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Imperfect Mens Club

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by Mark Aylward & Jim Gurule

4.5(25 reviews)

159 episodes

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Podcast Overview

Every man reaches a point where he stops and asks: what's next? The Imperfect Men's Club is a weekly podcast for men in transition. Men navigating midlife reinvention, identity collapse, divorce, career loss, or any season of life where the old answers stop working. Fathers. Founders. Men figuring out what's next. Hosted by fathers, founders, and advisors Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé, every episode is built around the IMC Flywheel, a framework covering the Five Arenas of Life with Self-Awareness at the center: Worldview, Relationships, Money, Life's Work, and Well-Being. Progress or breakdown in one arena affects every other. That's the whole point. These are conversations about personal accountability, self-discipline, emotional maturity, limiting beliefs, and masculinity without posturing. The kind men avoid until something forces the conversation. No edits. No music. No commercials. No guests. Just two men with lived experience having the conversations that actually matter. The imperfection is the perfection. New episodes every week. imperfectmensclub.com

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Recent Episodes

July 9, 2026

Self Understanding Depends On Being Honest About Your Values

<p class="MsoNormal" style= "text-align: center; background: #EFEEEB;" align="center"> <strong><span style= "font-size: 20.0pt; font-family: 'Segoe UI',sans-serif; color: #121212;"> Season 5 Episode 26</span></strong></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style= "font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></p> <h1 style="text-align: center; margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;" align="center"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> Overview</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> In this episode, Mark and Jim return to the center of the Flywheel to unpack two selves that get confused with each other constantly: self-reflection and self-understanding. Opening with a Carl Jung quote about the masks men build in the first half of life, they draw a hard line between the two: self-reflection is the active audit, the practice of stepping outside yourself to observe your own behavior, while self-understanding is the first principles blueprint, the deeper work of integrating that data into a working model of who you actually are.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Mark and Jim walk through why men can spend years reflecting without ever getting to understanding, and why that gap matters for anyone navigating a midlife transition, a divorce, or a stretch of just running on autopilot. They cover a third piece too: the trap of endless reflection, where looping on the same thoughts without a framework turns into rumination instead of progress.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Along the way, the conversation moves through personal accountability, alignment between values and actions, and the role environment plays in changing your life, using a Trader Joe's checkout line, a San Francisco AI founders event, and an unlikely detour through Andrew Tate's message on taking full responsibility for what happens to you.</span></p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> Key Themes</span></strong></h1> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> 1. Self-Reflection: The Active Audit</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Mark and Jim define self-reflection as the operational tool, the deliberate practice of stepping outside yourself to look at your own behavior objectively. It is high awareness and necessary, but it is entirely possible to spend a lifetime reflecting without ever reaching clarity. Mark points out that at some point, reflection has to end and action has to take over, or the whole exercise becomes noise instead of progress.</span></p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> 2. Self-Understanding: The First Principles Blueprint</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Where self-reflection is looking at the data, self-understanding is uncovering the root principle behind it. Mark describes it as knowing your cognitive wiring, your core drivers, and your shadow side so well that your own reactions stop being mysteries. He uses a real example: recognizing that a defensive reaction to critique was not about the critique itself, but a reflexive protection of his own self-sovereignty.</span></p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> 3. The Trap of Endless Reflection</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Reflection without a structured framework degenerates into rumination, looping on the what and the how without ever anchoring to the why. Mark and Jim both admit to getting stuck in this loop themselves, replaying old relationships or old decisions without it leading anywhere. The point isn't to stop reflecting, it's to know when reflection has done its job and action needs to take over.</span></p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> 4. Alignment: Living Your Actual Values</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> The conversation turns to alignment, living so that your real values match your actions and your words. Mark argues most people never actually sit down and test their values, they assume they know them. Jim adds that alignment also takes time and energy, not just identifying what you value, and shares one of his favorite lines: he would rather have kind people around him than nice people, because kind people tell you the truth.</span></p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> 5. Changing Your Environment to Change Yourself</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Jim shares a story from an invitation-only founders event atop Salesforce Tower in San Francisco, and how being surrounded by people building something bigger than themselves shifted his energy immediately. Mark connects it to his own coaching work with men going through divorce, where finding a physical outlet, any physical outlet, is often the first move that makes everything else possible. The two also touch on Andrew Tate's message of total personal accountability, agreeing with the core idea even while disagreeing on his delivery.</span></p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> Why This Episode Matters</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> A lot of men spend their first forty or fifty years performing: chasing success, material things, the next accomplishment, without ever stopping to ask why. This episode is for the guy who has started to notice that pattern in himself but doesn't know if he's supposed to just keep observing it or actually do something with it. That gap between watching your own behavior and understanding what's driving it is exactly where a lot of men get stuck, sometimes for good.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> This is why The Imperfect Men's Club exists: to give men a place to work through that gap honestly, without pretending they have it figured out. If this episode gave you language for something you've been circling for a while, share it with a guy who needs to hear it too.</span></p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; color: black;"> Listen, Subscribe and Review</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><a href= "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/self-understanding-depends-on-being-honest-about-your/id1570987829?i=1000776116922" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Apple Podcasts</span></strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><a href= "https://open.spotify.com/episode/0urfkITFzZVstovyN1MNCd" target= "_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Spotify</span></strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;"><a href= "https://www.imperfectmensclub.com/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener"><strong><span style= "font-size: 14.0pt; font-family: 'Arial',sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"> Website</span></strong></a></p>

