Waves Of Clarity Podcast

About Waves Of Clarity Podcast

Hello, I'm Tracy Kimberg - a hypnotherapist and resilient mind coach with many years of experience in therapeutic counselling, teenage mental health, relationship coaching and anxiety management. Every Tuesday, I bring you a new episode with tips and tools to help you stay healthy and happy - and most importantly, to just be yourself - overcoming the storms and tides of day-to-day life, mindfully and with resilience. Many episodes will include a free hypnosis session, to download and keep. Find out more at tracykimberg.com

Publisher

Tracy Kimberg

Category

education · health & fitness

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

10 Nov 2020

Latest episode

27 Apr 2021

Latest episodes

34 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   27 Apr 2021

   How to stop nagging your teenager.

   This week, Tracy talks about how you can learn to not be be a nag bag. She shares 5 helpful tips that you can use to get your teen to do things just because they want to. This is followed by another of Tracy's helpful and relaxing Hypnotherapy Meditations, specifically designed to help you with your relationship with your teenager. You can also download these and listen to them again. Tracy can be contacted as follows: Website: www.tracykimberg.com Phone: 07928 154054 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tracy.kimberg.therapy Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-teenage-transformation-therapist-9564a3193/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_teentherapist/ hello. My name is Tracy. Kimberg welcome to the waves of clarity. I am a teenage therapist and a relationship specialist. My passion, of course, is teenagers helping them find their super power so that they can use throughout their life as they grow into adulthood and become more aware of how they behavior influences they world. I believe that relationships are built. From knowing exactly what your superpower is to that you can use that to help you overcome difficult situations and build better relationships. We all have a super power that we can tune into. And when we do this, we can do extraordinary things. We can help ourselves overcome, um, storms and tides of life. We can help other people, we can improve relationships and we can reach goals and dreams that we have for ourselves. We can even change our own behavior when we tune into our own superpowers. Today, I'd like to talk to you about nagging as a parent. I'm sure. You've heard yourself say these phrases, clean your room, do your homework. Have you done your chores? You can't go out until you've done this. Why haven't you done that? If you have a team you will know full and well, that this is a very, very tricky part of parenting journey. I speak from experience. As I currently have three daughters still living at home, the one is 16. The one is 21 and the one is 25. And sometimes it feels like I am such an ag bag. Most parents of teens. No, they sound like a broken record and it's painful. So painful, not just for us to hear. But also for our teens, but no one appreciates nagging, believe it or not, there's a far better way. And I promise you, it works. Okay. When we were growing up, our parents probably nagged us as well. And you might've even promised yourself when you were young, that you would never, ever sound anything. Like your parents and none of that nagging would ever come out of your mouth. But the reality is if you're a parent of a teenager, you've probably already used a variation of these words that I mentioned earlier. And in despite of the very best intentions, you can't help yourself. But why is this? It's likely because at some point you were just too tired or too stressed. To figure it out and think about the alternatives that you could possibly use. It just seems more natural to tell your team to do things rather than giving them a gentle push. They might need that you would have made them choose that action just because they wanted to. So the secret is to get your teenage motivated, motivated to do what you're asking to do. And I'm going to share you a few tips on how you can do this. So let's start with tip number one, start by being the voice of reason in the middle of the storm. As you know, our teens get so stressed and easily overwhelmed. And when this happens, they just want to shut down and be left alone at worst. They likely to make serious, um, decisions leading to usually a bigger, a bit of a disaster. Today. I'd like to share my five magic tips with you on how you can help yourself to stop nagging number one, and to help your teenager be motivated to do the things that you ask them without having to repeat yourself numerous times. So the first tip is start by being the voice of reason in the middle of the store. When your teenager is stressed and overwhelmed at best they'll shut down, which is normal at worst, they're likely to make a series of decisions leading to a complete and utter disaster, but when they hit this panic, it all falls to you as the parents to calm the chaos. As you know, it always is our job to try and sort out their moods and calm them down. But yes, it sometimes feels like that you all stuck in the middle of all this chaos. So we need to accept that parenting teens can be tough and even having this awareness, instead of fighting the reality of it can help us. Build our strength and resilience because it prevents us from jumping to the conclusion that maybe we are bad at parenting. And then we have all these thoughts going through our heads, telling us I'm a terrible parent. Why can't I do it? Right? The truth is that raising teenagers can be really, really tough. So let your team know in a calm way, what your expectations are of them and how you can help them rather than jumping into a rapid fire set of instructions. Once they are calm. In a response, obviously to your calmness, they will better able to make their own decisions and probably wiser decisions. My second tip is to give your team clarity so they can see themselves for who they truly are. Oh, It's no secret that teams typically have a pretty skewed vision of themselves. And, and they don't often see the things that their parents do. They're also inclined to think that they're always right and you wrong. They also think that they can do whatever they like. They sometimes think they deserve things and privileges that they haven't really earned yet. But the bottom line is that they are still learning and growing in life, they are still trying to figure out their own values. So learn to ask the right questions that guide your team and helps your team to start seeing their strengths and their talents. And the only way they can do that is if you point them out. So prod these good qualities into the spotlight and then show them how they can use these skills to solve the problem at hand. If you remind your teenager how much you see their good qualities and strengths and how they li you believe, sorry that they can actually overcome whatever it is they're going through and whatever task is they have at hand that you believe that they can do it and do it well, they will start believing it too. The third step is become the researcher and the guidance counselor. All rolled up into one, rather than giving your team a dozen options, show them where to find them. That is part of how they learn to become more independent in life by learning to do things themselves, make their own choices, instead of depending on others to save them or others, to help them choose. Talk to them about their goals and then discuss ways to find that information, encourage them, encourage them to, um, face the reality of the pros and the cons. And in coach him to talk to mentors and counselors at school, or even family members that they look up to and guide them to the pathway of discovery. So the fourth magic tip I have to share with you today is become your child's brainstorming, buddy. I love doing this with my children, where we set and we share ideas and