Redesign Your Marriage | Joe and Shelby Seeley

About Redesign Your Marriage | Joe and Shelby Seeley

A honest, authentic podcast where we discuss everything from sex, intimacy, marriage, unity, family and legacy. Does your marriage feel like a constant DIY project that will never get completed? And at times you just want to tear it down and start over? Well then this podcast is for you… Joe and Shelby are high school sweethearts who have been married 23 years and have had to remodel everything in their lives multiple times and during the toughest of times they have never given up on the vision of what their marriage could be. With backgrounds in real estate, ministry and business ownership Joe and Shelby have coached thousands of people at all different stages of life, marriage and business. No matter what phase your relationships are in, Whether it's the dream phase, redesign, remodeling or the full renovation, they want to provide you the concrete tools to create the marriage you've always dreamed of.

Publisher

Joe and Shelby Seeley

Category

health & fitness · society & culture

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

8 Jan 2023

Latest episode

6 May 2026

Latest episodes

35 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   6 May 2026

   35. Breaking The Conflict Cycle: The Killer Of Communication

   Today we're talking about conflict—but not just arguing. We're talking about the kind of conflict that goes nowhere. The kind that leaves you frustrated, disconnected, and wondering why you just wasted your time. And the truth is, most couples don't realize they're stuck in patterns… cycles that repeat over and over again without resolution. The first cycle we unpack is the blame cycle. This is where everything becomes the other person's fault. Instead of taking ownership, we point fingers. And the more we blame, the more defensive the other person becomes. It's a cycle that escalates quickly and keeps you from actually addressing what's really going on. Breaking it starts with one simple question: what's my part in this? From there, we move into the escalation cycle—when something small turns into something big, fast. The tone gets louder, words get sharper, and suddenly you're arguing about things that happened years ago. This is where emotional awareness matters. When your body is in fight-or-flight, you're not thinking clearly. That's when you pause, step away, calm down, and come back with intention—not emotion. We also talk about the withdrawing cycle, which can feel like the opposite of escalation—but is just as damaging. This is when one person shuts down completely. There's no resolution, no conversation—just distance. And while taking a break can be healthy, staying disconnected creates space for lies, assumptions, and deeper division. You've got to come back and re-engage. Then there's the scorekeeping cycle—bringing up past mistakes as ammunition in present conflict. This one is dangerous because it slowly erodes trust. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen—but it does mean choosing not to weaponize it later. And finally, the control cycle—where conflict becomes about winning instead of understanding. This one is subtle. You're not listening—you're strategizing. You're trying to control the outcome instead of connecting with your spouse. And at the root of it? Pride. Breaking this cycle requires humility and a shift back to unity. At the end of the day, conflict isn't the problem—it's how we move through it. And what we've learned is this: healthy communication comes down to three things—connection, understanding, and mutual respect. If those three aren't present, you're probably stepping into one of these cycles. LINKS: Website: redesignyourmarriage.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/redesignyourmarriage Instagram.com/redesign_your_marriage instagram.com/_shelby_seeley Quick Episode Summary: 0:00 – Why unfruitful conflict leaves couples stuck 1:00 – The blame cycle: making it your spouse's fault 2:30 – Taking ownership instead of pointing fingers 3:30 – The escalation cycle: small fights turn big fast 5:30 – How tone, volume, and emotion escalate conflict 7:00 – When to pause and walk away (and come back) 9:30 – The withdrawing cycle: shutting down emotionally 11:00 – Why distance creates more division 12:00 – Don't let conflict fester (what that really means) 13:30 – The scorekeeping cycle: using the past as ammo 15:00 – Why love keeps no record of wrongs 16:30 – The control cycle: trying to win instead of understand 18:00 – Pride vs. humility in conflict 19:30 – 3 keys: connection, understanding, mutual respect 22:00 – Awareness is the starting point for change 23:30 – Pick one cycle and work on it this week 24:30 – Final encouragement + coaching invite

2. 

