Following the Threads - Adult Autism Support and Masking

About Following the Threads - Adult Autism Support and Masking

After the masquerade, the masks come off — Following the Threads is a podcast for late-diagnosed autistic adults, ADHD and AuDHD women, and anyone navigating neurodivergence in a neurotypical world. Season 1 follows autistic researcher Natasha Stavros, Ph.D. and licensed psychotherapist Sarah Liebman (ADHD) through the full arc of adult autism diagnosis — from "wait, is this me?" through evaluation, identity shift, and what comes next. Drawing from The Unmasking Diary, the real-time journal behind Natasha's forthcoming memoir After the Masquerade, each episode weaves lived experience with social, psychological, and spiritual frameworks for resilience. Because unmasking is nonlinear, so is the podcast — seasons 2 through 9 follow the threads of adult neurodivergent life across identity, employment, relationships, parenting, and family. Wherever you are in your journey, there's a thread here for you — learn more at wkidsolutions.com/services/podcast-following-the-threads/ natashastavros.substack.com (https://natashastavros.substack.com/s/after-the-masquerade?utm_medium=podcast)

Publisher

Natasha Stavros, PhD and Sarah Liebman, MFT | Adult Women Autism and ADHD

Category

health & fitness · science

Language

en

Explicit

No

First episode

26 Mar 2026

Latest episode

8 Oct 2026

Latest episodes

14 episodes in the feed.

1. 

   8 Oct 2026

   Ep. 14 - Meltdowns and Shutdowns (1 of 2) - Biophysical and Mental Health

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 3 * Episode number: 14 * Release date: 2026-10-08 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:28:39 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary [AI generated, human edited]: Autistic meltdowns and shutdowns are neurological events — not behavioral choices — driven by sensory and emotional overload that bypasses the prefrontal cortex and triggers the amygdala's survival response. Shutdowns exist on a spectrum from dramatic collapse to chronic partial withdrawal, often accompanied by dissociation in the forms of depersonalization, absorption, and amnesia. Shame-based culture targets the last 10% of a meltdown — the visible explosion — while ignoring the 90% of cumulative sensory and emotional load that built it, making shame not only cruel but clinically ineffective. Healthy shame signals a need for reflection and repair; unhealthy shame condemns a person's natural state of being. Effective interventions combine coaching (demand audits, capacity tracking) with therapy (empathy-first, somatic awareness, self-compassion) to address the full buildup — not just the moment it overflows. Key takeaways about the biophysical and mental health of autistic meltdowns and shutdowns: * Autistic meltdowns are amygdala-driven neurological events, not behavioral choices — the “lid flip” happens at the last 10% of capacity after 90% of sensory and emotional load has already accumulated. * Shutdowns exist on a wide spectrum, from chronic partial dissociation (depersonalization, absorption, amnesia) to full collapse that can look like a major depressive episode. * Shame-based interventions fail because they target the moment of overflow rather than the buildup — effective support combines empathy-first therapy with practical coaching tools like demand audits and capacity tracking. [This section is AI-generated, human edited]. Resources and references Dr. Megan Anna Neff (https://neurodivergentinsights.com/author/megan-anna-neff/) has an article describing dissociation: Dissociation falls into three categories depersonalization/derealization, absorption, and amnesia (https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-adhd-dissociation/?utm_source=convertkit&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Neurodivergent+Notes%3A+A+Half-Felt+Life+-+22841682&sh_kit=34b3c57e57358151c568a04f3e008cbc49b8bba467c524d528a113e479c8df45). While ABA, which centers pathologizing neurodivergence as something to be fixed and can result in traumatic experiences for neurodivergent patients, clearly delineates dissociation and autistic shutdown as a means of diagnosis and assignment of accurate intervention, (https://www.inclusiveaba.com/blog/autistic-shutdown-vs-dissociation) autistic-led resources have considered dissociation a precursor to autistic shutdown (https://reframingautism.org.au/all-about-autistic-shutdown-guide-for-allies/). The research on the overlap between dissociation and autistic shut down as it relates to the neurodivergent perspective is just beginnin (https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-adhd-dissociation/)g. The Autism Doctor offers recommendations for (https://theautismdoctor.substack.com/p/the-autistic-capacity-audit-how-to?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2) reducing meltdowns and shutdowns. Supporting the psychological understanding of how to reduce meltdowns and shutdowns neurodivergent coach Neuro-Love-Notes ues a (https://substack.com/@nicolespartels?utm_source=global-search) demand audit: (https://substack.com/@nicolespartels?utm_source=global-search) external, internal, sensory and invisible (https://substack.com/@nicolespartels?utm_source=global-search), while others recommend load assessments (https://theautismdoctor.substack.com/p/the-autistic-capacity-audit-how-to): Cognitive - working memory (https://medium.com/design-bootcamp/how-cognitive-load-theory-differs-from-cognitive-load-and-mental-workload-6b6cf2fc2637), Mental - effort to complete a task, Sensory (https://theautismdoctor.substack.com/p/the-autistic-sensory-safety-plan?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2), Emotional, Social, Relational, and Physical. This is a free video on the Lyon-Rubin method for healing shame (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biQmkT0HwPY), for which they have a book on turning shame into an ally (https://healingshame.com/embracing-shame). Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Autistic Meltdown It’s been awhile since I went on leave and I feel no respite. Today, I opened my email to see a notice from a local children’s re-use vendor glaring at me. I had agreed to pay a portion of the consignment to the vendor to tag and price everything for me. As someone who can’t drive beyond a three mile radius and has a complete neurological meltdown looking at the refrigerator to decide what to eat, I don’t feel equipped to go through all of my daughter’s baby and toddler things, price everything, and then arrange for sale of it. I desperately need the money; I started “leave without pay” and all I’ve got left is my savings… once again. I build it up - only to deplete it again in one more lost job. But the thought of being in the old nursery - the place we thought would be our second child’s room. The place I decided to convert into an additional dwelling unit so that we could rent it out because having the first baby broke me. Infertility. Life-threatening birth. Chased out of my chosen career. Stripped of not just one, but now three jobs. An autism diagnosis. Permanent, long-term disability as unemployable. Financial stress. Healthcare stress. Physical pain. I couldn’t have a second baby, and that meant that there was no reason to hold onto these baby things any more. But the thought of going through those things, and then engaging with people to sell them on Facebook marketplace. I mean, if there was ever a metal load Mount Everest, this had to be it. And I say this as someone who has helped design and build NASA missions - quite literally, rocket science. I opened the email. There were words - so many words. Paragraphs of words about how I had given them soiled things and had put their staff’s safety at risk. I couldn’t even see straight. What was I reading?! Soiled?! Are you kidding me? Why on Earth would anyone give them something that was soiled? What I gave them was used, but not soiled. I called Noah in a panic, begging him to come home. I started yelling about how I couldn’t even. No words could describe how immensely wronged I felt by this entire situation. I couldn’t possibly return to pick up the things because I couldn’t bear it. I was humiliated, ashamed, and angry. Amidst feeling gaslit by my employer when I disclosed my disability and then blamed - once again - as a disgrace of a human who didn’t understand social interactions - that I would have given them soiled things. I just couldn’t. It wasn’t just this moment, or this one interaction - it was everything all at once. By the time Noah came home, I remember somehow getting to my bed and lying on my back screaming and crying uncontrollably. How could I face the world again? I saw in his eyes – shock and sadness. I am failing him now too. Nothing could be right. I couldn’t move, I just screamed and cried. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

2. 

   24 Sept 2026

   Ep. 13 - Grief and Betrayal After a Late Autism Diagnosis: Identity Loss and Institutional Failure

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 2 * Episode number: 13 * Release date: 2026-09-24 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:29:47 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary [AI generated, human edited]: Grief after a late autism diagnosis is not linear, and it doesn't end — it resurfaces in parking lots, in jersey logos, in long-term disability claim forms. In this unplanned but urgent episode, Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman set aside the meltdown series to sit with the word neither of them expected to land so hard: betrayal. They map three distinct layers — the existential betrayal of a lifetime framed as personal failure rather than neurobiological difference; the workplace and institutional betrayal of systems that demanded loyalty while offering none; and the safety net betrayal of disability and social support systems designed to be inaccessible precisely when you need them most. They close with practical and philosophical frameworks for working with grief — from cultural mourning rituals to the yogic concept of aparigraha — and a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade that is one of the series' most raw and quietly devastating pieces of writing yet. Key takeaways about grief and betray with a late diagnosis of autism: * Grief after late autism diagnosis is nonlinear and recurring: It doesn’t arrive once and resolve — it resurfaces under new contexts, which means the goal isn’t to complete it on a timeline but to recognize it when it comes and give it somewhere to go. * Betrayal has three layers: The existential betrayal of an identity built on false premises, the workplace and institutional betrayal of systems that punished rather than accommodated, and the safety net betrayal of disability systems designed to reject first and see who comes back. * Working with grief requires ritual, not resolution: Whether that’s sitting with a trusted person, marking an anniversary, taking a walk with rocks that represent each loss, or practicing aparigraha — non-attachment — the point is to feel it, acknowledge it, and let it flow through rather than forcing it to end. [This section is AI-generated, human edited]. Resources and references You can read more about the Kübler-Ross model using five stages to describe the process of experiencing grief (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief). You can learn more about the aparigraha from yogic philisophy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief) described in this episode. Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid to become a patron for this work. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Grief and Betrayal Today I dropped my daughter off at pre-kindergarten and I saw one of the moms leaving. She was wearing a jersey with a company name on it for a company I used to work for. I asked her if she worked there. She said yes. I felt overcome with grief. I pressed a smile on my face and said, “I used to work there.” What was going through my mind was that this was one of three companies that had proved to me not that I was unable to meaningfully participate in society, but that I was unable to do so by the rules and systems that society has in place. My heart sank. When I admitted to my therapist that I am cycling through grief. They mentioned anger. This perplexed me. Yes it is a phase of grief, but I was not angry at that moment. I told them that sometimes I’m angry at the people who uphold these broken systems because the cost is too great for them to take a moral stance. Aside from my sense of moral justice, they asked if I had feelings of betrayal. This word stopped me. What did that even mean? It wasn’t a feeling I had ever internalized. We walked through the definition of breaking a person’s trust, confidence, or loyalty. That’s when the flood gates opened. I couldn’t stop crying. I went through over ten tissues covered in a clear, filmy snot. A slightly salty sting of my tears streaming down my cheeks. The therapist asked me questions and talked to me, but honestly – I couldn’t make sense of anything she was saying. She was saying words, and they were in sentences, that I presume made sense – but it was as if everything was so broken into pieces, I couldn’t interpret how the complexity of each word fit together, let alone parse how I felt or what I thought about it. My dog, Jack - he came over concerned, nudging his head under my hand, making eye contact with me. Somewhere in all of this, my therapist asked me what it was I felt I had lost. I felt that I had lost the privilege not to fight to protect myself. I feel like everything I do is four-dimensional chess. I have to constantly calculate how to mitigate the cost of the system response to my natural way of being; not that I could avoid the costs, because the emotional, physical, and financial costs for being different - they are inevitable, and they are immense. It is built into the design of the system. Enough to break a person. Many persons. I have to play that game because if I don’t – I could very well end up unhoused, jobless, and unable to afford food, shower, and shelter, let alone health care. I am telling you - the financial costs alone of admitting that I am autistic in a system that classifies that as disabled from participating in the system they designed, has cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. My ego has been stripped. Once revered as a mentor, I am cast aside, reminded that I am no longer worthy of accolades. And the only reasons I am surviving right now is because I have a support system, and because I am gifted with exceptional quantitative and organizational skills that allow me to play four-dimensional chess. I am grieving the loss of the ignorance that I could navigate this world of broken systems and casually not care because they don’t affect me enough personally. I am grieving betrayal. I cannot trust the system to provide me any relief. I am deeply saddened that the system has cost me a lifetime of fighting. I resent that others can complacently acquiesce and choose not to fight in an unjust, immoral system. I lack confidence that the system will change, and that the only way to find peace will be for me to radically accept what is, stop fighting to fit into the system, and choose a life outside of the system as much as I can possibly manage. I am grieving that my ability and desire to give and contribute is being stifled. What loyalty could I have to a system with no loyalty to the well-intentioned. I am grieving an immense betrayal. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