options. And a lot of the time I'll be honest with you. Their ideas and options are a lot more creative than mine. So when your tin gets stuck, Which of course we all do. And of course they will do at some point feel stuck instead of jumping into tell them what to do, just be quiet and ask them, take the time to have a proper talk and ask them what they think the alternative choice would be or what would happen if they did an opposite thing. They may not initially see the value of this conversation and might feel a bit frustrated because you're not giving them the answer. But knowing that. You are willing to talk and guide them. And then you have someone to talk to, um, as a teenager that you can really go to your parents and talk and figure it out together is so important. They need to know. They can throw out ideas without being worried that they're going to be told that it's stupid idea or no, that will never work. Just talk about the idea, play with the different options with them and don't um, um, because if we don't do this, they will feel that they have to censor themselves until they can find the right onset in inverted commerce. There is no right onset. We are all just figuring it out together. And this brings us to the last tip number five, which is become a cheerleader. I love being my children's cheerleader. It's such a fun job. You know what it feels like when someone tells you that you've done something well, that you're really good at something. How does it make you feel? It makes you feel pretty good, right? It only makes sense that we as parents need to praise the efforts of our teams and celebrate their successes. It feels so much better then hassling your team for the slightest thing they've left undone or for the failures that they've met along the way. Ask yourself now, really ask yourself. Think about this question. Do I shine a spotlight on my team's successes or only on their shortcomings? And think about the answer and I'll share a big secret with you today. The magic key to stop or minimize nagging is for us as parents to make a conscious decision to do so. You get to decide you as the parent, you are the parent and you get to choose which approach you take with your teenager. If something isn't working, you can change it. Look for the alternative way that works. Look. For what works with your child? I hope you enjoyed this episode. And please, of course, if you did enjoy it, I encourage you to share it, share it with someone, you know, a parent that's maybe having a frustrated time with their children and feels like they are turning into a real old nag bag, share this post. And hopefully someone will find value. Don't forget that after this episode, I'm going to do another free hypnotherapy download for you. Very exciting. And this hypnotherapy download is going to help you just find peace and calmness within yourself and just recenter into the choices that you make and how you can consciously make choices that will work better for you in your relationship with your child. Thank you for listening everyone. And of course, if you need to get in touch, then you know where to find me on my social media, just DM me and set up a meeting. I do a free discovery call for you, where we can discuss and see what it is you need help with. And if I am the right person to help you with it. Have a lovely week and enjoy the meditation. Welcome to the meditation and hope you are very comfortable and ready to enjoy this meditation, which is going to help you calm and relax yourself so that you. In effect, we'll be able to have clarity on the choices you make without going into a normal autopilot mode of nagging or doing something that you will later. Great. So. Find yourself, a comfortable position, sit back and relax, listen to the music and listen to my voice. And as you said, very comfortably or lie down, just breathe normally and notice the movement of your eyes. As you breathe and you can close your eyes all the way down. Alrighty. Beginning to relax both body and mind. Relax, your forehead smoothing out, uh, relaxing the tiny muscles around them cheeks. And Slack allow your tongue to just lie in your mouth. Just the muscles in your tongue. Relaxing, move down, down your neck. And notice how you send a wave of relaxation down your neck, into your shoulders. And repeat after me, I am safe. I am calm and I choose to be here. Okay. And I am safe. I am calm. I choose to be here now. Focus on your arms. All the way down to your fingertips, releasing all the stress and tension. As we often hold stress and tension in our hands and in our shoulders, focus on your chest and your abdomen as you breathe. I want you to take three. Slow deep breath, counting four counts on your inhalation and four slow counts as your exhale. That's good. And do that again. And a piece of Ken after me, I'm safe, I'm calm. And I choose to be here and twice I'm safe. And I choose to be here. And again, I am safe. I am calm. I choose to be now allow yourself to in your unconscious mind. Just scan over your whole body and as you're too, so to techs and hidden stresses, any hidden tension that you're holding in your body and just breathe into it, allowing it to release. And I'd like you to think of someone who you consider as a very wise person, someone you would ask advice from, it might be someone from your past. It might be someone, you know, today. Might be someone in history. And when you have a face in your imagination, I'd like you to just hold a day. As we walk into a beautiful green field and in the corner of the field, you notice a bench. In the far corner and the field is on the top of a beautiful Hill, overlooking the ocean. It's very peaceful. It's a lovely sunny day and you feel really calm. As you walk over to this bench and you sit down and you enjoy the view, feeling really relaxed, and then you look up and you notice a figure walking towards you. And it's that person, that person that you saw in your imagination and they're walking right towards you. And they have a big smile on your face. On their face and on your face, you both have a smile as if you've known each other your whole life and they come and sit next to you and they say they have an amazing, extraordinary gift for you. And you look in their holding a beautiful box. And they say that this is a gift for you. And you ask what's in the box and they say, it's the gift of understanding and patience and you take the box and you open it up and as you open it up, you notice. Starting to float all around you. And as you breathe, your whole body absorbs the slides. As you breathe in this amazing gift that this person is giving you. This gift is going to help you to have understanding. And patience as you keep breathing in this beautiful space of the bench and this person you admire and the view, and you're holding the box, this gift. And you feel it becoming one with yourselves, going into your mind, going even into your mouth, you feel it in your tongue, even feel it going into your thoughts, this wisdom and understanding. And you can feel the transformation happening within you. That's happening as you take another deep breath. Incredible energy. And you sit there with this person. And they give you three secrets that you need to hear and you hear them telling you three secrets and I'm going to allow you to listen. Very tentatively. Yes. Your special guest shares, three special secrets with you. Three secrets that are going to help you have more patience and understanding And then your special guest stands up. And walks back down the path as they came back slowly over the field to where you are now. Back into the chair on your bed and you feel really blessed and really conscious of this incredible gift that you have within you now of patients. Sit with that feeling become aware of it. Feel the gratitude you have because you have this within you just repeat after me. I have patience. I have patience. And understanding. And again, I have patience and understanding and when you're ready, you can open your eyes.

