Welcome to Single and Not Settling, the podcast for women becoming unavailable for low effort men, low standards and lives that don't feel aligned.
I'm Vanessa Maree and I'm here to remind you that being single isn't a waiting room for your life to begin. Through my dating stories (shared with plenty of humour!), personal development and spirituality, we'll explore self-trust, standards, relationships and protecting your peace. Because choosing yourself is never settling.
So grab your favourite beverage and settle in. We're not waiting to be chosen here—we're choosing ourselves.
In this episode of Single and Not Settling, I'm sharing a recent speed dating experience that had me calling a man arrogant, and reflecting on something much bigger than one uncomfortable conversation.
Because while we're out there trying to find connection, chemistry and companionship, women are also navigating questions about their safety that can influence how theyapproach dating.
Think about it. Meeting in public, sharing your location with a friend, watching your drink, arranging your own transport and having an exit plan. We're encouraged to take precautions before we've even established whether we like someone.
And yet, we can do everything we're told to do and still not have control over another person's behaviour.
So why does so much of the responsibility for staying safe fall on women?
In this episode, I'm talking about:
- The risks women navigate when dating and why a first date can involve more than simply deciding whether there's chemistry.
- Women's safety and personal responsibility: why taking precautions matters, but the responsibility for harmful behaviour belongs to the person who chooses it.
- The double standards women face when speaking up, setting boundaries or refusing to tolerate disrespectful behaviour.
- “It's not all men” — and why acknowledging that doesn't mean we should avoid conversations about violence against women.
- What men can do differently to challenge entitlement, respect boundaries and contribute to a safer dating culture.
- Wanting love without sacrificing your peace: the reality of being happily single, independent and still questioning whether dating is worth the emotional energy and risks.
Women aren't asking for the impossible. We're asking for respect, accountability and the freedom to date without feeling that we always have to be on guard.
So, here's the question: When women go on a date, are we thinking about things that men don't always have to consider?
Let's have the conversation.
🎧 Listen now and join me as we unpack dating, women'ssafety, accountability and what it means to be Single and Not Settling
Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! @vanessamaree_wingwoman (https://www.instagram.com/vanessamaree_wingwoman/)
Follow the podcast page @singleandnotsettling.podcast (https://www.instagram.com/singleandnotsettling.podcast/)
Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" here (https://vanessamaree.kit.com/) to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.
For interviews and collaborations, email hello@vanessamaree.co
28 Sept 2026
61. Reimagining Connection with Shani Connard
Is there a better way to date than swiping, apps, awkward first dates… and speed dating in a pub with alcohol involved?
I think there has to be!
In this episode of Single and Not Settling, Vanessa Maree is joined by Shani Connard, who is doing exactly that — reimagining the way we meet and connect with other people.
Shani creates intentional spaces where people can step awayfrom the curated version of themselves we often bring to dating and actually connect as who they are.
Think grounding, intentional connection, thoughtfullycurated prompts and a fun little way to let someone know you’d like to see them again. ❤️
It’s not just about meeting more people. It’s about creating the right environment for people to actually connect.
In this episode:
• Why we often meet strangers as a curated “representative”of ourselves.
• Why meeting people IRL can create a different kind ofchemistry.
• Finding connection through things you genuinely love doing.
• Shani’s experience with open relating / Ethical Non-monogamous relationships (ENM).
• The importance of communication in non-monogamousrelationships.
• What jealousy can look like in open relating.
• And how Shani is reimagining speed dating.
Maybe we don't need more ways to swipe. Maybe we need more reasons to put our phones down, show up as ourselves and meet people in real life.
Shani’s event is coming up in early October 2026 with moreevents planned. Check out the link to her event page below!
Check out Shani Connard's upcoming Authentic Dating events here (https://events.humanitix.com/host/authentic-dating)
Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! @vanessamaree_wingwoman (https://www.instagram.com/vanessamaree_wingwoman/)
Follow the podcast page @singleandnotsettling.podcast (https://www.instagram.com/singleandnotsettling.podcast/)
Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" here (https://vanessamaree.kit.com/) to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.
For interviews or collaborations, email hello@vanessamaree.co
14 Sept 2026
60. Your Dating Patterns Aren’t Your Personality, They’re a Program with Adrianna Carlesimo
Have you ever looked at a man and thought, “I KNOW he’s not giving me what I need… but I can’t keep away?”
In this episode, Vanessa Maree is joined by clinical hypnotherapist Adrianna Carlesimo to explore the subconscious patterns that can influence who we’re attracted to, what we tolerate and why hot and cold behaviour can sometimes feel so compelling.
Together, they unpack self-worth, worthiness wounds, emotional unavailability, breadcrumbs and the difference between knowing what we want consciously and what our subconscious may still be programmed to seek.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why we can be attracted to someone even when we know they're giving us the bare minimum.
Why inconsistency and hot and cold behaviour can feel more exciting than consistency.
The difference between conscious desiresand subconscious programming.
How worthiness wounds can show up in ourdating lives.
The relationship between self-worth and what we’re willing to accept.
Whether changing our self-worth can change who we're drawn to.
... And a little end of recording synchronicity involving two very similar nail polishes!
The takeaway in this episode is sometimes the question isn't just “Why do I keep attracting these men?, its “What is the program running in the background and how can I break it so I can be drawn and attracted to a healthy relationship?”
Understanding the subconscious patterns behind our attraction doesn't mean taking responsibility for someone else's behaviour. It means becoming curious about our own patterns, strengthening our self-worth and learning to recognise when something familiar isn't necessarily something healthy.
Because Single & Not Settling isn't just about having higher standards.
It's about becoming the woman who no longer has to convince herself that the bare minimum is enough.
To connect or work with visit Adrianna Carlesimo, visit her website (https://www.adriannacarlesimo.com/)
Connect with Vanessa Maree and say hello! @vanessamaree_wingwoman (https://www.instagram.com/vanessamaree_wingwoman/)
Follow the podcast page @singleandnotsettling.podcast (https://www.instagram.com/singleandnotsettling.podcast/)
Download a copy of the FREE eBook "The Empowered Single Woman" here (https://vanessamaree.kit.com/) to transform your beliefs about dating and find the love you deserve.
For collaborations, email hello@vanessamaree.co
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