3. 

   10 Sept 2026

   Ep. 12: Diagnosis Disclosure (4 of 5) - Parenting - Connection, Belonging, and Collaboration

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 8 * Episode number: 12 * Release date: 2026-09-09 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:32:19 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary [AI generated, human edited]: When a neurodivergent parent discloses their autism or ADHD diagnosis to their child, the most important thing they're offering is not information — it's context. Silence doesn't protect children, it just leaves them to write their own story, often that they are the cause. Natasha Stavros, Sarah Liebman, and returning guest Tara Neri (LCMHC, UnmaskedParenting (https://substack.com/profile/313984727-unmaskedparenting)) explore how talking openly about diagnosis with your child builds connection, shared vocabulary, and a sense of belonging rooted in authenticity rather than sameness. They draw the critical distinction between authoritarian and authoritative parenting, between secrecy and privacy, and conscious, chosen masking versus shame-based survival masking most late-diagnosed adults have lived. The episode closes with a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade in which Natasha's daughter, post-Austria meltdown, says the words that break everything open: "It's just too much. I know I am being bad." Key takeaways about disclosing your diagnosis to your child: * Silence is not protection: If you don’t explain what your child is witnessing when you’re in burnout or shutdown, they will fill in the blank themselves — and the story children tell themselves is often that they are the cause. * Belonging is not sameness: Talking to your child about your diagnosis creates shared language, connection, and a sense of belonging grounded in authenticity, not in being like everyone else. * Conscious masking is not the same as survival masking: The goal of neurodivergent-affirming parenting is not to eliminate masking, but to raise children who know themselves well enough to choose when, where, and with whom they unmask. The mask only harms the masker when it disconnects from the self entirely. [This section is AI-generated, human edited]. Resources and references Our guest Tara Neri offers some great resources to dig deeper into many of these topics including: * Unmasked Parenting: Talking to children about parent burnout (https://substack.com/home/post/p-205033636) * Unmasked Parenting: The Nature of Nurture (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/p/the-nature-of-nurture?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=6274029&post_id=199461590&utm_campaign=email-post%20title&isFreemail=true&r=3l45f2&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email) * Unmasked Parenting: What Do I Actually Say (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/p/what-do-i-actually-say?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3l45f2&triedRedirect=true)? * Unmasked Parenting: Before the World Defines Them (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/p/before-the-world-defines-them?r=56xs5z&utm_medium=ios) Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on disclosing diagnosis to your child Ever since we got back from Austria, my daughter has been running on empty. It’s the start of a new school year – her swimming lessons changed. Half of her friends have moved onto Kindergarten. Every morning she asks to stay home from school. She doesn’t even want to go out to eat because she’d rather be home in a less stimulating environment. Wherever we go, she finds a “friend” and clings to them for co-regulation. She is really intense when she approaches potential friends - shifting and adjusting to accommodate what they might like. And when there is nobody else - she finds anything as a substitute for co-regulation, transferring her affection to objects. In the last month, I can count at least four instances when her body shut down entirely. Something sent her over the edge and her body took over. She screamed knowing that she should stop, but she couldn’t. The closer I got to try and stop her, save her – she flailed more, or ran faster… in a blind panic into dangerous situations. The only thing I could do was not react, remain calm, keep my voice low, and my movements slow and predictable. I had to let her go inside and pull herself out, because at this point only she could tame the primal urge to fight with all her power. The most recent of these meltdowns happened after swim class. It was a new teacher. New time. Different students. Old pool. Everything was different. After class she didn’t want to get out. She began to shut down - losing her speech, physically resisting the end of class, avoiding climbing out of the ladder. Then she played, stalling longer. Finally, her friend went to the changing room. She followed her. She picked the same one her friend wanted, even though her friend got there first. She sat down and refused to move. I had to pick her up and carry her out. She started screaming. I put her down to get my shoes to leave, she started running full speed, dripping wet all around the pool deck screaming. Eventually, we found our peace. Me standing ten feet away, talking low, trying to get into her line of vision, but she wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t listen. I didn’t know what to do. If I approached, if I did anything, she would scream and run. All I could think was how unsafe she was being and how much others are watching. When we finally got into the car and no one was around, I told her that she can’t do that. I know that sometimes feelings can get really big, but that we should say, “May I please have some space to process this.” I have her repeat the words, hoping that we could build muscle memory. I offered her the word “pause” or simply to hold up her hand to signify stop. The whole drive home I held tears just on the edges of my eyes. As we turned down the last stretch of road, I said to her, “When you scream and act dangerously, people get scared. They will think you are in danger and they will take action. Sometimes, those actions aren’t what you want. They could try and take you away from mommy and daddy. They could think that you are unsafe with us.” I said, “Do you know what makes you scream and run?” She said, “It’s just too much. I know I am being bad.” As we parked the car, I looked at her, subverting eye contact, “Do you want to know what I think?” She nodded. “I think that you have the same brain as mommy. I think that the world is overwhelming sometimes and you are trying hard all the time,” She nodded again. “This part of your brain,” I pointed to her forehead, “it is the part of your brain that thinks through things and makes choices, but this part of the brain,” I pointed to the back of her neck at the base of her skull, “it is what activates when you get scared. Do you feel like sometimes that part of the brain is making you do things that you do not want to do?” She nodded again. “I think that’s mostly right Mama. I think that coming back from Austria was really hard.” Me, “You mean the stress of coming back and making so many adjustments?” Her, “Ya-”. We hugged and connected over the shared feelings of dysregulation. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

4. 