July 2, 2026

The Goal Is What You Want. Self Manifestation Is Who You Have to Become First

<p class="MsoNormal" style= "margin-bottom: 3.0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style= "margin-bottom: 15.0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"> <strong><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Season 5, Episode 25</span></strong></p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; color: black;">Overview</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Mark and Jim break down the difference between setting a goal and practicing self-manifestation, two ideas people use interchangeably that actually work in opposite directions. Jim walks through the Imperfect Men's Club framework, the five areas of life that surround the self at the center: career, worldview, money, wellbeing, and relationships with others. From there they build a five-part comparison between goals and self-manifestation, covering core focus, direction, core metric, energy, and timeline, and use their own lives, from launching the podcast to building companies to Jim's new AI patent, as proof of how the framework plays out in real time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The conversation moves through self-agency, personal responsibility, and why the people someone attracts into their life mirror the energy they put out. Mark talks about leading through the darkest stretch of his own life and having to manifest energy for a room even when he did not feel it. Jim connects the discussion to books like The Secret, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, and to the ten thousand hour idea that shows up in mastering any craft. The episode lands on a simple point: self-manifestation is not instant and it is not passive. It is a decades-long practice of becoming someone before the goal shows up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">For men rebuilding their identity after a job loss, a divorce, or any collapse of the structure they used to lean on, this episode reframes goal setting as an identity project instead of a task list. It gives a practical way to separate what a person wants to achieve from who they need to become to achieve it.</p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; color: black;">Key Themes</span></strong></h1> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; color: black;">1. Goals vs Self-Manifestation: The Five-Part Comparison</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Mark reads through Jim's five-category comparison between goals and self-manifestation. Core focus splits outer achievement from inner identity. Direction splits chasing an external result from embodying the identity first. Core metric splits binary success or failure from evolutionary growth in self-agency. Energy splits discipline and willpower from intention and belief. Timeline splits a future deadline from showing up fully in the present moment. Jim frames it with a simple line: a goal is the what, self-manifestation is the who.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Both hosts use their own podcast as the example. The goal was starting a show. What they manifested, five years in, was becoming different men: more comfortable telling their own stories in public, more at ease speaking, more consistent through the weekly discipline of showing up and doing the reps.</p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; color: black;">2. Self-Agency and the Choice to Respond</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Jim and Mark separate people into two camps: those who blame the world for what happens to them and those who take responsibility for how they respond to it. Mark argues that blame manifests negativity, fear, and anxiety, while choosing a positive outlook, even without controlling the outcome, is what he calls self-agency. Events either define a person or refine them, and the difference comes down to that choice.</p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; color: black;">3. Manifesting the People Around You</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Mark uses his own friend circle, four or five men he trusts enough to call in a crisis, as a case study in mirrored energy. He argues that honesty, humor, and reliability in the people someone attracts are not a coincidence. They reflect the same qualities that person is putting out, whether on purpose or not. The same logic applies to romantic relationships. Mark is candid that he got this wrong the first time around and did better the second time, once he understood what he was actually manifesting in a partner.</p> <h2 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 16.0pt; color: black;">4. The Long Game: Manifestation Runs on Decades, Not Deadlines</span></strong></h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Jim ties the episode back to filing an eleven thousand word AI patent after thirty five years in his field, connecting it to the idea of ten thousand hours, or twenty thousand hours, of mastery. Mark points to exercise and meditation as the closest analogy: the progress is invisible day to day, which is why most people quit before anything manifests. Where a goal has a deadline, self-manifestation runs on whatever timeline the work actually takes, sometimes decades, and patience is the price of admission.</p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; color: black;">Why This Episode Matters</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Men rebuilding after a career loss, a divorce, or any major identity hit often set the right goal and still stall out, because they are managing a task list instead of becoming a different person. This episode names that gap directly. It gives listeners a way to check whether they are chasing an outcome or actually building the identity that makes the outcome inevitable, and it explains why the work can feel invisible for months or years before anything changes.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">This is exactly why the Imperfect Men's Club exists: two men talking honestly about the mechanics of rebuilding a life, without the polish or the pretending. If this episode gave you a new way to think about your own goals, share it with a friend who needs to hear it too.</p> <h1 style="margin: 12.0pt 0in 6.0pt 0in;"><strong><span style= "font-size: 18.0pt; color: black;">Listen, Subscribe and Review</span></strong></h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-goal-is-what-you-want-self-manifestation-is-who/id1570987829?i=1000775184582" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Apple Podcasts</strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://open.spotify.com/episode/4fUEwhRn9uxKEyhQOLctPM" target= "_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Spotify</strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://www.imperfectmensclub.com/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener"><strong>Website</strong></a></p>