2. 

   20 Apr 2021

   Frank Soonius On Never Giving Up On Your Dreams

   Frank Soonius is described as 'The Dream Driver'. You will hear his dramatic life story along with inspiration and advice to never give up on your dreams. Frank's book on the importance of living your gift is 'Trapped In A Dream' and can be found here: https://www.trappedinadreambook.com Some of the content of the conversation covers some difficult subjects and experiences. Tracy can be contacted as follows: Website: www.tracykimberg.com Phone: 07928 154054 Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/ welcome to another episode of the waves of clarity. My name is Tracy Kimberg. I am a teenage therapist and a relationship expert. What'd you don't know about me is that I used to be a nurse as well. And being a nurse taught me that. Even when someone is incredibly ill and going through a very difficult time, physically their mental strength can pick them up and carry them through difficult times. And this is exactly why I decided to have a podcast where I can help you find that within you. If you listening. And you are in a difficult time in your life or going through some struggles. Then I want you to be able to listen to my podcast and find something within what I'm sharing that is going to help you realize that you have grit. You have resilience, you have incredible inner strength to overcome whatever it is you're facing. I'd like you to play a game with me quickly. Have you ever try to. Associate an, a word with someone maybe, um, imagine your partner or one of your children, or maybe your best friend, and to think what one word would describe them. Isn't it incredible how, even just by thinking of someone, you can actually put a word. That exactly frames their personality. And this is what I'm going to do today with Frank Soonius who's my guest. He me symbolizes courage and not just courage written in normal font, courage in capital letters. And I can't wait for you to listen to Frank story, Frank. Is the pivotal example of overcoming hardship and never, ever giving up on his dreams. I am so honored to have you here and I'd like you to please introduce yourself, um, tell people who you are and what brought you to this space where you are today. Well, I'm a Frank Sudanese. I live close by them and, uh, I was born a long time ago, more than 60 years. And that's always what I say. People start, stop asking when I was born in incident and, um, I was born high sensitive and, uh, yeah, brought me. I know now that that being, I, since it's a, it's a superpower, but that's only after 50 years, I discovered that it's your superpower. And I had to go, uh, A long way to find out that being sensitive is, is good enough. And you can go on with it and you have a superpower, but I didn't know that when I was born, I don't want to interrupt you too much, but some people might not know what high sensitive means. Can you explain that? Of course I can do it. If you feel too much, you hear too much. It gets too much. And in my case, I gave it all away. Okay. So tell me about this story that I heard. Um, we, you chose the title for today's podcast, which is put your heart in your dream. Um, which is a very beautiful title. I pick up that book by as if it was a book. Maybe this is the title for your next book. It's probably a lovely title. Tell your story. Yeah. Yeah. I can do it now a really, really short and really to the point. And I was, I was born. I sense that and how it did. I noticed it. When I was in school, uh, I always helped the children or who was bullied and how did I help them to put them in my team when we play soccer and then beat the bullies. And they helped me too, because I became really good in my sports because I had to do more than. I'd never had the good players around, but I had always the people who were picked on, but I love to help them and let them grow. And then we, we beat the bullies and I had a lot of friends and even the bullies. Started to think I can bid in the booty anymore because uh, Frank is going to be Darius. So that's why I noticed, and I'm going to also notice that when there was a, a little bit, like somewhere in the pounds, complete the loan, I'll always pick them and brought them home and nourish it to the, was it big, big duck? The duck story is also in my book and the rabbits and everything who was in need. I picked it up because I always thinking, I have to say that to make the long story short, I was trying to save myself. By doing this now I felt that I was different. I really felt that why is the world so hard? You know, can we do a little bit more laughing to the world? And so I thought I'm different, but that didn't know how different that was. And I went. It's all in my book. It's, it's, it's really funny. It's with the girls and the, and the, and the growing up stories. It's all different and different. This is good. I think different issue, you know, and it was still, I became a really good sportsman, um, because I thought if I am really good at something, people will. Not be so hard on me, you know, you know, you like me more. And I was always thinking, why is not everybody liking me? And, you know, I did my best. I tried harder and harder. Still it was, um, I think I was 35, 36. I was in the end of my basketball. Uh, I played in the first division and I was coaching to the, the national junior girls in Holland and a lot of teams and we always had success because I've got ramen rule make, make it a better chart. And they become a better basketball player. So that's easily now. And if they have the talent, it will come out because they feel, they feel good because they are better as a child. And everybody needs that, you know, to be good in something. And then you grow, everything is growing with you. You need to stay to stay up top. You know, if you have nothing. You think you are nothing, you know, but you have one thing or two things, and then it grows and it grows and grows. And I love it. All the disappointments I took with me in my room, I call it the ethic, my shuttles, I made a shutout and then I shared a world. I played everything. What went wrong? I played it in my room again. And then I succeeded. So I had two worlds, one shadow world. I'm on rebuilt. That's in, when I was 35, those worlds grow apart. I felt she wilt. I want it to go to my fence. You will. But the real world was now really ending on me, really hitting on me, really art and it all started. I was a research marketer. I was really good. And I was asked to do in a survey. Under, um, drug users who were using methadone as substitution of heroin. It's, it's called methadone. They gave me 80 persons to fines. And it was really hard to fight because they are living all over the place, homeless houses. So it was a really hard job. And I loved it. I love coming to the people, listen to the stories and write it down. But I made a big mistake. It was a really big mistake because when you're high sensitive, all the pain that came to me and I was thinking. After hearing a story of one hour, I'm going to save this girl. That's difficult. I'm going to save this girl. No worries. All those stories. Starting hitting on me. And I couldn't relax because even when I came home, I thought this girl, why is she using drugs? She's so beautiful. I have to do something. So it was interview number 28. When I heard a man saying that he was high up in the national bank of Holland, his name is Bob. I call him Bob, his name is different, but. Am I in that story is a common Bob and Bob told me in 10 minutes time, this story, and that, that hit me so hard. He was sitting in front of the tent, in the campaign in Spain when he sees his wife and four little children walk away anyways. It's always hard to tell this story, but you know, it says all the sweet things in ice creams and they're making jokes and are Honda, Tom, 50 meters away to the camp drink a short story, I guess Lincoln car comes around the corner and there was one big explosion. And 270 people in one minute died that day. And when he opened his eyes, there was nothing anymore. His wife was gone. Four children were gone, everything was gone. And he told me that in 10 minutes, even shivering now 25 years ago, because I always thought when you started using drugs, you're a little bit weak. And you know why you started using drugs? I had a, not a good few at that moment. And I started to cry. I said, that's why. Why Bob, why could not save somebody as beautiful as you are? Because I saw that it was a beautiful person. And I remember that he said his friend, he said, everybody tried. Everybody tried to comfort me and be there. But Frank, there were too many hours in the day, sort of hours, hour. She was alone. Any different. Give me the joints from the joint. He gave him something else. Then the heroin comes, he lost his house. He lost his job. And he lost everything. And now we're sleeping on the bridge in Amsterdam is 7,007,000 people are doing it. Why didn't you come to me? Just like the Dudley. I bring them to my bedroom bathroom and take care of him. He was gone. And then I started to notice that I was starting to get strange things happen to me. I think sometimes I couldn't even find my house because I was thinking too much of solving problems and they call it this association, they call it, you start to come in dissociation. I went to a psych. And the SAC said, stop. This is not work for you, Frank. You have to stop, but I want to finish it because now it's Frank. You know, I want to, I want to do it my own way, but to make the long story short, that's the part you probably hear. I ended up in a suicide, so. Sydney Australia. And someday you will see how it came up, come there, but that's it really, really straight story. But I ended up in an mental hospital in the city. I was charged. They gave me also a chart, what it looks like I got to be life in prison and. I had two suicide attempts. Then I was put on 24 hours suicides and I stayed there all together in isolation for 22 months altogether. And it was in the seventh week of me being in the isolation cell, the prison guard who was watching me already so long said to me, Frank. If I see somebody like you laying here on the ground, nothing in your room for seven weeks, never sleep only. I see you only sometimes watching, watching and to the floor again. And that was all he did. And I thought, what is wrong with this guy? I have to do something. He had the feeling and he had to do something. So he grabbed the paper, put it on the door. With a little pencil, small pencil, and it could cost him his job because you're not allowed because when a pencil I had already done everything with my risk, I had done stupid things already. That's why I started writing and I wrote alone, always alone, 30 pages. The second day I wrote. So living in Shondaland, one of the most beautiful stories I've ever written, because I would never be in that state of mind when I was there. So I sometimes try to go back to there, but it's still possible because I was go, I was, I was in a different time zone and then I started writing to the dream. The first part, and this guy was so good to give the papers to his psychiatrist who was treating me and he said, straight away, wow, this guy's not crazy. He's lost. So we adjusted my medications, throw it away because medication can be, can be deadly, can really be deathly. I wasn't such a high onto depressions. And from my major depressive