   27 Aug 2026

   Ep 11: Diagnosis Disclosure (3 of 5) - Family - Forced Family Fun

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 9 * Episode number: 11 * Release date: 2026-08-27 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:31:59 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: Disclosing a late autism diagnosis to family is uniquely fraught because, unlike friends or a partner, you didn’t choose these people - and they carry their own unnamed neurodivergence whether they know it or not. Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman draw on Bowen Family Systems theory to explain why disclosure disrupts the family ego mass and triggers “revert-ego” - the disorienting pull back into old relational roles. They offer concrete tactics for surviving extended family exposure: identifying an ally, building in de-stimulation time, transporting regulation routines, and using gray rocking to stay “unhookable” without cutting anyone off. The episode closes with a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade in which Natasha, mid-family vacation and deep in autistic burnout, reaches the most liberating realization of the series: she doesn’t need to change their story - she only needs to change her own. Key takeaways about disclosing your late diagnosis to family: * Prepare the system instead of only preparing yourself. Disclosing to family affects the entire family system. Identify an ally, schedule time to de-stimulate, and establish portable regulation routines before you speak. The disclosure is only one component of a larger sensory and emotional experience. * Keep your statements short, factual, and non-negotiable. The most effective disclosures are brief scientific facts mentioned casually during a conversation. Do not use personal appeals, confessions, or invitations to debate. This approach prevents the family system from finding points to oppose. * You do not need them to believe you. The most significant change after disclosure is realizing that you only need to change your own narrative rather than theirs. Cutoff is a continuum instead of a binary choice. You can choose to stop responding to emotional baiting without removing people from your life completely. Resources and references In this article we reference the Bowen Family Systems Theory. You can learn more about this in this Psychology Today article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/202311/understanding-bowen-family-systems-theory). We also reference “gray rocking”, you can learn more in this YouTube video explanation by Dr. Ramani (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWr6d4mOD1w). Unfortunately, research on the dynamic of a grown adult getting a diagnosis and their relationship with their parents is quite sparse, and often representative of a very specific demographic. Please keep this in mind so that appropriate modifications of their findings can be made to understand the nuances of an individual’s unique identity. To make inferences or extrapolation beyond these demographics will require personalized understanding of each identity within the context of a larger more diverse ecosystem of experiences and perspectives. In this free, open access article from 2022 in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, Lilley et al. (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05667-z)found that across 27 scientific interviews, conceptualizing the autistic family was one of three common themes. An important caveat to this finding is that it was only a sample size of 27 and that is not sufficient to cover the diversity of gradients of variation such as ethnic, national, first-generation, gender, etc. that exist. Similarly, in this free, open access article from 2023 in the Journal of AUtism and Developmental Disorders, Legg et al. (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-021-05296-y) interviewed eleven parents of late diagnosed adults and created a thematic map of the experiences. Notably, this study recognizes that this thematic experience represents the common experiences of “biological parents, and the majority of their adult children were male (91%). Almost all participants identified as White British (82%) with two being from another ethnic group. Most were married (73%) whilst the others were divorced (18%) or widowed (9%).” Here is a resource about being diagnosed with ADHD and being black written by a Tamara Holmes (https://magazine.howard.edu/stories/being-black-with-adhd). Another resource includes Autism in Black (https://www.autisminblack.org/) or VOICE for Neurodiversity (https://voiceforneurodiversity.org/board-members). Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on disclosing your late autism diagnosis to family “You are not the parent.” These are the words I heard so many times in my life from my parents when I stood up for myself, when I tried to be seen, when I tried to say that I think there has been a great misunderstanding. I think that this misunderstanding is hurting me, it is causing me pain and I want an apology. They would say, “You are not the parent. You don’t get to parent here.” We just got back from Austria, which was a 10 year family reunion. My Russian family meets every 10 years. I’ve never heard of another family that does this. It is extremely costly, but it is something you plan for. My parents were so helpful to make it affordable for us this year and I am forever grateful and indebted to them for giving me that experience. During that experience, I spent a week with them in autistic burnout, knowing that my whole life I have tried to be heard and I never was. I never felt seen. I never felt acknowledged for my story or my perspective. That was a source of a lot of pain for me throughout my whole life. So much so that I have learned my trauma trigger is when I don’t feel seen, heard, or understood. A lot of that roots back to being autistic – living in a world and not understanding why people are responding to me the way that people are responding to me, in ways that hurt me over and over again, despite every effort to exist different, to be different, to not have an impact incongruent with my intention. Over this trip, I tried to share my story with them, it’s partly why I created the podcast — to express what I cannot in person. I talked to my family about listening to the podcast and they said with hollow words, an empty sentiment, “maybe I should listen to it.” They were generally more receptive, when I could without consequence, throw into conversation at relevant times, “well, you know that’s autism.” I could give short facts that they couldn’t really dispute. It wasn’t about anything in the past, not about my experience as a person greatly misunderstood as a child and for my entire life, just slow and steady exposure to science. There was one incident that sums up the entirety of my experience on this family vacation. My daughter – she might be autistic, like me, I see so much of myself in her – had a tantrum. Now, let me stop right here to say she was amazing. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and love because my daughter, my husband, and me – we were a team. For so much of this trip, it was adult time, not four-year-old time, and she was a trooper through 95% of it. In preparation for this, we told her weeks in advance about how hard it would be to have to do a lot of adult time, and that she would have to do things that she didn’t always want to do, like being in a crowded, loud space. I told her that if it was ever too much, she could let me know and that we would work with her to find a solution. We practiced seeing her. That was a conscious parenting choice. Going back to this incident, my daughter was trying to go with the flow with everything, and she was being rushed, which is stressful for her, and she wanted to say, I want to sit with mommy, but she couldn’t find the words fast enough. She started crying. Everyone jumped in demanding that she stop crying. I said, “Hey– you are not the parent. I am the parent. You parented me the way you want to, I parent the way I want to.” A member of the family couldn’t handle it. They quickly exited the car. It was moving, not fast - but it was moving. I think they were overstimulated by her crying. At that moment, it was revert-ego. I was my daughter. I was my parent. I could understand all of it, and the differences of what happens when someone doesn’t get diagnosed. They respond the way they were trained — through shame and pain. That is the power of the diagnosis. It gives you the information to choose interventions to the challenge that are helpful. You can use the science to pick a life that doesn’t result in 70 years of pain and shame for being misunderstood, because that - that’s a hard load to carry. I can change that story for myself, and I can change that story for my daughter. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

5. 

   12 Aug 2026

   Ep 10: Disability Disclosure (2 of 5) - Friends - Self-Study, Safe Disclosure, and the Silver Lining

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 7 * Episode number: 10 * Release date: 2026-08-13 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:28:10 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: Disclosing an autism or ADHD diagnosis to friends is messier than disclosing to a partner — there are more people, more dynamics, and no linear roadmap. Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman offer a three-question self-study framework to run before any disclosure: Is this person safe? Do I have the emotional capacity for their reaction? And what do I actually hope to accomplish? Drawing on an adaptation of the AA disclosure model, they argue for building a trusted support base before disclosing widely — so that no single reaction has the power to derail you. The episode closes with a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade in which Natasha sits in her garage for 45 minutes, unable to go inside, and finally arrives at the truth: she really is disabled — and proactive self-care means something far deeper than a spa day; it may mean letting some friendships go. Key takeaways about disclosing a neurodivergent diagnosis to friends: * Self-study before disclosure: The relief of diagnosis can make you want to shout it from the rooftop before you’re ready for what comes back. Before telling a friend, ask three question: 1) is this person safe? 2) do I have the emotional capacity for their reaction? and, what do I actually hope to accomplish? * Build your base first: Establishing at least one trusted support person (a therapist, peer group, or online community) before disclosing widely means you’re not depending on every friend to get it right, and research confirms this reduces the toll of the adjustments that follow. * The silver lining: Disclosure reveals which friendships are built on mutual care and which are transactional. While losing friends is genuinely painful, the depth and richness of what comes after is one of the unexpected gifts of unmasking. Resources and references This article from Kennedy Krieger includes specific questions you can ask your self in any given situation about when, how much, and to whom you disclose your diagnosis (https://www.kennedykrieger.org/stories/interactive-autism-network-ian/deciding_when_to_disclose). While not exactly the same disability as neurodivergence, there have been multiple - albeit qualitative - studies on the effect of chronic conditions (e.g., pain) on friendship. In this open access article, Moensted et al. (2023) (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2667321523000306) found that “significant personal labour and performative identity work [is] required to maintain connectedness within friendships. Normative expectations about able-bodiedness may hinder the continuation of friendships by limiting opportunities for social participation for those living with chronic conditions. Participants discussed both the emotional and physical ‘work’ necessary to maintain even tenuous social connections, hampering one’s ability to cultivate emergent friendships. This work included having to trade authenticity for other desirable social gains, such as a desire for social inclusion.” Yang and Grol-Prokopczyk (2021) (https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/76/10/2131/5942950) found that what happens with friends depends on the severity of your chronic condition, and Bernardes et al. (2023) (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1524904223000607) found that including adult friends in interventions could help reduce the negative effect of chronic conditions and helped to make adjustments for chronic condition management. Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on disclosing your adult autism, ADHD, or AuDHD diagnosis to friends I’ve been having a really hard time. I am just very disabled from… existing as I once did. I’m very overwhelmed by absolutely everything. When I flex and try to take on more, or return to normal, I crash with exhaustion. This last week I had to pull myself together to make a deadline. I didn’t even work the equivalent of a full time job, but I worked with intense focus on executive functioning, and it wiped me out. The deadline passed, the work got done, I slept it off, lived a full day thinking, “maybe I am just faking this whole disability thing. Maybe it’s just in my head. I can totally go back to work.” Then… The next day – I woke up, walked the dogs, got my daughter to school, drove home, and sat in the car in the garage for 45 minutes. I wasn’t on my phone. I wasn’t listening to music, or on a call. I just sat there. My feet were lead weights. Finally, I mustered the energy, pulled myself from the car, walked in the door to the house, all of about 20 strides, collapsed on my bed laying on my back, staring at the ceiling, with my black out curtains drawn. My dog lay on my chest. That’s when it hit me. I really am disabled. It’s not something I’m saying to get a longer vacation - this isn’t living, I am not able to live and function right now. To help with my recovery, my therapist gave me the assignment of proactive self-care. Proactive self-care. What does that even mean?! We automatically assume that it is taking care of your basic needs, but I think it is so much more than that. Especially if we are talking about being proactive. Sure – I can plan a spa day, but that’s not holistic. That’s a band-aid for a broken system. Beyond the superficial, what does it mean to truly care for something? I think about my four-year old daughter and what it means to care for her? And I really truly believe it is to love her. Sure, it is to support her in meeting her needs, but it is also to accept her for who she is, to create a safe space, and to trust in her inherent goodness. When we place self-care in that context, just brushing your teeth and taking a shower, that’s just meeting your needs, that’s not necessarily extending acceptance to yourself or creating safety for yourself to just be in that moment as you are. It is not trusting that this is what you need and that it doesn’t make you a bad person; it is trusting that you will get back to what you need to do, but for right now – you need to just do this, and just because you’re doing this, for this moment – doesn’t mean that you are a lazy person. All that it means is that, in this moment, you are doing the best you can, and maybe that capacity isn’t the same as it was, or what others expect it to be. It just is. On the backdrop of this, I had to decline a friend of mine’s birthday party. I wanted to go. It was a big one. The big 4-0, and they were floating down the river. How fun is that? But – when I think about proactive self-care, this does not actually sound fun to me. The one-hour drive in both directions (for which my husband would have to do), the uncertainty of where we enter and end, the sensory dysregulation from a cold river in and out of sun, a water-loving 4-year old, strangers, alcohol, the list goes on. As proactive self-care, I had to embarrassingly withdraw my RSVP to attend. Both my friend and their partner were concerned. They called to check in with me. It was very sweet. They don’t really understand what’s going on for me, but they cared and they understood. They accepted me at that moment for what I could give. And that was wonderful. I recently spoke to another friend of mine who has been chronically ill for about a year and half now. She told me that getting sick was a blessing in disguise. After disclosing to friends about being on long-term disability and explaining the cause was autistic burnout, stemming from recent autism spectrum disorder level 1 diagnosis, I think I know what she means. Disclosing to friends reveals which relationships are of mutual care, and which – are transactional? This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

6. 

