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Teens, Tech & God

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by Dr. John Thorington

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Teens, Tech, and God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book "Pure Teens." Teens, Tech, and God is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God's purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. Find us online at www.RestoringHeartsCounseling.com.

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February 17, 2020

15. Parents: How is Social Media Affecting Your Teen?

Did you know? A report by Common Sense found: <ul> <li>51 percent of teens visit social networking sites on a daily basis.</li> <li>More than a third of teens visit their main social networking site several times a day.</li> <li>1 in 4 teens is a heavy social media user, using at least two different types of social media each day. (June, 2019)</li> </ul> <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/teen-life-4157356">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://www.verywellfamily.com/parents-guide-to-instagram-4057206">Instagram</a>, <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/tween-life-4157361">Twitter</a>, and Snap Chat can be great ways for teens to connect with one another; but social media can be problematic for several reasons. For instance, social media can expose your teen to <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-common-is-cyberbullying-4570942">cyberbullying</a>, <a href="https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-effects-of-slut-shaming-on-teen-girls-460586">slut shaming</a>, and so much more. And, while there are some <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/benefits-of-social-media-4067431">benefits to social media</a>, there are a lot of risks as well. How is social media impacting our teens’ brains? In a recent study, researchers at the <a href= "http://www.bmap.ucla.edu/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">UCLA brain mapping center</a> used an fMRI scanner to image the brains of 32 teenagers as they used a bespoke social media app resembling Instagram. "When teens learn that their own pictures have supposedly received a lot of likes, they show significantly greater activation in parts of the brain's reward circuitry," says lead author <a href= "http://socialsciences.ucla.edu/deans-initiatives/dissertation-launchpad/lauren-sherman" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Lauren Sherman</a>. "This is the same group of regions responding when we see pictures of a person we love or when we win money." Sherman believes these results could have important implications among this age group. “Reward circuitry is thought to be particularly sensitive in adolescence," says Sherman, "It could be explaining, at least in part, why teens are such avid social media users." Adolescence is a period that is very important for social learning, which could explain why teens are often more tuned in to what's going on in their respective cultures. With the rise of social media, Sherman thinks we may even be learning to read likes and shares instead of facial expressions. "Before, if you were having a face to face interaction everything is qualitative. You use someone's gestures or facial expressions, that sort of thing, to see how effective your message is," she says. "Now if you go online, one of the ways that you gauge the effectiveness of your message is in the number of likes, favorites or retweets, and this is something that's really different and unique about online interaction." What effect is social media having on teens’ mental health? Here are areas of negative impact: >Depression Researchers are just beginning to establish a link between <a href= "https://www.verywellmind.com/parents-guide-to-teen-depression-2609502" target="_blank" rel="noopener">depression</a> and social media. While they have not actually discovered a cause and effect relationship between social media and depression, they have discovered that social media use can be associated with an intensification of the symptoms of depression, including a decrease in social activity and an increase in loneliness. >Anxiety Teens often feel emotionally invested in their social media accounts. Not only do they feel pressure to respond quickly online, but they also feel pressure to have perfect photos and well-written posts, all of which can cause a great deal of anxiety. In fact, some studies have found that the larger a teen's social circle online the more anxiety they feel about keeping up with everything online. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep up with the unspoken rules and culture of each social media platform. As a result, this puts additional pressure on teens, which can cause feelings of anxiety. >Sleep Deprivation Sometimes teens spend so many hours on social media that they begin to lose valuable sleep. Consequently, this sleep loss can lead to moodiness, a drop in grades, and overeating, as well as exacerbate existing problems like depression, anxiety, and ADD. >Communication Issues While social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, it also is not the same as face-to-face communication. For instance, a teen cannot see a person's facial expressions or hear their tone of voice online. As a result, it is very easy for misunderstandings to occur, especially when people try to be funny or sarcastic online. Many teens spend so much time online checking statuses and likes that they forget to interact with the people right in front of them. For this reason, <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/7-characteristics-of-a-bullyproof-friendship-460644">friendships</a> and dating relationships can suffer when social media takes center stage in a person's life. As a result, teens risk having relationships that are not deep or authentic. What can you do to help your teens? Parenting today has a lot more complexity than it did for previous generations. The addition of the Internet, cell phones, and other forms of technology not only add more to think about but a faster pace of change. New <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/tweens-social-networking-and-computer-safety-3288542">social media</a> sites crop up daily, apps are appearing like weeds, and access is ever-present. It's overwhelming to stay on top of it, and nearly impossible to monitor everything. Still, while it seems easiest to throw your hands up in the air, the best thing to do is to learn as