This is a podcast about slowing down, understanding ourselves more deeply, and finding steadiness in a complex world. Hosted by Dr. Xan Banker, a licensed psychologist with decades of clinical experience, each episode explores mental health, psychotherapy, trauma, nervous system responses, relationships, and the inner patterns that shape how we cope. This is a space for reflection, emotional insight, and practical tools — not quick fixes, but meaningful change over time. This podcast is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional help.
Talking Your Way to Change
Claim This Podcastby Xan Banker , Psy.D., L.P
4.8(8 reviews)
92 episodes
Updated Inactive
Accepts GuestsHas SponsorsLocation 🇺🇸
Podcast Overview
This is a podcast about slowing down, understanding ourselves more deeply, and finding steadiness in a complex world. Hosted by Dr. Xan Banker, a licensed psychologist with decades of clinical experience, each episode explores mental health, psychotherapy, trauma, nervous system responses, relationships, and the inner patterns that shape how we cope. This is a space for reflection, emotional insight, and practical tools — not quick fixes, but meaningful change over time. This podcast is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional help.
Language
🇺🇲
Publishing Since
7/1/2020
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Recent Episodes
July 1, 2026
#85 Who Are You? Exploring the Layers of Self-Identity
<p>This episode explores the concept of self-identity, how it shapes our lives, and how understanding our self-concept can lead to greater resilience and self-awareness. Dr. Xan Banker guides listeners through reflective exercises and psychological insights to deepen self-understanding. It is the first in a series "What is the Self?" </p><p>Keywords</p><p>self-identity, self-concept, psychology, resilience, self-awareness, mental health, personal growth</p><p>Key Topics</p><p>The difference between self-concept and self-esteem</p><p>How roles and relationships shape identity</p><p>The internal and external aspects of self</p><p>Psychological exercises to explore self-identity</p><p>Cultural influences on self-perception</p><p>The dynamic nature of the self like a river</p><p>The impact of role loss on self-identity</p><p>Understanding different selves: actual, ideal, feared</p><p>The active role of self-concept in organizing experience</p><p>Practical steps to expand and strengthen self-identity</p><p><br></p><p>Chapters</p><p>00:00 Understanding the Self: The Many Versions Within</p><p>22:18 The River of Self-Concept: Change and Continuity</p><p>24:04 Introduction to the Podcast</p><p>24:35 Disclaimer on Mental Health Topics</p><p><br></p>
June 2, 2026
#84 Why You Struggle to Set Boundaries (Even When You Know Exactly What to Say)
<p>Summary</p><p>This episode explores the complex nature of boundaries from a psychodynamic and mentalizing perspective, emphasizing internal processes, common mistakes, and practical insights for setting healthy boundaries.</p><p>Keywords</p><p>boundaries, mentalization, psychodynamic, self-protection, relationships, emotional safety, boundary setting, internal processes</p><p>Key Topics</p><p>The internal experience of boundary setting</p><p>Common mistakes in boundary setting</p><p>The role of mentalization in boundaries</p><p><br /></p><p>Chapters</p><p>00:00 Understanding Boundaries in Modern Culture</p><p>10:36 The Challenge of Setting Boundaries</p><p>16:32 Internal Conflicts and Boundary Struggles</p><p>20:55 Understanding Boundaries in Caregiving</p><p>23:39 Defining Boundaries: What They Are and Aren't</p><p>26:29 Common Mistakes in Setting Boundaries</p><p>31:14 Understanding Boundaries and Certainty</p><p>32:58 Compassion vs. Tolerance in Relationships</p><p><br /></p>
April 27, 2026
#83 Social Anxiety: A Smaller World and a Crowded Mind
<p>In this episode, Dr. Banker breaks down social anxiety beyond stereotypes—exploring what it truly looks like, how it forms, and what healing entails. Whether you struggle with it or want to understand someone who does, you'll come away with clarity about this often-misunderstood condition and practical insights for growth.</p><p><strong>Key topics covered:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Treating social anxiety doesn't mean becoming loud or overly extroverted; it’s about building a new relationship with discomfort</p></li><li><p>The importance of gradual exposure and self-acceptance in healing social anxiety</p></li><li><p>How social anxiety can be hidden behind phrases like "I'm just shy" or "I'm introverted"</p></li><li><p>The core fear of social evaluation and how it manifests physically and psychologically</p></li><li><p>Differences between social anxiety, shyness, and introversion</p></li><li><p>The hidden costs of social anxiety, such as shrinking opportunities for self-esteem and connection</p></li><li><p>The role of avoidance and the importance of honest reflection to discern between preference and fear-based behavior</p></li><li><p>The impact of alcohol as a short-term social lubricant and its long-term risks</p></li><li><p>How hyper-focus on social judgment exacerbates anxiety and misinterprets neutral cues</p></li></ul><p><strong>Timestamps:</strong>00:00 - What does healing from social anxiety really mean?</p><p>00:30 - Building a relationship with discomfort and embracing imperfection</p><p>01:00 - Self-acceptance and moving towards your ideal life</p><p>01:28 - Social anxiety as a response to nervous system overanalysis</p><p>02:03 - The physical symptoms and internal monitoring in social anxiety</p><p>02:28 - Why social anxiety often goes unnoticed despite high functionality</p><p>03:19 - Normalizing avoidance and the distinction from shyness and introversion</p><p>03:58 - The core fear: negative evaluation and how it drives behavior</p><p>04:39 - The physiological feedback loop in social anxiety</p><p>05:05 - Why some people normalize their social fears as part of who they are</p><p>06:00 - The difference between shyness, introversion, and social anxiety</p><p>07:00 - How social anxiety affects self-esteem and personal growth</p><p>08:28 - The hidden costs of social anxiety, including avoidance and reliance on alcohol</p><p>09:24 - The exhausting cycle of hyper-focused social perception</p><p>10:02 - The risks of alcohol use to temporarily mask social fears</p><p>11:29 - The importance of stopping assumptions about social cues and judgments</p><p>11:53 - How neutral social moments are often personalized by anxious minds</p><p>12:21 - The goal: stop assuming every social cue is a verdict on your worth</p><p><br /></p><p><strong>Clark, D. M., & Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R. G. Heimberg, M. R. Liebowitz, D. A. Hope, & F. R. Schneier (Eds.), Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment (pp. 69–93). Guilford Press.</strong></p><p><strong>Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193–209.</strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong> https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313</strong></a></p><p><strong>Heimberg, R. G. (2002). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Current status and future directions. Biological Psychiatry, 51(1), 101–108. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0006-3223(01)01183-0</strong></p><p><strong>Rapee, R. M., & Heimberg, R. G. (1997). A cognitive-behavioral model of anxiety in social phobia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 35(8), 741–756. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(97)00022-3</strong></p><p><strong>Moscovitch, D. A. (2009). What is the core fear in social phobia? A new model to facilitate individualized case conceptualization and treatment. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 16(2), 123–134. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2008.04.002</strong></p><p><strong>Hope, D. A., Heimberg, R. G., & Turk, C. L. (2010). Managing social anxiety: A cognitive-behavioral therapy approach (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.</strong></p><p><strong>Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. Crown Publishers.</strong></p><p><strong>Hanh, T. N. (2015). Silence: The power of quiet in a world full of noise. HarperOne.</strong></p><p><br /></p>
92 total episodes available
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- How often does this podcast release new episodes?
This podcast updates inactive.
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This podcast is available on 8 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
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No, this podcast does not typically feature guests.
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