   30 Jul 2026

   Ep 9: Disability Disclosure (1 of 5) - Lovers - Recommitting to Long-term Relationships After Diagnosis

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 5 * Episode number: 9 * Release date: 2026-07-30 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:27:44 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: Disclosing a late autism diagnosis to a long-term partner is not a single conversation — it's a process with three phases, and Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman map all three with unflinching honesty. The revelation phase begins with the recognition that a diagnosis is a starting point, not a solution, and that your partner's readiness to revise the relationship narrative is rarely where yours is. The revolution phase reframes long-standing character judgments ("you're an angry person") into neurobiological explanations that change not what's acceptable, but how the conversation happens. The renegotiation phase introduces the psychoanalytic concept of "the third" as a tool for dismantling old power dynamics and rebuilding the relationship from shared understanding. The episode closes with a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade in which Natasha and her husband, after two years of couples counseling, arrive at a radical conclusion: they need to date each other again, from scratch. Key takeaways about disclosing an adult neurodivergent diagnosis with a lover * The revelation: A late neurodivergent diagnosis doesn’t automatically explain everything to your partner — they haven’t been on the same journey you have, and their readiness to rewrite the relationship narrative may lag significantly behind yours. * The revolution: The diagnosis is an explanation, not an excuse — the goal is to shift from settled character judgments (”you’re volatile”) to neurobiological understanding (”you’re dysregulated”), which changes not what’s acceptable but how the conversation begins. * The renegotiation: Rebuilding after a late diagnosis means inviting the diagnosis in as “the third” — a new character in the relationship story — and using it to dismantle old power dynamics, build new couple agreements, and, if needed, start dating each other all over again. Resources and references This article from Kennedy Krieger includes specific questions you can ask your self in any given situation about when, how much, and to whom you disclose your diagnosis (https://www.kennedykrieger.org/stories/interactive-autism-network-ian/deciding_when_to_disclose). Lynn Crider (LPCC-S) wrote an article on shifting from “you are the problem” to “we have a pattern” (https://www.rwcincy.com/blog/from-blame-to-understanding-navigating-neurodiversity-in-your-marriage-together) in neurodiverse romantic relationships. The concept discussed in this episode of the analytic third is a reference to Benjamin (2004) Beyond Doer and Done-To: An Intersubjective View of Thirdness (https://winnicottisrael.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Benjamin-Beyond-Doer-and-Done-to-An-Intersubjective-View-of-Thirdness-2-1-2.pdf). When disclosing to a romantic partner your diagnosis, it’s important to remember that the diagnosis isn’t just yours, it has an impact on the relationship. Yew et al. (2021) (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12397?casa_token=eHS58_CSWeYAAAAA%3Ah4CS3s22E8oda85LSK-eAmSUeKcfrxBV7ncs6PK3cyLQQoYUoNKKQh8_eRgwLai0_OhDA6oR84rggwQ) conducted a systematic review of literature on autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and relationship initiation and maintenance. Their findings based on a small number of studies “provide initial indications that social and communicative factors, as well as the role of nonautistic partners, are important to the success of romantic relationships for autistic individuals. Furthermore, while not exactly the same disability as neurodivergence, there have been multiple - albeit qualitative - studies on the effect of chronic conditions (e.g., pain) on relationships. The Theoretical Model of Communal Coping (TMCC) describes communal coping with stress along the two gradients of appraisal and action; where appraisal describes the stressor as shared individually (low shared appraisal) or communally (high shared appraisal) , and actions that are handled separately (low joint action) or collectively (high joint action). Basinger et al. (2021) (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407521999461?casa_token=N5Fe6S1SIAkAAAAA%3A5vCviC783swrwr7bp4vJpubc1RBm7D0bJ-MYT_6j4N_Zi5aTR9XUa-c4vFY6ifMz1tEiqsbdjcST) found that using an extension of TMCC, couples managing chronic illness followed patterns of shared appraisal and joint action based on perceived physical health and relational load and that communal coping might present challenges when there is a difference in each partner’s coping constraints. Checton et al. (2012) (https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/20212997/Checton__Greene__Magsamen-Conrad____Venetis_%282012%29-libre.pdf?1390866497=&response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DPatients_and_partners_perspectives_of_ch.pdf&Expires=1784673445&Signature=SNgZHobUw09Fdu-nAOE3lPH9HJ5Op9WnnsPLk6QqDm-ve4qEf8CNWSE-rCeQOWzalEj59zlK33SZ4is~Wc5rU4iiF8y1S~p-5ljXFbvJn5aIC9Q3RbAiXL92k~vXnfmZY5Co03lCAkb4KPQlPnK3S8A4neNhD2onKRY8Zzb-WN3OklWfrMyxiinI4-dVbpd0QwfJ8IL1plsGnF3J6m-ETgwdIlkO-CV-mX0pvnHUhmnww7ukd6mVqQrU1aJyfXb5GUbFf75w8sfNn3u5SScxmEO~Zu9nzWpaQKNGhH0nCoI8VWmUFat0H-BD01yEjlBS6iVy~D28MsAGepk63t5-zQ__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA) “results indicate that there are significant differences in (a) how patients and partners experience illness uncertainty (i.e., stigma, prognosis, and symptom) and illness interference [i.e., disruptions to lifestyles, activities, and interests], and (b) how appraisals of illness uncertainty and illness interference influence communication efficacy and health condition management.” Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Recommitting to a Long-Term Relationship After a Late-Diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, or AuDHD My husband and I just had a really big moment in couple’s counseling. We’ve been going for nearly two years. Going through infertility, moving across the country, going through really rough work situations every other year - we needed to rebuild. At first it started because I resented him for being a man and because I was angry. I was so angry that I almost died giving birth and then had to go back to work. I was angry that to manage my cPTSD and OCD as part of the postpartum anxiety, I still had to keep things together - pay the bills, organize everything, literally give my nutrients to our baby - and he was… tired and struggling to transition to being a dad. I had no empathy for him. I was angry. I wanted more support, what I didn’t realize was that I didn’t need more support from him, he was doing it - he was there, being supportive, what I needed support from, was society. Then we navigated some more work challenges before finally I was diagnosed autistic. This whole time, my husband was asking for more intimacy. I didn’t understand. What did he want? I loved him. I chose him. We were in sync supporting each other through the ebb and flow of life. I was giving all I could. What more could I do? Then, today, we realized that this is the first time in our relationship that we were both going through formative experiences, shaping who we were becoming. This means that everything we’ve done to be in a relationship, might not hold, or at the very least, it might not be what needs to happen for us to work in our new selves. In essence, we are becoming different versions of ourselves, and we would need to learn how to be in a relationship together again. I saw a meme about a grandson who asked his grandfather how he loved one woman for 65 years, and the grandfather says that he loved many versions of the same woman, but it wasn’t the same woman for all 65 years. That’s where we are. We’ve been together for over ten years. We are learning new things and having experiences that are changing who we are. We need time and space to learn who each of us are in these experiences, not just a projection of who we remember each other once to be. We need to revisit what it is to date. To lean into curiosity and establish trust to build a new relationship in these new versions of ourselves. I decided we need to date again. Really date - like get to know each other’s wants and needs, from scratch without assumptions based on a misunderstood history. He agreed. Our therapist too. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

7. 

   16 Jul 2026

   Ep 8: Parenting After a Late Autism Diagnosis: Reflection, Projection, and Regulation-First Parenting

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 8 * Episode number: 09 * Release date: 2026-07-14 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Tara Neri, Unmasked Parenting (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips) – licensed clinical mental health counselor, certified in ADHD and autism spectrum disorder practice, and the creator of Unmasked Parenting. She is an autistic/ADHD parent with sensory processing differences and has spent over two decades supporting children and families who need more understanding, flexibility, and practical support. Her work blends clinical experience, lived experience, nervous system support, relational repair, and neurodivergent-affirming parenting. * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 30:56 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: When a late autism diagnosis reveals that your child is likely neurodivergent too, the emotional reckoning is layered: relief, grief, anger, and a fierce protectiveness — all at once. In this episode, Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman welcome their first ever guest, Tara Neri (LCMHC, creator of UnmaskedParenting (https://substack.com/profile/313984727-unmaskedparenting)), to explore three frameworks for neurodivergent-affirming parenting after a late diagnosis: 1) distinguishing reflection from projection when you see yourself in your child; 2) interrupting the intergenerational cycle by asking "am I responding or reacting — and to my child, or to my younger self?"; and 3) Tara's signature approach, regulation-first parenting, which centers the parent's own nervous system as the foundation for the child's. The episode closes with a diary excerpt from After the Masquerade in which Natasha navigates alexithymia, sensory exhaustion, and two real-time parenting moments that show what neurodivergent-affirming parenting actually looks like in practice — imperfect, attuned, and quietly revolutionary. Key takeaways about parenting with reflection and not projection: * Reflection vs. projection: When you recognize your neurodivergent traits in your child, the path forward begins with the painful but liberating realization that if your child deserves deep love and understanding for who they are, so do you. * Interrupt the cycle: Breaking intergenerational patterns means pausing to ask “am I responding or reacting, and is it to my child in front of me, or to my younger self?”; when you get it wrong, it’s important to repair rather than pretend it didn’t happen. * Regulation-first parenting: You cannot pour from an empty cup, regulating yourself first is not permissive parenting, it is the most powerful thing you can model, because children learn self-advocacy and self-compassion by watching you practice it on yourself. Resources and references Read more on this topic from our guest Tara Neri: * Recognition Without Projection (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/p/from-projection-to-reflection?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2) - For parents who see themselves in their child and are trying to separate compassion from fear. * The Nature of Nurture (https://open.substack.com/pub/unmaskedparenting/p/the-nature-of-nurture?r=3l45f2&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web) - For parents thinking about what children need from us beyond behavior correction, performance, or compliance. * You’re Running on Outdated Survival Rules (https://unmaskedparenting.substack.com/p/youre-running-on-outdated-survival) - For parents noticing that old coping patterns may still be shaping how they respond, protect, avoid, or control. Books * Brain-Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke - Best for understanding behavior as nervous-system information, not just a choice or discipline problem. This book helps move parenting away from compliance-based responses and toward bottom-up support. * Low-Demand Parenting by Amanda Diekman - Best for reducing unnecessary demands, rebuilding connection, and supporting neurodivergent kids without constant pressure. Especially useful for families navigating burnout, demand sensitivity, and low capacity. * Unmasking Autism by Devon Price - Best for adult self-understanding, masking, identity, burnout, and authenticity. This connects strongly to the idea that we cannot help our children unmask while continuing to abandon ourselves. Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Recognition Without Projection Honestly, since I started down this path, I had no idea what cascade of events would take place. I hadn’t really thought about how I would process a diagnosis or what it would mean. All I knew is that whatever it meant, couldn’t be as bad as not knowing. It couldn’t be as bad as the guilt and shame I felt for struggling to function like everyone else - go to work, do my job, eat, sleep, poop, reproduce, buy things, die and decompose. Getting my diagnosis helped me begin to understand myself better, but as a parent - it feels like there is no room to process. My job is to show up and be present so that my turmoil doesn’t pass onto my child. Well, first let’s start by acknowledging how ridiculous a notion that is. Nice in theory, but the practice - daunting. When my child, who is very likely autistic like me, is overwhelmed, so am I. When they scream and cry and are overloaded, I am too. Somehow I’m supposed to model self-regulation, when my primary executive function challenge is emotional regulation. And, it’s not just emotional regulation that I struggle with. Because my emotional dysregulation and inability to pick up or provide socially appropriate non-verbal communications or expectations of social reciprocity has led to some big-T traumas in my life, I have learned to survive by dissociating. How am I supposed to first teach my likely autistic child emotional regulation, when I don’t have it myself, and second how to engage with their emotions? Of note, many people with autism also struggle with alexithymia, and I am one of those people. Alexithymia comes from the Greek root a for lack of, lexis meaning words and thymos meaning emotions. Alexithymia is the difficulty of connecting words to feelings. For people with autism the characteristics of alexithymia are most commonly associated with cognitive empathy rather than affective empathy. This means that people with autism very often connect deeply in an empathic way, but lack the cognitive skills to identify, especially in real time, theirs and others’ feelings, to distinguish between feelings and bodily sensations of emotional arousal, to describe their feelings, to identify or communicate facial expressions, or even to identify or remember faces. My therapist asked me how I’m processing everything, outside of the work s**t show that has ensued from a disclosure of my diagnosis. I told her that it’s been really hard. I’m so overwhelmed with life and the idea of having to go back to work, or find a new job just so that I can pay the bills and keep health care for my family. I feel completely and utterly socially exhausted. All I want to do - no, all I can do - is write, read, and putz around in the garden or go to yoga. I want to remove all sensory stimuli and retreat into my mind away from the social cognitive load that is breaking me. I mentioned that I’ve been focused on parallel play like working on art next to my daughter, gardening, biking, watching TV with her, or reading books together. None of these really require me to connect on a deeper level, the activity is doing the connection. I did acknowledge that I’m not totally dissociated from my role as a parent. I’ve been leaning into what it looks like to embrace neurodivergent affirming parenting. Just this last weekend, my daughter had a friend over and they were climbing on the couch. They decided to crawl under the mid-century modern couch, which sits about six inches off the ground. My daughter’s friend’s head got stuck and she got scared. My daughter started making noise and screaming too. After we separated them and I soothed her friend from her fear and panic, I talked to my daughter. She didn’t want to sit next to me. She didn’t want to make eye contact. She was in a shame spiral. I told her that she didn’t need to sit next to me or look at me, but that she did need to listen. I told her it was ok and that nothing was her fault. That accidents happen and that when that happens we need to check in on our friend and make sure that they are ok. She decided to go check on her friend. I listened from outside the door. They began to talk about what happened. Her friend said that she was scared when my daughter made her go under the couch. My daughter swooped to her own defense, “My mommy said I didn’t do anything wrong.” I came in and knelt down with them, “That’s right, no one did anything wrong. What I think they are saying is that they got scared and that they didn’t feel very supported in that moment when they were scared.” The two girls looked at each other with resolve. They decided to keep playing. Later that evening, my daughter told me that when other kids cry she feels it in her body. I told her that that’s what it feels like to be overwhelmed. Over the next twenty-four hours, I noticed that she would act out - yelling, whining, or batting at the air in response to me and her father. I told her that I noticed she was doing this when it looked like she felt rushed and didn’t have the time to communicate. I suggested that she use the word “pause”, or “I need a minute.” She suggested the word, “wait”. I was proud of her. In both incidents, I’m proud of myself for recognizing my own autistic tendencies and offering her an alternate path to shame. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