   13 Feb 2026

   34. Why Most Goals Die in February (And How to Revive Yours)

   Have you ever noticed how gyms are packed in January… and empty by mid-February? Joe shares from his own experience as someone who works out consistently six days a week. Every January, the classes are full. Parking lots are packed. But by mid-February? Empty. The excitement fades when people realize goals actually require a price. Inspiration gets you started—but commitment carries you forward. February is when you discover whether it was just a dream or an actual goal. Goals require sacrifice, effort, discomfort, and sometimes pain. They require you to become someone different in order to receive something different. The real question becomes: who will we become on the other side of this goal? We also talk about accountability—and why being accountable only to your spouse doesn't always work. Sometimes reminders can feel like nagging. That's why coaches, trainers, financial advisors, and mentors matter. They aren't emotionally attached to your excuses. They help you course-correct instead of quit. They celebrate small wins. They remind you of your "why." Joe shares a powerful story from coaching men—helping them identify their spouse's top three needs and then taking action on them immediately. Not next month. Not when it feels convenient. Now. One man resisted buying flowers because he thought it was a waste of money. But when he chose commitment over preference, it softened his wife's heart instantly. That's the power of aligned action. So what do you do when January didn't go as planned? Release the shame. Reset expectations. Reframe. Take the next step. Don't drag disappointment into the rest of the year. You're not behind—you may just be unaligned. Adjust the rhythm. Extend the timeline if needed. But don't quit. LINKS: Website: redesignyourmarriage.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/redesignyourmarriage Instagram.com/redesign_your_marriage instagram.com/_shelby_seeley Quick Episode Summary: 0:00 – Why goals die in February 0:40 – The packed January gym phenomenon 1:20 – Inspiration vs. paying the price 2:00 – Is it a goal… or just a dream? 3:00 – Why accountability can't just be your spouse 4:00 – Goals require sacrifice and effort 5:00 – Don't grow weary in doing good (Galatians) 6:00 – Who do you become on the other side? 7:00 – Why coaches and trainers matter 8:00 – Course correct, don't quit 9:00 – You're not behind, you're unaligned 10:00 – Eating the frog first (reprioritize your schedule) 11:00 – Small wins create momentum 12:00 – Counting the cost of not reaching your goals 13:00 – Coaching example: serving your spouse's top 3 needs 14:30 – The flowers story: commitment over preference 16:00 – Release shame. Reset. Reframe. 17:00 – Free coaching call invitation

3. 

   14 Jan 2026

   33. The 5 Questions That Will Shape Your Marriage This Year

   In today's episode, we're continuing the vision conversation we started in part one. These next five questions felt heavier—but in the best way. They forced us to slow down and really assess what season we're in, what we're being asked to step into, and what might need to be released so we can move forward with clarity and unity. Vision isn't just about dreaming—it's about making room. We start with a big question: What opportunities are we being called to step into, and what do we need to let go of to make room? This one surfaced a lot for us. God rarely adds without asking us to release something, and we've learned that holding onto old things—relationships, commitments, habits—can actually become obstacles in the next season. Just because something was good doesn't mean it's meant to come with you forever. Timing matters, and not every opportunity is a now opportunity. Next, we talk about finances and what financial freedom actually looks like for us. This conversation has evolved over 27 years of marriage. Financial freedom isn't just a number—it's emotional, relational, and deeply tied to trust and shared values. We share how our focus has shifted from trading time for money to creating sustainability, margin, and legacy—not just for our kids, but for generations to come. From there, we unpack boundaries—because strong marriages are protected, not accidental. Boundaries aren't walls; they're gates. In this season, we've learned the importance of accountability, wise counsel, unified decision-making, and having safe people who can speak into our lives. One of our current boundaries is simple but powerful: if both of us don't say yes, it's a no for now. Unity creates safety. We also lean into one of our favorite topics: adventures, experiences, and traditions. Fun is not optional—it's fuel. Shared joy builds resilience, and intentional memories anchor you during hard seasons. From annual family vision trips to spontaneous adventures and weekly family dinners, we talk about how intentionality has shaped our family culture and helped our kids grow with confidence and focus. We close with the final question: What promise do we want to make for this next chapter that will anchor us spiritually and relationally? Promises define direction. They're not about pressure—they're about identity and commitment. We each share the promises we're making to one another and encourage you to revisit your promises too. You're not starting over—you're building forward. Marriage isn't a DIY project, and you don't have to do this alone. LINKS: Website: redesignyourmarriage.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/redesignyourmarriage Instagram.com/redesign_your_marriage instagram.com/_shelby_seeley Quick Episode Summary: 0:00 – Welcome to part two of the marriage vision conversation 1:00 – Why these questions are forward-facing and harder 2:00 – Question 6: What opportunities are we being called into? 3:00 – Why God asks us to release things before adding new ones 4:10 – New opportunities vs. now opportunities 5:30 – Doing opportunities in unity (we win or learn together) 6:45 – Making room by letting go of relationships or commitments 8:00 – Stepping deeper into coaching and mentoring 9:10 – Question 7: What does financial freedom look like for us? 10:30 – Why money is emotional and reveals values 12:00 – Shifting from trading time for money to legacy thinking 14:00 – Building generational impact, not just provision 15:10 – Question 8: What boundaries protect our marriage? 16:30 – Boundaries create safety, not restriction 18:00 – Accountability, mentors, and unity in decisions 19:30 – Question 9: Adventures, traditions, and intentional fun 21:00 – Why fun is fuel and shared joy builds resilience 22:30 – Family traditions, vision trips, and spontaneous adventures 24:30 – Question 10: The promise we're making for the next chapter 26:00 – Letting go of broken promises from the past 27:30 – Recommitting to covenant and building forward 28:45 – Encouragement to start with one question this week 29:45 – Final encouragement + coaching invitation

Reach and audience

Public platform figures. Ratings count people who left a rating, not total listeners.

Apple Podcasts (US)

5.0 / 5

16 ratings

Spotify

5.0 / 5

3 ratings

Podcast Authority Score: 42 / 100

A composite of feed quality, social presence, YouTube performance and engagement. Read the methodology.

Quality

52

Social presence

0

YouTube

0

Engagement

82

Contact Redesign Your Marriage | Joe and Shelby Seeley

Guest appearances

Does not typically book guests

Based on episode analysis; this does not confirm that the show is currently accepting guests.