illness, I was suffering from a major depressive illness. I was a patient. I was suicidal. And I came back, it's costed, I think for four and a half months, I was adjusted to the right medication. And I came back to life because so many people came to visit me good solicitors. They all try to help me, but it's all about money. So finally I took a really beautiful job. Fighter as a female. So it's a little bit of mistake, but she was crying every time she saw me. So I took her and put that was not smart because I had taken it something, somebody with more experienced, see for the, like a line that Indians in our trial, my trial was after eight months and she fought back like line and the jury. Yeah, hang June six, six was the hang jury. And then the judge helped the jury a little bit to make a decision. If you'd read the, my book, why did he do that? Why he shouldn't have said now six, six it's. Send them home, you know, because if you read what I've done, I asked the judge, why, why are you doing this to me? And in the end they found me guilty. And as for life imprisonment and Napoli system, what is the most strangest cases I have, I go to Europe. I go to a vacation in Europe for three months, and then I come back. I make a decision about this man, because something is wrong in this story, but he came back and he gave me 11 years and he said, it's such a beautiful man, but he did something really stupid. And he sends me to 11 years. And how was it? Shock shock. They put me straight away in the, in the, in the, in the 24 hour suicide. Watch again, let's start about treatment again. They took me on, on, on, on, in the difference. So in the, in the, in the, in the prison, but I had to go to a maximum security because 11 years is, is a high sentence. How was with murderer? I've seen many murders. Even myself, cellmate was murdered in front of me in 10 seconds. If he was, it was dead. That's the mentality in, in, in the jail. So finally they gave me a cell complete isolation. And there. I found myself, I went to Bible studies. People from prisoners fellowship can see me, Bobby Schuller, his father, Robert Schuller, came to Philly to visit me for an hour of power. And he gave me a Bible and started doing Bible study. And there I met during the Bible study. I met a guy in my fault either. And I didn't know where Michael was in for, but I found out that he was in for, they did 16 years for, it was better. He did 60 children and they found 16,000 it's photos of children. But he was also my way act because one day. He told me and I'm shivering. And after my legs, he told me the story about Samantha nights and you can all see it, then you can all find it on, on internet cement. And I disappeared in 86, I think, Australia on bono beach. And she never responded. No she's already gone for 40 years, but then during Bible study, Michael opened up to me and he told me the story that the cement, the story, because he wants to come clean with God. I hated Michael because I wanted to kill him the moment he told me that that night I even tried to kill myself because again, for the third time, because I thought if I live in a world, unless somebody comes in yourself, I told you. I kicked up a girl. I made photos. I did things with her and then I killed her. I don't want to be in a world like that, but I thought this story because they saw me on the camera and they thought that I was anxious and they were afraid. So they put me again in the isolation cell and died my hands and my legs again. Hi, Frank, you were so good. You were doing some well, what happened? I said, well, this guy told me this story. Okay. Well, Frank, there are so many stories. Don't believe everything was stalled, but the psychiatrist went to the police and told what I told her. And they went to the sheds where Michael was living and found photos of what Michael did with Scimitar nights on the floor. So they choose Michael in the jail with the murder of Samantha nights. But I didn't even know who sent it to my close. I've never been to her slowly. I never knew anything. So I was a hero. I became a hero because I saw one of them incredible, these appearances of this nine-year-old girl. So I was a hero, but I didn't know, you know, I told the story and, you know, the police came and the AFS gave to me and, you know, I told only what he told me and that was it. And on the nine o'clock two thousands, there was a call on the internet, on the Intercom Frank Baker stuff. Now. I thought we'd all be going to court again, my appeal was coming, so I was standing with one box, but all this was left of my life. Nothing was, everything was gone, but it was happy because all the brief things, the letters by my, my, my, my, my pages of my book, everything was in the little box and that was all was left for my life. And they opened the door and normally they get the shackles and handcuffs and you go to another cell or to a meeting with a solicitor. But this time they want to share those. As you give me a hug, she grabbed me. And she said in my ear, I said, what do you mean you going home? I said, what do you mean? She said, well, the plane is leaving in two hours. So we have to hurry. You have to sign here and we'll let you go wrote to his house, to the plaintiff who was already on the, on the. To go up on the runway, the insights. Yeah. I remember this beautiful thing. There was a little girl. I still have my uniform with our stripes and them, as you said, are you a prisoner? And I wanted to answer, but before I could answer, yes, he was that he didn't do it. They let him go. And she said, Oh, have a good sleep. Oh, everything will be all right. And they gave me a little bowl of dailies. I've never in my life. So I drank it and then fell asleep. And it's 24 hours to London on the plane. So I slept 30, 14, 15 hours. I slept because I was so tired and. When I arrived in London, they gave me a passport for a long event for them. And then I arrived for this and nobody knows I was going. So they called my mother and my sister and everybody was waiting because they were not expecting me. I had them. So they let me out after four years and three months and well, My life started straight away because I had to go to psychiatrist I'm on heavy medication, everything, but no, it was funny is that I walked somewhere in a, in a, in a shopping mall where somebody called my name frig. I said, are you, you gave me, you gave me a basketball lessons 10 years ago. And she was eight there. And now she was 18. And I said, Oh, how do you going to recognize me? You remind you are my hero. What are you doing? I said, I have so much in that. Or you should do what, something with basketball again. And Dennis, I said, well, I don't know about it. They're looking for a new tennis teacher at my club. You must be the new teacher. Leave me alone, please. Four hours, eight children. You can do that. Well, why not? I went to the court and there were eight little children, six, seven, eight years old. I did my best to good. And in three months time, I had hunted at 40 and I was the new teacher of the club. And I started my new life and nobody knew that I cannot have the hell, but it did deal a little child who I gave lessons so many years ago, she gave me a new heart because. Doing, this is really what I love to do. You know, I started, I did it for 15 years, myself. Again, I bought a, they gave me compensation money for jail, and I bought a little bungalow in nature. To come close with nature because I love nature too, to find myself and I've got beautiful. You can see that there. I have my own deer. I can speak with it there. And if you see it on Instagram, you'll love it. I really talk with a deer and you see his ears. Then I've got 40, 50 CTOs of him already. And. But then I saw Nick reach the man with no arms or legs. I saw him one day on the hour of power on the television. Now I'm a Christian, I'm a real good Christian. And I saw Nick and he spoke to me. He was speaking to 140 million people, but I thought he was speaking to me. And that day he wrote changed again my life, because. I stopped being a teacher. And it was a time for a lot of people because I said, I have to do something different. He spoke to me. He said, it's your moral obligation. If you have something to tell the world, Frank, you have to do it. And he spoke ass on two times life. And he even saw me in the, in crowd. And he even said, where is that book coming? Frank? That's all. Well, I'm waiting, I'm waiting Frank. We need that book. I said, well, it's coming. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's good. That's not a good answer. It has to come now. And so many beautiful things happened after death and it's yeah. It's amazing how. People can push your buttons. And now I call myself the train driver because I want to bring everybody back to that tree. They missed one day they had a dream. And most of all the responder drink forever. Now you percent will never live their dreams. And there is a research done in Australia and 92% of the people said if I only had done. What I wanted to do and that I sold as well. The book is coming now and it's in the prints stages. And so many beautiful things really happens television. Now, now I'm starting podcasts and I love it. I love it because. It's not important because you know, Nick, Nick told me a story that he's now asking 75,000 hours, you go to speak and he's getting it and you know what he's doing with it. He's got talent at 60 people thousand people give him food, medical care in Africa and Naipaul, and he said, you know how you sleep at night? When you know that 60,000 children have a full stomach tonight. And because of Nick, it's not my moral obligation. To go along with it and beat the dreams. Right. You know, I'm not a therapist, I'm not a trainer. Maybe I am, I'm a coach, but I'm a train driver because we all have dreams. But what you forgot is to put the hearts your three, and if you put a heart in your dream, nobody can stop you because it is your dream. And if there's money, a dream, you're lucky. But if there's nuts, You're also lucky because you're live. Well, Frank, that's such a moving and incredible share that you've just given so many people. And you know, what do you say after such a, something like that? There's nothing to read. I noticed that a few times that I'm in a room or on a stage when people don't have questions anymore day. Have to adjust that, that, you know, I'm not a magician, you know, I only want to be the train driver because you have a dream, but you have to lift your dream. And if you don't put a heart in it, you will never leave your dream. And it's your gift because we all have a gifts. And so many gifts goes away because. Nobody is give you that button to reset because we all need somebody or, you know, follows me because you never know who's going to give you an, the next push on your button to go to your next best chapters of your life. Because, you know, I mean a good chapter, but we all know when you know that it can change tomorrow. So it can change and you know, but you have to be prepared. I not prepared because when, you know, since you take too much, so sometimes you have to slow down because I, since they take too much, but now I want to have equal, you know, I want to give and I want to receive, and if that's imbalance. Know, I want to be in balance and it's not money or whatever. I don't care about money. It's all about find your gift. Find your gifts. You