8. 

   2 Jul 2026

   Ep 7: Autistic Burnout and Skill Regression

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 3 * Episode number: 1 * Release date: 2026-07-02 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:27:47 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: Autistic burnout isn't depression, and treating it like depression can make it worse — that's the central insight of this episode of Following the Threads, as Natasha Stavros shares that she is currently on long-term disability in the depths of autistic burnout following her workplace disclosure. Natasha and Sarah Liebman break down three forms of burnout — depression, occupational burnout, and autistic burnout — and why the distinctions matter clinically: where depression responds to activation and occupational burnout responds to restored autonomy, autistic burnout requires something more fundamental: a complete renegotiation of how you exist in the world. They introduce the concept of the window of tolerance, explore why rest alone is a Band-Aid on a gushing wound, and reframe recovery as a shift from delegation to attunement and tracking your own needs. The episode closes with a raw diary excerpt from After the Masquerade describing, in precise and unflinching detail, what autistic burnout and skill regression actually feel like from the inside. Key takeaways about autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD burnout and skill regression * Depression differs from burnout in that interventions are primarily about activation, but this can exacerbate symptoms in burnout. The difference between autistic burnout and non-autistic (occupational or personal) burnout relates to the person’s ability to return to the previous functional state when conditions change. * Recognizing autistic burnout involves self-study in what happens to you when you exceed your window of tolerance (https://share.google/8e79TbkNI858WzmvU). There is also research that is adapting the Coppenhagen burnout scale for autistic burnout. * Recovery ultimately requires more than rest, it requires renegotiating your life to reduce chronic stress associated with high load. Load can be physical, cognitive, social, communal, spiritual, etc. It’s not all on you to reduce those loads. But, many high-masking adults with a late-diagnosis survived through hyper-independence and it may not feel comfortable asking for help. Furthermore, “asking for help” assumes delegation—handing tasks off until you resume prior functioning. But autistic burnout requires shifting from delegation to attunement and tracking: tuning into your internal state, noting patterns, and making decisions from that information. Resources and references Embrace Autism offers great overview descriptions on this topic: What is autistic burnout? (https://embrace-autism.com/what-is-autistic-burnout/), Signs of autistic burnout (https://embrace-autism.com/signs-of-autistic-burnout/), why rest isn’t enough (https://embrace-autism.com/why-rest-alone-may-not-help-autistic-burnout/) even if you consider the many different kinds of rest you can do (hint there are 12!). (https://theautismdoctor.substack.com/p/12-crucial-rests-autistic-adults) There are several great articles on the differences between depression and neurodivergent burnout by the Autism Doctor (https://arnicamh.com/autistic-adhd-burnout-vs-depression/), Neurodivergent Insights (https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autistic-burnout-vs-depression/?srsltid=AfmBOorgTMHM_6FknwHncPSJeI6a1yMMtn9ZKEaaUJO6_mkH6oiNmoj1), and Resilient Mind Counseling, PLLC (https://arnicamh.com/autistic-adhd-burnout-vs-depression/). If you want to learn more about where you are in burnout, there are several free quizzes through Adult Autism Assessment (https://arnicamh.com/autistic-adhd-burnout-vs-depression/) and one through Embrace Autism (https://embrace-autism.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-autistic-burnout-book/). If you are supporting a loved one through autistic burnout, especially a child, Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism has an article that you may find helpful (https://thinkingautismguide.com/2023/09/supporting-your-young-person-through-autistic-burnout.html). Importantly, neurodivergent-affirming care during burnout is crucial because mental health interventions for non-autistic individuals may worsen symptoms; this is especially true in marginalized communities that benefit from ethnically and culturally affirming treatment (https://arnicamh.com/autistic-adhd-burnout-vs-depression/). Finally, if you are experiencing autistic burnout, research shows that there are three core components: chronic exhaustion, increased sensory sensitivities, and social withdrawal. That there are common strategies used to recover include autonomy is your choices to reduce/stop social obligations, reduce sensory inputs, and time spent alone to reset and recharge (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-025-06765-4). Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Autism, ADHD or AuDHD Burnout and Skill Regression I am beyond tired. I do not remember being this tired in my entire life except for when I was in my third trimester, maintaining an extra organ and entire human being while working full time with insomnia. I am not depressed. Unlike other times in my life when I have fantasized about a world without me. That the burden of my existence for myself and others would be casually alleviated if I could just fall in front of a bus on my bike and die. It’s not suicide if it’s an accident. I do not feel this now. I do not wish for an end to my existence, just that I can no longer operate in the world as I once did. I am sleeping 9 hours a night, uninterrupted with deep sleep and REM. I wake up, I do the morning chores to feed and walk our pets and get our daughter to school. Then I come home, and all I want to do is melt into the couch. Watching TV tires me. I watch and by the end of the episode, I have no idea what I just watched. Listening to audiobooks tires me. I have started the same chapter every night for the last seven days. I can’t tell you who the main characters are. Thinking about feeding myself tires me. I don’t even like the idea of most food, even my favorites, let alone the idea that I have to prepare anything. It is honestly just easier to not eat unless someone puts food down in front of me. I look at my phone. I see the calendar. Two thirty minute meetings and the weight of exhaustion sits on my chest. After, I had to lay on my bed with black out curtains drawn, with only my dog to lay on my chest, reducing all sensory input. I closed my eyes, but I did not sleep. I had to drive fifteen minutes on the freeway and anxiety filled my body. I moved to the slowest lane. I hate having to leave my five mile loop around town, or drive faster than 40 miles per hour. I cannot keep track of time. My calendar and organization of time was a super skill I had developed to manage my poor working memory and time management. If everything was in the calendar, with notifications, then I didn’t have to remember something or drop the ball. Now, time escapes me. I can keep time to make it to at most four activities a day: my morning walk with the dogs, my daughter to school, picking my daughter up, getting into bed. Those are the only times I can seem to keep in my mind. I look at the calendar. Then the clock. Then back at the calendar, an empty memory of when I am supposed to do anything. In my relationships, I am not engaging in conversation. It is easier to listen than to participate. I can talk to the clerk in passing, but only because it is empty. I cannot find the words to express what is inside of me, nor do I know how to even begin to share it with another person. All of this is of course exacerbated by the fact that I am not only autistic, but I have complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD), which has led me to be hyper-independent. I’ve learned to survive by not relying on anyone else to care for my needs; because until recently - my reality wasn’t acknowledged. I’ve been reading about autistic burnout and skill regression. I do identify with autistic burnout. I am now eight weeks into my twelve week leave from work. The idea of going back seems an impossibility. I do not, however, identify with the word regression. In particular, it’s not that I do not cognitively understand how to do something – for example, to eat food, you first make a choice on what to eat, prepare it, put it in your mouth, chew, and swallow. I cognitively understand how to do all this, it’s just that I can’t actually get myself to eat on my own. I stand there – staring at the fridge. There are too many choices and too much work between making that choice and actually eating. I know what I’m supposed to do, I just can’t seem to act, and that feels like a regression in my ability to cope with demand and load, not the ability to do the thing. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

9. 