much as you can and arm yourself with knowledge. You may not be able to watch everything, but sometimes the key is just to show that you're paying attention at all. The list of concerns for digital parenting are long, but here are some of the basics with information, tips, and resources for all of them. Mobile Devices Tips: <ul> <li>Collect all devices and turn them off before bed. Store and charge them together in a central location or, if necessary, in the parents' bedroom. </li> <li>Help kids understand the dangers of <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-sexting-problem-1258921">sexting and cyberbullying</a>. Teach them to report inappropriate behavior to you or another adult. </li> <li>Start kids out with<a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/child-ready-to-stay-home-alone-4043227"> simple phones</a> with no data plan. Once they've <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/a-sample-cell-phone-contract-for-parents-and-tweens-3288540">shown responsibility</a> for those devices, consider graduating them to a more expensive phone.</li> </ul> Tips: Keep an ongoing dialogue with your kids about social media. Maybe ask them for a tutorial on their favorite site. Not only is that empowering for them, it helps you understand why they enjoy a site and how they use it. Don't deliberately try to embarrass or humiliate your kids - it sends a poor message about appropriate behavior and it's not something you can take back later. Be thoughtful about what you share online, both in terms of what your kids can see, but also what you're saying about them. Take <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-cyberbullying-460549">cyberbullying</a> and other inappropriate online behaviors seriously. The most important things to remember are: Talk with your kids about concerns and dangers, but also listen to what they have to say. Be involved. <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-secret-language-of-teens-100-social-media-acronyms-2609651">Know what they are doing online</a> and how all of the social media sites work. <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/set-limits-on-kids-screen-time-1256983"> Set rules and boundaries</a> just like everything else. Kids will cross them, but they still need to know where the lines are. What might be things to include in the Family Rules? >Keep devices for social media access out of the bedroom. Children who get in trouble online often do so when their means of access – phone, iPad, computer – are located in the bedroom. To avoid this, only allow your teen to access social media outside of the bedroom. >Follow set time limits for social media usage. One reason you should set time limits, says Madeline Levine, is that when teens spend too much time online they are not able to spend time doing things like building relationships and collaborating with other people. An hour on social media sites may not be bad at the end of the day. However, spending all afternoon chatting with friends online rather than going outside and spending actual time with friends can be. >Allow mom and dad to friend and follow. Before permitting your child to access social media, such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, Yalda T. Uhls suggests setting up the rule that you are to be their friend on these sites. This way you can monitor the content they are putting out to the world. >Give parents their passwords to devices and social media sites. Tina Meier notes the only way to know for sure what your children are doing online is to have access to their accounts. You can tell your children that while you aren’t going to check every day, you will monitor usage. >Post appropriate content and images only. Kids don’t understand that what goes out onto the Internet is often there to stay. Even social media sites like SnapChat, which was originally created to allow users to send a quick impermanent photo or message to friends, can be made permanent by taking a screenshot, says Uhls. You need to tell your teen that whatever is posted to social media – pictures, short blurbs of how they feel, words about others – should be posted with the idea that the information or images will be available to anyone, anywhere and at any time – because, in all likelihood, they are. >Prepare for consequences when these rules are broken. If your child gets caught online in the bedroom or is found to have sent something inappropriate to friends via social media, consequences should be in place and followed. This may mean losing the device used to access social media for a set period of time or losing access to the social media account altogether. >Keep private information private. The advent of social media has made ‘meeting’ strangers so easy that teenagers, and people of all ages, often forget these are really strangers they are talking to. It’s imperative parents teach teens to utilize social media safely. This means never giving out private information if a stranger could obtain that information. And if a stranger ‘friends’ your teen on Facebook, Theresa M. recommends asking your teen to unfriend this person in case his or her intentions are not good. Quotes: “Social Media sites creates [an] illusion of connectivity.” Malay Shah, TheDailyMind.com “Distracted from distraction by distraction.” T.S. Eliot, TheDailyMind.com Resources for Parents <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/startling-facts-about-todays-teenagers-2608914"> https://www.verywellfamily.com/startling-facts-about-todays-teenagers-2608914</a> <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-social-media-affects-teen-mental-health-4144769" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-social-media-affects-teen-mental-health-4144769</a> <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-social-media-is-ruining-teen-friendships-460643" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-social-media-is-ruining-teen-friendships-460643</a> <a href= "https://www.verywellfamily.com/digital-parenting-101-4038621" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.verywellfamily.com/digital-parenting-101-4038621</a> <a href= "https://www.connectsafely.org/social-web-tips-for-teens/" target= "_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.connectsafely.org/social-web-tips-for-teens/</a> <a href= "https://www.interaxiongroup.org/en/news/articles/seven-rules-teens-using-social-media" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">https://www.interaxiongroup.org/en/news/articles/seven-rules-teens-using-social-media</a>

