
Sex Help for Smart People
Claim This Podcastby Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.
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Podcast Overview
<p>Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast</p><p><br></p><p>Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright.</p><p><br></p><p>You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way.</p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past. </p><p><br></p><p>This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms.</p><p><br></p><p>Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does.</p><p><br></p><p>New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are.</p><p><br></p><p>Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide<br><br>Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https;//laurajurgens.com/wheel<br><br>For deeper analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/</p>
Language
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Publishing Since
1/30/2024
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Recent Episodes

June 29, 2026
When Parenting Your Partner is Killing Your Desire
Host Dr. Emily Nagoski explores how parenting your partner erodes desire, revealing its three forms and offering solutions for reigniting intimacy in this interview.

June 22, 2026
Even Light Power Play Needs a Negotiation (Here's How to Make It Sexy)
Host Dr. Emily Nagoski and guest Dr. Justin Lehmiller explore how even light power play requires explicit negotiation for a more fulfilling sexual experience.

June 15, 2026
Joy and Pleasure After Sexual Self-Abandonment
Host Emily Nagoski explores reclaiming personal desire and pleasure after sexual self-abandonment, revealing common pathways and offering insights for authentic sexual experiences.
129 total episodes available with 4 transcripts
Recent guests on Sex Help for Smart People
Guests from recent episodes — sign up to see every guest that has ever appeared on this show.
Maggie Reyes
Guest
Danielle Harel
Guest
Caitlin V
Guest
Laura Jurgens
Guest
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Frequently asked questions
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- What is Sex Help for Smart People?
<p>Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast</p><p><br></p><p>Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright.</p><p><br></p><p>You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way.</p><p><br></p><p>Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past. </p><p><br></p><p>This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms.</p><p><br></p><p>Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does.</p><p><br></p><p>New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are.</p><p><br></p><p>Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide<br><br>Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https;//laurajurgens.com/wheel<br><br>For deeper analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/</p> - How often does this podcast release new episodes?
This podcast updates daily.
- Where can I listen to this podcast?
This podcast is available on 9 platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. You can also use the RSS feed directly.
- Does this podcast accept guests?
Yes, this podcast regularly features guests.
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