   4 Jun 2026

   Ep 6: What Is Autism, Really? A NASA Scientist Explains It Through the Lens of Light

   Show Notes Episode details * Season (Thread): 1 * Episode number: 6 * Release date: 2026-05-21 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:30:50 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: What is autism — really? In the Season 1 finale of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros, Ph.D. and Sarah Liebman, MFT break down autism spectrum disorder from three angles: the DSM-5 clinical criteria, the current state of neurobiological research, and what disability actually looks and feels like in daily adult life. They unpack why the diagnostic framework still skews toward children and boys, why the science remains correlative rather than mechanistic, and how ableism — both external and internalized — shapes the identity of every late-diagnosed autistic adult. The episode closes with a reframe: the shift from "I have autism and something is wrong with me" to "I am autistic, and the world wasn't built for my rainbow" is the moment unmasking, self-compassion, and real change become possible. Inspired by the forthcoming memoir After the Masquerade. Key takeaways about what is autism * The DSM wasn’t built for you. The clinical criteria for autism were designed around children — specifically boys — which is why so many adults, especially women, go undiagnosed for decades. Understanding that the diagnostic framework is incomplete, not that you are, is the first step. * Ableism isn’t just external — it lives inside you. The shame, the “I don’t try hard enough,” the sense that your struggles are a moral failing: that’s internalized ableism, not the truth. Unmasking means learning to separate your neurodivergent traits from the meanings a neurotypical world attached to them. * Your brain isn’t broken — it’s a different rainbow. Autism doesn’t mean deviation from normal; it means your brain function follows a different but persistent pattern. The disability isn’t the pattern itself — it’s what happens when the energy required to comply with a world built for the average rainbow exceeds your capacity. Resources and references For more information on this topic, check out Clarifying Autism in the DSM-5: A guide for adults by Embrace Autism (https://embrace-autism.com/clarifying-autism-in-the-dsm-5/). While research has found correlation between ASD and neurobiological (brain and genetic) factors, a recent review Frontiers in Psychology shows that these studies do not sufficiently characterize the full clinical and behavioral heterogeneity (https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1558081/full). Part of that is data sufficiency and sample size across gradients of variation, and part of that could be ableism. A recent perspective piece in Frontiers in Psychiatry argues that autism science has a history of false leads in part because of unexamined ableist ideologies that undergird researcher framings and interpretations of evidence (https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1244451/full) What actually qualifies as disabled is when the amount of energy it takes to “fit” into the neurotypical mold exceeds one’s capacity. It’s not a choice. It’s a hardwired, physiological challenge that inhibits you from continued and sustained participation as “abled”. (https://theautismdoctor.substack.com/p/decoding-autistic-meltdowns-and-shutdowns) Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Autism Beyond the DSM - Identity, Science, and the Spectrum My therapist asked me if I knew what autism is. Here is what I said. But first, you must know who I am so that you can understand my perspective. I am not a psychologist, a psychotherapist, nor a neuroscientist. I did get a PhD in quantitative forest ecology as the first person to quantify extreme fire events under climate change. I have a bachelors in mathematics, which had the oh so very big graduating class of about 30 people at an R1 university with over 30,000 students. Later, I did a post-doc at NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California Institute of Technology. Over the last six years I have written a book on science, innovation, leadership, and systematically changing broken systems. [Side bar: subscribers get updates on the book launch and substack paid subscribers get an early autographed, hardback copy of the book]. My understanding of autism comes from lived experience or from reading other people’s research and educational content as a researcher and scientist myself. I do have deep knowledge of science, measurement, mathematics, and systems. In science there are a few things that we can measure - time, length, mass, electric current, thermodynamic temperature, amount, luminous intensity, and electromagnetic energy. In remote sensing, my background of research, we measure either the electromagnetic energy of particles, or the collective vibration of atoms. Most of my work focused on measuring energy radiated and emitted across the electromagnetic spectrum. The electromagnetic spectrum spans radio waves to gamma waves. My area of focus extended just beyond visible light into the shortwave, mid, and longwave infrared. For simplicity, let’s use only the visible part of the spectrum - this is a rainbow. Imagine that everything you look at has a rainbow associated with it. That rainbow represents the unique characteristics of it – for example, the rainbow of a pine tree represents its water content, health, bark to leaf ratio, etc. Now, if we took all the pine trees and averaged their rainbows together, we would expect that whenever we saw a rainbow that looked like that, it could very likely be a pine tree. But what happens when a pine tree has to live in harsh conditions on the side of a cliff, and it is in nutrient poor soil with harsh winds? Its roots may be more present and it may have a skewed nutrient representation - both affecting that pine tree’s rainbow. Autism is like this. If we were to imagine that everyone’s brain function was a rainbow, it is not a leap to imagine how we build our society and our systems with the average rainbow in mind. But, someone who is autistic has a rainbow that doesn’t quite look like average. Technically, everyone’s rainbow differs from average, but it’s the amount of variation in your unique rainbow that determines how much energy it takes to comply with average assumptions. When the needed energy to comply exceeds your capacity, that’s when you become “disabled” and require more support to comply. Does everyone have a unique rainbow that differs from the average? Yes. Does everyone need support to function within the unimodal assumption of normalcy? No. What autism, ADHD, and AuDHD tell us is that there are persistent patterns in those rainbows of brain function, enough so – that brain function is not a unimodal distribution. Brain function is a multi-modal distribution, and we can map those patterns of difference in brain function to human behavior, and that’s what we see when we look at what autism is in the diagnostic statistical manual (DSM) for mental health. By classifying neurodivergent people as disabled, we inherently prioritize one way of living and penalize people for deviating from the average rainbow. This perpetuates ableism and supremacy – the idea that average brain function is a supreme way of being. When in reality, unique rainbows can harness immense creativity and exceptional ability. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

10. 

    21 May 2026

    Ep 5: How to Get an Adult Autism, ADHD, or AuDHD Assessment

    Show Notes Episode details * Season: 1 * Episode number: 5 * Release date: 2026-05-21 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:26:10 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: What actually happens during an adult autism evaluation — and how do you know if you can trust the person doing it? In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros (Ph.D., autistic) and Sarah Liebman (MFT, ADHD) walk through the real experience of getting an autism assessment as an adult. They trace the evolution of the DSM from 1952 to today, explaining why the diagnostic criteria have historically missed women and late-diagnosed adults. They break down what to expect in the room, how to evaluate your evaluator for cultural competency, current research awareness, and neurodivergent-affirming practice, as well as what kind of resources and support you should expect to have in place. The episode closes with Natasha's personal account of the moment she received her diagnosis, and a frank conversation about why your nearest support circle may not be your best one. Inspired by the forthcoming memoir After the Masquerade. Key takeaways getting an adult autism, ADHD, or AuDHD assessment * The Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) of mental health is in its fifth version! It’s changed a lot over the years as we learn more about the variation in representation based on the breadth of experiences. It is still very much written in a way that centers a young boy’s experience. Girls have different social expectations that shape the experience that someone has and how they adjust their behavior to survive. * Evaluate your evaluator - how do you know if you should trust this evaluator with something so deeply personal as sharing what you have tried so hard to keep hidden? You want to do what you can to find out if your evaluator is taking a nuanced and current on the research approach, or if they are applying a cookie cutter approach without thought put into the difference in diagnosing children, and adults, and how gender and race plays a role. * Ring theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_theory_(psychology)) was developed by Susie Silk and Barry Goldman and it describes a social framework for navigating crisis through organizing support in concentric circles that prioritizes support for those closest to the situation. Often cartoons depict this theory with the individual at the center, and then spouse, family, friends, community, etc. The problem with that is that sometimes when getting an assessment, you might be the first person in your network to do it. It might be that your next circle of “closeness” from whom you would normally seek support, doesn’t feel safe. * We have built our lives in a world that begins to know you one way for better or worse, and how they have interacted with you shapes the narrative they hold of themselves. When you confront that, there is likely to be some confusion or the worst rejection. * But it’s so important to remember that as much as you may still feel you have to learn about your own autistic experience. We are often sharing these things with people who only have you know a pop culture, understanding or who themselves may feel kind of uncovered by you. Resources and references * Clarifying Autism in the DSM-5: A guide for adults by Embrace Autism (https://embrace-autism.com/clarifying-autism-in-the-dsm-5/). * University of Oregon: The Autism History Project (https://blogs.uoregon.edu/autismhistoryproject/topics/autism-in-the-dsm/) describes the evolution of the * Free open-access academic review of Sex and gender impacts on the behavioral presentation and recognition of autism (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31815760/) * From The Autism Center, hosted on Sheppard Pratt Insights: The Autism Spectrum Gender Gap (https://www.sheppardpratt.org/insights/story/the-autism-spectrum-gender-gap/) * If you are looking for an adult autism assessment Prosper Health (https://www.prosperhealth.io/) is a US provider and is current in their research and methods with support services including assessment, psychotherapy, educational seminars, and an online community. Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Adult Autism Assessment It’s been a month of evaluation – multiple online intake forms – both multiple choice and long answer, as well as many phone calls and nagging conversations with my husband and father to fill in their portions of the assessment – also online forms both multiple choice and long answer. Then, there were the two 1.5 hour assessments with a psychologist. It was funny sitting there with the psychologist. I am very familiar and comfortable with research and researchers, but for the first time, I was the object of study. When I had read the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders, I was truly perplexed as to whether or not I was autistic. The DSM criteria are strangely specific and obtuse. By my rudimentary interpretation of the literal translation of the DSM criteria into assessing my world, I was surely not autistic. The psychologist performed her evaluation, sticking to the DSM criteria but asking clarifying questions to my answers. I never really knew if I was answering correctly for any one of the, what felt like, hundreds of questions I was asked. Then, today, she read me my evaluation. Autistic. The tears flooded my eyes. It was like coming up for air amidst the tire and terror of treading water, barely keeping my head above water and surviving in this world amidst severe depression and anxiety. Every cell in my body expanded with oxygen and I felt relief embrace my body. She started by explaining the organizational structure of the DSM and then reading evidence to support her evaluation of me within each criteria. As she read, she referenced common representations as they varied by identity in age and gender, but how when you account for that variation in lived experience, the patterns still hold. Society has normalized a depiction of autism spectrum disorder through movies and television that prioritizes one way of experiencing the differences in brain function that autism describes and the way that the world responds to those experiences. For example, as a woman, I have been conditioned to comply with and placate the people around me with niceties and humility. While leadership coaches and influencers advise speaking with confidence and removing unnecessary apologies and use of the word “just” to belittle my presumption for authority, I have found that this is not well received by people. Often I receive feedback that I should be “softer” or that I am “overly confident” or “arrogant.” This means that masking was taught to me as a means of likability and thus survivorship much earlier than it would have been if I was a boy. Similarly, as an adult I have learned what is accepted and I aim for it every minute of every day, judging myself and living the judgment of others when I fail. As a child, I was far less concerned with how others or myself perceived me. I just existed. It was through the psychologist’s study of these variations that she was able to interpret my responses in the context of the intent behind each criteria. She described each criteria and what it meant. Then she cited evidence from my, my husband, and my father’s testimony that supported how I qualified as meeting the criteria. As she read my evaluation, for the first time - I truly felt seen, not judged. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

11. 