know, we all have one gift and one, you know, but if you don't find it and that's what I want to do, I want to be the driver. I want to put you back to the tree you want set, but you never lift and get out, but you have to do it yourself. What would you say to someone that's listening and that feels. Stuck in themselves, stuck in a situation stuck, um, in feeling like they don't know the next step, surround yourself with people. Who not Australia. I'd say that's that's for you. That's not for you. Find people who really listen to you. Who really, when you can, can share that story yet, when you say, ah, I don't feel happy and my boss finds people and sometimes you have to. Dick's really deep. And that's really hard for some people that find that guards, that prison guards who found me, who gave me a chance of life again, or give me the paper that a psychiatrist. How was you wrong? These guys. Okay. Which are that you have to reset your sometimes yourself, but you have to find somebody or something. That, that gives you that next push on your reset, but who said to me? Right. Desecrate idea. But so many people, when I said I stopped with Dennis lessons, I'm going to be something that's what for you, that's for you. That's not your, that's not your tribe. Find that person, maybe it's one person find your present guard. You know what? You have to start looking and then you start leaving because you need somebody who said to you, that's great ID. And even if they think, well, I don't know, let's still support you and say, listen, this is great because it is your dream who can decide about your dream. Nobody. Nobody needs support. We all need support. And for me it was okay. The next chance for life. And you never know, you never know who's going to give you the push. Exactly. You might already have the push. You just don't notice it. Exactly. So sometimes we are so caught up and that's why my program is it the during driver program, it's all about. The six steps, you know, it's, it's your purpose? It's your passion. It's it's it's all. They've got six piece. It's it's your paws. It's your, it's all about building yourself up again. It's it's like a car. The car needs all benzene all sometimes. You know, you have to take care of your car. Otherwise you stops. You have, you have to have trust in yourself. You have to build yourself up. And sometimes they're all the six piece are so low. Did you have to build them up again? And when there are six or seven? No, the average there, you see a little bit clearer and then. People start listening to you. And then, you know, you have to build yourself up again with positive people, healthy, uh, start becoming healthier and, and, you know, say, say more yes. To two things that are, I think that you think, Oh, that's a little bit difficult for me. And I'm telling you, listen, you will fail. You will fail. But only in failing. Yeah, you have to fail. It's like Denzel Washington. If you see that video fail big it's in my book. Fail big, please. And do this as quick as possible because when you were on 17, then you felt, uh, it's a little bit difficult, but still now try everything FL. Then you find what is real for you that you have to do it. Who cares you learn from failing? Really, really, really, it's easy now to say, you know, I, I came out, I was lucky, you know, that's why I say now it's not easy. It is really not easy. But use the steps you used steps, build yourself up again, but people find them and share your insecurity, your doubts. We all have, but doubt kills more dreams than failure ever did. Exactly. That's so important. You felt, you knew that was not for you, but there is so much else that is for you. And if you find it as quick as possible, if you're happy, everybody will happy because when you're happy, everybody will benefit from it. And you're not happy people not going to invite you to a, to a party over it, because if they go their shrink depress, Frank, they're not going to ask you when you are in your real self. Wow. The world is really a defeat, but it's not easy. It is not easy. And you don't have, you don't have to go my way, please. Don't, you know, it's there, but you never know where it is. It's going to be the it's going to be the Baker. It's going to be you going to be Tracy. You never know who's going to help you to the next steps of your life, the best steps of your best chapters of your life. But share it, share your doubts with people you trust and, you know, take that next step, you know, take that, share that you feel shit. How many times do we see someone who say, Hey, I'm doing well. Don't let me if your shit you're feeling shit, tell them we also always, Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Because she tells me that they're not waiting for my shit. Don't give them a chance, give them a chance. And if they're good friends, I say, Hey, come on, Tracy, let's have a dog. And that's how it works. That's how it works with me. You know, don't go my way, please, please stop earlier and say, and take the help there is because there is a lot of help, but sometimes you think, ah, I wasn't research marketer. I was doing the talking with the druggies and I lost it. I was trying to help them and I lost myself. Yeah, I know that you, you told me earlier that you don't have your own children, but you've obviously had a lot to do with children, especially as a coach and, and you know, you know, kids, you know how they are and kids are more themselves when they not with their parents, our belief that's when you see the real. Child when, when they not in that surrounding of, in, at home, um, what would you say to parents that are battling to get their child motivated? To believe in a dream? Because a lot of children, I think don't have a dream. They, um, they just float. And I think it's so important for a child to have a dream and to, and to believe that that dream can come true. So what do you think, um, parents can do to help their children believe in them? I love this question and this is, this is really it's this you're so spot on. It's so many times when I give you an example. The boy goes to soccer. He's not that good. And he scores a beautiful goal and he comes home making dinner and he runs inside the new, messy, and the, and the mother don't even look at them. You play in the, in, in, in, in 17. She don't know what she did. And she crest that board in one remark. She should've said, Whoa, Whoa, Missy is born. You seen him play soccer and he is playing in the 17 of the club, but that doesn't mean that is not the new Messi. He's a different messy, there's only one messy. And he is blessed by being a good player, but your child can be the next, whatever you want, if you put it in him. So don't really think twice. What'd you say to a child when you on your phone and your job comments scored the winning goal, that you're too busy and say, Oh man, yeah, invest in your child. And if he wants to become whatever he wants to become. That there is a possible, he will be the best, you know, and if it's not that there are so many other beautiful things, you know, I've got so many people. When I give tennis lessons, somebody come very unrealistic to my tennis. Hey, look at my girl issues goods. And after an hour, It comes to me. Do I have to tell him? I said, well, we need to have a talk. And then I'm honest. Normally a trainer will say, well, that's 250 for half season tennis lessons and you know, I'll take the money. I never said that. I said after 20 minutes, I can see if somebody can do something with a bowl. Yes or no. You have bull feeling or you don't have both. It's so easy. I'm always honest. Listen, you can be caught in so many things, but Dennis will not be one of them. If you likes it real and displayed with 164, uh, players are starting and only one can win. Are the other ones loses? They're really good, really good itself. You know, nobody's a loser, nobody's a winner. We are all chooses. We can all choose that. Made the choice a little bit. When you're young, if you see that he has no talent with a ball, tennis is going to be really, really hot, but is rugby. There is so many beautiful other sports. If you have no boat feeling, Dennis is really hard. So I'm honest. I'm always honest, you know, take him to repeat, take him to something else. There are so many beautiful things where it could be the number one, you know, if you're posted in one thing, Exactly. I mean, if they not the next, um, um, John McEnroe, whoever, then at least they learning other skills in that it's like team sports, spirit, and you know how to be a good loser, how to stand up when you've lost. So there's lots of other skills that they can learn even. Yeah, stop hitting your head against the wall. I want to be a good tennis player. If you have no feeling for that small bowl, there are seven, maybe the best rider, maybe it comes poetry and he's going to be happy. And, you know, be honest, be honest from the start. I'm not as other tennis teachers are always said straight away. Listen. This has gotta be really hard to become a real good tennis player. It's not the mind I tell them honestly, and they're going to be happy with somebody else, something else. And there are still, I had children who couldn't play tennis for 10 years. They were in my lessons and that's fun because I can still get a lot of fun. That's DACA. I could give so much fun, but you're not going to become a tennis player. I love the question about why I love the question. It goes that's that's that's that's not. Your question is all about. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, tell me, when is your book going to be out well, swept in your dream, man is titled, so, you know, I'm just like all the other people who have to buy my book. I'm always thinking, is that good? Enough must have changed a little bit. They're just like, no, we're all the same, you know, I'm no different than somebody else. You know, some people are really good to me. You go into it straight away. I wish I was like that. So I'll be honest with you. It's here, it's in the search stage of layout. I'm going to send it the way this is. This is the last control because you pushed my button. Send that in Frank, and I'm going to make you accountable. I'm going to check up on you. I want you to send me a photo of the thing in the envelope stamp on offered. I love it. I love it. All have to do the things you are doing that to me because I also need still, you know, that's why I follow everybody because you never know where the best next push comes in. Now we all need that push to the next level. You do it to me. I do it to you sometimes. And somebody on the street or on under the bridge, who's homeless can give you next fish. Bush, treat everybody. That's that's my motto enough, treat everybody isn't as a human being as the same person, because we are all after all made out of love. And that is what makes us the same. Thank you so much for listening to this episode with me, and I hope you enjoyed it. Please send me some feedback. Let me know what you think you can tag me in your comments on Instagram, on Facebook, on LinkedIn. Um, and you can relisten to this. I have loaded it also onto Facebook. If you would like to watch the live video, you can find it there on my Facebook page, Tracy Kimberg thank you for listening. And next week, I'm going to give you another free meditation download. So keep listening and enjoy, and don't forget to share.

