Podcast thumbnail for Secrets of the Motherworld

Secrets of the Motherworld

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by Lisa Marchiano and Stella O'Malley

4.9(19 reviews)
44 episodes
Updated Daily
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Podcast Overview

Secrets of the Motherworld is a podcast created to help mothers feel less alone. We're two psychotherapists with a special interest in parenting. Listeners send us their anonymous stories about their own experiences in the Motherworld -- experiences that are too intensely private to share anywhere else. Each week, we read a listener's story and give our own reflections. It's a thoughtful exploration of the most intimate aspects of motherhood.

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Publishing Since

8/26/2019

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Recent Episodes

Episode thumbnail for 44: “The whole family is walking on eggshells.”

June 30, 2020

44: “The whole family is walking on eggshells.”

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I would like to hear your thoughts on how parents can speak about the elephant in the room. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My daughter is 15 and we have experienced school refusal for some years now. The lockdown has been great for her and she has enjoyed it. And yet. I know we, as a family, have colluded in her avoidance of any difficult  subjects. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">She rules the household.  If something comes on the TV and she doesn’t like it, we switch it off. We are pretty much forced to focus on the positive of everything. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">She suffers from anxiety and I hate to upset her. However the whole family is walking on eggshells around her. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To be honest, I don’t think this approach has improved her. She now believes that can’t cope with anything difficult and yet, as a child, she was able to cope with lots of different things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am worried about what will happen when school begins in September and we are forced to confront the school refusal and the fact that my child has narrowed her world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I myself am coping with the death of my mother and my father’s ongoing health problems and so I’m finding it stressful to only speak about life in a positive way. It’s all a mess and yet from the outside we look like a happy bouncy family.”</span></p>

Episode thumbnail for 43: “My daughter is overweight.”

June 23, 2020

43: “My daughter is overweight.”

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My 13 year-old daughter is overweight and I don't know how to handle this. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We have always had food problems in the family as  my husband has battled with his weight all his adult life. He is a great cook and I also battle with my weight. My daughter doesn't really care about her weight and just wants to be free to enjoy her food. I find it a huge burden to try to manage her weight as well as my own and I'm becoming resentful. I've always been very careful to talk about 'health' and not 'food' or 'weight' but it is failing. She is very confident and declares that she is skinny. She knows she's not skinny so she is just being defiant in the face of pressure to conform to  her super-skinny friends. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I just don't know how to handle it, she is at an age where she can access food so my control over the issue is diluted. Until now I watched her  like a hawk and kept her weight in check but now, finally, just as she has more freedom to eat more, she has suddenly tipped into being overweight for the first time in her life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It's not a lot overweight but it is there. I don't know what to do - please help! </span></p>

Episode thumbnail for 42: “It's the world that's crazy -- not us parents.”

June 16, 2020

42: “It's the world that's crazy -- not us parents.”

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Hi Lisa and Stella. This is not so much of a question, but a warm and</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">heartfelt THANK YOU. I think (hope!) that we're slowly getting to the end</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">of some really tough years.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Two years ago our youngest daughter at 13 rapidly developed anxiety and</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">then presented herself as trans. Now I know it was pretty much the usual</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">ROGD-story of no earlier signs, lots of internet contacts and a withdrawal</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">from the family. But we didn't know that at the time. We felt so lonely and</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">desperate, didn't know how to help her. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Our contacts with psychologists</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">were the same: they went through their questionnaire, told us that she had</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">anxiety and depression, affirmed her trans identity 100% and recommended us</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">to contact a gender clinic. In a time where we needed to be at our best as</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">parents, these meetings really made us feel like we didn't understand</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">anything about our child. Then I found a group of ROGD-parents in my</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">country and media started to investigate the gender issue. We slowly got</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">back on our feet, set some boundaries (like not going to gender clinic),</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">allowed her to use a boys name in school and dress as she liked, and found</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">a way of not using ”she” and her birth name but also nut using her boys name</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">at home (because we really couldn’t). We also found a better psychologist</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">at last, who helped our child und us with a somewhat broader view at her</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">difficulties. And most important for me: I found you Lisa and Stella, along</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">with Sasha Ayad and Benjamin Boyce. You have helped me through this,</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">sometimes I have literally felt that you're holding my hand. Your mantra</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">“</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stay connected” has helped me focus on the most important. I cried and</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">laughed when you talked about adolescences, and said that about one out of</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">three gets through puberty easily, one with ”normal” problems and one of</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">three really has the shittiest time. My three children really tick those</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">boxes. You have reminded me again and again that it's the world right now –</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">not us parents – that is crazy. You have made me feel less alone. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now my</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">daughter is slowly exploring the possibilities of being a girl again. She</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">has started to wear more girly clothes, skirts, dresses, stockings and even</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">underwear. I think she still identifies as a boy, but I also think maybe</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">she has to do that for a while to be able to meet the world as a girl? I</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">feel sure that she will do this in her way and her pace. She seems so much</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">more happy, openhearted and confident now when she is experimenting with</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">girl identity, than when she went down the trans path and didn't want to</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">talk or even be with us. And of course, the other week Stella gave some</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">really good advice about not asking or talking so much about this, ”saving</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">face” and so on. Just in time when I needed it! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These years have made me</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">reflect a lot about girls adolescence, how shocking – almost violent – it</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">can be for a young girl, and how all the new expectations and gender roles</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">can be just too much to handle. This time has been really tough for our</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">child, and by far the worst and hardest in my entire life as a mother. But</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">in a way I feel proud today over her braveness. She refused to accept the</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">rules, and now she is inventing her own, slowly adapting to her new body</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and person in a way that suits her. Standing up for herself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thank you</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">again, for your wisdom, warmth and experience. I truly don’t know where I</span> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">would have been today without you.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> <br /></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Links: </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">Stella Tedx talk:</span> <a href= "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWVcyCyRs2Y"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWVcyCyRs2Y</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">Stella’s book Cotton Wool Kids:</span> <a href= "https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cotton-Wool-Kids-Parents-Paranoid/dp/1781173206/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=cotton+wool+kids&qid=1591537596&sr=8-1"> <span style= "font-weight: 400;">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cotton-Wool-Kids-Parents-Paranoid/dp/1781173206/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=cotton+wool+kids&qid=1591537596&sr=8-1</span></a></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lisa’s patreon about ROGD kids and young adults:</span> <a href= "https://www.patreon.com/LisaMarchiano"><span style= "font-weight: 400;">https://www.patreon.com/LisaMarchiano</span></a></p>

44 total episodes available

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Frequently asked questions

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What is Secrets of the Motherworld?

Secrets of the Motherworld is a podcast created to help mothers feel less alone. We're two psychotherapists with a special interest in parenting. Listeners send us their anonymous stories about their own experiences in the Motherworld -- experiences that are too intensely private to share anywhere else. Each week, we read a listener's story and give our own reflections. It's a thoughtful exploration of the most intimate aspects of motherhood.

How often does this podcast release new episodes?

This podcast updates daily.

Where can I listen to this podcast?

This podcast is available on 4 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.

Does this podcast accept guests?

No, this podcast does not typically feature guests.

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