    7 May 2026

    Ep 4: Preparing to get an Adult Autism Evaluation (3 of 3) - Tuning In, Not Out

    Show Notes Episode details * Season: 1 * Episode number: 4 * Release date: 2026-05-07 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: (https://smithmusiclab.com/)Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:31:11 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros and therapist Sarah Liebman explore how “tuning in” to internal and external sensory signals is essential when preparing for an adult autism assessment. Natasha reflects on a moment of sudden overwhelm that revealed how she had spent years ignoring her body’s warning signs to fit social expectations. The conversation expands beyond the five traditional senses to include interoception, proprioception, neuroception, and more—highlighting how neurodivergent individuals may experience these signals as heightened or muted. The hosts also introduce the concept of “attacks on linking,” where people disconnect patterns in their behavior to avoid shame or self-judgment. A key theme is shifting from judgment to curiosity. By observing patterns without labeling them as “bad,” individuals can build self-compassion and better understand their experiences. This shift helps reveal long-standing behavioral and relational patterns that may have been compartmentalized. Ultimately, the episode emphasizes that self-awareness—grounded in curiosity rather than shame—enables more accurate assessments, healthier boundaries, and a stronger sense of identity in the process of late diagnosis. Key takeaways to prepare for an adult autism assessment: * Tuning in to your senses is critical for accurate self-understanding. Preparing for an adult autism assessment requires noticing—not suppressing—your internal signals (e.g., overwhelm, discomfort, body cues). Many neurodivergent adults have learned to ignore these signals, which can obscure patterns needed for diagnosis. * Unrecognized patterns are often hidden by “attacks on linking”. People may unconsciously disconnect patterns in behavior (e.g., social challenges, sensory issues) to avoid shame. This prevents them from seeing meaningful connections that could explain their experiences and support diagnosis. * Curiosity, not judgment, enables self-compassion and clarity. Shifting from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what’s happening and why?” helps reduce shame, build self-compassion, and reveal consistent patterns. This mindset improves both the assessment process and long-term self-understanding Resources and references For more information on this topic, check out this fantastic article about the senses you can tune into: Learn more about sensory processing disorder (https://www.spdfoundation.net/fundamental-facts-about-spd/), a condition disproportionately affecting people with Autism and ADHD, and differences in children, teens, and adults (https://ilslearningcorner.com/2015-12-does-sensory-processing-disorder-look-different-adults-children/). Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Expert on When You Tune In, Not Out When I got the adult autism assessment it was because I couldn’t seem to hold down a job. I hadn’t really thought about how it could change relationships. While obvious in retrospect, I had somehow compartmentalized the problematic patterns of my life so that I couldn’t see them. Sure, I had friendship break ups before. So many that it caused tension with my husband, Noah, when we first got married. He was afraid that one day, it would happen to us. I didn’t understand how my lack of ability to hold friendships had anything to do with him. Now, I see it is all related. Every single relationship – my family, my friends, my lovers, my colleagues, my community…. the patterns of interaction hold. We get along until one day, we don’t. I cannot cope. I melt down and eventually shut down. I tune out and dissociate. Over the years, I have wondered how I connect with such diverse people from all walks of life, and to be frank - why others struggle to do the same. From the abusive boyfriends to drug dealers, the unhoused, the trustfund kid, the famous people, the strangers from other countries and everything in between, the one thing that every single person I’ve ever connected with on a deeper level had in common, was a need for friendship. Sometimes, that is literally the only thing we have in common, and I never questioned whether it was enough to warrant my trust, security, or acceptance. I would dive head first into a relationship. On my 39th birthday, I had a lovely morning with two friends getting pedicures at an upscale spa, which I have never done before in my life. I’ve always viewed “upscale” as very little value added to the functional service for which I am paying. After the pedicure, I was supposed to see a different friend for lunch. I hadn’t seen her in months and was excited to share about how much had changed. Within fifteen minutes, we arrived at the restaurant. I hadn’t even looked at the menu, and she began accusing me of having audacity and arrogance. My heart pounded. My chest tightened. I interrupted that that was not my reality, and then I stood and left. I walked in the slushy snow nearly a mile to meet up with a friend who could drive me home. When Noah got home, we talked. That friend at the restaurant had called and texted him concerned about my erratic behavior. He read to me his response. What struck me was his observation that he knows this can happen, and that for the first time, we have the understanding that I am autistic. That I don’t see the “red flags” that others do, and that he has seen with this friend for quite some time. When I finally notice how unhealthy the relationships are, I get overwhelmed with a deep need to protect myself, and in that panic – I yell, I get big, I swear…. a lot; and then – I cut ties. As I looked at him reading his text back to me, for the first time while being blamed as the cause of yet another fraught relationship, I felt seen, supported, and safe. By centering my experience, the physiological response to fear – rooted in real traumas of all the times my inability to respond appropriately ended in catastrophic, life altering events – I was able to shift from shame and blame to… empathy. My therapist asked me what results when that shift happens. I reflected this wasn’t too different from many of the other social conflicts I had experienced. I felt afraid that this person was feeding me an unbearable truth about me that was not my truth. So often I have felt misunderstood and absorbed others’ projected image of me as my own. By tuning in, acknowledging the autistic meltdown, I was able to remove myself from an unhealthy situation without judgement. I felt empowered to protect my truth: I am not an arrogant, abrasive, malevolent, or audacious person. I am imperfectly human; I am direct; and I am autistic, which means that I do not understand social dynamics the way others do. I am also prone to autistic meltdowns that are exhausting, involuntary reactions with a temporary loss of behavioral control when exposed to sensory, emotional, or cognitive stress (https://reframingautism.org.au/all-about-autistic-meltdowns-a-guide-for-allies/). I need friends who are willing to accept this about me, and to work with me as an ally, rather than perpetuate disdain and judgment. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com (http://natashastavros.substack.com). Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

12. 

    23 Apr 2026

    Ep 3: Preparing to Get an Adult Autism Evaluation - Self-study is Essential Homework (Part 2 of 3)

    Show Notes Episode details * Season: 1 * Episode number: 3 * Release date: 2026-04-23 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/), ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:29:18 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros and therapist Sarah Liebman explore how self-study prepares adults for autism assessment. Drawing from Natasha’s late diagnosis, they discuss recognizing patterns like sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation challenges, and masked behaviors. The conversation highlights shifting from self-judgment (“what’s wrong with me?”) to curiosity (“what’s different?”), using tools like journaling, social reflection, and online resources. They emphasize that self-awareness not only improves diagnostic clarity but also builds self-compassion—whether pursuing formal diagnosis or self-identifying as neurodivergent. Key takeaways to prepare for a late diagnosis autism assessment * Self-study is an important step that includes exploring relevance through social media, reflecting on past experiences (maybe even with a trusted person), reviewing online free resources from trusted sources, or working with a therapist. * Revisiting the transtheoretical model from Episode 2 on the transition to pre-contemplation to contemplation and how it serves to normalize neurodiversity and support vicarious reinforcement without social pressure or judgement. * Self study plants the seeds of the growing momentum to shift the perspective from “why am I bad” to “what’s different. What happens when I look at things from the vantage point of a diagnosis, without shame or judgement. Resources and references The 5-stages of change and what they mean to you describes the transtheoretical mode (https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/behavior/the-5-stages-of-change-and-what-they-mean-to-you/)l of change from non-thought to thought by Prochoska and DiClimente. Organization for Autism Research: Free Guidebooks for Families (https://researchautism.org/families/guidebook-series/?utm_source=OARacle+Newsletter+Subscribers&utm_campaign=d45de29bf4-Libby_Feb26_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-e866d5f5ae-465153083) ProsperHealth.io (https://www.prosperhealth.io/) specializes in holistic adult autism assessment and resources. Don’t Miss Out - Early Access to the Book Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester’s Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Autism Speaks Through Self-Study (Part 2 of 3) I first started on the path of getting a diagnosis slowly. My friend kept mentioning how certain things that I did aligned with autism. I started creating a list. Now, I would never just make a list, it had to be systematic. I started with a simple google search, for which the AI reported that people with autism struggled with emotional regulation, repetitive behaviors, unique ability, social communication challenges, sensory sensitivity, learning differences, and special interests. My immediate reaction was to intellectualize how I may or may not fit into these categories. But, through time, my lists began to fill. I wrote down things as I organically discovered them. As my list of indicators grew, I wondered if I might actually qualify autistic. That’s when the researcher in me turned on. My friend sent me the diagnostic and statistical manual for mental disorders (DSM), for autism specifically. As I reviewed it, I felt even more confused. By the letter of what was written, I wasn’t sure if I qualified as autistic. After nearly three months, I decided to schedule an assessment. I felt very strongly that whether or not I was classified as autistic would be a coin toss. I was nervous about what the results might reveal – not because I feared a diagnosis, but I actually feared not getting a diagnosis. If I wasn’t autistic, what could explain all of the challenges I had disproportionately faced compared to my peers? The evaluation is very matter of fact- it is nothing like therapy. It is important to articulate the distinction between these two activities. In therapy, I feel like a collaboration between me and psychotherapist, in the evaluation, I felt like an object of study. Throughout the evaluation the psychologist interviewed me against the DSM. They listened to me recall stories of my childhood and present life, used questionnaires from me, my dad, and my husband to translate my experience into the rigid structure of the DSM. I will say that while deeply uncomfortable, I felt safe through this process. When my evaluation came back qualifying me as autistic, and they read the evidence supporting a designation within each criteria, I noticed that the metrics cited were aligned with how much time I had spent thinking about my experiences. When it came to repetitive behaviors and stimming, I didn’t qualify. I had never given much active thought to how much I controlled my body to meet expectations. Fast-forward nearly six weeks after diagnosis, I began to notice that maybe my original evaluation may not have been complete. My birthday is coming up, but we – my husband and I – couldn’t get a babysitter for that weekend. Instead, we decided to have a date night early. I chose to go to a musical at a local dinner theater. It wasn’t anything fancy, we live in middle America and it was a community theater, so tailor your expectations on skill level, but it was fun, entertaining, and it was just us. On the way to the event, we talked about my current processing of the diagnosis, what it means for me, my life, my job, and our family. I found myself getting pre-emptively defensive. He remained calm and engaged in the conversation. Upon getting to the event and being seated at our table, I began shaking my leg. Like a light bulb, I realized that I was stimming. I am deeply uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. I know that I need to do it, not just for my husband, but because it’s human nature to need connection. Knowing that, and actually engaging with emotional intimacy are two entirely different things. As I sat there becoming more conscious of the involuntary movement in my leg, I noticed a chill pass over me. I asked my husband for his jacket and immediately used it to cover myself. I knew that my desire to wear a down jacket twenty-four seven fit somewhere in the diagnostic criteria, but I hadn’t really ever tapped into the circumstances or my internal experience that resulted in me feeling comfort from the coat. I assumed it had to do with sensory stimulus, but I hadn’t identified it as protection from engaging with my emotions. It’s not that I don’t have emotions. Quite the opposite. My emotions are big and intense, and when I engage with them, bad things happen. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

13. 