3. 

   13 Apr 2021

   Nina Aouilk on 'Being The Change'

   Nina Aouilk is an inspirational speaker and talks to Tracy about being resilient and the ability to overcome anything, whilst spreading kindness and making a difference. Nina's website is www.ninaaouilk.com Tracy can be contacted as follows: Website: www.tracykimberg.com Phone: 07928 154054 Facebook: www.facebook.com/Tracy.Kimberg.Counselling.Therapy.Coaching/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-kimberg-9564a3193/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/tracy_kimberg_hypnotherapist/ Hello. My name is Tracy Kimberg. I'm a teenage therapist and a relationship coach. My life has. Often had waves and tides and storms and difficult uphills and fast downhills. Like everybody else's life. No one's life is perfect, but we all have the ability to overcome these times. And some of us have the ability to turn it into something extraordinary. And this is exactly what my guest has done. Her name is Nina Aouilk . Nina is an author. About to release a book. She is a motivational speaker and she is a humanitarian. She is very, very inspiring. And I invite you to sit back and listen to what she has to say, listen to what she has to share and just take it in. And why you doing that? Understand that you have it in you as well to overcome anything life throws at you. If you find the support you need, if you find what you have inside you. Dig deep, get in there inside yourself, and you will find the strength to overcome anything. In this episode, we are going to touch on some sensitive subjects, sensitive subjects that might, you might find upsetting. If anything that we discussed in this episode resonates with you, or is your situation that I do invite you to get in touch, speak up, don't hide the truth from yourself and from other people it's always better to be open and honest and find the help that you need, because you can turn your life around. And if you're a parent and you have a situation where your child. Is perhaps being bullied or not doing too well mentally, then please get in touch. I would love to have a discussion with you and help you and your child find a solution and turn the situation around to something that is more positive and a happier solution. So let me introduce Nina elk. Nina. Thank you for being my guest. Oh my goodness. This is such. An exciting day for me to have you as a guest, I've heard your story before, and I think this is a story that needs to be repeated and change their lives. Just like it's changed mine. Thank you so much for agreeing to be my guest today on the waves of clarity. So, um, tell us a little bit about your story and what's brought you to be such, um, passionate advocate for this whole story. Yeah, I think the word passionate is an understatement is it's overwhelming. I can't describe it to anybody I've tried, but it's very, very difficult when you. Go through something you just want to help somebody else go through, um, what you want to stop them going through if you can. But if they are going through, you want to help them in any way that you possibly can. I can only imagine that as a parent, you want to help with the parents that might have felt the way you were feeling. Um, so I'm sure that you know where I'm coming from, which place I'm coming from. And it does, it overwhelms you to a point where it's almost like somebody saying, Hey, Hey. Come on Nina, do something you can't sit back and be part of the problem you need to be. Part of the solution for me, bullying starts the day I was born and it was agenda discrimination because of my culture. Girls, uh, killed it, but just because that born girls, and I've said a few times that there often now, because of the way the medical facilities are in comparison to when I was born, they're aborted. So once they find out it's a girl, they were bought at that birth. So these children don't even make it into the world. The ones that do make into the weld or either. Left in place as an India, they leave them under trucks and the hope that they get run over. And I'm talking about newborn babies straight from the room, or they're left to the devices on the sites as a way to whoever finds them and they end up in sex trafficking. Well, they just end up being sold for parts, body parts, and it's horrendous how, um, and that the past, and could do that to such a small bundle of joy and. For me, it was very difficult. Um, part of my life, I mean, my life's been pretty difficult throughout, but I wouldn't change these things because it's given me such valuable life experiences and emotional intelligence that now I can go out and help somebody else that needs me. And I'm not doing it for me. I'm not doing it from an egotistical point of view. I'm not doing it from trying to be on social media point of view. I'm doing it because I'm very much needed. My voice is the voice for those people. Who have the half that not only their voice broken, but their spirit broken. And I was once that child sitting, sharing death on an everyday basis. And that's the new way to live. Um, I think a lot of us that are in this type of business where we try and help other people, we try and be what we never had when we had went through things. Um, and that's one of the reasons why I do what I'm doing. You know, I'm wanting to help people, you know, just understand their kids better and obviously have better relationships. And you mentioned emotional intelligence, which. You know, I think a lot of parents don't have, they are very involved in their own issues that they haven't resolved. And this spills over in the way they parents that they've got the patterns that they have never actually realized they have. Yeah, it's programming. But the thing is you can go and study emotional intelligence. You can take a lot of time taking a course with. A mentor that's well known. You know, you can take a course on there's lot of people doing life coaching, but if you don't have the personality, if you don't have the life experience yourself, I'm really sorry I'm saying this, but I just don't think you're the right person for the job, because if you haven't lived through those experiences, you. I have no idea what somebody else feels. And I'm not saying I know how someone else feels, because that would be hypocritical because I don't know how you feel because we all have different perceptions. But I have a fair idea of how someone may feel, whereas a textbook or a course is never going to teach you that, that. That whole having walked in someone's shoes, as they, as they call it. You're unable to know that from reading a textbook or going on a course, it's just impossible. So for that reason, I think people that are doing these jobs that have lived through it, or have experienced something similar or the best kinds of people, because they know that pain that hurt that, that trauma that another person might be going through. That's so true. That's so true. Um, what do you think? Um, all some of the major, um, difficulties that the teenagers nowadays, um, I mean, it's not even going to COVID as one of them, but that is the reality that they facing. What do you think are some of the issues that teenagers are facing their parents? Don grainy realize, well, you see, I did this. Um, with mental health, my son was crying out to me and I wasn't listening. I was, I just got a place to live in because we were homeless this for a little while. And all I could think about is I need to buy a bed. He need to buy a suit. I need to buy what can, how can I earn the money to get this? These things that I need not looking at what he needed. He was constantly crying out for help. And the signs are all there, but I wasn't listening to listen. I wasn't hearing anything. I was busy trying to do what I felt I had to do for him. Whereas all he wanted was for me to say, I could see something's not right with you. Let's sit and talk about it and not for me to talk. It was a voice I needed to listen to the same voice. I'm saying that people are not hearing. I did the same thing in a different situation, and I can't go backwards, but maybe I can help somebody else recognize the signs that there's a lot of pressure that goes on. And if you, if you have gone through trauma, if you've been in a relationship with someone who's narcissistic or you've been through domestic violence, you think you're the only one affected, but you're completely wrong. The children have watched and they learn and you see I've written a book and in there I've also described the children and start when you've had an argument about, Hey John, why didn't you empty the dishwasher? I'm really annoyed with it. All they see is hand movements and raised voices. They never see. How you make up afterwards. Now, if you know, if I was John and I say, well, come on or I'm sorry to all in, you know, makeup, I'll make sure I try and make a conscious effort. You hug, kiss, makeup, the children, see the making up as well. They don't see that. They just see the argument. And when you're a young child, you can't differentiate between a huge argument or a small argument. Young children say, or we diet is a typical statement because they have no concept of time. And with that, they'd have no concept of. Emotion to a point where they can understand that it's just a small disagreement. It's not a huge disagreement. They can't differentiate. And that creates panic in them, which then creates anxiety because they don't know what's happening. So I do, I would say to parents just on a different tangent, what you're talking about, but please be mindful how you say things to a child. The words you use is so important in my book again, I've mentioned that often parents will say to a child. You need to do your homework and the children will say why, and they're not asking from an argumentative. Sometimes they are, but not at the time. They're not, it's just a child's question. Especially under the age of seven. They're not paying hockey mentors. If they're being curious and wanted to know why. And a lot of the parents will say, because I told you too, I mean, that, that equates to nothing. Hey, Tracy, let's do this. Cause I told you too, you wouldn't like it at this age. So why would a child, if you explain to them, If you can do this now, and then you can go out and play, or if you do this, now we can sit and watch a movie together. You know, if you give them an understanding that they need to do it, but also give them a reward. There's just such a big difference that you'll see in the raising of their children. Exactly, exactly. Um, how do you think, um, A parent for parents that have dealt with bullying at school with children, you know, bullying is a serious problem. I find, and there's not enough done about bullying in schools. I think, um, the teachers themselves are often their hands are cut off. They, they don't have that. Um, I wouldn't say the power, but they can't do anything really. Um, and it's almost like the child that is being bullied and the child that's bullied is there's no consequence. Um, what do you, how do you think parents should handle bullying? Yeah. So safeguarding is a huge thing for me. One of the things I say when I go into any social media portal is if you see something and you don't do anything, then you are part of the problem, not the solution that you're, you're as bad as, um, the same person that's maybe punching into the person you are, that extended hand. And that's quite a strong statement, but it's completely how I feel. The reason I say that is my mother watched my father and brother beat me. Maybe she couldn't have done anything because they were huge people, you know, they're massive guys, but she could have made a discreet phone call or she could have maybe got somebody else, a third party to help me the day after I needed