think about the big picture and write it out until you feel good about your response. You may not be fully prepared for how you are going to feel in front of them so a time-out may still be helpful but make sure you are in the right frame of mind before you even go into the conversation. The same rules apply as the initial sex talk, make sure you are in the right environment and have enough time to sort through the mountain of emotions and information that is sure to surface. If your child is having sex there is a reason, ask them to share with you how and when they decided to take that step. Ask them if they feel safe in their relationship and whether or not they are choosing to have sex because they want to or because it is expected of them. Blame is a dead-end street, don’t get caught up in who is to blame the focus is ensuring that your child and their sexual partner are safe.

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Apple Podcasts (US)

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