December 24, 2019

14. Why Is Teen Suicide on the Rise?

In this episode, Dr. John addresses the rise in teen suicide and shares an important message to help parents understand the current situation and what to do to help their teens. /// According to the Mayo Clinic, the warning signs of teen suicide include: <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Talking or writing about suicide.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Withdrawing from social contact.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Experiencing sudden mood swings.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Using alcohol or drugs more frequently.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Expressing a sense of hopelessness.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Taking part in risky or self-destructive behavior.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Changing eating or sleeping patterns.</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Giving away belongings for no apparent reason.</li> </ul> The new study was published June 18, 2019 in the Journal of the American Medical Association. /// If you are concerned your child is thinking about suicide: <ul> <li>If your child is talking about any level of distress, do not hesitate to ask them whether they’re feeling changes in their mood or level of stress, or having suicidal thoughts. Asking your child directly about suicide will not increase their risk or plant the idea. It will create an opportunity to offer support and let them know you care enough to have the conversation.</li> <li>You can say, “It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Does it ever get so tough that you think about ending your life?”</li> <li>Talk with your child about how to seek help. If you fear they may be at risk, get professional help right away.</li> <li>Let them know you’ll be there for them no matter what, that your love is unconditional, and that you’ll help them get the help they need to get through this challenging time.</li> </ul> /// Ten things you can do to help your teen: <ol> <li>Don't let your teen's depression or anxiety snowball. Let's not wait for children or youth to come to us with their problems or concerns. Knock on the door, park yourself on the bed, and say, "You seem sad. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help."</li> <li>Listen—even when your teen is not talking. Not all, but most kids who are thinking about suicide (this is called suicidal ideation) tip off their troubled state of mind through troubled behaviors and actions. Studies have found that one trait common to families affected by a son's or daughter's suicide is poor communication between parents and child.</li> <li>Never shrug off threats of suicide as typical teenage melodrama. Any written or verbal statement of "I want to die" or "I don't care anymore" should be treated seriously. Often, children who attempt suicide had been telling their parents repeatedly that they intended to kill themselves.</li> <li>Seek professional help right away. If your teenager's behavior has you concerned, don't wait to contact your pediatrician. Contact a local mental health provider who works with children to have your child or youth evaluated as soon as possible so that your son or daughter can start therapy or counseling if he or she is not in danger of self-harm. However, call your local mental health crisis support team or go to your local emergency room if you think your child is actively suicidal and in danger of self-harm.</li> <li>Share your feelings. Let your teen know he or she is not alone and that everyone feels sad or depressed or anxious now and then, including moms and dads. Without minimizing his anguish, be reassuring that these bad times won't last forever. Things truly will get better and you will help get your child through counseling and other treatment to help make things better for him or her.