medical assistance. I didn't get it. Now, if you're a parent and your child is being bullied at school, your first point of call is the school. Um, attempted as you maybe speak to the parent. A lot of the time the child has learned that behavior from a parent because let's let's face it well, so they go into. Learn from the thing about bullying is that it's very detrimental to a child's mental and physical state of mind and health that really does affect them. It can trigger such stress that it can trigger auto immune diseases and all sorts of. As they say, stress is a killer. If your child I'm Simon says, so-and-so's not playing with me or so-and-so is not doing this, please don't ignore it because we have a habit of thinking, Oh, it'll be fine. Because when they're not in your care, you feel that in the calf, somebody else, but your care never stops. Your care is 24 seven, three 65 days in a year. It never stops. So please don't think somebody else is going to deal with the problem. And I would say that the schools I've had this myself, because one of my sons, when he was younger, had a huge Afro and we were in a white, predominantly, um, area that we lived in, which was fine because he wasn't really bullied about his race. He was bullied about his hair and children would pick on the stupidest of things. They will pick on you. Whether you've got glasses, you're too pretty. You're too tall. You're too short. There's no winning. And it's part of enjoy as part of social, um, skills that they're learning. And I have been saying to schools. Practice more social skills that bring in this thing where you're teaching one another to be kind to one another, but you need to stop being kind to your child when your child's asking for help, help them. The things I would do if aren't my child who has been bullied and they have been as I first able to start with the child, they need love. They need attention. They need to be heard. They need for their feedings not to be rubbished, which a lot of parents do. Like I keep saying, we never know how another person feels. We can't put ourselves in that person's shoes because we are not that person Tracy might feel differently. With a glass of wine too, or, you know, I might feel, I don't like wine. You might say wonderful glass of wine. We're all very different. It's the same object, but it's very seen very differently between us. So Deborah, tell your child how they feel to never make assumptions. Try to ask questions. You know, how are you feeling? What can I do to help you ask them? If a child says they've got to move school? I don't believe in that unless it's a very severe state, because again, you're teaching them part of a life, um, tool that they need to face things, and they need to understand how to deal with them. But it's not very easy when your child is being bullied. Like you said they're doing nothing. So the next port of call would be the school. And I would be very strategic in how you're dealing with the school. I would start with a written. Um, format because you want a paper trail. Often you have to go to the board of directors, but schools that are state schools are so protected by this bubble. That there's not a lot you can do to them either. So it is a bit of a battle, but the louder you get, the more people will hear you. So go onto social media, go onto forums and say, I've had a problem at school. Go to the County council. I don't know what it's like in your area, but where I live. There would be a counter council. So the government have an area, an educational department for this area. I would write to them so that the school starts to take you seriously, because well, they say the school can't do anything. They can, they can move the child into a different class and not your child. Why should your child have to be moved? They're not the problem. And often schools know there's a child, that's a problem, but it's easier for them not to deal with it because it means. That parents will come in to child. The problem child, parents will come in and cause aggravation for the school. And everybody wants to simple life, but not, no, that's not. Okay. Not, not at the cost of another child's welfare. Hmm. Um, what do you think? Um, that's so true. I mean, it's, it's so true. I wish I'd known and dealt with the bullying that I experienced with my children. Definitely. I. Um, in my situation, I went to the school and got no response and then ended up going to the police because my daughter was assaulted. Um, you know, you, and then the police got involved with the school and subsequently that got sorted out because of the pressure there. But, you know, I, I just want, if a parent is listening and they're dealing with a don't stop until something's done too. Um, thing that you have in your life. And, you know, like you said earlier, Nina affects the children's mental health for the rest of their life. If they don't get help. So that's important when your child has dealt with something like bullying or, um, any type of abuse is to get them the help that they deserve and need to be able to deal with it and not carry it with them for the rest of their lives. Yeah. When you mentioned, um, narcissistic, um, parents, you know, it seems like this is a very popular word at the moment. You hear a lot about narcissism and it's a reality, you know, um, I've had my own experience with it myself. Um, but. How does this affect the children? What do people need to really get about this being, um, when a child is exposed to a narcissistic parent, how does it affect them? Well, hugely, you know, my son has an autoimmune disease now because of the stress and I can't reverse that. So from my heart, I would say to the look at what's going on around you, the problem you have is when you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, you're so engrossed and you believe everything, they tell you that you aren't able to see clarity in a, my, my. Former partner. He even set my pillow on fire as I was sleeping and I still thought it was okay to lift there. Now I look at myself and I see how ridiculous that you thought it was acceptable that you sought your pen on fire. There was any time you could have said the children's depend on. So I do question sometimes my own sanity, but when you are told something is blue and it's white. If I say this wall is black and I keep saying it over and over again, you will believe it. At some point, you'll say. I thought it was white, but maybe I could see a better black in there. You know, you start to question your mind and they're very manipulated. A lot of narcissistic people have had traumas which have been resolved and they pass that trauma on to the next person is the lack of control, the lack of being accepted at school themselves, or the lack of being of importance. So they use that to put that pressure. It's almost like they're described as a bouncing Betty. I don't know if you know that is, but in ball they are bouncing back to the pitcher. Literally like a bouncing grenade. And when they're grenade bounces, it breaks into shrapnels millions of pieces that literally cut into the people around them. And that is what narcissistic people are. Like, they will bounce, bounce, bounce, and then they explode. And then you get these shrapnels that are embedded in you and you can't get them out, but they are affecting you because they're almost destroying you from the inside out. If you recognize that bad behavior is around you, whoever you are, then you must. Respect yourself and understand that you are an important person, that you need to do something about it. It takes you to be brave, but the only way there'll be a change is if you make a choice to make the change. And I keep saying this as well, that everybody has their day, one day, your day will come, but it won't come unless you take that small first step and everybody deserves. Freedom from narcissistic parents. If you were raised with a narcissistic parent, understand how it affected you first before. If you say I will sound just like my mother question, whether you want to sound like your mother or father question. If what you're saying is essential, and I would say to parents, try to understand your children more. There are many versions of you. You brought them into this world, give them the time and understand, well, why is. At my daughter's school slash the, the last saying this, where is she coming from? If you don't know, don't assume. And, and this is with older children, my daughter's 27. I've got older children, but don't assume ask them. And like I said, if they say something max to them, then listen, because it matters to them. And. What difference does it make, if you can make a change for them? I'm not saying you don't have boundaries because boundaries are important for children even at an older age, but don't make the boundaries so high that they don't want to come on the other side of the fence and spend time with you because that's what will happen. You will alienate them. And that's not something that you want to do. Yes. I think it's very, very important. What you just said there about the listening, you know, um, I think a lot of. Parents, um, that they can actually listen and learn from their own children. You know, children are so intelligent and they know a lot more about a lot of things than we do. Just willing to sit and listen in a normal discussion. You can learn so much from your own children. The monitor. You want that relationship? Why wouldn't you want that? People say we too frenzy. I'm not really friendly because I can also turn on mummy face, but I don't. I want to live in relationship with supportive relationship is he, I've never had it. So I want to give it. I never had that relationship with my parents. So I want to give it some people go the opposite way and they do exactly what they've learned, which is called lab behaviors. I'm sure you know, and that programming, but why not break the cycle? Why not become somebody that actually. Creates a whole new revelation within your family lifeline and the generations that follow will become more understanding kind of people. And this is something else I said in the end of the day in the rooms, was it a walk? Could you have, if you could have anything. And I said, I'd love to start a snowball effect where my act of kindness today. In generations to come. Maybe even if I'm not in this world will affect a larger audience. Maybe me being kind to somebody will allow them to be kind to another person because they felt good. They were only in a did this one we shouldn't have to, and I felt good and they'll make somebody else feel good. And that person to make somebody else go go 10, 20, 30 years down the line. That's still going. That snowball effect is still going. And I would love that. I would love for people just to stop being kind to one another. Why do you think it is Nina? That so many of us as parents act out of ego. When it comes to our kids, I think we feel sometimes that we're not respected. And often if you go on online or you speak to a friend or family member, they say, well, that's stupid. Ridiculous. You know, if he said that to you, that's I wouldn't put up with anything. Maybe I'm not doing the right thing. And you question yourself, never question yourself, because nobody else is the child's parent. Other than you, if you're in a loving relationship, And you have a husband or a partner or a boyfriend who had read isn't this, the father of your child, even if it's not the father of your shot. Now families, the family, um, has changed so much that we have a totally different kind of family unit. What we would have had, and children are accepting. And so we have to be too. Um, and whoever you're with, if they say to you, I agree because they're with you 24 seven, and they're with the child, they