June 25, 2026

Self-Confidence vs. Self-Conviction: Do You Know the Difference?

<p class="MsoNormal" style= "margin-bottom: 16.0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"> <span style="font-size: 18pt;"><strong>Season 5, Episode 24</strong></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style= "margin-bottom: 16.0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"> <span style="font-size: 24pt;"><strong>Overview</strong></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">In Episode 24 of Season 5, Mark and Jim take on two concepts that sound like they belong together but operate on entirely different levels of the psyche: self-confidence and self-conviction. Most people use the words interchangeably. Mark and Jim spend this episode making the case that they shouldn't.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The distinction is simple but important. Self-confidence is about what you can do. It's rooted in capability, past performance, and external validation. Self-conviction is about who you are. It's anchored in values, identity, and an internal compass that doesn't move when the world gets loud. The episode walks through five specific traits where the two diverge, using Jim's real-time experience navigating licensing agreements and speaking submissions as the live case study.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The conversation draws on the Imperfect Men's Club Flywheel framework, where self-awareness sits at the center and connects every area of a man's life including career, relationships, money, health, and worldview. For men navigating career transition, identity loss, or the pressure to perform, understanding which internal resource you're drawing on at any given moment turns out to matter quite a bit.</p> <h1>Key Themes</h1> <h2>1. Self-Confidence Is About What You Can Do; Self-Conviction Is About Who You Are</h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Mark opens with a distinction he drew directly from decades of placement work: people are far more willing to talk about what they've done than who they are. In his experience, character and values have always been more predictive of success than a resume. Conviction, as he frames it, is alignment with core values and an internal compass. Confidence is the belief that you can execute. They feed each other, but they are not the same thing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Jim connects this to the IMC Flywheel and the library of 'self-hyphen' concepts the show has built over five years, noting that self-awareness sits at the center of everything. Today's episode is self-confidence and self-conviction, but both ultimately collapse back into that core word: self.</p> <h2>2. The Fuel Source: External Validation vs. Sovereign Certainty</h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Self-confidence runs on external inputs. Wins, feedback, recognition, data. It rises and falls with circumstance. Self-conviction, by contrast, is what Mark and Jim call sovereign. It doesn't require a room full of people agreeing with you. It doesn't need a track record of success to exist. It requires a standard of integrity.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Jim shares that his dysgraphia made written expression feel nearly impossible for most of his life. AI tools have changed that, giving him confidence he didn't have before. But his conviction for the work he and Mark do together never wavered, even when the expression of it was hard. That distinction, he says, is exactly what the episode is about: conviction may have been there all along while confidence was still catching up.</p> <h2>3. When Things Go Wrong: Confidence Gets Shaken, Conviction Holds</h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The third trait addresses failure directly. When confidence takes repeated hits, belief in capability drops. That's expected. But conviction, Mark argues, is structured differently. Failure doesn't diminish conviction because it speaks to how something was done, not why it was being done. If the 'why' is rooted in genuine values, the failure of a method doesn't invalidate the mission.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Jim pushes this further: conviction may get threatened, but it doesn't break. And when a person changes their position without any acknowledgment that circumstances have changed, that's not conviction at all. It's a performance of belief. He and Mark both describe losing trust quickly in people who flip positions without reason, noting that it makes them unreliable at a fundamental level.