</li> <li>Encourage your teen not to isolate himself or herself from family and friends. It's usually better to be around other people than to be alone. But don't push if he says no.</li> <li>Recommend exercise. Physical activity as simple as walking or as vigorous as pumping iron can put the brakes on mild to moderate depression.</li> <li>Urge your teen not to demand too much of himself or herself. Until therapy begins to take effect, this is probably not the time to assume responsibilities that could prove overwhelming. Suggest that he or she divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones whenever possible and participate in favorite, low-stress activities. The goal is to rebuild confidence and self-esteem.</li> <li>Remind your teen who is undergoing treatment not to expect immediate results. Talk therapy and/or medication usually take time to improve mood. Your child shouldn't become discouraged if he or she doesn't feel better right away.</li> <li>If you keep guns at home, store them safely or move all firearms elsewhere until the crisis has passed. If you suspect your child might be suicidal, it is extremely important to keep all firearms, alcohol, and medications under lock and key.</li> </ol> /// Where to get help There are several reputable organizations and ministries that offer support groups for parents and family members of suicide victims. It would be worth your while to contact some of the following groups for further information: <a href="http://www.save.org/">SAVE</a> (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education) <a href= "https://save.org/">https://save.org/</a> <a href="http://www.aacap.org/">The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry</a> <a href= "https://www.aacap.org/">https://www.aacap.org/</a> <a href="http://www.suicidology.org/">The American Association of Suicidology</a> <a href= "https://suicidology.org/">https://suicidology.org/</a> <a href="http://www.yellowribbon.org/">The Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program</a> <a href= "https://yellowribbon.org/">https://yellowribbon.org/</a> You should also engage the services of a professional counselor as you work your way through the aftermath of this experience, and we highly recommend that you include the entire family in the counseling process. Focus on the Family’s Counseling department can provide you with a list of qualified Christian therapists in your area who specialize in dealing with problems of this nature. Their number is 855-771-4357. <a href= "https://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/promos/counseling-services-and-referrals" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Call them for a free consultation</a>. /// Additional resources <ul> <li><a href= "https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-06-18/us-youth-suicide-rate-reaches-20-year-high"> https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-06-18/us-youth-suicide-rate-reaches-20-year-high</a></li> <li><a href= "https://childmind.org/article/teen-suicides-risk-factors/">https://childmind.org/article/teen-suicides-risk-factors/</a></li> <li><a href= "https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Ten-Things-Parents-Can-Do-to-Prevent-Suicide.aspx"> https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Ten-Things-Parents-Can-Do-to-Prevent-Suicide.aspx</a></li> <li><a href= "https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/parents-dealing-with-grief-after-adolescent-childs-suicide/"> https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/parents-dealing-with-grief-after-adolescent-childs-suicide/</a></li> <li><a href= "http://www.sptsusa.org/parents/">http://www.sptsusa.org/parents/</a></li> </ul>