    9 Apr 2026

    Ep 2: Preparing to Get an Adult Autism Evaluation - Self-Acceptance, Victory in Surrender (Part 1 of 3)

    Show Notes Episode details * Episode number: 2 * Release date: 2026-04-06 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/) — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse. * Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 29:31 minutes * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: After Episode 1 focused on signs of adult autism misdiagnosis (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/signs-to-get-adult-autism-evaluation?r=3l45f2), Episode 2 of Following the Threads, Dr. Natasha Stavros and psychotherapist Sarah Liebman discuss the crucial first step in preparing for an adult autism evaluation: self-acceptance. Utilizing the transtheoretical model of change, they explore the transition from recognizing autistic traits to seeking a formal late diagnosis. Dr. Stavros shares her personal unmasking journey, highlighting how surrendering the pressure to meet neurotypical expectations is the foundation of neurodivergent self-advocacy. Key insights to prepare to get an adult autism evaluation: * The moment of change for Natasha was when she stopped fighting that she was inherently wrong as a change maker, and instead started asking what is wrong? In the survival guide for change makers, Burning Inside Out, (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) Natasha struggled with the internal conflict of never belonging. Something explains these patterns, and the truth that she was fundamentally wrong, couldn’t be right. That’s when she could begin to ask what could explain her reality - her true intentions. Without that turning point from fighting the truth, to surrendering to a truth, not the idea that she was inherently bad, but a truth, was the moment she could entertain the idea that an assessment was not just worth doing, but even something to be considered. * There are many change models for different scales of change, for today we are focused on the ones that are within the self. The change from non-thought to thought. * There is victory in surrender, as Anaïs Nin said, “ and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud, is more painful than the risk to blossom”. Resources and references The 5-stages of change and what they mean to you describes the transtheoretical mode (https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/behavior/the-5-stages-of-change-and-what-they-mean-to-you/)l of change from non-thought to thought by Prochoska and DiClimente. The unthought known by Christopher Bollas (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unthought_known) Join the community Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Preparing to Get an Autism Evaluation (Part 1 of 3) When I think about the moment that I crossed from realizing that I might be autistic, to actually getting an evaluation. I had an epiphany - it was the end of 2025, my book Burning Inside Out was literally coming to a close, I was writing the last chapter. Burning Inside Out is a survivor’s guide for change makers to create an impact in a world on fire. It is a narrative nonfiction following my nearly twenty year career as a young woman in the man’s world of fire science and tech at NASA. I ended the book with five futures in play. One of those futures - was a low-level, below the radar, role at a University as admin, surely that would save me from being the demonized change maker that seemed my eternal fate. Then I realized that that story was all about fighting to be seen, to be recognized, to be accepted, and to belong. Burning Inside Out presents the lessons of a fighter, a wild fire burning hot and fast destroying everything to a point of self extinction. I had consumed my own will and drive to stay true to myself, while complying with the expectations of who I should be, inherently existing as an outlier to the systems we have in place. This next book in the series of my life, it started not with fighting, but with finding victory in surrender. With victory in surrender, I accept my truth and open the door to an alternate reality. I am no longer fighting to be seen just as I am. Victory in surrender is the moment of self-acceptance, and the moment you embrace customization for how you live your life. Only then can you begin to understand your rights and protections, the services you need, and what exceptions you might ask for. And we will talk about all of those throughout this book, but for today, I want to focus on the first step: surrendering to the truth that you are different and our system didn’t center you in its design. That is the truth, and it is ok. We can change the system and there are groups working on this. We can also change how you navigate within the system if it doesn’t change. Both can be true. You are not in a destined fate. Self-advocacy starts with identifying with your reality, surrendering to it - and in this act, there is victory - a calm, a contagious peace that demonstrates the change you need from others and from the system, an acceptance of your needs, not because your are bad, wrong, or evil, but because you are different. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

14. 

    26 Mar 2026

    Ep 1: Late Autism Diagnosis in Adults - Signs You’ve Been Misdiagnosed

    Podcast Show Notes Episode details * Episode number: 1 * Release date: 2026-03-26 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/this-is-not-a-self-help-book-its?r=3l45f2) * Sarah Liebman (https://www.sarahliebmanmft.com/) — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiver * Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith (https://smithmusiclab.com/) * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 31:41 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: A candid conversation about when you know when to get an adult neurodivergence assessment. Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman share their journeys—from misdiagnoses and the myth of “careless” behavior to moments of clarity when a diagnosis illuminates truth, agency, and resilience. The episode explores how partial diagnoses can feel like locks that won’t open until the full picture comes into view, and it emphasizes the transformative power of understanding and accurate diagnosis for empowering change. Key signs when to get an adult autism assessment: * When the story you’ve been told about who you are doesn’t align with who you feel you are; “if you are carrying around a truly paradoxical story about your goodness and badness, then that’s a good indicator.” * Misdiagnosis often stems from cultural narratives about willpower, which can obscure true cognitive and emotional patterns. A full, integrated diagnosis (not just partial pieces) often brings a sense of freedom and practical clarity for navigating life. * Early and ongoing validation from professionals and trusted others can counteract lifelong feelings of being misunderstood. * When you need to break the barrier of loneliness, feeling that your struggles are yours, and yours alone. * Sharing lived experiences can help reduce stigma and encourage others to pursue accurate assessment and supportive care. Resources and references For more information on this topic, Embrace Autism is an autistic-led, research-informed company that provides neurodiverse affirming educational resources (https://embrace-autism.com/decoding-autism-in-the-dsm-5/#Common_experiences_that_lead_people_to_explore_autism). If you are looking for an adult autism assessment Prosper Health (https://www.prosperhealth.io/) is a US provider and is current in their research and methods with support services including assessment, psychotherapy, educational seminars, and an online community. Call to action Subscribe or follow for more episodes in this series on unmasking and neurodivergence. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. Memoir Excerpt: My Late Autism Diagnosis Journey In 39 years, I never once identified as different. I was conditioned to comply. I identified as outside, and that something was different for me than for others, but never once did I think that I was different. Instead, I believed that I was a problem. The therapists, and there were probably at least a dozen, I had seen for nearly twenty years diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, symptoms of agoraphobia, insomnia, obsessive compulsive tendencies, and complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD). I believed that it was those traumas that made me different. It had never occurred to me that maybe the reason those traumas happened in the first place, was because- my brain didn’t process things the same way as others, that I am autistic (https://natashastavros.substack.com/p/learning-to-unmask-after-an-autism?r=3l45f2). Never did anyone question my understanding of social reciprocity, non-verbal communication, or the expectations of maintaining relationships. Instead, I was malignant, manipulative, abrasive, direct, rude, outspoken, and arrogant. Never did it occur to me that my hyper-organization or compulsive behaviors were really just coping skills to soothe the anxiety that stemmed from hyper-stimulation and sensitivity to sensory input. Not once did anyone question that my insatiable appetite to learn was a special interest in how the brain collected and processed information into knowledge and wisdom. When I excelled at school, sport, or really anything that captured my attention, no one thought to question why I was so driven by the routine and structure of practice, repetition, and focus to hone my craft. With success and accolades came waning mental health, a spiral into loneliness and despair. No one could stand to be around me day in and day out. Until my husband, no boyfriend lasted more than a year. Most friendships were short and sweet or they were so distant and sporadic that they didn’t take a daily toll. Friends that lasted weren’t without turbulence. Well, that’s not even really being honest. Turbulence would imply some rocky bits, when in fact- most of my friendships nose dived. In 2020 I left a job that had me questioning my value and worth on a quarterly basis for a job that fed that same insecurity while devouring my social capital. That job took away my entire research portfolio, everything I had worked for. It stripped me of the joy and passion that fueled me. To protect my family, I abandoned my research and took another job. Not long after, that job also questioned my judgement navigating social dynamics. This became the sole metric by which my work was judged - how well my colleagues liked and trusted me. It didn’t matter that my work was thorough, that my productivity surpassed my peers, or that I solved complex problems with solutions that took others months to realize was the right path forward. My peers thought I was inconsistent, my emotions dysregulated, and my social behaviors strange. Tirelessly, I questioned, what could have gone wrong? I tried to do it differently this time. I tried to do everything that was expected, and yet - I still could not meet social expectations. I had taken classes and read books - despite my ability to learn just about anything, I couldn’t seem to do this - at least not well enough to stop the train wreck from happening again. I applied for another job. I got this job. I thought, “l’ll do it differently this time.” I convinced myself that if I was open and transparent about what was hard for me or that my impact on people often didn’t align with my intention, that maybe - just maybe, it would be different. Three months into the job, there was an incident, and I knew - in my core, the fear erupted through my being. I broke down. All my past experiences pulsed through me, running through my mind on repeat. I convinced myself I could pretend it was fine, and that eventually it would normalize. It didn’t. That’s when my friend had mentioned that I might be autistic. That’s when I knew - I needed an assessment. The above text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe (https://natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4)

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Contact Following the Threads - Adult Autism Support and Masking

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