</p> <h2>4. Social Dynamics: Seeking Recognition vs. Welcoming Friction</h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Confident people enjoy being recognized for their capability. That's not a flaw, but it does mean they're partly dependent on the room responding well. People with conviction, according to the framework Mark and Jim work through, actively accept friction. They're comfortable standing alone. They don't need the crowd to agree.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Mark notes that people who refuse to engage in conversations with those who disagree are often signaling a lack of conviction, not an abundance of it. People who genuinely believe what they're saying can sit in the discomfort of debate. Jim adds that the willingness to be challenged is how conviction deepens over time. Avoiding friction is how it quietly erodes.</p> <h2>5. Energy: Performance-Driven Noise vs. Quiet Stability</h2> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The final trait is energy. Self-confidence is dynamic and outward-facing. It pushes action, speech, and visible performance. Self-conviction is quieter. It provides the stability that keeps a man grounded when things get chaotic. Jim describes the particular power of staying calm and saying less, noting that certain conversations aren't worth having with certain people, and knowing that is itself a form of conviction.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Both Mark and Jim close on a point they share personally: they've stopped giving advice and started sharing observations. That shift, Mark says, is a conviction play. Offering unsolicited advice assumes you know more about someone's life than you do. Sharing an observation assumes nothing. It's a healthier and more honest way to engage.</p> <h1>Why This Episode Matters</h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">Men in the middle of major transitions, whether after a job loss, a divorce, a failed business, or a forced identity reset, often describe the same experience: they feel like they've lost their confidence. What this episode gets at is that confidence and conviction are not the same thing, and confusing them makes recovery harder. A man can lose confidence in his ability to execute and still have complete clarity about who he is and what he stands for. That distinction is not a small one. It's often the difference between spiraling and stabilizing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">The Imperfect Men's Club exists for exactly this kind of conversation. Not self-improvement theater, but honest examination of how men actually think, what they're actually building their identity on, and whether the thing they're leaning on is as solid as they believe. If this episode connects, share it with someone who's navigating a hard season. These are the conversations they're not having with anyone else.</p> <h1>Listen, Subscribe and Review</h1> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/self-confidence-vs-self-conviction-do-you-know-the/id1570987829?i=1000774187202" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Apple Podcasts</strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://open.spotify.com/episode/1epP5sCZpSl0uVcTfUaRwd" target= "_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Spotify</strong></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;"><a href= "https://www.imperfectmensclub.com/" target="_blank" rel= "noopener"><strong>Website</strong></a></p>

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What is Imperfect Mens Club?: Every man reaches a point where he stops and asks: what's next? The Imperfect Men's Club is a weekly podcast for men in transition. Men navigating midlife reinvention, identity collapse, divorce, career loss, or any season of life where the old answers stop working. Fathers. Founders. Men figuring out what's next. Hosted by fathers, founders, and advisors Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé, every episode is built around the IMC Flywheel, a framework covering the Five Arenas of Life with Self-Awareness at the center: Worldview, Relationships, Money, Life's Work, and Well-Being. Progress or breakdown in one arena affects every other. That's the whole point. These are conversations about personal accountability, self-discipline, emotional maturity, limiting beliefs, and masculinity without posturing. The kind men avoid until something forces the conversation. No edits. No music. No commercials. No guests. Just two men with lived experience having the conversations that actually matter. The imperfection is the perfection. New episodes every week.

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How often does this podcast release new episodes?: This podcast updates daily.
Where can I listen to this podcast?: This podcast is available on 9 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
Does this podcast accept guests?: Yes, this podcast regularly features guests.

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