November 20, 2019

13. What can I do if my teen is struggling with depression?

<h3>Did you know?</h3> According to the <a href= "https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.shtml">National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)</a>, 13.3% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 had “at least one major depressive episode” in 2017. That equates to 3.2 million American teens. What’s more, 70.77% of depression sufferers experienced at least one instance of “severe impairment” that interfered with life. What are some of the common signs or symptoms of depression? <ul> <li>Fatigue</li> <li>Sleep problems</li> <li>Irritability</li> <li>Headaches, aches, indigestion, etc.</li> <li>Difficulty with concentration</li> <li>Loss of interest in food or compulsive eating</li> <li>Sadness, anxiety, or feeling hopeless</li> <li>Sudden drop in grades</li> <li>Loss of interest in things once enjoyed</li> <li>Use of alcohol or drugs or promiscuous behavior</li> <li>Withdrawal from friends</li> <li>Feelings of worthlessness</li> <li>Suicidal ideation</li> <li>Of course, see a therapist or doctor to get a definite diagnosis!</li> </ul> What can parents do if they think their teens are struggling with depression? Here are 15 suggestions to consider: <ol> <li>Focus on listening, not lecturing. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important thing is that your child is communicating. You’ll do the most good by simply letting your teen know that you’re there for them, fully and unconditionally.</li> <li>Be gentle but persistent. Don’t give up if they shut you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Even if they want to, they may have a hard time expressing what they’re feeling. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.</li> <li>Acknowledge their feelings. Don’t try to talk your teen out of depression, even if their feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Well-meaning attempts to explain why “things aren’t that bad” will just come across as if you don’t take their emotions seriously. Simply acknowledging the pain and sadness they are experiencing can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported.</li> <li>Trust your intuition.If your teen claims nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what is causing the depressed behavior, you should trust your instincts. If your teen won’t open to you, consider turning to a trusted third party: a school counselor, favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is to get them talking to someone.</li> <li>Encourage social connection. Depressed teens tend to withdraw from their friends and the activities they used to enjoy. But isolation only makes depression worse, so do what you can to help your teen reconnect.</li> <li>Make face time a priority.Set aside time each day to talk—time when you’re focused totally on your teen, without distractions or trying to multi-task. The simple act of connecting face to face can play a big role in reducing your teen’s depression. And remember talking about depression or your teen’s feelings will not make the situation worse, but your support can make all the difference in their recovery.</li> <li>Combat social isolation.Do what you can to keep your teen connected to others. Encourage them to go out with friends or invite friends over. Participate in activities that involve other families and give your child an opportunity to meet and connect with other kids.</li> <li>Get your teen involved.Suggest activities—such as sports, after-school clubs, or an art, dance, or music class—that take advantage of your teen’s interests and talents. While your teen may lack motivation and interest at first, as they reengage with the world, they should start to feel better and regain their enthusiasm.</li> <li>Promote volunteerism.<a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm">Doing things for others is a powerful antidepressant</a> and self-esteem booster. Help your teen find a cause they’re interested in and that gives them a sense of purpose. If you volunteer with them, it can also be a good bonding experience.</li> <li>Make physical health a priority. Physical and mental health are inextricably connected. Depression is exacerbated by inactivity, inadequate sleep, and poor nutrition. Unfortunately, teens are known for their unhealthy habits: staying up late, eating junk food, and spending hours on their phones and devices. But as a parent, you can combat these behaviors by establishing a healthy, supportive home environment.</li> <li>Get your teen moving!<a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/the-mental-health-benefits-of-exercise.htm">Exercise is essential to mental health</a>, so get your teen active—whatever it takes. Ideally, teens should be getting at least an hour of physical activity a day, but it needn’t be boring or miserable. Think outside the box: walking the dog, dancing, shooting hoops, going for a hike, riding bikes, skateboarding—if they’re moving, it’s beneficial.</li> <li>Set limits on screen time.Teens often go online to escape their problems, but when screen time goes up, physical activity and face time with friends goes down. Both are a recipe for worsening symptoms.</li> <li>Provide nutritious, balanced meals.Make sure your teen is getting the nutrition they need for optimum brain health and mood support: things like <a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/choosing-healthy-fats.htm">healthy fats</a>, <a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/choosing-healthy-protein.htm">quality protein</a>, and fresh produce. Eating a lot of <a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/choosing-healthy-carbs.htm">sugary, starchy foods</a>—the quick “pick me up” of many depressed teens—will only have a negative effect on their mood and energy.</li> <li>Encourage plenty of sleep.<a href= "https://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/sleep-needs-get-the-sleep-you-need.htm">Teens need more sleep</a> than adults to function optimally—up to 9-10 hours per night. Make sure your teen isn’t staying up until all hours at the expense of much-needed, mood-supporting rest.</li> <li>Know when to seek professional help.</li> </ol>

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What is Teens, Tech & God?: Teens, Tech, and God is a podcast resource brought to you by Dr. John Thorington, director of Restoring Hearts Counseling in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and author of the book "Pure Teens." Teens, Tech, and God is dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and knowledge to raise kids committed to God's purpose for sexuality, the family, and the honorable use of all technology. Find us online at www.RestoringHeartsCounseling.com.
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