know the child, but to go out to another source who doesn't know the child and compare is where the ego starts to step in because Sarah, the road, her two daughters are happy and they're studying at university and they've got. Boyfriend is, but you don't know what is actually happening behind closed doors. My life looks perfect from the outside, but I have my own problems. I have my own issues. I'm trying to get resolved behind closed doors, not personally, but I have things that I'm trying to resolve. Everybody does. That's called life. I made a comparison and as I keep saying, we brought these children into the world. So it's all right, is our. Do you T to give them the integrity to teach them the values, teach them how to be happy, because if you're not taught how to be happy, then from a young age, you don't really know how to find it. When you get older, no matter how much you try to be happy, you struggle because it's not something that you're used to. For me, it was love. I was never loved. And anytime anybody did try to give me a tiny ounce of love. I didn't know what to do that, but the love I found was through my children that unconditional love. And then two years ago, I found myself love. And, and this is another thing for parents I'd like to, but if you don't mind me saying now society, um, precious young men and women, young girls and boys to look a certain way. Because they want us to look all the same because that's described as beautiful to have that shiny hair. I tuck the bright white teeth, but in reality, we're individual and unique for a reason. We all are born differently. We're not born in a, an a M. Stop. We're not born in dozens. You know, we're born. I mean, you might get twins, but even then, or in DentiCal a lot of the time. So my point being is hard enough for the children, having this pressure, thinking they need to look a certain way. Don't add it. Cause I know a lot of parents that say, Oh, you need to do your hair like this. Oh, you shouldn't be don't dress like this or dress, stop trying to make them fit into a box that you think is the right box. Allow them to be free and express themselves as part of them. Learning who they are as a pastor, then nothing themselves. Yes. Especially, uh, you know, I deal with a lot of teenagers, um, and it's such an important time of their life, where they do want to be independent. They do want to discover what their values are. And I think. As parents, we need to really hold ourselves in check and say, look, even if I know what my values are, that my values are not going to be my child's values. Um, they might be similar, but they're not going to be exactly the same as you allow your child to experience life and the values so that they can be, um, stable adults, so to speak because. I was talking in one of my other interviews the other day about Aziz midlife crisis is that we all have, um, we all hear about it. It's I think it's a lot to do with the way we were parented as yes. And if we can make our children really discover themselves, you know, and. Properly as teenagers as young children, they won't be any of this. As I was saying, you can break, break that generational curse of programming, but it takes one person to think to step back and actually say to themselves, look, maybe I'm too harsh. Maybe I didn't need to do that. Ashby. I'm going to change and it starts to change, starts with you as the saying goes. So unless you're prepared to change does, and there's no perfect parent. There's no perfect child. There's no perfect person we're in perfectly perfect to, they always say so. Instead of trying to live your life through your children, which a lot of parents do, they tell them what to study. They tell them what to wear. Allow them to be them and enjoy them. You know, your children are there to enjoy and, and watch them. And you know, a lot of parents where they're vulnerable go to the mottos, how does salt link tree out? Can you do it for me? You know, she's never turned around and said, do it yourself. Once we do that for children sometimes quite harshly, they're quite happy to give you a handle. To guide you in the right direction. So it's a give and take and you'll gain that respect when they're older. If you give them respect, as they're growing up, if you're constantly talking at them, not with them, then they will do the same to you. When you're older, they will talk at you and to you, not with the that's so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, and that's amazing. Um, I'd like you to tell me a bit about your book, please. I'd love to hear more. Okay. I've got the draft. So it's got this line across it. So I'm reading through it, but it's called master your life. I'm super proud. Let's cover a section. It's got a section on money, health family, which is a big one. As we're talking about that, I've got self-love in there. Um, and I've got coping with COVID, which is it extra section. There's a few of this stuff thrown in, but it's the book you see? When I was writing a book, um, as working with my publisher and they were trying to install, I could try to button. I want you to write about my life. I didn't want to try to budget it straight away and there's send me things I can talk about because I've. Run a few businesses myself. And I've also worked in a large corporation only for a short time, but I've worked in large corporations. I understand other things changed that much in the work industry. And so I wrote about the money section, because again, it starts with you and your mindset. And what you can actually with practical things, people say to me, what can I do about this? So there's questions I'll put in the book. Um, family, again, my own experiences with family and my own experiences and my children. And also I am a life coach. I, didn't not that one in, and the questions I get asked commonly, or how can I have a better relationship with my children is a big one. I feel I've failed my children. I feel listened to me, you know, all those sorts of things, but also. I my mom's, it can, I don't want to speak to her. So I get it from the other side too. Maybe when they're a little bit older. So those things are all in there. And I do say sometimes if someone is toxic, you have to love them for fights. I mean, you don't love them. Um, I've gotten there about divorcing your children because often when your children get to university stage or college is the American school. And mothers often feel redundant because every day they've had to think about what. Celeste is going to be at what reason, what children's names, where Roger needs to get to, because he's got a club after school and your life doesn't meet it. You know, you have to almost find your own own music. You have to find out what your favorite food is. Cause you've always accommodated the family. You have to find out what your favorite pastime is. And instead of. Being scared of this or being pushing it away, treat it as an exciting time. Um, and I say, default, the children, it sounds harsh, but I think something harsh needs to be done in that time for you to keep your sanity and discover your new part of your life, and also to allow them to grow when they go away and not keep trying to find out what they're doing, where they are, as long as you know, they're safe and they're well, and you're checking in with them every couple of days, that's all you need. Even a text a day is fine. But not to overwhelm that you're stopping them to grow. So I've got that on there. I've got about self-love because as I said, two years ago, I found me the real me. I stopped listening to the voices that I'd had for. 50 years of people telling me what I was and what it wasn't. And I realized that who you are inside is far more important than what you look like on the outside. People put pressure on themselves to get to the gym. And this is something teenagers do. They're very body conscious and they're very aware of their self image. But if you've taught your child to love themselves from within. They will never have that lack of confidence because beauty breeds competence. And that was a quote I made recently because when you believe inside that you're a good person and you, and you know, you know, you've got your core values. And if someone says, what are your values? And you can answer them straight away, then that shines from the inside and people see that light people want to be near you. People want to know they don't want to be with someone. Who's not sure of themselves. And you'll start doing one in your business. You'll start doing, they'll start doing well at school. Everything will start falling into place. And that's how it's been for me. So my book covers a lot of different aspects of life, but it's really. As it's called master your life, lift the life of your dreams because you can with the right tool. Sometimes we just need to be directed often. And you know, this yourself, Tracy, we know the answers ourselves. It's just being reminded in that trigger, that trigger within your mind to say, Hmm, I like what I'm reading. And let me just try it. Yes. Just be willing to try and just step out of your comfort zone because it might. Just, I like saying widen your comfort zone. Don't step out of it. Just widen it because once you've tried it, once it becomes comfortable before you're stepping onto the next level, we're an amazing race. Look how we've coped with COVID where I am in the United Kingdom. Wherever you may be as well. Not too far away. We've we've been locked out for nearly a year. In some areas they haven't come up, locked down. So you cope, you develop new skills you develop like with using zoom things that people wouldn't use on a day-to-day basis before they use it. So don't underestimate your own power to change because you've done it already. Exactly exactly. And we, and we need to change. We need to evolve. We need to improve ourselves and, you know, be adaptable and all that his motto was always, it is be the best you can be with the gifts that you have, because we're so full of gifts. Nice to say this to the children every night, the things you tell your children is literally what they will become. So, um, try to always embed positive. What even now at this age, my children older, I still say I'll drop the positive word, having that deliberately because worse, also powerful. They are literally spells. So, you know, it's just something I wish parents would think and consider doing. Be aware of, be a conscious parent. And that's what we need to be. Definitely. Thank you so, so much, Nina. I'm good. I'm going to ask you to please send me the link for your book. When is it going to be available? Yup. As soon as I'm finished reading it, there's a few different read it so many times. Um, but there's just a few printing. I was. If anybody's out there wanting to write a book, it's not as easy as it looks. And the writing calls is quite quickly done. It's the actual manufacturing, I'll call it the publishing and printing side. So this month it will be on Amazon. And I would love for you to pick a copy up. Thank you so much, Nina. Thanks so much. And if you found this episode really moving, then please share it with someone that you care about. Because I think this message needs to be shared to so many people. And I'd like to leave you with another quote because as you know, yes, I love my quotes. And here it is today, it says it is a reminder for anyone who needs it, including myself, there isn't anything wrong about falling apart. Just take it as a beautiful chance for you to rebuild yourself all over again. And to. Create a new version of you who doesn't know what it means to give up on the person you're becoming. And this is one of Semia to Tandis quits, have a lovely week, everyone

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